question? regarding fathers rights

[ktarra617]

ok you say its a state thing fine whatever, but is it really going to be in the girls best interest to have two women fighting over who is their mother.

You are not doing your fiance any favors by saying that once they are in ya'lls home that you're the mom and you're going to adopt them. that just puts the kids in the middle.

The courts don't like meddling second wives which is what you are on the verge of becoming. Those kids are caught in the middle please don't make the situation worse by pursueing an avenue that is only going to make the children feel like they have to choose.

No child should ever feel like they have to choose between their parents and step-parents.

 

[crystalkat80]

I HAVE A GOOD FEELING ONCE THERE MOTHER IS DONE MAKING EVERYONE ELSES LIFE A LIVING HELL SHE WILL BE OK WITH IT, SHE REALLY DOESN'T WANT THESE CHILDREN AND ANYONE THAT KNOWS HER KNOWS THAT IS ALL ABOUT MONEY TO HER AND GETTING BACK AT MY FINACE FOR LEAVING HER ( THE THING WAS SHE WAS CHEATING ON HIM, AT THIS POINT HE HAD THERE DAUGHTERS FOR THE FIRST 2 YRS AFTER THERE DIVORCE) SHE USES THESE CHILDREN AGAINST THERE FATHER...WHICH REALLY SUCKS....CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE USED AGAINST ANOTHER ADULT....AND THERE IS A FORM OF ABUSE, NEGLECT.....SHE HAS LEFT THEM ALONG MANY TIMES AT NIGHT FROM THE TIME THEY 3 ON THEY ARE STILL UNDER THE AGE OF TEN AND SHOULD BE LEFT ALONG....HELL I LIVE IN A CITY I WON'T EVEN LET THEM PLAY OUTSIDE WITHOUT BEING AROUND THEM NEVER MIND LEAVING THEM ALONG TO GO OUT PARTING.... WHEN U HAVE CHILDREN YOU HAVE TO RELIZE YOU GIVE ALOT OF THAT UP...I AM NOT THERE MOTHER AND I STILL WOULD NEVER THINK ABOUT THEM JUST BEING ALONE..... SO I MEAN WE DO HAVE A CASE AGAINST HER AS AN INCOMPETENT MOTHER

 

[crystalkat80]

THE GIRLS DON'T LIKE THERE MOTHER, NOT BY MY DOING BY HER DOING......I NEVER BAD TALK OR MAKE THEM DECIDE....THEY STATED CALLING ME MOM AND TRUTHFULLY IT MADE ME FEEL WEIRD....CAUS EI AM JUST CRYSTAL....I LOVE ME....AND THEY BOTH SAY WHEN THEY ARE OLDER THEY ARE GOING TO COME LIVE WITH US WETHER OR NOT THAT IS THE SITUATION. AND WHEN THEY ARE 12 THEY CAN CHOSE WERE THEY LIVE SO I MEAN I DON'T ENCOURAGE THIS....I AM INVOLVED IN THERE LIFE BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND I TAKE INTREST IN WHAT THEY SAY AND WHAT GOES ON IN THERE LIFE.... PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK THAT ALL MOTHERS WANT THERE CHILDREN WHICH ISN'T THE CASE.....SHE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE MUCH INTREST IN THEM AS PEOPLE.... SO IT ISN'T MY FAULT IF THEY LIKE ME MORE THAN THERE MOTHER...AND I STILL DISAPLINE THEM BUT THEY RESPECT ME NOT WALK ALL OVER ME... SO I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM...IT IS MY FIANCE THAT WANTS ME TO ADOPT THEM IT WASN'T ORIGANNLY MY IDEA

 

[ktarra617]

as long as you can prove it sounds like you might have a case for neglect. and yes it may be about the money with her. But don't think for a minute that mom will just up and leave. I doubt she will. She will hang around and keep seeing them and as long as she does the courts will never allow her rights to be taken away.

She may even keep coming around just to piss you off. I know about giving stuff up when you have children but not everyone thinks that way.

Just get a lawyer and get this over with those children don't need to be caught in the middle of this any longer.

 

[ktarra617]

I am glad the girls love and repect you. that is a good thing. However keep in mind that when they are 12 they can voice thier opinion to the court doesn't mean the court will go along with it. But they can be heard.

As for your husband he can want you to adopt them all he wants but the courts are still going to have to approve it and if mom fights it in any way then I doubt it will go through.

For the girls sake I hope you are right that she will just leave but I woulnd't get my hopes up just yet.

 

[stealth2]

Why does your fiance have supervised visitation?

 

[crystalkat80]

because she lyed, yes a woman who has the gull to lye in court when she "brought" him to court, remember whan i said that she had set a court date to work on the custody issue and never told him of this court date by the time he came back from working in California she had a state order that he could have "supervised visatations" which before she did this he had full custody cause she just didn't want the children but it was never brought to court she just gave up her right to them then got nasty and played games... so know he is still after 3 years trying to get this changed around...she went after him for back child support which he should have never payed in the beginning since he had them all the time , but both being stupid and never bringing it ot court....... deciding between the two of them what to do.... god knows that didn't work .....

 

[crystalkat80]

also she was afraid he was going to try to take them away......which he would never do.....my fiance is an awesome father......those girls are his world....they are the most important people in his life and he would go through all the hell to get this all srtaightened out.........but he had to do what his lawyer say and make sure he was payed up on the child support which now after he goes to court should have about 5000 doillars in credit towards child support

 

[stealth2]

The court sets the date and informs both parties. It was neither her choice of date, nor her responsibility to tell him the date - that's why the other side is served papers.

 

[crystalkat80]

maybe in new jersey but in colorado the person can choice weather to have the papers served or serve them themselves....in all court cases. When i brought my last employer to court i brought them the papers.... so no in this state it isn't the courts responabilty. i am from the east coast and had a court situation in connecticut where the court did serve the papers the only thing she had to do was put it in the newspaper that she was bringing him to court and no he was out of town for a month working in california

 

[crystalkat80]

and it was for county court not a civial action, like i said in Colorado they choice and she being sneaky choice to do it herself

 

[crystalkat80]

i don't know what people ar egetting at but i feel everyone is very pro mother getting custody and seem to think that the man had to do wsomething in order to not have custedy. My fiance is one of the best fathers i know.... more involved than most fathers i know also....he volunteers at there schools........he is the one to make sure they can get to friends house....we live over an hour away from were mother lives and they go to school there.....he goes out of his way for thosee girls....i could only have wished for a father like him...

 

[stealth2]

Well great Seems you have all the answers to your questions. Good luck!

 

[ktarra617]

well you can feel that we are pro mom all you want. but that is not the case. Like I said my hubby is in his own custody battle and I agree with his decision to go after custody of his daughter.

We are pro-child what we are trying to do is give honest answers to your situation.

Most of us here feel that the children should be with the parent best able to meet their needs and put the children first and still foster the relationship between the parent that is not in the home full time.

Children come first and that is always how most of us feel.

There is also a little thing called the law and that is the other thing that we have tried to tell you.

Yes some states are different, however the bottome line is that we have tried to show you that the law does not recognize you in this situation all that they will see is the children and their
parents.

The other thing is that the courts are still very much pro-mom and yes your fiance will have to work very hard to prove that the girls should be given to him.

Is that fair?

Hell no its not fair. But until the laws change that is the system we have to work with.

If your so outraged by the system and what it has done to your fiance then why don't you try and make a difference and work to help change it so good fathers like your fiance and my hubby don't have to prove why they should have rights to their children and just as much right to custody of those children.

I agree that what she has done to him is not right but unfortunately the burden of proof is on him because he's the father and the one trying to get custody.

We live in a democracy that allows to change how the government works. Begin writing letters to your reps and senators. Write your governor. Hell if you have too run for an elected office to change things.

I have written letters and given serious thought to running for something to try and change matters but at this time my children are too small and need me at home but that doesn't stop me from writing and making phone calls.

I really do hope things work out for your fiance and his girls and you too.

 

[CMSC]

maybe in new jersey but in colorado the person can choice weather to have the papers served or serve them themselves....in all court cases. When i brought my last employer to court i brought them the papers.... so no in this state it isn't the courts responabilty. i am from the east coast and had a court situation in connecticut where the court did serve the papers the only thing she had to do was put it in the newspaper that she was bringing him to court and no he was out of town for a month working in california

oh, my? where in the world in colorado do you live???? You CAN NOT serve someone yourself. You do have the option of hiring someone or getting someone to serve the papers for you other than the courts doing them, but you can not do it yourself. If you did that is very interesting...hmmm...maybe it is just an arapahoe, denver, adams, boulder, cheyenne, clear creak, custer, logan, lincoln, should I keep going or do you get the picture???

Also in colorado for the courts to terminate mom's rights (because it is unlikely she can voluntarily do it) they will have to find one of these:

That the child has been adjudicated dependent or neglected and has been abandoned by the child's parent or parents as follows:
- That the parent or parents have surrendered physical custody of the child for a period of six months or more and have not manifested during such period the firm intention to resume physical custody of the child or to make permanent legal arrangements for the care of the child except in cases when voluntary placement is renewable;
- That the identity of the parent of the child is unknown and has been unknown for three months or more and that reasonable efforts to identify and locate the parent have failed;
That the child is adjudicated dependent or neglected and the court finds that no appropriate treatment plan can be devised to address the unfitness of the parent or parents.