Can homework be factored into ...

[ProSeDadinMD]

What is the name of your state? MD

Can parental supervision of the completion of homework be made a part of a custody agreement?

My ex(who has primary physical custody) has my 7yo daughter completing her homework at daycare, after which she “says” that she checks it and it’s usually right. On the other hand, on the nights that I get her, it always seems to be done 80% incorrectly, or has been done by someone at daycare to be copied by my daughter(she has told me this). Therefore I spend twice as much time on my weeknight overnights doing homework than I would if she just waited till she got home to do it. I’ve tried to get the Mommy to go along with this, and she tried it for about 2 weeks(during which time my daughters grade went up from “satisfactory” to “outstanding”), but now she flatly refuses. I’ve offered to pick my daughter up every night and do the homework(we live about 3/4 mile apart), and then return her to Mommy. She refused and got mad when I suggested that. We share physical custody on a 65(her)/35(me) basis and also have joint legal custody. I recently filed a petition to modify our most recent agreement to remove a line that states that “all other times not listed” belonged to her mother(therby restoring holidays, vacation, etc to our agreement) and am wondering if this is something that the court would allow to be added to this.

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MD

Can parental supervision of the completion of homework be made a part of a custody agreement?

Probably not.

1) It's completely unenforcable. How would you PROVE that mom wasn't supervising homework? Questioning the child is not an option.

2) It's unncessary. A lot of times, grades come down to parenting styles. You're essentially saying that her grade went from a C to an A when mom was helping with homework... and while that's GREAT, you'd have to prove it was directly related to mom helping her, and prove to the court that a C (average) was unacceptable. Maybe a C is ok with mom... and while I won't accept that from my kids, a lot of parents (including my ex) will.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

You would be seen as an idiot. And rightly so. DAYCARE? give the child a break.

Unless you can prove that the child is suffering abuse, it's not a hill to die on.

 

[BadDecision]

What is the name of your state? MD

Can parental supervision of the completion of homework be made a part of a custody agreement?

My ex(who has primary physical custody) has my 7yo daughter completing her homework at daycare, after which she “says” that she checks it and it’s usually right. On the other hand, on the nights that I get her, it always seems to be done 80% incorrectly, or has been done by someone at daycare to be copied by my daughter(she has told me this). Therefore I spend twice as much time on my weeknight overnights doing homework than I would if she just waited till she got home to do it. I’ve tried to get the Mommy to go along with this, and she tried it for about 2 weeks(during which time my daughters grade went up from “satisfactory” to “outstanding”), but now she flatly refuses. I’ve offered to pick my daughter up every night and do the homework(we live about 3/4 mile apart), and then return her to Mommy. She refused and got mad when I suggested that. We share physical custody on a 65(her)/35(me) basis and also have joint legal custody. I recently filed a petition to modify our most recent agreement to remove a line that states that “all other times not listed” belonged to her mother(therby restoring holidays, vacation, etc to our agreement) and am wondering if this is something that the court would allow to be added to this.

In no way is legal advice, just my thoughts...

Did you tell MOM she was not supervising the homework? That may be why she refused to wait on the homework. No one gets a warm feeling from being told they are hindering their child's education (which is only your opinion by the way) So just deal with the extra time you need to spend with her, that's your best option.

Not sure on your approach, but never question the daughter or mom for that matter.

Now, let's say you go ahead and try to get some sort of court order (lol) for this...
Mom could come back saying "But he doesn't supervise her teethbrushing appropriately and our child will develop bad teeth. I have to spend 5 extra minutes each day she spends with him brushing her teeth properly"... see how silly that sounds!

If that is your biggest problem... I want YOUR problems

Modifying orders too often, or at the slightest discomfort to you looks very bad for your character.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think that this was something that could be added, but you can't win if you don't play, right?

Actually, Mommy and I satarted out in agreement on this, that's why she was even willing to try it for the 2 weeks she did.

The thought that I shouldn't question my daughter about her homework is absurd to me, but I only do it about the days she is with me anyway.

The reason for the current modification is because Mommy doesn't want me to have any vacation/make up visitation/holidays/etc, with my daughter, but that's a story for another thread...

 

[CJane]

The thought that I shouldn't question my daughter about her homework is absurd to me, but I only do it about the days she is with me anyway.

I didn't mean that you shouldn't say "Do you have homework" or "Do you need some help with your homework"... I meant you really shouldn't say "So, did mommy help you with this last night, or did the woman at daycare do it for you again?"

As an aside, how much homework does a 7 year old have?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I didn't mean that you shouldn't say "Do you have homework" or "Do you need some help with your homework"... I meant you really shouldn't say "So, did mommy help you with this last night, or did the woman at daycare do it for you again?"

Although it is difficult at times, I refrain from asking about homework on Mommies nights.

As an aside, how much homework does a 7 year old have?

Usually about 25-30 minutes worth, but that seems to double when you are correcting someone elses mistakes.

And Cjane, "Satisfactory" is acceptable to Mommy, even though we both know that she is perfectly capable of "Outstanding".

You know, I was just thinking about it, and what I should do is just go by daycare and check her homework every evening(it's on my way home). Maybe that would solve the whole problem.

 

[CJane]

And Cjane, "Satisfactory" is acceptable to Mommy, even though we both know that she is perfectly capable of "Outstanding".

Yeah. My ex said "The average adult reads on a 5th grade level. As long as that's what our kids do, I'm ok with it." And he said this about a 2nd grader that was already reading on a 6th grade level. He still sees NO reason to do any teaching outside school.

Sometimes, you just have to grit your teeth and remember that this insane person helped you create an amazing and wonderful child.

 

[CandiceH]

Sometimes, you just have to grit your teeth and remember that this insane person helped you create an amazing and wonderful child.

The best quote seen on this forum in a long time. Going to print and carry it with me. Maybe post it in my office and read it immediately following reading the "outrageous" emails I receive from the ex almost daily. Thanks CJane!

 

[LdiJ]

You know, I was just thinking about it, and what I should do is just go by daycare and check her homework every evening(it's on my way home). Maybe that would solve the whole problem.

That's not a bad idea at all dad....for all kinds of reasons.

1) If part of the daycare's marketing is helping with homework, it puts them on notice that they may not be fullfilling their promises....and that parents have "noticed".

2) It will put your child on notice that daddy won't accept any kind of "slacking".

3) It may embarris mom enough to take more initiative herself.

Homework is a real pain for working parents. I remember those days well. Its tougher than heck to deal with dinner, bath, bedtime and homework...as well as laundry and general housework. Most parents would prefer that homework be done at an after school program or at the daycare.....and maybe a better option for your child would be to be in an after school program instead of in daycare.

In any case....I think you have a winner of an idea.

 

[BadDecision]

I didn't mean that you shouldn't say "Do you have homework" or "Do you need some help with your homework"... I meant you really shouldn't say "So, did mommy help you with this last night, or did the woman at daycare do it for you again?"

As an aside, how much homework does a 7 year old have?

That is not what I was implying either. I meant do not question her about what or how mom handles the homework. Kids start feeling like they have to pick sides. They hate that, they love mom and dad, even if mom or dad are totally wacked!

I do feel your pain! My daughters dad is 38 and had not held a job in over 10 years Lives with his mommy, and before I moved away, he wouldn't help herwith homework. He told her it was (and I was) like **** Germany or Japan... forcing kids to learn too much too fast. He told her it wasn't important and if I wanted to be a b*tch and MAKE her do it, then that was on me (I'm such a mean mommy). After me working 10hrs a day to support her with no CS form him while he plays video games all day and has his mommy cook his meals!!!!!
Oh my, I still am trying correct that influence! Thank god I moved!

Sorry, ranting! Anyway, good luck!
Raising kids is a lot of work, even more when seperated from the other parent... but it has to work one way or another!

 

[ncnurse2006]

If you petition to modify the order...

IF you modify the order then the judge can put any other factors into the paper. Atleast North Carolina does it that way. Therefore if you feel that he homework isn't being met then you can file something that she has to have help by either parent. The judge is going to look at the future of the children regardless how the parents want to act. Your story sounds similar to mine as well. Do you have yahoo messenger where we could talk more in depth about our situations and offer advice. This is the worst thing I have ever went through consider I dont' know how in the world he got joint legal custody.

What is the name of your state? MD

Can parental supervision of the completion of homework be made a part of a custody agreement?

My ex(who has primary physical custody) has my 7yo daughter completing her homework at daycare, after which she “says” that she checks it and it’s usually right. On the other hand, on the nights that I get her, it always seems to be done 80% incorrectly, or has been done by someone at daycare to be copied by my daughter(she has told me this). Therefore I spend twice as much time on my weeknight overnights doing homework than I would if she just waited till she got home to do it. I’ve tried to get the Mommy to go along with this, and she tried it for about 2 weeks(during which time my daughters grade went up from “satisfactory” to “outstanding”), but now she flatly refuses. I’ve offered to pick my daughter up every night and do the homework(we live about 3/4 mile apart), and then return her to Mommy. She refused and got mad when I suggested that. We share physical custody on a 65(her)/35(me) basis and also have joint legal custody. I recently filed a petition to modify our most recent agreement to remove a line that states that “all other times not listed” belonged to her mother(therby restoring holidays, vacation, etc to our agreement) and am wondering if this is something that the court would allow to be added to this.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Thanks again for the replies. Starting Monday(since I am already picking her up tonight ), I will be stopping by daycare every day on my way home to check out some homework.

Do I need to inform Mommy about this? My thought is no, but I can already see the sparks that will fly when she shows up to pick my daughter up and I am sitting there going over her homework. She already has a confrontational attitude towards me, and I have no doubt that this will make that worse.

ncnurse, you are welcome to pm me, but I am not a messenger kind of guy, sorry.

 

[BadDecision]

Thanks again for the replies. Starting Monday(since I am already picking her up tonight ), I will be stopping by daycare every day on my way home to check out some homework.

Do I need to inform Mommy about this? My thought is no, but I can already see the sparks that will fly when she shows up to pick my daughter up and I am sitting there going over her homework. She already has a confrontational attitude towards me, and I have no doubt that this will make that worse.

ncnurse, you are welcome to pm me, but I am not a messenger kind of guy, sorry.

I seriously doubt it is required to do so (joint custody correct?),
However, I would let her know, otherwise it may seem that your are being "sneaky" and start some drama. Avoid the drama over something like this. If your actions will cause more anxiety, then just don't do it.

I'd just say something like... "I may stop by the day care from time to time on my way home, just wanted you to know."

 

[ceara19]

I seriously doubt it is required to do so (joint custody correct?),
However, I would let her know, otherwise it may seem that your are being "sneaky" and start some drama. Avoid the drama over something like this. If your actions will cause more anxiety, then just don't do it.

I'd just say something like... "I may stop by the day care from time to time on my way home, just wanted you to know."

I disagree. While he's not REQUIRED to tell mom, it is probably best for everyone if he does. She'll find out whether he tells her or not. It's better for him to be straight forward with mom and tell her that he will be stopping by the daycare every day to check the child's homework. Otherwise, the child ends up in the middle. A 7 year old will more then likely tell mom, "I saw daddy today" when mom comes to pick her up.