This is for the haters

[kenski]

Im sure the few remember me who kept telling me I wouldn't get my daughter as much as I do now, well, you were wrong. Let me refresh your memory. I said that I was in the military, just got orders to Virginia. My ex-wife currently lives in Wisconsin (where our 3 year old daugthter was born and where I am living right now). I am transfering in November back to Virginia and we have JOINT custody with 50/50 placement. I was fighting for 50/50 still.

Everyone here said I wouldn't get it, just long weekends and summer break, yadda yadda yadda... Well, you were ALL WRONG. The judge took one look at everything, listened to my side and then my ex's lawyer said a few things..... I told her mediation is in order for this and she agreed and told my wife that if we didn't reach an agreement of at least 40/60 (me/her) that we will go back to court, assign a GAL and then come up with a schedule. She agreed with my ex and her lawyer that it is a long distance to travel but when it is done once a month, its not that bad. Having my daughter see her father is more important then the drive. The judge asked what I wanted, I told her I thought her coming down to me for 3-6 weeks at a time wouldn't be a bad thing and she agreed. Once our daughter is school age though, it will change again. Also, she agreed that I shouldn't be responible for my ex's daycare when she is with me. My ex claims that I should pay it when she is with me because she has to pay for it regardless. Judge told her to either work it out with the daycare or find another service.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Congratulations. I know that the courts are pushing more these days to have chldren be with both parents. I'm glad that it's working out.

 

[kenski]

Congratulations. I know that the courts are pushing more these days to have chldren be with both parents. I'm glad that it's working out.

I was quite upset last time I was on here.... Alot of people were just talking and it didn't sound right.

I even told the judge I would be willing to do the driving but she said there should be a place in the middle we can meet. I offered up my parents house which is closer to my ex by 2 hours but the judge said it needs to be someplace neutral but it could be in the area of my parents.

 

[CJane]

I told her mediation is in order for this and she agreed and told my wife that if we didn't reach an agreement of at least 40/60 (me/her) that we will go back to court, assign a GAL and then come up with a schedule.

So um.... did you actually DO mediation and come up with an order yet?

 

[kenski]

So um.... did you actually DO mediation and come up with an order yet?

Ummm... no... we went to court today.... The judge ordered for us to attend mediation and if at least a 40/60 schedule doesn't come out of it, a GAL will be appointed.

 

[CJane]

Ummm... no... we went to court today.... The judge ordered for us to attend mediation and if at least a 40/60 schedule doesn't come out of it, a GAL will be appointed.

Ok. I just want to clarify for you (and not be perceived as being mean) that mediation is NOT guaranteed to work. Your ex is not required to agree to anything at all, and the records from mediation will not be accessible to the court later.

If/when a GAL is appointed, it is their job to interview the parties, the child, collateral resources (other family members/ teachers/etc) and determine what is in the best interests of the child. They are not inexpensive and it is not quick.

Are you prepared to move to your duty station NOW and the custody issue to not be hashed out for the next 12-18 months? I'm serious when I ask you this. If it all ends up going to trial, it could very well take from now til the child is about ready to start school anyway if your ex's attorney is savvy enough or the GAL is busy enough.

 

[casa]

Ummm... no... we went to court today.... The judge ordered for us to attend mediation and if at least a 40/60 schedule doesn't come out of it, a GAL will be appointed.

You should come back to update us AFTER there is a final order. This is just a schedule for mediation... And how is one weekend a month a 60/40 schedule?

It's impossible for the child to live in 2 states once they are in school~ which is what most posters were probably trying to tell you.

 

[Silverplum]

Ok. I just want to clarify for you (and not be perceived as being mean)

Cuz we all jus a buncha haterz!


kenski, you're pretty sensitive for supposedly being military. Oh, yeah...you're army. Makes sense.

*previous posters, please do note my clever reference to kenski's first, now-deleted thread.*

 

[Silverplum]

You should come back to update us AFTER there is a final order. This is just a schedule for mediation... And how is one weekend a month a 60/40 schedule?

It's impossible for the child to live in 2 states once they are in school~ which is what most posters were probably trying to tell you.

Oh, we tried to tell him lots of good info. I personally posted two web links to state law sites to show how his CS was calculated. Then he got snippy and deleted his thread.

 

[kenski]

Ok. I just want to clarify for you (and not be perceived as being mean) that mediation is NOT guaranteed to work. Your ex is not required to agree to anything at all, and the records from mediation will not be accessible to the court later.

If/when a GAL is appointed, it is their job to interview the parties, the child, collateral resources (other family members/ teachers/etc) and determine what is in the best interests of the child. They are not inexpensive and it is not quick.

Are you prepared to move to your duty station NOW and the custody issue to not be hashed out for the next 12-18 months? I'm serious when I ask you this. If it all ends up going to trial, it could very well take from now til the child is about ready to start school anyway if your ex's attorney is savvy enough or the GAL is busy enough.

We did mediation the first time. They wanted to work out a FIXED schedule forever and I told that it will not work because of my job. My ex agreed. We worked out a good schedule for when I am still here. I know that mediation is something that BOTH parties have to agree too before it can become binding. I want mediation because when we are both together we are able to work things out. TOSS a lawyer in the mix and it goes to hell. Im aware of how a GAL works and do not want to go that route if possible and yes, I will be out of here in a week basically.

 

[kenski]

Oh, we tried to tell him lots of good info. I personally posted two web links to state law sites to show how his CS was calculated. Then he got snippy and deleted his thread.

Yes, you posted a link on child support for SOLE CUSTODY. I tried telling you that my situation is not like that and posted the RIGHT LINK for how our child support is calculated. In a joint custody situation where either of the parents has the child for more then 92 days a year (I think thats it), they DO NOT USE the 17% of income calculation. It is calculated off the Mothers and Fathers income and the number of NIGHTS the child stays with each.

BTW, Im not Army... I wouldn't even THINK of going that route!

 

[kenski]

You should come back to update us AFTER there is a final order. This is just a schedule for mediation... And how is one weekend a month a 60/40 schedule?

It's impossible for the child to live in 2 states once they are in school~ which is what most posters were probably trying to tell you.

I didn't say I had or was getting ONE WEEKEND A MONTH. I said she will come down and stay with me for 3-6 weeks at a time.

Also, I am aware of the fact that she can't stay with me while she is in school and so is the judge, that is why the judge said my daughter should be with me till school age and then work out a new schedule then.

 

[Silverplum]

Yes, you posted a link on child support for SOLE CUSTODY. I tried telling you that my situation is not like that and posted the RIGHT LINK for how our child support is calculated. In a joint custody situation where either of the parents has the child for more then 92 days a year (I think thats it), they DO NOT USE the 17% of income calculation. It is calculated off the Mothers and Fathers income and the number of NIGHTS the child stays with each.

Nonsense. That's not what I posted -- and it was clear you never read the links.

And if you think *I'm* going to give you any further info, you are higher than even the army will allow.

 

[Silverplum]

I didn't say I had or was getting ONE WEEKEND A MONTH. I said she will come down and stay with me for 3-6 weeks at a time.

Also, I am aware of the fact that she can't stay with me while she is in school and so is the judge, that is why the judge said my daughter should be with me till school age and then work out a new schedule then.

Did we not ALL tell you that? That 50/50 won't work once the child starts school. Duh.

 

[kenski]

Nonsense. That's not what I posted -- and it was clear you never read the links.

And if you think *I'm* going to give you any further info, you are higher than even the army will allow.

ONCE AGAIN, NOT ARMY!!


You posted the link that showed all the states and what the child support % is. Thats what you posted....