This is for the haters

[profmum]

Im sure the few remember me who kept telling me I wouldn't get my daughter as much as I do now, well, you were wrong. Let me refresh your memory. I said that I was in the military, just got orders to Virginia. My ex-wife currently lives in Wisconsin (where our 3 year old daugthter was born and where I am living right now). I am transfering in November back to Virginia and we have JOINT custody with 50/50 placement. I was fighting for 50/50 still.

Everyone here said I wouldn't get it, just long weekends and summer break, yadda yadda yadda... Well, you were ALL WRONG. The judge took one look at everything, listened to my side and then my ex's lawyer said a few things..... I told her mediation is in order for this and she agreed and told my wife that if we didn't reach an agreement of at least 40/60 (me/her) that we will go back to court, assign a GAL and then come up with a schedule. She agreed with my ex and her lawyer that it is a long distance to travel but when it is done once a month, its not that bad. Having my daughter see her father is more important then the drive. The judge asked what I wanted, I told her I thought her coming down to me for 3-6 weeks at a time wouldn't be a bad thing and she agreed. Once our daughter is school age though, it will change again. Also, she agreed that I shouldn't be responible for my ex's daycare when she is with me. My ex claims that I should pay it when she is with me because she has to pay for it regardless. Judge told her to either work it out with the daycare or find another service.

Honestly what is it exactly that all the posters were wrong about? you have been ordered into mediation, you might get one weekend a month, and if mediation does not work, you get a GAL appointed who does NOT have to recommend a 60-40 schedule at all and if all of this drags out, you are looking at a school age child, where whatever arrangement you may come up with will have to be rehashed! I really dont think you are thinking about what is best for your 3 yr old.. but a final order will tell "us" what we were all so wrong about.

 

[kenski]

Honestly what is it exactly that all the posters were wrong about? you have been ordered into mediation, you might get one weekend a month, and if mediation does not work, you get a GAL appointed who does NOT have to recommend a 60-40 schedule at all and if all of this drags out, you are looking at a school age child, where whatever arrangement you may come up with will have to be rehashed! I really dont think you are thinking about what is best for your 3 yr old.. but a final order will tell "us" what we were all so wrong about.

WOW, did you read what I posted? nevermind, not going to argue anymore. As it stands we still have 50/50 and the judge ordered (in my paperwork FROM court) that it will not be lower then 40/60

 

[CJane]

Yes, you posted a link on child support for SOLE CUSTODY. I tried telling you that my situation is not like that and posted the RIGHT LINK for how our child support is calculated. In a joint custody situation where either of the parents has the child for more then 92 days a year (I think thats it), they DO NOT USE the 17% of income calculation. It is calculated off the Mothers and Fathers income and the number of NIGHTS the child stays with each.

BTW, Im not Army... I wouldn't even THINK of going that route!

I also posted links to how WI figures CS. The info was there for both shared and joint (not shared) custody. We were giving you both calculations because when you relocate you are unlikely (judge's opinion aside right now) to continue having shared custody and so it would be good for you to have the information for how your CS will change.

Do me a favor. Seriously.

Consider, briefly, what is in your child's best interests long term... a year of 3-6 week visits with you and then an adjustment to one weekend a month, or whatever is worked out once school starts, or and adjustment to a more long-term workable schedule now?

Also, her attorney will be welcome in the mediation.

 

[CJane]

WOW, did you read what I posted? nevermind, not going to argue anymore. As it stands we still have 50/50 and the judge ordered (in my paperwork FROM court) that it will not be lower then 40/60

That isn't what you said.

You said that the judge ordered y'all to mediation and if you can't come up with a 60/40 split that's workable and agreed upon then she'll appoint a GAL. That isn't the same thing as ordering a 60/40 split.

You aren't understanding what's happening and you're really running the risk of counting those chickens when the eggs aren't even laid yet.

 

[majomom1]

Posted by: kenski
Im sure the few remember me who kept telling me I wouldn't get my daughter as much as I do now, well, you were wrong. Let me refresh your memory. I said that I was in the military, just got orders to Virginia. My ex-wife currently lives in Wisconsin (where our 3 year old daugthter was born and where I am living right now). I am transfering in November back to Virginia and we have JOINT custody with 50/50 placement. I was fighting for 50/50 still.

Everyone here said I wouldn't get it, just long weekends and summer break, yadda yadda yadda... Well, you were ALL WRONG. The judge took one look at everything, listened to my side and then my ex's lawyer said a few things..... I told her mediation is in order for this and she agreed and told my wife that if we didn't reach an agreement of at least 40/60 (me/her) that we will go back to court, assign a GAL and then come up with a schedule. She agreed with my ex and her lawyer that it is a long distance to travel but when it is done once a month, its not that bad. Having my daughter see her father is more important then the drive. The judge asked what I wanted, I told her I thought her coming down to me for 3-6 weeks at a time wouldn't be a bad thing and she agreed. Once our daughter is school age though, it will change again. Also, she agreed that I shouldn't be responible for my ex's daycare when she is with me. My ex claims that I should pay it when she is with me because she has to pay for it regardless. Judge told her to either work it out with the daycare or find another service.

I got lost on which SHE agreed about daycare... but don't count your chickens on that one yet either. In our area, even most home care providers require payment regardless of whether or not the child is there. There may be no other service available. And if you are in the military, and could be deployed or moved again, she may need to keep that daycare spot reserved.

 

[escape2paradise]

If your X is smart and she can afford to draw this out, she would be a fool to come to a 60/40 agreement in mediation. As other posters stated once a GAL is appointed the 60/40 that the judge suggested is out the window. Besides it will take until your child is in school to get through this fight. Then you will be out all the money you will have to spend fighting and stuck w/ a typical long distance w/ child in school schedule. I'd seriously think of giving a little more in mediation than you are planning. Otherwise, if X doesn't agree the whole situation is a bust for you.

 

[CJane]

If your X is smart and she can afford to draw this out, she would be a fool to come to a 60/40 agreement in mediation. As other posters stated once a GAL is appointed the 60/40 that the judge suggested is out the window. Besides it will take until your child is in school to get through this fight. Then you will be out all the money you will have to spend fighting and stuck w/ a typical long distance w/ child in school schedule. I'd seriously think of giving a little more in mediation than you are planning. Otherwise, if X doesn't agree the whole situation is a bust for you.

That's the point I was trying to make.

My custody battle - when one parent WASN'T moving and the PHYSICAL split wasn't supposed to be changing AT ALL. Took from May of 05 until April of 07. And while part of that was due to lots of continuances and date changes, it was also because the GAL is extremely busy and since there was no abuse or neglect, we weren't a priority. She didn't even do the home visit at my house until 2 weeks prior to trial.

Z ~ who's IN WI is involved in a custody thing that's dragging on endlessly thanks, in large part, to conflicting schedules.

Once mediation fails - IF it fails - this whole thing is going to be a long and slow and expensive process... and it's likely to result in an order for long-distance parenting of a school age child.

 

[Silverplum]

Dangit, CJane, stop being a hater!

 

[JacobJoel]

Navy

He's Navy. True to form he's calling victory before the battle. Probably will need a Marine to clean up the mess.

actually kenski i hope all goes well for you, but so far all you have truly done is taken the steps EXACTLY as this board said you would take them.

thanks for the confirmation that their input was dead on target. which, being navy, you would have NO POINT OF REFERENCE FOR!!!

(i trust you can take the joke)

 

[casa]

He's Navy. True to form he's calling victory before the battle. Probably will need a Marine to clean up the mess.

actually kenski i hope all goes well for you, but so far all you have truly done is taken the steps EXACTLY as this board said you would take them.

thanks for the confirmation that their input was dead on target. which, being navy, you would have NO POINT OF REFERENCE FOR!!!

(i trust you can take the joke)

Darn it! This X Marine wife didn't get to join in on the Squid jokes!

 

[Silverplum]

Darn it! This X Marine wife didn't get to join in on the Squid jokes!

Oh, we're still here, hon. And I remembered he was Navy, but called him "army" (note the lower case "a") just to wind him up.

Ain't that right, JJ?

 

[CJane]

And casa, since I think you missed the deleted thread... dude is stationed at Great Lakes and is being sent to Norfolk.

He wants to maintain a 60/40 split at MINIMUM w/the child living with him for weeks at a time... and if Mom won't agree, he's going to live on the ship, cut his pay and reduce CS.

He's a peach.

 

[Silverplum]

And casa, since I think you missed the deleted thread... dude is stationed at Great Lakes and is being sent to Norfolk.

He wants to maintain a 60/40 split at MINIMUM w/the child living with him for weeks at a time... and if Mom won't agree, he's going to live on the ship, cut his pay and reduce CS.

He's a peach.

Also don't forget: despite the fact that WI (where Mom lives, where divorce is happening) is a "% of obligor income" state, OP refuses to acknowledge that and believes he can force a court to change WI to an "income shares" state.

And to think: OP thought deleting his thread would delete our memories, too!

 

[Just Blue]

And casa, since I think you missed the deleted thread... dude is stationed at Great Lakes and is being sent to Norfolk.

He wants to maintain a 60/40 split at MINIMUM w/the child living with him for weeks at a time... and if Mom won't agree, he's going to live on the ship, cut his pay and reduce CS.

He's a peach.

The OP doesn't seem to care about his child...Can you imagine the toll that taxing schedule will take on a three year old??

 

[Silverplum]

The OP doesn't seem to care about his child...Can you imagine the toll that taxing schedule will take on a three year old??

JUST WIN, BABY!!!!!!