more issues

[mommyto 2]

Yes, yes, yes. That's it exactly. It is so frustrating. But CJane, your response did make me laugh, maybe cause you were able to put what is going on into words. Now because I have such a great life i am taking my kids to see the Bee movie. Thanks everyone.

 

[escape2paradise]

Listen to CJane. Don't bother. That will make him steam more than any response you could give. He is probably checking his email every 5 min. just waiting to get the juicy response so he can fire another back. Like you said, you have a life, go enjoy your kids let him wait and stew.

 

[TheGeekess]

If it really gets to you, print out the email, write your points under each of his, and burn it.

 

[profmum]

Dont respond to his email.. I have a similar ex.. they live on the responses to their taunts.. ignoring them will drive them insane!! I have a 24 hr myself, if it does not require immediate attention, I wait for 24 hours before I think about responding.. often after 24 hrs, I dont feel the need to!!

 

[TCool]

It is really difficult to work with a person with such mental health issues. I can tell right now he is in a very maniac phase, and when he is maniac he is extremely difficult to deal with.

Hi, was just reading the forums cuz I was bored. I don't mean to intrude, but I have some concerns here. I'm assuming that when you said he's in a "maniac phase" you meant a manic phase, which would lead me to believe that he has some form of a bipolar disorder(or the very rare hypomanic disorder but I doubt it). Is this true? If he has been diagnosed with bipolar, and he still has these manic phases I'm assuming that he's not on medication for it or not on proper medication for it. I've been studying psychology in college for the past 2 years and it seems to me there are great medications out there for bipolar disorder that work very well, but I could be wrong, I'm not a psychologist. However, I do know that if he has bipolar disorder and its not properly treated he could be a danger to your kids (I'm not trying to scare you here), especially in the manic phase. Extreme mania is characterized by poor decisions and excessive risk taking, a loss of touch with reality. So, even if he truly loves the children, and would never want to hurt them, in a manic phase his poor decision making and excessive risk taking (due to a feeling of invincibility) could cause problems for your children. For example, a person in a manic phase may excessively speed through traffic because they believe that nothing bad can happen to them. They can't be brought down, so its not possible that they could get in an accident and get injured. (This is extreme)

Anyway, basically what I want to know is if its possible for you to take this to a judge and if he's not on proper medication having a court order for it due to the danger to the children. Even if he's on medication, if he's coming to you yelling and screaming and if he truly goes into manic phases like you said (atleast that what I think you meant) then the medication isn't working properly. So, if you could use that in court, not only would it help your children if he gets the proper treatment because of that risk being removed, but it will also help make all your lives better because it will be easier for you two to cooperate and your children won't have to get caught in the middle of these fights. I don't even know if this is legally possible, but I thought I'd throw it out there for you guys.

 

[stealth2]

As the others have said, you can't win. I prefer to share his missives with some close friends, and we all have a good laugh at his idiocy.

 

[CJane]

As the others have said, you can't win. I prefer to share his missives with some close friends, and we all have a good laugh at his idiocy.

Exactly. I forwarded his emails a LOT when we were still communicating that way, and now that he chooses to mail stuff to me, I fax 'em out to friends.

 

[mommyto 2]

Let me tell you there have been many of emails that have provided many of my friends with some great laughs. We really like the ones he sends to teachers and then forwards to me. Being that we all work in education they truly crack us up.

To TCool, although your statements are true, bringing it to court in the manner you suggested does not work. I could go and say due to our past relationship I am able to tell when he is manic but being that I am not a psychologist I am not sure the Judge would put much weight on my opinion. It is matter of court record though that he has been diagnosed with bipolar. The judges have never directly addressed it in regards to visitation.

As far as responding to the last rather lengthy email, I chose to respond to only two questions regarding the upcoming holidays. The rest I simply made a blanket statement that I would address them if needed in the future. The whole email was 4 sentences - short and sweet. I took the advice all of you offered - see some of us do come on here and listen!!! Thanks

 

[wileybunch]

One part of me does want to write back because of my need to correct the lies.

That's understandable, but as CJane pointed out, you'll never convince *HIM* that they are lies.

But also the emails were my evidence last time we went to court.

Right. It goes both ways -- anything either of you say can be brought to court. If your emails are clean, to the point, not instigating fights and his are immature, argumentative, etc. then the differences will be obvious to someone reviewing. So keep that in mind that someone may very well be reading your emails and judging you, but you don't have to "argue your case" full out in your emails, either, or even respond to him if you think you've already been perfectly clear with what you said. If you think there's anything that's been misconstrued to the point you could be accused of having caused HIM to be in contempt, then I would clarify that so he has no out. He seems like the kind of person that likes to throw a bunch of stuff out to see what he can get back out of you so you'll have to train yourself not to feel like you have to have the last word (and be thankful you're not WITH him any more!).

He also went on to write that if I have plans for New Year's that don't include the children he would be glad to have them, because he knows my private life is more important than my kids. First I don't have a private life, second it is his year to have the kids for New Years. Sorry I am rambling, but I can't believe this is happening again.

Then don't respond to him about New Years. You have to make the kids available to him per your CO, you don't need his grandstanding w/it.

 

[TCool]

To TCool, although your statements are true, bringing it to court in the manner you suggested does not work. I could go and say due to our past relationship I am able to tell when he is manic but being that I am not a psychologist I am not sure the Judge would put much weight on my opinion. It is matter of court record though that he has been diagnosed with bipolar. The judges have never directly addressed it in regards to visitation.

Well, I don't think you should try to convince the judge of anything when it comes to his bipolar. If your not a psychologist then you aren't qualified to do that. What I'm suggesting is possibly requesting that he be evaluated a psychologist to ensure that he's bipolar is being properly treated because you are concerned for the children. I would think that if its court record that he has bipolar a judge might be willing to order this especially if he hasn't been evaluated for a long time. But, again, I really know nothing about law. It would make sense to me that the courts would want to be sure a mentally ill parent is properly treated especially in cases that could be harmful to the children, but then it also seems to me that law doesn't always make sense.

Either way, good luck with your situation. Hope all works out well for you and your children.

 

[CJane]

Well, I don't think you should try to convince the judge of anything when it comes to his bipolar. If your not a psychologist then you aren't qualified to do that. What I'm suggesting is possibly requesting that he be evaluated a psychologist to ensure that he's bipolar is being properly treated because you are concerned for the children. I would think that if its court record that he has bipolar a judge might be willing to order this especially if he hasn't been evaluated for a long time. But, again, I really know nothing about law. It would make sense to me that the courts would want to be sure a mentally ill parent is properly treated especially in cases that could be harmful to the children, but then it also seems to me that law doesn't always make sense.

Either way, good luck with your situation. Hope all works out well for you and your children.

I don't think a court could possibly order someone to take specific medication... especially for something like bi-polar.

 

[mommyto 2]

TCool - I understand what you are saying but I have found that the court in my situation that the courts will not really interfere with his treatment. My hope that if he takes me back to court again (third time in 3 years) with wild accusations that the Judge will see how seriously his mental illness impacts his ability to co-parent. That the manic phase of his illness makes it impossible to reason with him and no matter what I do I am wrong and he is right. I have no idea what meds he currently takes or for that matter does not take. I know when we were married he frequently played with his medication, some days taking it some days taking to much some days taking to little. He was like Goldie Locks, trying to get it just right.
But CJane is correct - the court will not force him to take his meds or require it. I tried in the past to have a statement put in the court rulings that in order to have visitation he had to provide proof through blood tests that he was correctly medicated. It almost happened but then the Judge decided since he had not physically harmed the children it was to soon to put that in the agreement. Then after additional research I found that this would not really be a reliable method. The other thing is that as he has gotten older he has gotten worse. I am not sure how you get a court to handle this situation.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Yer best bet will be for him to act up in court again. Eventually, you should get it to not have to co-parent with him. That's what I'm hoping for ... He's still my daughter's dad; he's just in his own dream world.

 

[mommyto 2]

That is what I am hoping for. Last time he took me to court, he never even showed up. Here he was accusing me of all sorts of horrible parenting, yet asked for 4 continuences and then never showed up. All I know is that if what I was doing was so terrible you would think he would want to take care of the situation as soon as possible for the sake of the children!!
Ginny is your ex mentally ill?

 

[CJane]

Ginny is your ex mentally ill?

Heh. Somehow I doubt ANY of us should be asked that question.