Holiday visitation

[ProSeDadinMD]

According to him, its about an hour or something like that according to him. I have never ventured out to where he is. He was living in dc and just moved (New GF). I should be held responsible because he wanted to move farther away?

Something that not everybody here may be aware of is that an hour in the DC area could be anywhere from 10 to 50 miles depending on traffic.

I do an hour, and would absolutely do it every day for 50/50.

 

[wileybunch]

i wouldnt be surprised if thats already happening. I am sure there are plenty of new gf and spouses waiting to complete their families with their SO's kids. Happens all the time

It also happens that upon remarriage, these children you speak of truly DO complete their family b/c the happy couple don't endeavor to have any more b/c of obligation to the children that are already here. So while that may make you feel intimidated, jealous, etc., if the happy couple went on to have more children, you may also take issue with that and feel like your child is being slighted (or in the case of alienating parents, proselytize to the children that Mom/Dad loves the "new children" better ).

Just relax and be the best Mom you can be and be happy for others that are in your child's life that love and care for him, each bringing something of value to the child. Heck, many children from "broken families" are often quite spoiled, at least materialistically so there is some silver lining there!

Split the holidays with Dad. Fair and square. The same way you'd want them split if he were the one doing the splitting. It stinks to have to split a child's time, but that's what happens when their parents aren't married.

 

[Ohiogal]

According to him, its about an hour or something like that according to him. I have never ventured out to where he is. He was living in dc and just moved (New GF). I should be held responsible because he wanted to move farther away?

No but you could actually consider that is always good for the CHILD to see both parents cooperating rather than being jerks about minor details.

 

[maryjo]

ok, that makes since so that means whoever does the entire holiday, the other parent gets MLK and presidents day? Right. I think that would be a good alternative in case he decides to do an out of towner on his year.

Um, I think they pretty much just stick to the major holidays. Easter, Spring Break, Summer, Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Years. Oh, I think 4th of July is listed on ours but its set up that it just so happens to fall on whoever gets the first half of summer break. The others they think/hope you could work out on your own. Since those others are mostly school break holidays I dont think its going to make any difference to you at this point.

My ex has never kept our son on a Monday holiday even though he could. He usually has to work.

 

[maryjo]

It doesn't necessarily have to mean that. It just means that each year, the same parent gets Christmas morning and New Year's Eve.

Really, you're going to end up the custodial parent and you're worried about whether you get the child on MLK day?

You are going to get to tuck this child into bed every single night. You will be able to eat breakfast with this child every morning. Dad is not going to get to do all that. Isn't it possible just to relax and let somethings go easily. As long as he's not taking all the holidays, what do you care? A better plan might be to just write it so that the parent who has the child for the weekend on Monday and Friday holidays gets the child for that holiday.

If the court order doesn't dictate who drives, generally, the receiving parent does the driving. So, dad has to come get the child from you, and you have to go get the child from him. But you didn't actually answer the question - how far does dad live from you?

You are so right! I tell myself this all the time. I am there for most of the important things in his life. His dad isnt. (although that is partly by choice.) Missing a few days a month or a few weeks during the summer and December isnt that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

 

[maryjo]

No but you could actually consider that is always good for the CHILD to see both parents cooperating rather than being jerks about minor details.

AMEN!

My ex moved to another city. During the summer he said to me "Until I tell you different you need to meet me here.." which was half way between our house and his girlfriend's. I THOUGHT he meant for the time our son was with him. Its been about 7 months now and I still drive about an hour round trip on Fridays and 30-45 minutes on Sunday. (Traffic)

Even though I dont HAVE to do it, I still do it. Why argue about it? Its just another way to compromise and keep arguments from occuring. Besides, I have started to enjoy the ride. I get to spend some quality time with our son to and from the drop off point and I get to spend some time alone on the other side of the trip.

 

[onebreath]

Well, I think I am taking a legal route and parenting route. I think it depends hugely on the childs current visitation and experience with father to spend a week away from mother. Granted, the courts may not consider it a 'hugely' issue...but would certainly look at that. I don't know the one of custody law in dc. I live in CA and I have to think we are comparable if not at the extreme of flat out indifference to the childs best interests in regards to custody.

Of a young one, there is a basic recognition in different states parenting plans with divorced couples...each state varies. If you don't already know, I would look up your states parenting plan for your childs age, etc.

also look on deltabravo.net for different visitation plans. You two do need to work out your holidays, etc. Frankly, I think your plan is a good one. Given our daughters temperment...I sometimes wish she didn't have the extreme changes in schedule that are common for school aged children for holidays...

I think your plan is good, and look up your states and future visitation plans for when she/he grows up and if going to court, will have to split christmas, easter, spring breaks, and alternate Thanksgivings...usually a 5 day stint.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, I think I am taking a legal route and parenting route. I think it depends hugely on the childs current visitation and experience with father to spend a week away from mother. Granted, the courts may not consider it a 'hugely' issue...but would certainly look at that. I don't know the one of custody law in dc. I live in CA and I have to think we are comparable if not at the extreme of flat out indifference to the childs best interests in regards to custody.

Of a young one, there is a basic recognition in different states parenting plans with divorced couples...each state varies. If you don't already know, I would look up your states parenting plan for your childs age, etc.

also look on deltabravo.net for different visitation plans. You two do need to work out your holidays, etc. Frankly, I think your plan is a good one. Given our daughters temperment...I sometimes wish she didn't have the extreme changes in schedule that are common for school aged children for holidays...

I think your plan is good, and look up your states and future visitation plans for when she/he grows up and if going to court, will have to split christmas, easter, spring breaks, and alternate Thanksgivings...usually a 5 day stint.

Good supportive opinion which quite frankly is NOT legally relevant as she has already been told the LEGAL way things are. Her ideas are strictly that and she does not have the right to dictate. She wants longer periods when the child is five? NOT going to wait that long. LD was very spot on with her answer. And I was very blunt (or even harsh if you prefer that term). Please don't join in with your layman's opinion if you do NOT know the law applies to it.

 

[Supermomma]

No but you could actually consider that is always good for the CHILD to see both parents cooperating rather than being jerks about minor details.

I am not trying to be a jerk about it. His original request was for every weekend. I thought it was only fair that I get some weekend time EOW is better. I am actually taking his list and modifying just a little. My only issue was the every weekend thing and the long xmas holiday. For other Monday holidays, there was no time frame specified. It just said "beginning to end". He didnt include mothers day or mothers birthday. Perhaps that was just an error. We would prefer to not have to go to mediation. He says he is ok with EOW and EOH, which I agree, but I had an issue with xmas eve to new years day. Perhaps that will grow on me. If we cant agree on anything at mediation, and the judge orders it, I will have to deal anyway

 

[Supermomma]

AMEN!

My ex moved to another city. During the summer he said to me "Until I tell you different you need to meet me here.." which was half way between our house and his girlfriend's. I THOUGHT he meant for the time our son was with him. Its been about 7 months now and I still drive about an hour round trip on Fridays and 30-45 minutes on Sunday. (Traffic)

Even though I dont HAVE to do it, I still do it. Why argue about it? Its just another way to compromise and keep arguments from occuring. Besides, I have started to enjoy the ride. I get to spend some quality time with our son to and from the drop off point and I get to spend some time alone on the other side of the trip.

he didnt specify driving in the order, and he is doing the driving now. There should be a status quo recognition

 

[Supermomma]

Well, I think I am taking a legal route and parenting route. I think it depends hugely on the childs current visitation and experience with father to spend a week away from mother. Granted, the courts may not consider it a 'hugely' issue...but would certainly look at that. I don't know the one of custody law in dc. I live in CA and I have to think we are comparable if not at the extreme of flat out indifference to the childs best interests in regards to custody.

Of a young one, there is a basic recognition in different states parenting plans with divorced couples...each state varies. If you don't already know, I would look up your states parenting plan for your childs age, etc.

also look on deltabravo.net for different visitation plans. You two do need to work out your holidays, etc. Frankly, I think your plan is a good one. Given our daughters temperment...I sometimes wish she didn't have the extreme changes in schedule that are common for school aged children for holidays...

I think your plan is good, and look up your states and future visitation plans for when she/he grows up and if going to court, will have to split christmas, easter, spring breaks, and alternate Thanksgivings...usually a 5 day stint.

I have spoken with some people there and there is no standard.

 

[Supermomma]

Good supportive opinion which quite frankly is NOT legally relevant as she has already been told the LEGAL way things are. Her ideas are strictly that and she does not have the right to dictate. She wants longer periods when the child is five? NOT going to wait that long. LD was very spot on with her answer. And I was very blunt (or even harsh if you prefer that term). Please don't join in with your layman's opinion if you do NOT know the law applies to it.

I am not dictating. I only asked a question to get some ideas and seek advice, regardless of what I want. I have seen some plans specific to the childs age however. As I stated previously, I am only going through his plan and modifying a few things. If we cant agree on our own, the mediator will hopefully get us to an agreement. I think initially he got his plan online and edited it to what he wanted. So should I just let him dictate the schedule? I elieve I have a right to weigh in?

I think i responded to everyone since logging on, if I didnt, let me know. Just need some direction. Ive already softened up a little on the holiday week. Not quite there yet but your opinions, even the harsh ones are acknowledged

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not dictating. I only asked a question to get some ideas and seek advice, regardless of what I want. I have seen some plans specific to the childs age however. As I stated previously, I am only going through his plan and modifying a few things. If we cant agree on our own, the mediator will hopefully get us to an agreement. I think initially he got his plan online and edited it to what he wanted. So should I just let him dictate the schedule? I elieve I have a right to weigh in?

I think i responded to everyone since logging on, if I didnt, let me know. Just need some direction. Ive already softened up a little on the holiday week. Not quite there yet but your opinions, even the harsh ones are acknowledged

When you first came on and posted it appeared that you were dictating or attempting to dictate only your way. You never mentioned anything about him approaching you with ideas or anything else. You have a right to weigh in with your opinions of course. As for driving (in another post you answered me) it may or may not be status quo. For the simple reason that why shouldn't your child see you cooperating with said child's other parent in transporting the child. A court would most likely make that determination depending on a variety of different things. Not just status quo.

 

[Supermomma]

When you first came on and posted it appeared that you were dictating or attempting to dictate only your way. You never mentioned anything about him approaching you with ideas or anything else. You have a right to weigh in with your opinions of course. As for driving (in another post you answered me) it may or may not be status quo. For the simple reason that why shouldn't your child see you cooperating with said child's other parent in transporting the child. A court would most likely make that determination depending on a variety of different things. Not just status quo.

I dont expect anyone to like what I am going to say, but I chose to live near my work and family, and I chose a daycare near both to reduce the costs of gas which we all know is very expensive. The CS I am receiving is too low to put a dent in what I pay for daycare and other stuff because salary entered into the CS for ex is less than 1/4 of what I am making. The car he is using, its not his. I assume its his GF or a friend, but its not his. The ex, who moved from out of town to dc ultimately decided to move away into md suburbs somewhere he says is an hour away. Now I dont feel I should bear any responsibility in driving all the way out there when he chose to move out there, especially if it would have been easier to chose to live in the area or closer to dc. Its his choice.

 

[stealth2]

The ex, who moved from out of town to dc ultimately decided to move away into md suburbs somewhere he says is an hour away. Now I dont feel I should bear any responsibility in driving all the way out there when he chose to move out there, especially if it would have been easier to chose to live in the area or closer to dc. Its his choice.

Get over it, already. An *hour* is nothing in terms of a commute. Sheesh - some people commute further than that for work. Tell ya what - I'll swap the drive to the ex w/ya. I'll take yours, you can take mine. K? Then let's see you whine.