Holiday visitation

[ProSeDadinMD]

Accentuating the positive. That was pretty much my point.

I know, ‘cause you’re sooo sweet.

I’m a pessimistic optimist myself….

 

[wileybunch]

ex handed me the sceptor when he ran off when I got preggo. It took a court order to get him back here. At least he wants to play dad now. Actually he is not requesting a lot of time. I suspect he will take off again once court is all settled as he did with the other kids he doesnt even attempt to call or check in on

If you want to be the Judge for your own case, you're going to need to spend some time in school and running for election. And, even then you won't be able to preside over your own case. Come on -- child custody isn't set in stone and if you want to play judge/jury with your ex, you may find yourself on the other end with him deciding how worthy you are to see your child (not that the law will like it any more if he does it, just saying you will get yourself into trouble and risk a change of custody w/that attitude).

 

[Supermomma]

In MY state the holidays are split for Thanksgiving one parent gets the Wednesday before Thanksgiving until Sunday evening. And then for Christmas its the day school gets out for Christmas break until Christmas day at 3. And the other parent gets 3pm Christmas day until New Years day at 6pm I believe. Thats the basic. It was fine with us and we went with it. Of course, you switch every year.

I actually think this works well. Thanksgiving, to me, isnt a long enough holiday to split and causes everyone a lot of grief if they have to be driving back and forth all day. And the Christmas break, I cant figure out a better way to do it that is fair for everyone. Yes it broke my heart on the first Christmas to wake up Christmas morning without our son with me but we all survived.

Have you checked to see what the holiday visitation rules are in DC? Do you have a court order for anything yet?

If you are so concerned about the week long visits...how are you going to deal with 6 weeks during the summer?

Someone else mentioned that and thats what I changed it to, but I am still getting grief over this. I wont have a problem rotating every other year for that type of xmas schedule. I want our child to visit his family. I will have to give up on thanksgiving and go with what you mentioned also. In all honesty, I do want to be fair to both of us. Ex lives so far a away that a 50/50 wont be doable and he

 

[Supermomma]

So.

You got pregnant (accidentally, obviously) by a known deadbeat dad who reproduces along the lines of a jackrabbit and you want our assistance in co-ordinating his visitations to your desires?

if there had put this much care and concern into thinking prior to reproducing all this stress would have been alleviated, maybe.

on the bright side you DO have this to look forward to: wait till he settles down, gets marrined and STEPmomma comes on here looking to help her hubby w/visitation/custody issues!

i wouldnt be surprised if thats already happening. I am sure there are plenty of new gf and spouses waiting to complete their families with their SO's kids. Happens all the time

 

[Supermomma]

I'll never understand why so many people have unprotected sex. That being said -

Holiday visitation can be whatever you want it to be provided Dad agrees with it. Each family has its own traditions. My plan alternates Thanksgiving with Easter as although my children may have a 4 day weekend at Thanksgiving, I do not. So Thanksgiving for us is one day only.

The Ex's family celebrates on Christmas Eve, whereas my family celebrates on Christmas Day. We each have the children on our "days" and then the days off of school until New Years are split equally.

So you see? It all depends upon what works for you and Dad as a family. So far as the "standard" - you can google your state's custody laws, parenting plans, holiday schedules, etc.

As far as being "fair" - the only definition of "fair" is what works for both of you as parents that also enhances the holiday for your child.

ex is going to want to take our child out of town so he wants xmas eve to new years day. I keep telling him thats 2 holidays in a row.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Ex lives so far a away that a 50/50 wont be doable and he

How far away is too far?

 

[Bloopy]

ex is going to want to take our child out of town so he wants xmas eve to new years day. I keep telling him thats 2 holidays in a row.

If you alternate the you'de be getting "two holidays" the following year.

Not unfair.

 

[SMinNJ]

If you alternate the you'de be getting "two holidays" the following year.

Not unfair.

And really, what is so fun about New Year's Day with a 1 year old? Can't you let the man go away for the holiday with his child? You very well could set the stage for mutual cooperation by agreeing to do this his way.

 

[Supermomma]

If you alternate the you'de be getting "two holidays" the following year.

Not unfair.

ok, that makes since so that means whoever does the entire holiday, the other parent gets MLK and presidents day? Right. I think that would be a good alternative in case he decides to do an out of towner on his year.

 

[Supermomma]

And really, what is so fun about New Year's Day with a 1 year old? Can't you let the man go away for the holiday with his child? You very well could set the stage for mutual cooperation by agreeing to do this his way.

Ive already taken that idean into consideration. Like I said, its not a bad idea. It will depend on the circumstances.

 

[Supermomma]

How far away is too far?

far enough that he doesnt quite like driving it. Right now, he has been doing all the driving. What if an order does not state who is responsible for driving?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

ok, that makes since so that means whoever does the entire holiday, the other parent gets MLK and presidents day? Right. I think that would be a good alternative in case he decides to do an out of towner on his year.

That's getting a little nit-picky isn't it? Think Spring Break, Thanksgiving, and Christmas as the kind of "holidays" that will be in the order. Most(but not all) of the others are "Monday holidays" which should fall to whoever had the weekend before.

It will depend on the circumstances.

What circumstances?

 

[SMinNJ]

ok, that makes since so that means whoever does the entire holiday, the other parent gets MLK and presidents day? Right. I think that would be a good alternative in case he decides to do an out of towner on his year.

It doesn't necessarily have to mean that. It just means that each year, the same parent gets Christmas morning and New Year's Eve.

Really, you're going to end up the custodial parent and you're worried about whether you get the child on MLK day?

You are going to get to tuck this child into bed every single night. You will be able to eat breakfast with this child every morning. Dad is not going to get to do all that. Isn't it possible just to relax and let somethings go easily. As long as he's not taking all the holidays, what do you care? A better plan might be to just write it so that the parent who has the child for the weekend on Monday and Friday holidays gets the child for that holiday.

If the court order doesn't dictate who drives, generally, the receiving parent does the driving. So, dad has to come get the child from you, and you have to go get the child from him. But you didn't actually answer the question - how far does dad live from you?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

far enough that he doesnt quite like driving it. Right now, he has been doing all the driving. What if an order does not state who is responsible for driving?

I don't quite like the hour I spend driving doing p/u's and drop offs either, but I do it.

If it's not stated, I imagine you'll have to split it.

 

[Supermomma]

It doesn't necessarily have to mean that. It just means that each year, the same parent gets Christmas morning and New Year's Eve.

Its best if we alternate the vacations, so if he gets xmas eve through NYD one year, I get it next year, but I would be open to just him having the child the week after xmas day regardless if its my week or not

Really, you're going to end up the custodial parent and you're worried about whether you get the child on MLK day?

You are going to get to tuck this child into bed every single night. You will be able to eat breakfast with this child every morning. Dad is not going to get to do all that. Isn't it possible just to relax and let somethings go easily. As long as he's not taking all the holidays, what do you care? A better plan might be to just write it so that the parent who has the child for the weekend on Monday and Friday holidays gets the child for that holiday.

We already agreed to extending to the Monday/Friday holiday

If the court order doesn't dictate who drives, generally, the receiving parent does the driving. So, dad has to come get the child from you, and you have to go get the child from him. But you didn't actually answer the question - how far does dad live from you?

According to him, its about an hour or something like that according to him. I have never ventured out to where he is. He was living in dc and just moved (New GF). I should be held responsible because he wanted to move farther away?