Holiday visitation

[CJane]

Get over it, already. An *hour* is nothing in terms of a commute. Sheesh - some people commute further than that for work. Tell ya what - I'll swap the drive to the ex w/ya. I'll take yours, you can take mine. K? Then let's see you whine.

Gawd, thanks to the snow today, my normal commute of 40 minutes was 90. I left my house at 645 this morning to take my son to the sitter... normally I leave at 715. It was insane.

 

[tuffbrk]

Gotta say that I'm with Supermomma on this one. Dad moves an hour away?He moved from DC to MD? Then let him make the drive. I hate driving. And I really hate driving when it's snowing, hailing, raining. That being said -

Before he asks for it, I'd offer up assistance for one trip per month - only because I'd want to be familiar with the area in the event there's ever an emergency with Dad and Mom has to go pick up the child pronto.

Then, of course, I'm also anal enough to want to see where my child is staying when they are with Dad.

 

[stealth2]

My ex lives 6 hours away by car. That's if you don't count tri-state traffic OR weather-related issues in his area (NE). It's taken me 10 before. One way. So forgive me if I find a whine about an hour ludicrous. Especially when you add it to "precious shouldn't be away from me for more than a few teeny weeny minutes until s/he turns 5."

 

[tuffbrk]

My ex lives 6 hours away by car. That's if you don't count tri-state traffic OR weather-related issues in his area (NE). It's taken me 10 before. One way. So forgive me if I find a whine about an hour ludicrous. Especially when you add it to "precious shouldn't be away from me for more than a few teeny weeny minutes until s/he turns 5."

I feel badly for you and your child, spending 12 hrs just in travel. To keep perspective though - I'm sure if you could change it, you would.

 

[profmum]

So should I just let him dictate the schedule? I elieve I have a right to weigh in?

I think i responded to everyone since logging on, if I didnt, let me know. Just need some direction. Ive already softened up a little on the holiday week. Not quite there yet but your opinions, even the harsh ones are acknowledged

This is the approach you should continue to use, not to let the x dictate but to keep as open a mind as possible about the parenting issues, tit for tat only hurts kiddo and punishing dad for a new GF, moving away etc does the same. Know that you may be the parent who does 100% of the compromising at times, but in the end if it benefits kiddo then it all worth it. You have a young child, make it easier for the child and for yourself but letting go of things that are not worth the stress.. a on hour drive for example.

 

[tuffbrk]

You have a young child, make it easier for the child and for yourself but letting go of things that are not worth the stress.. a on hour drive for example.

I also don't believe in sweating the small stuff. A one hour drive - to me - is not "small." We all need to take responsibility for our choices and decisions. Meeting half way or something - sure. I could take the high road (pun intended ). But volunteering to take on the full distance? Nah...don't think so!! I'd let him ask first.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Gotta say that I'm with Supermomma on this one. Dad moves an hour away?He moved from DC to MD? Then let him make the drive...

I am in MD at the moment, but could be in DC with a 5 minute walk.

Considering how centralized this area is(From my house in MD, I can be in DC or VA within 20 minutes(when there’s not a wreck on the Capitol Beltway, it’s the weekend, there isn’t some pro/college/HS sporting event, it isn’t snowing/raining/too sunny, or some other disaster) the whole “Dad’s in Maryland and I’m in DC, wah wah, wah,” argument is not really a factor.

My morning commute is a minimum of 50+ minutes to go about 14 miles.

Edited to add: This is one of those "If you live in the DC area, it is what it is" things.

 

[tuffbrk]

OMG! An hour to go 14 miles? I'd move. I hate driving, traffic, being in the car, etc, etc. No way, no how would I EVER live somewhere that required that type of time investment to get from A to B!!

God Bless you DC people...

 

[Supermomma]

My ex lives 6 hours away by car. That's if you don't count tri-state traffic OR weather-related issues in his area (NE). It's taken me 10 before. One way. So forgive me if I find a whine about an hour ludicrous. Especially when you add it to "precious shouldn't be away from me for more than a few teeny weeny minutes until s/he turns 5."

I am not whining. If I moved farther away, I would definitely contribute to the commute. Most people move because of work, or to return to hometown, or some valid reason. There was no real reason for him to move that far. Especially with not owning a car.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I am not whining. If I moved farther away, I would definitely contribute to the commute. Most people move because of work, or to return to hometown, or some valid reason. There was no real reason for him to move that far. Especially with not owning a car.

At this point, that's not your judgement to make.

 

[Supermomma]

I am in MD at the moment, but could be in DC with a 5 minute walk.

Considering how centralized this area is(From my house in MD, I can be in DC or VA within 20 minutes(when there’s not a wreck on the Capitol Beltway, it’s the weekend, there isn’t some pro/college/HS sporting event, it isn’t snowing/raining/too sunny, or some other disaster) the whole “Dad’s in Maryland and I’m in DC, wah wah, wah,” argument is not really a factor.

My morning commute is a minimum of 50+ minutes to go about 14 miles.

Edited to add: This is one of those "If you live in the DC area, it is what it is" things.

I am only going by what he told me. It could be 45 min, but an hour in traffic. One hour is what he told me.

 

[stealth2]

I am in MD at the moment, but could be in DC with a 5 minute walk.

Considering how centralized this area is(From my house in MD, I can be in DC or VA within 20 minutes(when there’s not a wreck on the Capitol Beltway, it’s the weekend, there isn’t some pro/college/HS sporting event, it isn’t snowing/raining/too sunny, or some other disaster) the whole “Dad’s in Maryland and I’m in DC, wah wah, wah,” argument is not really a factor.

My morning commute is a minimum of 50+ minutes to go about 14 miles.

Edited to add: This is one of those "If you live in the DC area, it is what it is" things.

And I have to ask, given public transport in our fine Capital.... What about the Metro? I visit friends in Gaithersburg pretty regularly. The train into the center of DC isn't really that difficult to manage.

Seriously - I would expect these parents to split the travel. We do with our distance.

Actually, it's rare that I drive - they usually fly and we split the fare. (And anyone here for any amount of time can tell you that our relationship is anything but amicable.) But.... if you care about your kid(s)... you do what you have to do. And that includes being flexible and doing what you neither want nor feel you should.

 

[Supermomma]

At this point, that's not your judgement to make.

you are correct. Doesnt matter why he moved. He lengthened the distance, so I should have the burden of transporation?

 

[Silverplum]

What. Freaking. Ever.

 

[tuffbrk]

What. Freaking. Ever.

Wondered where you were! LOL!