so much control from cp

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? vt. Hi all, so much has progressed since I last posted. But, I will post my progresses later. Right now I am going through a battle with the custodial parnet and need some strong advice. My ex dropped off our autistic son whom he has decided needs to be on a gluten free diet. No bread, no cereal, no milk, no meats except boiled chicken, only real potatoes, no pancakes, waffles, no soups, no mac & cheese, etc..etc. I asked him if the school is doing the same, he said none of my business. I also asked him for the referral from our son's doctors showing our son needs this diet. He again said not my business. My ex said if I do not keep him on the same diet as he has him on then he will keep him from me. All I asked my ex was to give me a doctors note claiming this is a diet he recommends. ( I will be calling his doctor on monday). Anyways, he told me I will have to budget my food budget on "his food" and to give him nothing else, and only soymilk...yuck!. Getting my son to eat vegatables is hard enough, getting him to eat anything is hard enough and this seems outrageous. I told him I am going to give him balanced meals and that thinking this food will change his behaviour is strange to me. My ex again said "IF YOU DON'T FEED HIM WHAT I TELL YOU , YOU DON'T GET HIM!!! He will keep him from me, and if I take him to court he will show the courts what he has found off the internet showing it helps autistic kids. help**************Faith

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If the doctor recommends the diet, then I would agree that it is medically necessary. If not, he really can't control what happens on your time.

Has he share anything with you on why he thinks this works? What do the teachers think? What does the school feed him? I'm asking if YOU have done any legwork to find out since he is not being cooperative.

 

[wileybunch]

My ex dropped off our autistic son whom he has decided needs to be on a gluten free diet. No bread, no cereal, no milk, no meats except boiled chicken, only real potatoes, no pancakes, waffles, no soups, no mac & cheese, etc..etc.

Sounds good.

I asked him if the school is doing the same, he said none of my business.

Fair question; immature way to answer.

I also asked him for the referral from our son's doctors showing our son needs this diet. He again said not my business.

This is not an uncommon thing to try when children have these issues. He may have sensed a lot of resistance on your part as can be seen in what you posted here, too. You're calling the doctor any way so you can make sure this isn't harmful if that is your concern.

My ex said if I do not keep him on the same diet as he has him on then he will keep him from me.

Not unilaterally, he can't do that (not legally).

Anyways, he told me I will have to budget my food budget on "his food" and to give him nothing else, and only soymilk...yuck!. Getting my son to eat vegatables is hard enough, getting him to eat anything is hard enough and this seems outrageous.

Well, a few things ... YOU may not like that diet for yourself, but you're not the one that needs to feel better, either. Your son is with his dad more of the time so dad's already gotten or is getting son accustomed to this diet, I don't see it as dad just put son on it the day he dropped him off to you dictating you to be the one to start it and suffer the break in period.

I told him I am going to give him balanced meals and that thinking this food will change his behaviour is strange to me.

Oh, Faith, do a little research. What parent with a child with these issues WOULDN'T try a diet modification? They are not easy to do, but the benefits may be worth it. If it has no positive affect over time, then I can see you being so resistant, but I don't get why you wouldn't want to try this for your son. I really doubt the diet will be harmful to your son unless he has some health problems that it would aggravate.

 

[faithnlve]

I am all for it, as long as I am included in these changes of diet, medical medicines and so on. But, since I am not custodial parent I am left in the dark, and ordered to follow his directions on a whim. I keep up with school evaluations, meetings, conferences. I do have to call his doctor to make sure there is nothing negative about this diet. Anyways, him telling just telling me if I don't give him this food I am not to have my son on my weekend is only to keep his control of me. Again, it's not a matter of not putting him on the diet..I am all for it 100%, anything to help him, but its just being threatened. Plus he is using the other kids. When he dropped of some of our son's diet food tonight he told my 14 year old son make sure "she" gives them to your brother, if she doesn't let me know. It's your responsibility to watch out for your brother not your mothers. I confronted him when he said this and told him he is to communicate with me on our issues not our children. He said they are no longer your kids, they are mine. This is what I am dealing with. I am willing to work together in regards to our son but this is wearing me out emotionally. I told him putting our other children in between us is wrong, and saying such negative things to our children and belittling their mother is innappropriate. He said he won't talk to me, and doesnt want to and that "HIS" kids will do as they are told. My daughter also informed me (she is 16) that when I let her stay overnight at one of her friends houses, he calls her and threatens that if mom keeps letting her stay at her friends instead of being at my house during my visitation her visitation with me will end. I only let her stay at a friends house very rarely. I in turn have had to tell my daughter to give me her cell phone, and to let her dad deal with me and not her. She said if she doesn't call him back she gets in trouble when she goes back to his house She also informed me that dad calls her at least 10 times on the weekend she is with me to make sure mom is home, and all the kids are with me. What the heck is that?? I have tried to ignore it and I have told the kids not to stress out too much about it, dad is dad and this is his way to worry like parents do. Doesn't work when your daughter calls you up crying from a friends house and says dad is down the road in his car and has bee watching her for the last 2 hours. This seems just too extreme. So, maybe some dads may defend this, I find this degrading and controlling and not sure how to stop this at this point. Any suggestions on dealing with this will help...thanks again Faith

 

[Silverplum]

II find this degrading and controlling

Honestly? I think he's a kook.

But another honestly? He sounds like 90% of the CPs I've ever known. MY kids, MY rules, and you're lucky I haven't had you smitten by God Himself yet.

One way to cope is to remember that when everybody is over the age of 18, YOUR time has just begun.

 

[Zephyr]

Honestly? I think he's a kook.

But another honestly? He sounds like 90% of the CPs I've ever known. MY kids, MY rules, and you're lucky I haven't had you smitten by God Himself yet.

One way to cope is to remember that when everybody is over the age of 18, YOUR time has just begun.

how do you know my ex?!?!?!?!

 

[faithnlve]

riginally Posted by faithnlve View Post
I told him I am going to give him balanced meals and that thinking this food will change his behaviour is strange to me.
Oh, Faith, do a little research. What parent with a child with these issues WOULDN'T try a diet modification? They are not easy to do, but the benefits may be worth it. If it has no positive affect over time, then I can see you being so resistant, but I don't get why you wouldn't want to try this for your son. I really doubt the diet will be harmful to your son unless he has some health problems that it would aggravate.

I told him I give him balanced meals and him changing his diet to accompolish behaviour changes is strange to me, but I forgot to add to that sentence, I would work with him on it, but needed a list of foods, and to give me more information on how this diet will affect him. I am not against it, just want more information. Thanks Faith

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

have you ever been to court on any of the other contempt issues? If not, add it to the list.

 

[Silverplum]

how do you know my ex?!?!?!?!

I get around, babe!

 

[wileybunch]

I told him I give him balanced meals and him changing his diet to accompolish behaviour changes is strange to me, but I forgot to add to that sentence, I would work with him on it, but needed a list of foods, and to give me more information on how this diet will affect him. I am not against it, just want more information. Thanks Faith

What kind of support have you had to deal with your son's autism? Can you tap into that to find out about dietary changes?

Here's some public links you can look through and the citations and see what you think:
http://www.autismweb.com/diet.htm
http://www.autisminfo.com/diet.htm
http://autism.about.com/od/specialdietsandautism/a/startgfcf.htm
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8793&cn=20
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/TenWays/story?id=3730135&page=1

 

[faithnlve]

thanks Wileybunch, I have done some reading tonight looking into this diet. It does seem to have some good outcomes from all the research done. The more I think about what has occurred with my ex in regards to this issue, the more I believe instead of him wanting to co-parent he wants to control. I am going to also give this diet a try, but, I am going to keep track of his weight, what nutrients he is getting out of the diet , and its effects his focusing and stemming since the claims are this type of diet helps. I guess my underlying ordeal is how they are "his" kids and since he has custody I am nothing, and treats the kids under a gestapo rule. Thanks Love, Faith

 

[stealth2]

But another honestly? He sounds like 90% of the CPs I've ever known. MY kids, MY rules, and you're lucky I haven't had you smitten by God Himself yet.

Funny.... sounds like my ex. Except he's the NCP. I just give him a hairy rolling eyeball and carry on.

But just so everyone knows - I DO have the power to change school schedules, airline schedules AND the weather at my whim. Or so he thinks.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? vt. Hi all, so much has progressed since I last posted. But, I will post my progresses later. Right now I am going through a battle with the custodial parnet and need some strong advice. My ex dropped off our autistic son whom he has decided needs to be on a gluten free diet. No bread, no cereal, no milk, no meats except boiled chicken, only real potatoes, no pancakes, waffles, no soups, no mac & cheese, etc..etc. I asked him if the school is doing the same, he said none of my business. I also asked him for the referral from our son's doctors showing our son needs this diet. He again said not my business. My ex said if I do not keep him on the same diet as he has him on then he will keep him from me. All I asked my ex was to give me a doctors note claiming this is a diet he recommends. ( I will be calling his doctor on monday). Anyways, he told me I will have to budget my food budget on "his food" and to give him nothing else, and only soymilk...yuck!. Getting my son to eat vegatables is hard enough, getting him to eat anything is hard enough and this seems outrageous. I told him I am going to give him balanced meals and that thinking this food will change his behaviour is strange to me. My ex again said "IF YOU DON'T FEED HIM WHAT I TELL YOU , YOU DON'T GET HIM!!! He will keep him from me, and if I take him to court he will show the courts what he has found off the internet showing it helps autistic kids. help**************Faith

Legally he can't control what you feed your child during your parenting time. Unless/Until a Dr. states that your child is to be on this (or any other) restricted diet.

Obviously this is a control issue. Just read about it a bit, wait til Mon., then phone the Dr. and ask him any questions you have.

Part of his control is getting to you ~ stop letting him.

 

[casa]

Funny.... sounds like my ex. Except he's the NCP. I just give him a hairy rolling eyeball and carry on.

But just so everyone knows - I DO have the power to change school schedules, airline schedules AND the weather at my whim. Or so he thinks.

Oh yeah, mine too! I also apparently have those hidden powers, along with some others like: increasing traffic, creating wildfires & mudslides, sickness', other people's opinions of him, school policy, etc. etc. etc. ad naseum

 

[escape2paradise]

Remind me again why you don't want to go for custody. Dad is trying to alienate your kids from you, you do realize this don't you? I always worry when I see this stuff, because I know it can go from Zero to out of control, without you hardly realizing anything is going on. BTDT! I hope you are doing what you can to counteract this. DAD is an @SS!