Mom Leaving Dad Out of Decisions

[casa]

CJane? The court order states that Mom is to provide Dad with all school papers w/in 24hrs. We most of the time do not receive them until the girls come to visit (mostly every other weekend). I am aware that she does speak to him on the phone on some things but then doesn't follow up with email or regular mail.

Well my husband's income has increased in the last few years but that is due to mandatory overtime which I am sure isn't included in the support calculations.

Re; bolded above. In CA you are a 3rd party, ie; a legal stranger to the children. All communication is between Dad & Mom. If Mom is talking to Dad on the phone, how do you know she's not keeping him in the loop? Also, I live with my kids and sometimes I don't get paperwork til the weekend. Seriously, email or direct correspondence from the school is Dad's best option.

If your husband's income has increased- he's risking an increase in CS if he modifies. Even stay at home parents are imputed a % of the child's support in CA.

Also, CA is an 'income disparity' state....so if one parent makes significantly more than the other parent, they WILL be ordered to pay a higher % of support to 'even out' the homes. This DOES NOT include Step-Parents' income.

 

[ConcernedStep]

Has Dad talked to the children about their behavior at his house himself? I ask, bc my youngest is horrid sometimes for her Dad...but he spoils her. At my house, we have no behavior problems- but she has to share everything w/a sibling here & we are 1 income family as opposed to Dad's 2 income family.

We have both sat the girls down to explain rules and consequences in our house. They said they don't have consequences at Mom's house. The Mom spoils the girls tremendously. She lets them do whatever they want.

As far as I know, she was not imputed an income back in 2001 when it was done. Since she has 2 master degrees, teaching credential and is working in the accounting field.

When my husband has brought up the fact he pays too much money, her response is always "take me to court". She has YET to reduce the support on her own. Isn't that her duty to reduce it when her income goes up?

Is my husbands overtime included in his salary?

 

[Ohiogal]

CJane? The court order states that Mom is to provide Dad with all school papers w/in 24hrs. We most of the time do not receive them until the girls come to visit (mostly every other weekend). I am aware that she does speak to him on the phone on some things but then doesn't follow up with email or regular mail.

Well my husband's income has increased in the last few years but that is due to mandatory overtime which I am sure isn't included in the support calculations.

Remove the WE from this. And mandatory overtime IS included in support calculations. So if mom takes him back the child support COULD increase.

 

[CJane]

CJane? The court order states that Mom is to provide Dad with all school papers w/in 24hrs. We most of the time do not receive them until the girls come to visit (mostly every other weekend). I am aware that she does speak to him on the phone on some things but then doesn't follow up with email or regular mail.

Then Dad should file for contempt. I understand that in CA this will result in an order for mediation at which point the parents will be expected to come to some sort of agreement.

But honestly? Unless Mom is intentionally and maliciously withholding information from Dad COMPLETELY (not just not providing w/in 24 hours), I wouldn't expect punishment from the courts. Dad has access, he could absolutely request that the teachers email him the information, or he could subscribe to the school's website (which is what I do) and get information that way. Sometimes it really is easier just to cut out the middleman (or woman).

Well my husband's income has increased in the last few years but that is due to mandatory overtime which I am sure isn't included in the support calculations.

Actually, it is.

 

[ConcernedStep]

That is a good start.


You have NO RIGHT to any information.



Really? You are mentioned in the court order? I highly doubt that. Please quote the exact passage.

No I am not included. We were not married when the order was written.



So? She is being polite. How does he address her? Or is it you that are doing the emailing? How do you address her?

I do NOT email her. He is always polite. Yes we discuss and I read emails that we compose together but he sends them.
She out and out states that she will not help US? Oh and by the way there is no US. You are not a party to this. YOU have no right to be a part of parenting these children. REMOVE yourself from the situation and let dad handle it.

Fine

Does the court order REQUIRE make up time? Because quite frankly mom does NOT have to provide make up time for dad missing visitation for any reason.

No it doesn't require it but she refuses any trades etc. That isn't fair to the girls or him.

How old are the children? Many children do not like talking on the phone. And how do you know that she is vague and distant if she is talking on the phone to her father?


They are 12, 9 and 6. He tells me.


So? Her living in a nice house means nothing? It is your opinion that he pays too much support. What does the guideline support order state that he should be paying? Sometimes when both parents are working the amount actually INCREASES. Odd but true.

I haven't run the guideline because I do not know how much she makes.

You are welcome. Please answer my questions.

I tried to answer all your questions.

 

[ConcernedStep]

Those girls are NOT your own. You apparently did NOT comprehend the sticky. And you not thinking it right does not matter. If dad wants to attempt going back he has the right but that doesn't mean his support order will decrease. And he also has to want to be an equal as a parent. How does his ex not allow that to happen?Does dad contact the school and ask the school to copy him on all paperwork? Does he provide envelopes to receive information weekly? How many times has he called the teachers? How many times has he attended conferences or appointments? How many times has he called the doctors and such?

Wow. Such a large amount of responses....

He shouldn't have to contact the school. SHE is required by COURT ORDER to provide him with it. She does not. PERIOD.

He does telephone conferences when possible. He works crazy hours and is most times unable to attend conferences.

 

[Ohiogal]

We have both sat the girls down to explain rules and consequences in our house. They said they don't have consequences at Mom's house. The Mom spoils the girls tremendously. She lets them do whatever they want.

How do you know what mom lets them do? Are you relying on the children to tell you what consequences are at mom's house? How do you discipline the children?

As far as I know, she was not imputed an income back in 2001 when it was done. Since she has 2 master degrees, teaching credential and is working in the accounting field.

You are not involved in this. What education she has doesn't matter to you. Nor necessarily to child support.

When my husband has brought up the fact he pays too much money, her response is always "take me to court". She has YET to reduce the support on her own. Isn't that her duty to reduce it when her income goes up?

Nope. She doesn't have to reduce it. She doesn't have the power to reduce it. The COURT could reduce it.

Is my husbands overtime included in his salary?

Yes it is.

 

[casa]

We have both sat the girls down to explain rules and consequences in our house. They said they don't have consequences at Mom's house. The Mom spoils the girls tremendously. She lets them do whatever they want.

I don't agree w/my child's dad feeding her burgers & having friends babysit her all the time...but it's HIS Parenting Choice. Spoiling is not illegal. Has Dad considering Family Counseling for you home?

As far as I know, she was not imputed an income back in 2001 when it was done. Since she has 2 master degrees, teaching credential and is working in the accounting field.

She WAS imputed an income (or % of care) bc that's how it works in CA.

When my husband has brought up the fact he pays too much money, her response is always "take me to court". She has YET to reduce the support on her own. Isn't that her duty to reduce it when her income goes up?

No, support is RARELY, if ever reduced. It's her duty to INcrease it if its' been more than a few years w/out an upward adjustment.

Is my husbands overtime included in his salary?

Yes, if it's regularly worked & not a 1 time event.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state? California

I am new here and have read the "sticky" at the top. I am a step-mom who is married to a man with three girls.

The girls mom is keeping information from my husband and myself. This is against their court order. She doesn't get the school information to him in the 24hr as required by court order. When he emails her, she doesn't answer or gives vague answers (example: I will take your concerns under advisement. Thank you.)

The girls are also having behavior issues. They lie all the time when here and have bad table manners. We are trying to correct it but she is refusing to help us.

She also doesn't allow make-up time when my husband has to work and miss visitation with the girls. Therefore, we hardly see them. He does talk to them every day (per court order) but they are distant and the middle one doesn't really talk to him. She is vague and distant and doesn't want to be bothered half the time talking to him.

Also, since the support order is based on her not working and now she is, can the support order be reduced? He pays way too much support. The mom lives in a nice new house and is getting married next week.

Thanks for your help.What is the name of your state?

mom is under no obligation to tell YOU anything. it's none of your business.

really?? bad table manners? a child? you mean they don't sit at the table like porcelin dolls like you want them too? a child lying?? are you kidding me?? the horrors. "normal children" never lie, right? the real question is what does DAD do about discouraging lying.

is there a court order requiring mom to allow visitation time to be made up? if dad is too busy working to make time for HIS children, that's on him. he can chose to not visit HIS children should he so chose to.

my children don't act all excited everytime i talk to them when i am interuppting their play time or a show they are watching either. it's part of being a parent. it's really hard to get a political conversation with them when spongebob is on. and they LIVE with me.

as for mom finding a sugar daddy to help eliviate all the extra bills with raising children, good for her! she's happy about it. why are you so unhappy about it? her new husband to be's income has nothing to do with anything just like your income has nothing to do with anything.

 

[ConcernedStep]

So let me get this straight:

Mom can continue to do as she pleases. She can outright avoid the 24hr "rule" and get away with it?

His overtime is included?? That doesn't seem fair.

If she wants to INCREASE child support, she could realistically get it because even though her income has gone up so has my husbands? At least my income isn't included. But she now has someone who is bringing in a significant amount of income to the household.

Guess she gets to do as she pleases, the girls suffer, and my husband gets screwed. Nice. Thanks for the advice and rude comments.

Good Day.

 

[Ohiogal]

No I am not included. We were not married when the order was written.

Then REMOVE yourself. Completely from the situation.

I do NOT email her. He is always polite. Yes we discuss and I read emails that we compose together but he sends them.

Why are you inserting yourself by composing emails with him. He is a big boy. He needs to put on his big boy pants and communicate with the mother of his children WITHOUT your help.

Fine

Don't just say fine but do it. Remove yourself from the correspondence or the interaction between the two completely.

No it doesn't require it but she refuses any trades etc. That isn't fair to the girls or him.

Why doesn't dad then put himself first. He knows when visitation is and therefore he can either arrange his schedule or he can try to go back to court and get the schedule changed to reflect his days off and having time then. Mom does not need to bow to dad's schedule. Dad has a court order. Mom has the same court order. That is what rules.

They are 12, 9 and 6. He tells me.

then what you are getting is dad's opinion that the children are vague and distant. And that counts for nothing. You are getting information third hand.

I haven't run the guideline because I do not know how much she makes.

And that is really none of your business. Dad can take a chance and if it goes up it will go up.

I tried to answer all your questions.

Okay.

 

[Silverplum]

So let me get this straight:

Mom can continue to do as she pleases. She can outright avoid the 24hr "rule" and get away with it?

You're being overdramatic and bombastic on the "can continue to do as she pleases" part. The 24 hour rule, in real life? Yes, to some degree.

His overtime is included?? That doesn't seem fair.

If she wants to INCREASE child support, she could realistically get it because even though her income has gone up so has my husbands? At least my income isn't included. But she now has someone who is bringing in a significant amount of income to the household.

Really? You can't see the contradiction in your writing here???

Guess she gets to do as she pleases, the girls suffer, and my husband gets screwed. Nice.

Again with the overdramatic and bombastic comments.

Thanks for the advice and rude comments.

Hey, I wasn't RUDE.
I made a point of not being rude.

Good Day.

Thanks to your sugary wonderfulness, I'm sure we all will have good days.

 

[casa]

So let me get this straight:

Mom can continue to do as she pleases. She can outright avoid the 24hr "rule" and get away with it?

No, that's not what I'm saying. Joint Legal Custody Order should be followed....what I'm saying is that the only remedy is Dad to file for Contempt against Mom. A judge will find this complaint 'petty' bc many parents (who are CPs) have a day or two delay in getting school information. Contempt is only ruled on for things which are unreasonable. This is not unreasonable...as the info. DOES get to Dad w/in a few days, and Dad can also get the info. directly from the school (Best option IMO)

His overtime is included?? That doesn't seem fair.

It's his income. Just like he has to count it on taxes.

If she wants to INCREASE child support, she could realistically get it because even though her income has gone up so has my husbands?

HER income has gone up? I thought you said she didn't work? If EITHER parent's income 'increases significantly' it's a reason to file to increase CS.

At least my income isn't included. But she now has someone who is bringing in a significant amount of income to the household.

Neither step-parent's income counts. Step-parents are legal strangers.

Guess she gets to do as she pleases, the girls suffer, and my husband gets screwed. Nice. Thanks for the advice and rude comments.

I wasn't trying to be rude. I've worked extensively w/parents in the CA court systems...I'm trying to tell you which things are legally relevant &/or some remedies for the issues you are addressing.

Good Day.

Hun- if you think these replies were rude...don't go to court w/your hubby, because you'll hear the same things, but from an irritated Judge.

 

[Isis1]

Wow. Such a large amount of responses....

He shouldn't have to contact the school. SHE is required by COURT ORDER to provide him with it. She does not. PERIOD.

He does telephone conferences when possible. He works crazy hours and is most times unable to attend conferences.

he doesn't want to be involved?? what is his problem? why doesn't he MAKE the time? my children's father works crazy hours too! he still finds the time to call the teachers, make appointments, get school records. and he isn't all that bright with his jr high level education. so if he can do it, i KNOW your husband should be able to.

 

[Ohiogal]

So let me get this straight:

Mom can continue to do as she pleases. She can outright avoid the 24hr "rule" and get away with it?

Nope. Dad can take it back to court and go for contempt. But the punishment of contempt for something of this nature is minor. Especially when dad could be taking steps to get the information himself.

His overtime is included?? That doesn't seem fair.

Why? Why shouldn't the children be supported fully by both parents?

If she wants to INCREASE child support, she could realistically get it because even though her income has gone up so has my husbands? At least my income isn't included. But she now has someone who is bringing in a significant amount of income to the household.

And that someone else is not a parent to these children. Good grief. You are being hypocritical. Your income is not considered but her husband's/fiance's or whoever's should be because of what? The PARENTS are required to financially support their children. Not the bedwarmers, fmates, or whoever happens to be living in the home. If her new him is included, then yours should be included. Got it?

Guess she gets to do as she pleases, the girls suffer, and my husband gets screwed.

No. She gets to follow the court order. How are the girls suffering? You haven't mentioned one bit of the girls suffering. And your husband getting screwed, again he is a big boy. He needs to put on his big boy pants and start being a parent. There are ways he can parent that avoid mom entirely.

Nice. Thanks for the advice and rude comments.

No one was rude. Blunt, honest, and harsh, maybe. Rude, no.

Good Day

Good morning, good evening, good afternoon and good night.