Divorce

[Screwed99]

What is the name of your state? Michael, IL

Hi - I made a huge life mistake by marrying a girl I was dating in order to put her on my insurance. She was and is still pregnant and could not get access to medical treatment. She was on State Insurance and has two sons already with different fathers. I stayed with her for five weeks but couldn't stand the abuse. I gave her $5,000 over the five week period that I stayed with her and she told me that if I left her that she would take me for every dime. After I left her I filed for a declaration of invalidity of marriage under conditions of duress. I have already spent $7,000 in legal fees and she is trying to pro long the annulment proceedings so that they are as costly as they can be. She is contesting the annulment and is also claiming that I will have to pay for her legal costs as well as I am married to her and she is claiming to have hyperemesis with her pregnancy and cannot work. My attorney seems to be happy letting the case draw out as it means he gets retained. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can cut costs and to get this resolved sooner rather than later? I'm already on my second attorney. Thanks.

 

[Ohiogal]

You won't get a divorce while she is pregnant most likely let alone an annulment because you are the father to the child. You will be on the hook for child support most likely. And medical costs.

 

[happybug]

You won't get a divorce while she is pregnant most likely let alone an annulment because you are the father to the child. You will be on the hook for child support most likely. And medical costs.

Ohiogal, you know you are one of my favorites but I don't see where the OP stated HE is the Father. He said they were dating. I have learned around here that just because he was dating her does not necessarily make him the father. Especially, when dealing with a woman with at least 3 pregnancies by at least 3 different men.

Shouldn't this situation be treated as an unmarried in regards to the child. Paternity testing, etc? They were not married when she became pregnant.

 

[Perky]

Ohiogal, you know you are one of my favorites but I don't see where the OP stated HE is the Father. He said they were dating. I have learned around here that just because he was dating her does not necessarily make him the father. Especially, when dealing with a woman with at least 3 pregnancies by at least 3 different men.

Shouldn't this situation be treated as an unmarried in regards to the child. Paternity testing, etc? They were not married when she became pregnant.

They most likely will still be married when the child is born, so legally he will be presumed to be the father. I think that's Ohiogal's point, though there may be more to her answer than I realize.

 

[happybug]

Got it. I knew they would still be married at the time of the birth, I just didn't know it would be a given since they were not married at the time of conception. Even if he is presumed to be the father, it should be pretty easy to challange paternity in the divorce and request a paternity test. Which I 100% feel OP should do.

 

[LdiJ]

Got it. I knew they would still be married at the time of the birth, I just didn't know it would be a given since they were not married at the time of conception. Even if he is presumed to be the father, it should be pretty easy to challange paternity in the divorce and request a paternity test. Which I 100% feel OP should do.

Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that he will be legal dad until that happens.

 

[Ohiogal]

Got it. I knew they would still be married at the time of the birth, I just didn't know it would be a given since they were not married at the time of conception. Even if he is presumed to be the father, it should be pretty easy to challange paternity in the divorce and request a paternity test. Which I 100% feel OP should do.

If the people are married at time of birth, HE is the legal father. End of story. It is not a presumption. It is a LEGAL FACT. The husband of the mother at the time of the baby's birth is the LEGAL FATHER. And he may be able to challenge paternity in the divorce -- he definitely shouldn't wait until after the divorce is final to challenge it as he would have waived his rights.

 

[Screwed99]

What she said.

Thanks to all for replying. I have been paying for her medical insurance since last December but she will not follow up with the Insurance companies regarding their questions as to whether or not she has other coverage and has stated that she would prefer to sue me for her medical costs rather than to deal with the Insurance companies. Is there anything I can do? One more question is there anyway I can get around not paying for her legal costs?

When I was with her she told me that she did not want to been seen in public with me stating that I looked like hitler, that my family needed more good DNA and that I should have been happy mixing my bloodline with her, that she did not want my rotten wormy babies inside her and that if I left her that she would see to it that I ended up in Cabrina Green (the worst neighborhood in Chicago). Is this grounds for an annulment under conditions of duress and mental cruelty?

Her ex boyfriend is currently in jail for breaking his order of protection and she lied in her victims impact statement in order to prolong his period of incarceration. Can I use this in my defense as evidence that she is an unfit mother in order to force her to put this child up for adoption? Thanks again.

 

[nextwife]

You MARRIED this woman??????

 

[majomom1]

Thanks to all for replying. I have been paying for her medical insurance since last December but she will not follow up with the Insurance companies regarding their questions as to whether or not she has other coverage and has stated that she would prefer to sue me for her medical costs rather than to deal with the Insurance companies. Is there anything I can do? One more question is there anyway I can get around not paying for her legal costs?

When I was with her she told me that she did not want to been seen in public with me stating that I looked like hitler, that my family needed more good DNA and that I should have been happy mixing my bloodline with her, that she did not want my rotten wormy babies inside her and that if I left her that she would see to it that I ended up in Cabrina Green (the worst neighborhood in Chicago). Is this grounds for an annulment under conditions of duress and mental cruelty?

Her ex boyfriend is currently in jail for breaking his order of protection and she lied in her victims impact statement in order to prolong his period of incarceration. Can I use this in my defense as evidence that she is an unfit mother in order to force her to put this child up for adoption? Thanks again.

You need to answer the question.... are you the father of the child she is carrying?

That could make a big difference in the outcome. You have obviously made some very bad choices where this girl is concerned - but if you are the father - all of this will only show that you are trying to wiggle out of your responsibility. You cannot force her to put the child up for adoption even if you are the father - much less if you are not.

As far as the insurance - I don't believe she can sue you for the medical costs -- if she is refusing to answer the insurance company.

 

[Screwed99]

Yes, I'm pretty sure that I am the father and would be surprised if I'm not. I don't have a problem with paying child support and day care but it seems to me that she is doing everthing in her power to make this divorce as expensive as she can. She is also looking for retroactive maintenance, maintenance after the baby is born and fictitious costs (such as the cost to clean her kitchen and do her laundry and other household chores that she is not able to take care of when she is pregnant, also day care for her seven year old).

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I'm pretty sure that I am the father and would be surprised if I'm not. I don't have a problem with paying child support and day care but it seems to me that she is doing everthing in her power to make this divorce as expensive as she can. She is also looking for retroactive maintenance, maintenance after the baby is born and fictitious costs (such as the cost to clean her kitchen and do her laundry and other household chores that she is not able to take care of when she is pregnant, also day care for her seven year old).

She won't get fictitious costs nor day care for her 7 year old UNLESS you are that child's father. And she also will not get retroactive maintenance or maintenance after the baby is born but she will get child support IF she the primary custodian.

 

[Screwed99]

Thanks Ohiogal. Do you know anything about paying for her legal costs and whether or not I will have to pay for them? I've read online that if you are the working spouse and the plaintiff that your spouse is also entitled to legal representation that you must pay for? She has been unemployed for years and I've no idea how she has survived. She is also claiming to not be in receipt of child support for her 7 year old and 16 year old.

 

[majomom1]

Yes, I'm pretty sure that I am the father and would be surprised if I'm not. I don't have a problem with paying child support and day care but it seems to me that she is doing everthing in her power to make this divorce as expensive as she can. She is also looking for retroactive maintenance, maintenance after the baby is born and fictitious costs (such as the cost to clean her kitchen and do her laundry and other household chores that she is not able to take care of when she is pregnant, also day care for her seven year old).

When is the baby due? Unfortunately I believe you are on the hook until the baby is born. I would strongly advise you to get a paternity test to be sure that you are the father.

What has your attorney told you so far? Sit down and ask them to be straight with you. There really is no sense in spending money NOW... If I were you I would ask about a legal separation (if IL has this option) so you have a "date" to work from that she is responsible for her own living expenses etc... Close any and all joint bank accounts and credit cards. What do you have in property?

I don't believe your marriage is long enough for her to qualify for maintenance of any kind and you don't have to give her any money until the court orders it. Take care of any joint bills to keep your credit etc... Pay the creditors direct, NOT HER. Don't take her abuse. It sounds like she will show HER arse in court... Judges do not like those who are "unreasonable" or think they can clean someone's clock...

 

[Screwed99]

Thanks. The baby is due on 9/2/2008. My attorney has told me that we cannot really do anything until we establish paternity. He is not a family lawyer so I don't know if I have the right guy. I've been married to her since 12/18/2007 but I left after five weeks and filed for an annulment straight away. We did not have joint property or credit cards or bills. I have a condo which i bought way before we were married.