tis the season for summer ?s

[wileybunch]

terp, it can't have been more than an hour or two between your "nice" email to when you said he hadn't responded. Be patient!

 

[stepmomndad]

terp, it can't have been more than an hour or two between your "nice" email to when you said he hadn't responded. Be patient!

I agree with the patience. I emailed mom Saturday to see if she enrolled my daughter in cyber school (we've agreed to try that for a year) and I still haven't heard anything back. Since we agreed, it's not to much of a big deal except that the school starts a week later than regular public school and that week would change how long my daughter is with me during the summer months. It can be hard to be patient, but try to be.

 

[nextwife]

Nobody asked me, but this IS a public board...

I think it's flat-out NUTS that you don't think that a 6 year old can spend a few weeks away from Mommie.

I also think it's flat-out NUTS that, as Mommie states, the 6 y.o. is all hysterical after only a few days.

My H's sons spent weeks and months with him, away from their M, when they were younger than that.

It's a matter of teaching a child. If you REFUSE, the child won't LEARN. (

I remember going away from BOTH Mom and Dad at age 7 to summer camp up north. And loving it.

I, too, do not get what the big deal of going somewhere WITH a parent for a few weeks may be at just a year younger.

 

[terp]

just received his response...."yeah, that's nice, but I don't think I will be changing his flight."

WTH????

OK...now what can I do? Weighing the options of money on different tickets or money on going to court...well, I am feeling rather witchy and because he doesn't live around here, I feel like going to court so it cost him a few more bucks**************or just not show so it will default and I will purchase son's ticket and just tell father to get him to the airport.

You know, it is soooo difficult to coparent with this!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with the patience. I emailed mom Saturday to see if she enrolled my daughter in cyber school (we've agreed to try that for a year) and I still haven't heard anything back. Since we agreed, it's not to much of a big deal except that the school starts a week later than regular public school and that week would change how long my daughter is with me during the summer months. It can be hard to be patient, but try to be.

Why would cyber school change anything? The child can't do cyber school from your house just as easily as from the other parent's house?

 

[stepmomndad]

Why would cyber school change anything? The child can't do cyber school from your house just as easily as from the other parent's house?

Oh, I'd LOVE for my daughter to do cyber school at my house. I was actually trying to work an agreement with mom that I have my daughter more with doing the cyber school, but mom wouldn't go with it. The court order is that I have my daughter until the Sunday that would allow one full week before school starts. Then, her mom gets her. With cyber school, she starts September 2. With regular public school, she starts like the Thursday before Labor Day, which cyber school adds a week to my summer vacation.

But, she can do cyber school just as easily at my house and I'd love for her to be doing it here.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh, I'd LOVE for my daughter to do cyber school at my house. I was actually trying to work an agreement with mom that I have my daughter more with doing the cyber school, but mom wouldn't go with it. The court order is that I have my daughter until the Sunday that would allow one full week before school starts. Then, her mom gets her. With cyber school, she starts September 2. With regular public school, she starts like the Thursday before Labor Day, which cyber school adds a week to my summer vacation.

But, she can do cyber school just as easily at my house and I'd love for her to be doing it here.

Take it back to court...if your child is going to be attending cyberschool there is no reason why you can't have more time, whether mom agrees or not.

 

[stepmomndad]

Take it back to court...if your child is going to be attending cyberschool there is no reason why you can't have more time, whether mom agrees or not.

I do plan on going back to court IF the cyber school thing works out. My daughter was having a really difficult time at the school she was going to, so we're going to try this. If it works, I'm definitely going to go back to court to try to get more time with her. We did change our schedule so I have her more at one time then one weekend a month. We're doing 8 days visitation per 3 months for the school year, then 2 weeks vacation, with winter break and every other spring break with holidays split. It equals about one full week every other month at least.

It's a start to mom agreeing to something.

 

[wileybunch]

just received his response...."yeah, that's nice, but I don't think I will be changing his flight."

WTH????

OK...now what can I do? Weighing the options of money on different tickets or money on going to court...well, I am feeling rather witchy and because he doesn't live around here, I feel like going to court so it cost him a few more bucks**************or just not show so it will default and I will purchase son's ticket and just tell father to get him to the airport.

You know, it is soooo difficult to coparent with this!!!!

Go to court b/c he changed the return flight by one day when it was his call in the first place (as you allowed him to pick the dates)? I don't see how you can get anywhere with that. Why don't you call Dad to appeal personally to him and explain the situation with the dress fitting, etc. Maybe if you can maintain a business type of attitude without sounding legally threatening, Dad will realize the dilemma you have if child isn't home in time for the fitting.

 

[proud_parent]

Weighing the options of money on different tickets or money on going to court...well, I am feeling rather witchy and because he doesn't live around here, I feel like going to court so it cost him a few more bucks**************or just not show so it will default and I will purchase son's ticket and just tell father to get him to the airport.

Realize that it's quite possible that if you go to court and do not prevail, you yourself will be out the time and $$ for court AND also the time and $$ to change your own travel plans.

That is, IF you get a court hearing before your planned date of travel.

Does being witchy still seem like such a marvelous idea?

 

[HER42]

Nobody asked me, but this IS a public board...

I think it's flat-out NUTS that you don't think that a 6 year old can spend a few weeks away from Mommie.

I also think it's flat-out NUTS that, as Mommie states, the 6 y.o. is all hysterical after only a few days.

My H's sons spent weeks and months with him, away from their M, when they were younger than that.

It's a matter of teaching a child. If you REFUSE, the child won't LEARN.

Parenting issue. That's what this is. It's a parenting style/choice to cripple one's child in order to keep the child needy and baby-like.

Maybe when he's 30, he'll be ready to move on out of the house. Maaaaybe.

Don't think I'm kidding, because I'm not. And don't think I haven't known/worked with about eleventy-nine thousand emotionally crippled adults who can't move away from Mommie. For instance, I know a 44 year old who still lives with Mummy, along with his 46 y.o. brother, and poor old Dad. I also know a 32 y.o. female, has never moved out. Those are just a couple of real-life examples.

Their Mommies LIKE IT that way. Ewwwwwww!!

Thanks for that. I wanted to post the same thing, but figured I would be flamed as a newb. My ex moved to CA during our divorce proceedings and due to a failure to work out temp visitation I ended up having 9 wks straight w/ my four yr old during the summer. The next summer, not only did I have a full six weeks, he flew unaccompanied both ways (and has for every visit ever since).

I hate to say it, but since being away from me, my son has been taught to be dependent on his mom and can do very little for himself (he is now 7). He will cry at night sometimes because he misses her but I AM capable of comforting him and he is fine. He also seems to sense HER neediness and will cry hysterically when she calls him in the evenings. He is fine one minute after the phone call ends.

So just because your son acts one way for you does NOT mean he spends the whole visit with dad a hysterical mess. Please examine your subtle emotional cues to see if YOU are contributing to his neediness and clinginess. I am willing to bet if you allow this visitation (which I think you should, even if you are not legally obligated) that your child will be fine.

Oh, and trying to deny me visitation because she had no long distance order backfired on my ex. Because she refused to work with me to establish reasonable long distance visitation I was awarded EVERY school break AND she has to pay for travel. You are in the position of power right now so use that to NEGOTIATE. Try and keep your emotions out of it. You have done the right thing letting your ex see his son every chance he could. Children are more flexible when they are young, so let your ex have a nice visit w/ the boy. Do you have to do this legally? No. But then again, it helps you legally to show you have done nothing but foster this relationship.

 

[terp]

It is not about me trying to control a situation, nor is it me saying that our son needs me more. it is the fact that father has been very difficult when all I ask is for a schedule and or for him to follow the schedule we had agreed on. He doesn't seem to care that others make plans for our son, but feels that his plans have priority over everyone elses.

Here it is past the middle of June and we still have not worked out summer. I do not know about you but I need to work. I need to make arrangements and plans for our son over the summer so I can do that. Without having a visitation schedule ironed out, it has now cost me a full daycare fee EVERY week this summer regardless of whether or not son is here and is attending (father refuses to pay for daycare although he is ordered to). I could not sign him up for weekly camps as I did not know when we would be here.

I started asking for a summer schedule way back during Spring Break. Got NO WHERE!!!, was told again that they were moving back to the area and father then asked for son full-time and me having EOWnd, I said no and that we would be back on the EOWnd schedule with a 2 week chunk for father since he would be back.

Days before school let out, he told me they were staying and not moving....that is why we are still in this situation in the middle of June. I have had ZERO vacation time with son this year. Every vacation/holiday/long weekend has been with his father since he could not see him regularly(EOW). I was under the impression that the schedule from the order would resume for summer so I had no problem giving up that time, knowing that I would have some vacations with our son. that is why I am not giving up the majority of summer. I feel that it would not be fair for myself nor our son.

My current problem is that he has again changed his plans and has son flying in the same day we were to fly out for a wedding. I am being told to change my plans when I made my plans ON MY TIME. It is not like I am asking father to give up any time, NO, I am asking father to work with the time we agreed to.

I am no longer feeling witchy but just frustrated. I need son home on Monday like agreed. It is causing too much anxiety (sister about to loose it). I am about to buckle and ask for son to fly as an unaccompanied minor. I will buy the ticket for monday and just hope that he takes him to the airport for the flight on Monday.

I do not think I have any other appropriate options. I just wish I could figure out a way to avoid these problems in the future.

 

[wileybunch]

terp, next year set a much earlier time limit to return to court if you cannot get a summer schedule worked out. My DH had the same thing go on this year. He tried to get it worked out, but his ex dragged it out (she didn't want him to have the summer type visits at all, only EOW), and DH didn't put an end to it sooner by being willing to return to court. Next year he will start earlier and if it's not worked out by end of April, will seek to return to court (he can get a court date in 4-6 weeks here -- other places take longer to get on the calendar).

 

[Silverplum]

I am no longer feeling witchy but just frustrated. I need son home on Monday like agreed. It is causing too much anxiety (sister about to loose it).

I'm going to give you some free advice, terp.

If you piss off your X because of...play music here...your sister being freaked out over a WEDDING...that's just dim.

Weddings come and go. Every bride loses her dang mind over some minor idiot detail.

DON'T put your sister, ~The Bride~, first. Put your son first. Put his relationship with his Dad first.

Heck, put YOURSELF first. This wedding ain't the first, and it ain't the last. It's of minor importance in the scheme of things.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

2 things:

If the child is having "difficulties" with staying with DAD for any extended period of time, EVERYBODY involved should be in some form of therapy/counseling.

As an NCP Dad, I might not be so amenable to losing a day/night(because DADS like to see the kids wake up/get the kids up/have breakfast/etc. too.) either. Particularly if asked to change AFTER the schedule has been set(sorry terp, but it seems to be a pattern here.) for the summer.

I would be remiss to NOT admit that my situation colors my thinking on this.