Exwife refuses to give back name

[moburkes]

Ok, I see a lot of emotional and lengthy responses which I LOVE but last time I gave one, I got kinda barked at. Hmm

The reason it bothers me is my exwife did not bother to stick around. She only gets the name when she EARNS it. She walked out. She had the 7 year itch. That means she should give back what she hijacked. First, you don't just marry some guy and then walk out on him for little to NO reason and then expect to enjoy any of the benefits from him. Is that right? Forget that! I owe her nothing. I owe my kids and I owe my current wife.

Yes, my wife is Hungarian. There are many cultural differences. She is using my name plus her maiden name hyphenated but they have still 6 other forms when they marry. So like 7 options. Its amazing. But my current wife IS number one. She IS the best. She IS the queen of my house. I don't want some knock off to intrude on my wifes status. My exwife won't ever stay with a man so I don't think she she freeload other guys for their money, their house, their belongings OR their name.

How old are you? When she changed her last name to be the same as yours when you were first married, she had EARNED that name at that point. Period. End. Of. Discussion.

Your current wife is NOT #1. Period. End. Of. Discussion. She is your 3nd wife, unless you somehow skipped math class - every single year that you were in school. Hell, my daughters aren't school age yet and they KNOW the difference between #1 and #2.

 

[>Charlotte<]

She only gets the name when she EARNS it. She walked out. She had the 7 year itch. That means she should give back what she hijacked. First, you don't just marry some guy and then walk out on him for little to NO reason and then expect to enjoy any of the benefits from him.

No, she didn't have to earn it, she just had to marry you.

Your name isn't a benefit. It's her legal identity that she has chosen to retain because of her children. She doesn't want 'your' name, she wants her children's name. Your wife needs to get over it, and you need to get over yourself.

And she didn't leave you for "no reason". She left you because she didn't want to be married to you anymore. That's a pretty significant reason.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I don't want some knock off to intrude on my wifes status.

Technically, since your ex-wife is the original that makes your new wife the knock-off.

 

[moburkes]

Technically, since your ex-wife is the original that makes your new wife the knock-off.

Now THAT's funny. OP was saying that the responses were emotional. OPs response was emotional. Completely flawed logic.

 

[LdiJ]

Let me give a specifically non emotional response, which is an accurate legal one.

Her current last name is NOT YOUR last name. It is HER last name. Yes, it is the same as your last name, and yes, she only adopted that last name because she married you, but nevertheless, it is HER last name.

No judge in the United States can require or order someone to change their name.

In fact, if she goes on to have further children, she can give those further children HER last name...because its HER last name, and because quite frankly, she can give her future children any last name that she wants.

There is no "gifting", "earning" or anything else involved here. Its her last name and if she wants it to remain her last name, it will be her last name forever.

You can no more require her to change her last name than you can require any other person in the US who shares that same last name to change it.

 

[Isis1]

Let me give a specifically non emotional response, which is an accurate legal one.

Her current last name is NOT YOUR last name. It is HER last name. Yes, it is the same as your last name, and yes, she only adopted that last name because she married you, but nevertheless, it is HER last name.

No judge in the United States can require or order someone to change their name.

In fact, if she goes on to have further children, she can give those further children HER last name...because its HER last name, and because quite frankly, she can give her future children any last name that she wants.

There is no "gifting", "earning" or anything else involved here. Its her last name and if she wants it to remain her last name, it will be her last name forever.

You can no more require her to change her last name than you can require any other person in the US who shares that same last name to change it.

so...OP's new wife will still have to get over it. next time, she'll marry someone who has never been married before.

 

[majomom1]

I can't believe she left you. You seem like such a reasonable, easy going guy....

Ok. This response just made my day! Thank you.

OP... get over it. Did you EARN your name, or were you born with it, or did your family accept you?

What she did (or didn't do) is irrelevant. The fact that you, and your 2nd wife have a problem with it really shows where the true problem lies....

 

[majomom1]

Let me give a specifically non emotional response, which is an accurate legal one.

Her current last name is NOT YOUR last name. It is HER last name. Yes, it is the same as your last name, and yes, she only adopted that last name because she married you, but nevertheless, it is HER last name.

No judge in the United States can require or order someone to change their name.

In fact, if she goes on to have further children, she can give those further children HER last name...because its HER last name, and because quite frankly, she can give her future children any last name that she wants.

There is no "gifting", "earning" or anything else involved here. Its her last name and if she wants it to remain her last name, it will be her last name forever.

You can no more require her to change her last name than you can require any other person in the US who shares that same last name to change it.

Ditto this... Thank you Ldi for bringing me back down to earth again!

 

[VeronicaLodge]

also, when there are a lot of males in a family, there are a lot of Mrs. whateveryourlastnameis. my husband has 4 brothers so between that and ex wives there are a lot of us!

 

[Bali Hai]

also, when there are a lot of males in a family, there are a lot of Mrs. whateveryourlastnameis. my husband has 4 brothers so between that and ex wives there are a lot of us!

That wouldn't have made any difference since they all met their wives at the family reunion anyway.

 

[euliving]

I can't believe she left you. You seem like such a reasonable, easy going guy....

Thank you for being so smug, self righteous and so eager to judge somebody you don't even know. Thank you also for rubbing in what was a very painful divorce in my life. Now, let me school you so that you don't repeat your stupidity again on another thread. Oh, and I thought this forum was for actual professionals to reply and not "moosemama" people.

YES, it is true. My exwife left me for little to no reason. Nobody bothers to try to understand why. Instead you just dog me. Thank you. I am so happy that you make yourselves feel better at my expense. Hope you feel so much better about your own pathetic lives now that you pushed me into the ground.

My exwife has a defective monogamy gene as discovered by Dr Young and Insel (One of the doctors I think is a woman) from Emory University back in the 1990's. Of course I had no clue when I married her. I did know that her mother, grandmother, uncle and aunt divorced their spouses from what seems to be very petty or nonexsistant reasons. But my girl at the time claimed to be a Christian and "would never divorce". After all, we're creatures of higher thinking and we control our actions and our fate. Far from the instincts the animals live by. YEAH RIGHT. We married and EXACTLY as sciences reports it, my wife was emotionally done after the 4th year. For 3 years I tried to keep my family together and no matter what good thing I did, things got worse and worse. Even after the 7th year, I was such a good husband that she tried to get back with me. Imagine that! Wow...I am a great husband and an awesome dad.....thanks Moosemama. I got you beat for sure.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. My exwife could just not do it. Considered that she has a physio psychological "defect", I think she did an excellent job at TRYING to stay with me. I give her a lot of credit. Still, she left me. She helped to destroy the lives of my family and our children. So, I do want the name back because now I am with somebody who comes from a very long line of MARRIED FOR LIFE people. She is number one and nothing you idiots have to say changes that. Oh, and if you are jealous that you don't have a man who fights for you like I fight for my wife, please don't take it out on me here on these forums. I am here for PROFESSIONAL help and not some armchair chip-on-her-shoulder attorney wanna-be.

FOR ALL THOSE WHO GAVE SINCERE AND COMPETENT ADVICE I THANK YOU VERY MUCH! For the others, watch Judge Judy and the pathetic people she faces on her show to make you feel better about your own pathetic lives and stop being rude and smug to me.

 

[moburkes]

Every person who answered you on this thread was sincere: open and genuine; not deceitful - Sincerity is the virtue of speaking truly about one's feelings, thoughts, desires - earnest; meaning what one says or does; truthful; meant truly or earnestly. Those are 3 definitions of sincere. Every person was open, genuine, truthful. No one was deceitful.

YOU, on the other hand, are attempting to coerce someone to give up THEIR name, with no basis under the law. Period.

Also, to place blame on your ex wife because of what you consider to be a medical illness is absolutely ridiculous. My daughter has a medical problem. Am I supposed to BLAME her since, had I known it in advance, I might have made other decisions? If that is the case you need to have your current wife genetically tested.

 

[Humusluvr]

so...OP's new wife will still have to get over it. next time, she'll marry someone who has never been married before.

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT, then SHE will have been married before. Cancels out the argument!!!

 

[mistoffolees]

My exwife could just not do it. Considered that she has a physio psychological "defect",

Is this like the psychological defect that makes you think you can control someone even to the point of telling them what they should call themselves after your divorce?

 

[euliving]

Is this like the psychological defect that makes you think you can control someone even to the point of telling them what they should call themselves after your divorce?

Who is trying to control here? It was my name and it belongs to my WIFE not some woman who "hangs out with me" for 7 years. I think marriage in the USA must be like clothes. You where them for a little while when its in fashion, it gets worn or you get bored of it or it goes out of fashion, then you just throw it away and get something new. Well, fine, my exwife can hope for something new but in the meantime, I think my current wife should be the only one to share my name.

Probably a lot of peeps who are replying to this post are ones who can't stay married or marry a person when its good but as soon as it is not good, they're gone and they try to get as much out of that ex as they can. Including the name. I don't get it but seems the American way now.