Exwife refuses to give back name

[seniorjudge]

...
they try to get as much out of that ex as they can. Including the name. I don't get it but seems the American way now.
...

I agree with you.

There's nothing you can do about it.

 

[euliving]

Oh, and please don't try to understand the monogamy gene study in 5 minutes. I learned about it during my seperation. I knew SOMETHING was wrong with my exwife but couldn't figure it out. I thought she was bi-polar or something. I did everything I could to figure it out. We went to counselors, psychologist, church counselors (they were the worst), and even a marriage mediator. NOTHING HELPED IN ANY NOTICEABLE WAY. Finally, I saw something in the Google health news about the monogamy gene. I read dozens and dozens of web articles and studies. I examined my exwifes family in great detail and asked a lot of questions. Finally, after about 2 years I began to understand it. It is a physiological difference in the brain that causes these people (and probably a few who are on this forum) to not be able to bond with anybody long term. This is the norm in nature with the animals. Only about .001% of animals are monogamous and science has shown those that do have it do not survive so easily. So my exwife can be thankful really. She doesn't seem to NEED anybody like my wife and I do. She is lucky if you think about it.

So to everybody on here who judged me and gave your smug responses and had a good laugh and enjoyed feeling good about yourself for 5 minutes at the expense of another. THANKS for proving how stupid we are in America. I am so glad and you make me so proud.

 

[stealth2]

Here's a dose of reality. "Your" name is hardly unique. I bet if you google it, you'll find there are tons of people with the same name. You can't make them change it, either.

If your wife is so insecure that she can't deal with your ex keeping the last name she lived with during the marriage, why don't the two of you change your last names. And grow up while you're at it.

 

[penelope10]

Legal answer is no, you ex does not have to change her last name unless she wants to. Despite all the drama mentioned in your thread. Best that you view this from a "realistic" standpoint.

 

[seniorjudge]

Oh, and please don't try to understand the monogamy gene study in 5 minutes. I learned about it during my seperation. I knew SOMETHING was wrong with my exwife but couldn't figure it out. I thought she was bi-polar or something. I did everything I could to figure it out. We went to counselors, psychologist, church counselors (they were the worst), and even a marriage mediator. NOTHING HELPED IN ANY NOTICEABLE WAY. Finally, I saw something in the Google health news about the monogamy gene. I read dozens and dozens of web articles and studies. I examined my exwifes family in great detail and asked a lot of questions. Finally, after about 2 years I began to understand it. It is a physiological difference in the brain that causes these people (and probably a few who are on this forum) to not be able to bond with anybody long term. This is the norm in nature with the animals. Only about .001% of animals are monogamous and science has shown those that do have it do not survive so easily. So my exwife can be thankful really. She doesn't seem to NEED anybody like my wife and I do. She is lucky if you think about it.

So to everybody on here who judged me and gave your smug responses and had a good laugh and enjoyed feeling good about yourself for 5 minutes at the expense of another. THANKS for proving how stupid we are in America. I am so glad and you make me so proud.

What does this have to do with your question?

 

[majomom1]

Who is trying to control here? It was my name and it belongs to my WIFE not some woman who "hangs out with me" for 7 years. I think marriage in the USA must be like clothes. You where them for a little while when its in fashion, it gets worn or you get bored of it or it goes out of fashion, then you just throw it away and get something new. Well, fine, my exwife can hope for something new but in the meantime, I think my current wife should be the only one to share my name.

Probably a lot of peeps who are replying to this post are ones who can't stay married or marry a person when its good but as soon as it is not good, they're gone and they try to get as much out of that ex as they can. Including the name. I don't get it but seems the American way now.

I was married for 20+ years, I didn't go out and cheat. I think my ex has that same defective gene in his family cause they have all been married multiple times and still cheat.

This has nothing to do with the "American Way"... some people just are not honest. I personally believe it has more to do with how you are raised... It's pretty sad that YOU want to include EVERYONE in one category.

You should be proud of your wife - no matter what name she uses and SHE should be proud to be your wife -no matter what name she uses. Period. That is all you really need.

 

[mistoffolees]

Who is trying to control here?

You. Next question.

It was my name and it belongs to my WIFE not some woman who "hangs out with me" for 7 years.

Are you not listening? Is there some kind of learning disability problem?

Yes, it was your name. It was also the name of some undefined number of other people - including your ex wife. You have no more right to make her give up her name than to make me give up my name if our names happen to be the same.

 

[LdiJ]

Who is trying to control here? It was my name and it belongs to my WIFE not some woman who "hangs out with me" for 7 years. I think marriage in the USA must be like clothes. You where them for a little while when its in fashion, it gets worn or you get bored of it or it goes out of fashion, then you just throw it away and get something new. Well, fine, my exwife can hope for something new but in the meantime, I think my current wife should be the only one to share my name.

Probably a lot of peeps who are replying to this post are ones who can't stay married or marry a person when its good but as soon as it is not good, they're gone and they try to get as much out of that ex as they can. Including the name. I don't get it but seems the American way now.

Look, you honestly don't get it at all. So I will leave it at this. You have absolutely no basis, under the law, to force your ex-wife to change her last name. While you like to think that your last name is your "property" that you can bestow and take back, that is not how things work legally.

 

[You Are Guilty]

OK, that's it. Apparently this last name must have magical powers or something. I want it. OP, if you would be so kind as to PM me your last name, I'm going to file a petition on Tuesday so I can change my name to whatever it is.

 

[majomom1]

OK, that's it. Apparently this last name must have magical powers or something. I want it. OP, if you would be so kind as to PM me your last name, I'm going to file a petition on Tuesday so I can change my name to whatever it is.

The magic here is that it keeps ex and wifey #2 in a tiff! I'll bet wifey #1 is just loving it too!!!

 

[Mrs3]

I can't help it.

The only thing(s) I can imagine that would cause such blindness to the situation you are in and to the most ridiculous path you are trying to take is either (or all):

1) your 2nd wife is about to leave you in a tiff because she can't have her way and you are in a panic because divorce number two is on nigh if you don't get your ex-wife to relinquish her name.

2) you are an incredibly selfish person who cannot see that for the sake of your children it is best that their mother have the same last name as them.

3) you think that a woman has no rights other than those that belong to her husband and she must stay married at all costs and if she doesn't she is the worst creature on earth and deserves no rights under any law.

4) you have this misguided idea that stooping to this level will somehow make your 2nd wife feel special and that by doing this you are showing her undying loyalty and that makes you incredibly special - which in turn gives you warm fuzzies to see yourself that way. In which case, see number 2.

And I don't get where she has this illness that makes her unable to stay in a relationship but she is somehow complicit in deceit by not staying in a relationship. Wouldn't an illness create an excuse and should it not be a basis of empathy and understanding? It's like yelling at a person with Scoliosis to stand upright... And you contradicted yourself by saying you have been understanding of her condition but went on to slam her left and right.

And for God’s sake she is the mother of your children. Tell your current wife that she deserves respect if for that alone.

Seriously - you got your legal answer many times and quite frankly you have no moral ground and you are starting to sound shrill and whiny.

Your first wife will be Ms. MostSpecialNameInTheUniverse with the same last name as her children and your second wife will be Mrs. MostSpecialNameInTheUniverse.

And there is a saying - if everyone is telling you the same thing and you are the only one who is in opposition...chances are you are the one wrong. I think I saw mentioned that rarely is one thread in complete agreement as this thread is.

Take a deep breath and accept it, move on and be happy. Best for everyone, really.

 

[Ohiogal]

in divorce proceedings even if the soon to be ex first wife asked for her maiden name back, if there are children, a lot judegs wont allow it, they want the children and mother to have the same last name.

i am a second wife and couldnt imagine expecting my husband's ex wife having to change her name to be different from HER childrens. that is just ridiculous

Wrong. Judges will allow a woman to take her married name back regardless of whether or not there are children. I have yet to see a judge in Ohio deny a woman the restoration of her married name. IF she so chooses to have it granted.

The OP is out of luck however because a judge will NOT force a woman to change her name to suit the wishes of others.

 

[Ohiogal]

Let me give a specifically non emotional response, which is an accurate legal one.

Her current last name is NOT YOUR last name. It is HER last name. Yes, it is the same as your last name, and yes, she only adopted that last name because she married you, but nevertheless, it is HER last name.

No judge in the United States can require or order someone to change their name.

In fact, if she goes on to have further children, she can give those further children HER last name...because its HER last name, and because quite frankly, she can give her future children any last name that she wants.

There is no "gifting", "earning" or anything else involved here. Its her last name and if she wants it to remain her last name, it will be her last name forever.

You can no more require her to change her last name than you can require any other person in the US who shares that same last name to change it.

Actually a judge can IF said name is obscene, or otherwise against the law.

 

[tuffbrk]

My exwife helped to destroy the lives of my family and our children.

Destroyed the lives of your family and children? Talk about exageration in the name of drama.

Tell Wife #2 to keep her own name, you take hers and Ta! Da! - problem solved.

Seek counseling because the attitude towards your Ex portrayed here is only going to negatively impact your children no matter how you try to hide it.

 

[moosemama]

Thank you for being so smug, self righteous and so eager to judge somebody you don't even know. Thank you also for rubbing in what was a very painful divorce in my life. Now, let me school you so that you don't repeat your stupidity again on another thread. Oh, and I thought this forum was for actual professionals to reply and not "moosemama" people.

YES, it is true. My exwife left me for little to no reason. Nobody bothers to try to understand why. Instead you just dog me. Thank you. I am so happy that you make yourselves feel better at my expense. Hope you feel so much better about your own pathetic lives now that you pushed me into the ground.

My exwife has a defective monogamy gene as discovered by Dr Young and Insel (One of the doctors I think is a woman) from Emory University back in the 1990's. Of course I had no clue when I married her. I did know that her mother, grandmother, uncle and aunt divorced their spouses from what seems to be very petty or nonexsistant reasons. But my girl at the time claimed to be a Christian and "would never divorce". After all, we're creatures of higher thinking and we control our actions and our fate. Far from the instincts the animals live by. YEAH RIGHT. We married and EXACTLY as sciences reports it, my wife was emotionally done after the 4th year. For 3 years I tried to keep my family together and no matter what good thing I did, things got worse and worse. Even after the 7th year, I was such a good husband that she tried to get back with me. Imagine that! Wow...I am a great husband and an awesome dad.....thanks Moosemama. I got you beat for sure.
Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. My exwife could just not do it. Considered that she has a physio psychological "defect", I think she did an excellent job at TRYING to stay with me. I give her a lot of credit. Still, she left me. She helped to destroy the lives of my family and our children. So, I do want the name back because now I am with somebody who comes from a very long line of MARRIED FOR LIFE people. She is number one and nothing you idiots have to say changes that. Oh, and if you are jealous that you don't have a man who fights for you like I fight for my wife, please don't take it out on me here on these forums. I am here for PROFESSIONAL help and not some armchair chip-on-her-shoulder attorney wanna-be.

FOR ALL THOSE WHO GAVE SINCERE AND COMPETENT ADVICE I THANK YOU VERY MUCH! For the others, watch Judge Judy and the pathetic people she faces on her show to make you feel better about your own pathetic lives and stop being rude and smug to me.

Yay! I'm a "people" now!


Boy, you sure "schooled" me. You "got me beat for sure". I'm so jealous.

If you are "so happy" with the new wife, how can anonymous forum posters "push you into the ground"? (And I'm the pathetic one. Ok.) You need professional help, but not the kind offered by an internet forum.

I stand by my original comment. Sorry if that further bruises your ego.