Potential problem on the horizon…

[waitinMd]

I think the proposal is fair, but i'm partial also. I thought the reason you were doing all the driving was that your ex was always late, causing you to miss time with your daughter?

IF you decide to pursue the motion of her dropping off LMPE, you may want to work in something that covers make up time if ex is consistently late.

Just a thought....

Good Luck.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

If you are already doing 9pm pickups, then maybe the court will see that as status quo already being set. Im just saying this in case mom fights it. Did she create the distance before or after the last order was issued?

I will be starting this late Friday pick up THIS Friday. No status quo there, and I won't wait on this long enough to let one be established.

I think the proposal is fair, but i'm partial also. I thought the reason you were doing all the driving was that your ex was always late, causing you to miss time with your daughter?

IF you decide to pursue the motion of her dropping off LMPE, you may want to work in something that covers make up time if ex is consistently late.

Just a thought....

Good Luck.

I agreed to do the driving when we switched from 2 non overnight weeknight visits to 1 overnight midweek visit. I haven't complained too much about it before because I know The Ex will find excuse after excuse to be late

 

[Silverplum]

I know The Ex will find excuse after excuse to be late

They never change.

But WE always are happy to see YOU!

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

They never change.

But WE always are happy to see YOU!

If they changed, where's be the fun in that?

I'm actually thinking that an 8pm drop off to me would alleviate at least one major excuse(traffic), so we shall see.

Sp, that's why I keep coming back, and even offer help on occasion...

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Semi-new question...

Just how long does it take to reach "status quo", so I can have a timeframe in mind?

 

[CJane]

Just how long does it take to reach "status quo", so I can have a timeframe in mind?

3-6 months, I would think. Though if you can show that WHILE you were doing the transport, you were also attempting to negotiate a new plan, I think you could buy yourself some time.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

3-6 months, I would think. Though if you can show that WHILE you were doing the transport, you were also attempting to negotiate a new plan, I think you could buy yourself some time.

Oh, my lovely Jane, I have no intention of waiting much past the New Year. I also see little to "negotiate", but I will listen to any offer The Ex throws out there, because you never know.

I just realized that I have entered into her realm of "I feel" or "I want" about something. But if I didn't think this was valid, I'd stop right now.

 

[onebreath]

Just my personal opinion, unless it interferes with moms' work schedule, I would ask mom to deliver child both visits...the Wednesdays and Fridays. I do not know if there is some protocol around if judge feels like asking too much, if he/she will just say no....but could always backpeddle to having mom transfer specifically on the EOW Friday nights.

For that matter, I wonder if its cool in your legal motion to just frankly state your bottom line, you'd like mom to transfer daughter Friday nights.
After that point clear, go ahead and state you'd like the court to consider having mom also transfer the daughter on Wednesday evenings as well.

Perhaps include some type of request that while a change in your work schedule is not at all anticipated, for the sake of eliminating a possible court date in the future, should your Friday night schedule revert back to the earlier pickup with daughter, that it be written in the court order that child comes to you at that earlier time...same as has been until now.

Personally, I think a earlier transition would be not just better for your time with your daughter on Friday nights, but 10 is simply a late transition time for a child.

 

[CJane]

Oh, my lovely Jane, I have no intention of waiting much past the New Year. I also see little to "negotiate", but I will listen to any offer The Ex throws out there, because you never know.

I just realized that I have entered into her realm of "I feel" or "I want" about something. But if I didn't think this was valid, I'd stop right now.

Well, I didn't figure YOU would wait all that long. Definitely just get it out of the way. I think it's likely she'll end up being ordered to split transport. HOWEVER, she's going to be late - as often as possible. Or claim that there's another reason it's impossible - and then you're filing for contempt...

REALLY weigh the benefits vs the risk of being in court all of the time.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

... but 10 is simply a late transition time for a child.

Considering the lack of traffic, I'm guestimating 9:30 or so as far as actually getting home if I do the drive.

I have no problem continuing to do the Wednesday evening drive. It's "What did you learn today?" and "sing-a-long" time...

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Well, I didn't figure YOU would wait all that long. Definitely just get it out of the way. I think it's likely she'll end up being ordered to split transport. HOWEVER, she's going to be late - as often as possible. Or claim that there's another reason it's impossible - and then you're filing for contempt...

REALLY weigh the benefits vs the risk of being in court all of the time.

I'm not even asking for a split, for that very reason, but all it'll cost ME is a little time. Cost her 8 or $9k last time. All for 'naught...

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Now she's working the "gymnastics" angle, although neither LMPS or L'il Sis is actually enrolled in any kind of program.

BTW, it is always a little sad to me when I pick LMPS up on Wednesdays and L'il Sis comes over and loves me up. I wish her dad weren't such an ass...

 

[LdiJ]

Considering the lack of traffic, I'm guestimating 9:30 or so as far as actually getting home if I do the drive.

I have no problem continuing to do the Wednesday evening drive. It's "What did you learn today?" and "sing-a-long" time...

Keep in mind that mom is going to make the argument that why should she be inconvenienced by your odd work schedule? She may even make the argument that requiring her to deliver at 8PM effectively means that she cannot make any plans at all for Friday nights on your weekends.

You need to have a very reasonable alternative to offer to counter every argument that she might make, while reiterating your belief that 10:00 PM is too late of a time to arrive at your home. Do you have a significant other who could either pick up the child on your behalf, meet mom half way on your behalf, or accept delivery of the child on your behalf, at an earlier hour? (whether mom would like that or not, it could be a reasonable counter argument to any argument she might make).

Plan a response to every argument that you think that she could make.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Keep in mind that mom is going to make the argument that why should she be inconvenienced by your odd work schedule? She may even make the argument that requiring her to deliver at 8PM effectively means that she cannot make any plans at all for Friday nights on your weekends.

You need to have a very reasonable alternative to offer to counter every argument that she might make, while reiterating your belief that 10:00 PM is too late of a time to arrive at your home. Do you have a significant other who could either pick up the child on your behalf, meet mom half way on your behalf, or accept delivery of the child on your behalf, at an earlier hour? (whether mom would like that or not, it could be a reasonable counter argument to any argument she might make).

Plan a response to every argument that you think that she could make.

Hell, she could meet ME halfway. Then again, that would require some sort of effort on HER part...

My job is literally less than a mile from my house. She could bring her there anytime.

BTW, why have I been "inconvenienced" by her move? Oh yeah, that didn't matter...

 

[onebreath]

I hear what LdiJ is saying...I suspect much of this depends on your understanding that this schedule change is permanent (several years), and presenting that as a fact.

However, and I am no legal expert, I cannot see how a mom on the road from 7-9 pm interrupts having some plans that evening. Its all for the kid...not the mom, she can still go out and do something.

But I am biased. To me this is a no brainer. However I have been the mom who has shared equally a driving distance of a 2 hour roundtrip commute, two to three times a week, for 3 years. I am NOT one of those travelers who enjoys driving a lot...yeah we got some good songs in, even made a few up. It got old for me over time (thank goodness he moved closer when school started).

What the heck does gymnastics have to do with a Friday evening commute??

 

[Isis1]

after walking back and forth to the market this evening....i remembered i was doing ALL the driving when i was the NCP. 4 days a week, and every weekend. until a court order made dad do the driving twice a month. i didn't even ask for it, judge just ruled on it.

so, i actually have renewed hope for you. i absolutely believe mom should participate at least on your weekends. party nights shouldn't start til 10 pm anyway. at least it doesn't in my world. but then it's been awhile since i been able to stay awake that late.