Potential problem on the horizon…

[LdiJ]

I hear what LdiJ is saying...I suspect much of this depends on your understanding that this schedule change is permanent (several years), and presenting that as a fact.

However, and I am no legal expert, I cannot see how a mom on the road from 7-9 pm interrupts having some plans that evening. Its all for the kid...not the mom, she can still go out and do something.

But I am biased. To me this is a no brainer. However I have been the mom who has shared equally a driving distance of a 2 hour roundtrip commute, two to three times a week, for 3 years. I am NOT one of those travelers who enjoys driving a lot...yeah we got some good songs in, even made a few up. It got old for me over time (thank goodness he moved closer when school started).

What the heck does gymnastics have to do with a Friday evening commute??

You misunderstood me to a bit of an extent. Dad needs to have a counter argument for every argument mom makes. He needs to be prepared for that. Its strategy.

And preferibly, his counter arguments need to be something utterly reasonable (in the eyes of a judge) but something that either mom might dislike even more than dad's initial proposal, or something that mom couldn't possibly argue against, in light of her own previous arguments.

I can almost guarantee that mom will argue that she shouldn't be inconvenienced by dad's odd working hours. That's almost a given.

Someone else mentioned dad picking up the child Saturday morning and dropping off the child to school on Monday morning as an alternative. That's an option as well...and again, one that mom probably wouldn't like.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Someone else mentioned dad picking up the child Saturday morning and dropping off the child to school on Monday morning as an alternative. That's an option as well...and again, one that mom probably wouldn't like.

Oh no, I think YOU don't know The Ex. That would appeal to her greatly. It'd take me out of the whole "shared physical custody" loop, which would give her a free hand(or so she would think) to do what she pleased, and also raise CS.

Anybody who has followed my case just a little bit will know that CS is the least of MY concerns. But The Ex?. I dunno...

As I saw a NEWBIE point out recently, it almost ALWAYS about the money...

 

[LdiJ]

Oh no, I think YOU don't know The Ex. That would appeal to her greatly. It'd take me out of the whole "shared physical custody" loop, which would give her a free hand(or so she would think) to do what she pleased, and also raise CS.

Anybody who has followed my case just a little bit will know that CS is the least of MY concerns. But The Ex?. I dunno...

As I saw a NEWBIE point out recently, it almost ALWAYS about the money...

Ok...maybe I misunderstood your current schedule. If you currently return the child to school Monday morning then that wasn't a good idea. If you currently return the child Sunday night then it wouldn't change anything to switch Friday night to Sunday night.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Ok...maybe I misunderstood your current schedule. If you currently return the child to school Monday morning then that wasn't a good idea. If you currently return the child Sunday night then it wouldn't change anything to switch Friday night to Sunday night.

On the EOW, I pick LMPS up Friday evening and return her to school on Monday morning.

I really am only asking for The Ex to do 2 drop-offs a month. I have no problem doing the other 10. I'd hope that if we get to the point of court, the judge will this as more than reasonable.

 

[waitinMd]

I know that child support is not an issue with you, but it seems to be an issue with your ex as you stated she would try to increase CS if you were to pick child up on Saturdays instead of Friday nite.

Under the Annotated Code of Maryland §12-204 - i) School and transportation expenses.-By agreement of the parties or by order of court, the following expenses incurred on behalf of a child may be divided between the parents in proportion to their adjusted actual incomes:

(1) any expenses or attending a special or private elementary or secondary school to meet the particular educational needs of the child; or

(2) any expenses for transportation of the child between the homes of the parents.

I would assume your child support was not based on you transporting the child that distance all the time since you also stated she was the one who moved and made the drive so far. I'm not saying you would adjust your child support to include that you are doing the transporting, therefore possibly reducing the child support payment, I'm just saying if she knew you could in fact claim transportation costs, reducing her CS payment, would she be a little more receptive to the two nights a month?

I'm just really going by what Ldij said

Dad needs to have a counter argument for every argument mom makes. He needs to be prepared for that. Its strategy.

Maybe this isn't really called 'strategy'

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I'm not saying you would adjust your child support to include that you are doing the transporting, therefore possibly reducing the child support payment, I'm just saying if she knew you could in fact claim transportation costs, reducing her CS payment, would she be a little more receptive to the two nights a month?

I'm just really going by what Ldij said

Maybe this isn't really called 'strategy'

Ya know, that just might do it right there. She'd freak out if she thought CS was going to go down.

 

[waitinMd]

I thought the same thing. It's quite a bit of money....

I hate to use such tactics, a parent shouldn't have to. I had an atty tell me once, if she is late brining the child back, just do it back to her... Well... that is just a pissin contest waiting to happen.... I opted for including ROFR and make up time in my order.

I didn't think you put transportation in your CS, especially since it was established before she moved. I was just thinking if you have to file a motion, and you are strateizing you may as well figure in all your options.

Asalways.... Good Luck to you

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Just for giggles I checked out the actual IRS mileage deductions for ‘08:

50.5 cents per mile for business miles driven;
19 cents per mile driven for medical or moving purposes; and
14 cents per mile driven in service of charitable organizations.

Since I drive 760 miles a month JUST for transportation, at those rates it’s be

383.30 at the “business” rate (she’d actually owe ME money here).
191.65 at 50% of the above
144.40 at the “medical or moving” rate
106.40 at the “service of charitable organizations” rate

Oh, that might get her attention.

 

[StampGirl]

Welcome Back

I just wanted to chime in on the whole "inconvience by the others work schedule". My ex is a cop and now with his new schedule (detective), the visitation is all over the place. He has taken less time etc.

Now the driving is always HIS issue. I moved 30 miles further away. However, offered to meet him STILL in the same place. That meant me driving more but hey? I created the distance so no biggie.

Her argument that she shouldn't have to be inconvienced is a reality. I've used it and the mediator agreed with me. She has told the Ex that he has to find alternative arrangements if his work schedule interferes with the visitation schedule.

Now I KNOW you do all the driving etc. Asking her to do 2 a month is NOT unreasonable AT ALL. Go for it. What is unreasonable is her not doing ANY driving at all.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

She has told the Ex that he has to find alternative arrangements if his work schedule interferes with the visitation schedule.

Thanks for the welcome back

My alternate arrangements would just be me picking LMPS up by 9pm.

 

[profmum]

Thanks for the welcome back

My alternate arrangements would just be me picking LMPS up by 9pm.

seems like you are picking a battle that does not need to be picked. If you have an alternate arrangement as you mention here, why dont you go with that? Yes it is less than ideal, because it means getting the little one back to your home quite late, BUT, you seem to forget your job schedule has changed so you are creating this issue. So you want to spend all the time you can with a new work schedule that may not accomdate what you want. Can't have it all.

And before you get outraged about what Mum has done in the past,Mum moved and created the distance and you did not mind doing the driving etc etc.. good for you, that is called being the bigger parent. If you did not like it, that was your chance to work it out with mum or take it court.

You know Mum will not agree to any change, your new schedule has created the change, now you want to take it back to court with really no guarantees that anything will change, and there is a possibility that your parenting time on Fridays may be reduced AND you will continue the pissing contest with Mum.. what exactly does this serve?

In my experience, with changing job schedules, courts are not very sympathetic, when the parent with the new schedule expects all kinds of accomodations from the other co-parent.. ask my ex.

Another option is to have someone else pick her up.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

In my experience, with changing job schedules, courts are not very sympathetic, when the parent with the new schedule expects all kinds of accomodations from the other co-parent.. ask my ex.

"...all kinds of accomodations"? You really think....never mind...

I'm sure The Ex would be much happier if I just went ahead and asked for a CS mod based on transportation expenses. Yeah, that's the ticket

 

[profmum]

"...all kinds of accomodations"? You really think....never mind...

I'm sure The Ex would be much happier if I just went ahead and asked for a CS mod based on transportation expenses. Yeah, that's the ticket

And there is no reason to believe that you will get a reduction in CS. No reason to believe it, once again, ask my ex..

That is my point, nothing of what you ask for may be granted, and there is a chance that legal action may reduce your parenting time. This is NOT a slam dunk situation here.

So why you would want to persist in this kind of legal action baffles me when there is an alternative, albeit not exactly what you want. If you remember coparenting is about what is right for the child and what is fair, not exactly what you want.

Never mind what you think you have done in terms of accomodations. Seems like you like the drama of pissing the ex off..that is post divorce 101 advice we give the newbies.. pick your battles..

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

And there is no reason to believe that you will get a reduction in CS. No reason to believe it, once again, ask my ex..

That is my point, nothing of what you ask for may be granted, and there is a chance that legal action may reduce your parenting time. This is NOT a slam dunk situation here.

So why you would want to persist in this kind of legal action baffles me when there is an alternative, albeit not exactly what you want. If you remember coparenting is about what is right for the child and what is fair, not exactly what you want.

Never mind what you think you have done in terms of accomodations. Seems like you like the drama of pissing the ex off..that is post divorce 101 advice we give the newbies.. pick your battles..

Again....never mind.

Nice newbie reference though, 'spescially from somebody who's been here less time than I have AND gotten trounced for attitude

You and I apparently have different definitions of "reasonable" and "accomodating"...

 

[fairisfair]

uh oh.....

somebody done called you a newbie.....

LOL

how the heck are ya anyway???