Child's father not allowing medical treatment

[novemberbride]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hi, I'm new but I'm hoping I can get some help. Recently my 2 1/2 year old daughter has been diagnosed with tonsil hypertrophy. She has cronic tonsillitis, and her tonsils obstruct more than 75% of her throat. She suffers from terrible sleep apnea, and stops breathing several times at night. 2 different doctors diagnosed her, and found her problem to be serious enough to perform a adenoidtonsillectomy. I discussed this with her dad and he told me she had asthma, and he would do his own research. I explained to him that I didn't want to wait, and a surgery had been scheduled. I didn't want to prolong her discomfort. 4 days prior to her surgery he called the surgeon's office and made threats to the staff. He was irate, and stated that his rights allowed him to cancel the surgery. He told them they would be "in trouble" if they operated. Then, he called our daughter pediatrician's office and told them that I am not allowed to bring my daughter to their office for any kind of medical treatment. He was so irate and irrational that both offices have told me they feel "uncomfortable" being involved in the situation, but they are aware that our daughters health is at risk. One of the office managers sent me a letter describing his behavior. We have joint legal custody, and i have always made him aware of doctor's appointments, just like I did this time. Now, he's threatening to keep my daughter longer than his visitation allows. Also, our order allows each of us a week of vacation with our daughter, as long as we provide 30 days notice to the other party. Now he is threatening to not allow me my week of vacation.
There are many other issues going on, but at this point this one is most important because it pertains to our child's health.
What can I do??? I feel hopeless..... What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hi, I'm new but I'm hoping I can get some help. Recently my 2 1/2 year old daughter has been diagnosed with tonsil hypertrophy. She has cronic tonsillitis, and her tonsils obstruct more than 75% of her throat. She suffers from terrible sleep apnea, and stops breathing several times at night. 2 different doctors diagnosed her, and found her problem to be serious enough to perform a adenoidtonsillectomy. I discussed this with her dad and he told me she had asthma, and he would do his own research. I explained to him that I didn't want to wait, and a surgery had been scheduled. I didn't want to prolong her discomfort. 4 days prior to her surgery he called the surgeon's office and made threats to the staff. He was irate, and stated that his rights allowed him to cancel the surgery. He told them they would be "in trouble" if they operated. Then, he called our daughter pediatrician's office and told them that I am not allowed to bring my daughter to their office for any kind of medical treatment. He was so irate and irrational that both offices have told me they feel "uncomfortable" being involved in the situation, but they are aware that our daughters health is at risk. One of the office managers sent me a letter describing his behavior. We have joint legal custody, and i have always made him aware of doctor's appointments, just like I did this time. Now, he's threatening to keep my daughter longer than his visitation allows. Also, our order allows each of us a week of vacation with our daughter, as long as we provide 30 days notice to the other party. Now he is threatening to not allow me my week of vacation.
There are many other issues going on, but at this point this one is most important because it pertains to our child's health.
What can I do??? I feel hopeless..... What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

What was Dad's reasoning to not have the surgery?

(he cannot, btw, refuse your court-ordered visitation)

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Well if he keeps refusing and the Dr's are saying it is needed for her good health then it may come down to you having to go back to court and have the judge order that the surgery will happen. Are the Dr's saying that this procedure is something she really needs to have to improve her overall health?

 

[LdiJ]

Well if he keeps refusing and the Dr's are saying it is needed for her good health then it may come down to you having to go back to court and have the judge order that the surgery will happen. Are the Dr's saying that this procedure is something she really needs to have to improve her overall health?

I think that was pretty clear in the first post. Her throat is 75% obstructed and its causing sleep apnea that causes her to stop breathing at night.

If I were mom, I would be filing for an emergency ex-parte order to get the surgery done ASAP.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

This may also be a case where the judge has entered into their court order WHO has a final say on a medical decision. I'm not saying removing the joint legal custody - just clarifying who has the final veto vote.

 

[novemberbride]

His reasoning was that I ignored his rights, which I didn't. I informed him, which is what our order states to do. It states both parties shall keep the other party informed of doctor's appointments. Which I always have done.
Last year, he took my daughter to the doctor claiming that I gave her herpes. She had a fever blister on her lip. I wasn't aware of this doctor's appointment, and the only way I found out was because the doctor himself contacted me and wanted to talk to me. The doctor told me that he demanded the doctor to strip her down, and check her vaginally. The doctor refused because he felt there was no reason to. The doctor explained to him that it was a fever blister, and nothing is sinister about a fever blister. Her dad demanded that the doctor contact CPS on me because I kissed her on the lips. The doctor told him that our daughter had been routinely seen in his office, and she had no signs of abuse. And, a parent kissing their child on the lips doesn't mean they're sexually abusing the child. Her dad got pissed, and stormed out and threatened the doctor with litigation. So...I had no clue about this doctor's appointment that he took our then 18month old baby to. The doctor contacted me because he was concerned about her dad's behavior.
As far as her health now, she is sick. She has cronic tonsilitis which means they bleed and are infectious. She chokes on her food, and even liquids. She has night terror, and wakes up several times at night because she stops breathing.
Both doctors she has seen have stated that is this goes un-treated she will most certainly have far worse medical problems in the future. Kid's with prolonged sleep apnea suffer from all sorts of diseases and behavioral problems. Also, they state when she catches a common cold, she will get extremely sick. They recommended a sleep study to determine how much oxygen she loses at night. However, the fact that her tonsil overlap, and obstruct more than 75% of her throat is dangerous enought to operate.

 

[RRevak]

His reasoning was that I ignored his rights, which I didn't. I informed him, which is what our order states to do. It states both parties shall keep the other party informed of doctor's appointments. Which I always have done.
Last year, he took my daughter to the doctor claiming that I gave her herpes. She had a fever blister on her lip. I wasn't aware of this doctor's appointment, and the only way I found out was because the doctor himself contacted me and wanted to talk to me. The doctor told me that he demanded the doctor to strip her down, and check her vaginally. The doctor refused because he felt there was no reason to. The doctor explained to him that it was a fever blister, and nothing is sinister about a fever blister. Her dad demanded that the doctor contact CPS on me because I kissed her on the lips. The doctor told him that our daughter had been routinely seen in his office, and she had no signs of abuse. And, a parent kissing their child on the lips doesn't mean they're sexually abusing the child. Her dad got pissed, and stormed out and threatened the doctor with litigation. So...I had no clue about this doctor's appointment that he took our then 18month old baby to. The doctor contacted me because he was concerned about her dad's behavior.
As far as her health now, she is sick. She has cronic tonsilitis which means they bleed and are infectious. She chokes on her food, and even liquids. She has night terror, and wakes up several times at night because she stops breathing.
Both doctors she has seen have stated that is this goes un-treated she will most certainly have far worse medical problems in the future. Kid's with prolonged sleep apnea suffer from all sorts of diseases and behavioral problems. Also, they state when she catches a common cold, she will get extremely sick. They recommended a sleep study to determine how much oxygen she loses at night. However, the fact that her tonsil overlap, and obstruct more than 75% of her throat is dangerous enought to operate.

And WHY arent you in court regarding this issue??

 

[novemberbride]

Mediator's said they didn't want to see us again until our daughter is in school....I'm a little intimidated by them.

 

[LdiJ]

Mediator's said they didn't want to see us again until our daughter is in school....I'm a little intimidated by them.

You need to file an emergency petition to get this matter in front of a judge immediately, NOT a mediator.

If you don't think that you can handle that, then you need to hire yourself an attorney.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Child may not possibly make it to school if you don't do something about it.

Have a conversation with the doctor and request a second opinion. Make appointment with THAT doctor and make sure dad knows about it. If second opinion also says surgery, at that point, let both doctors know that you may need them to testify to such.

Then, file in court, (emergency if necessary based on what the multiple doctors say), and get it heard in court. Can I assume safely that the father of the child is not a doctor?

 

[LdiJ]

Child may not possibly make it to school if you don't do something about it.

Have a conversation with the doctor and request a second opinion. Make appointment with THAT doctor and make sure dad knows about it. If second opinion also says surgery, at that point, let both doctors know that you may need them to testify to such.

Then, file in court, (emergency if necessary based on what the multiple doctors say), and get it heard in court. Can I assume safely that the father of the child is not a doctor?

While I don't disagree with this advice, it can often take weeks to get an appointment with a specialist....and I don't think this should wait that long. I think she needs to be filing first thing Monday morning.

 

[CJane]

While I don't disagree with this advice, it can often take weeks to get an appointment with a specialist....and I don't think this should wait that long. I think she needs to be filing first thing Monday morning.

Mom has also ALREADY gotten a second opinion, per her first post:

2 different doctors diagnosed her, and found her problem to be serious enough to perform a adenoidtonsillectomy.

 

[gr8rn]

According to criteria that insurance companies use to approve this surgery, an obstruction of 50% or more is enough to warrent approval for it. Due to her age, being so young, an obstruction this severe has a significant chance of becoming worse as the child ages.

There are at least 2 doctors who agree that the surgery is medically necessary.

This is urgent and just because dad says no doesn't mean you have to accept that. Understandably the Doctors in this case are concerned about how to proceed and I am sure they would help you if you decide to get emergency approval by a judge.

 

[novemberbride]

I'm going down to the court and filing today. Our case is in his county, so it's about an hour away from where I live.

Is an emergency order different than and Order to Show Cause? I have all my paperwork to file....but I don't want to get all the way down there and file the wrong stuff. I don't have an attorney because I can't afford one. I pay all my daughters doctors medical and child care and i even have to pay her dad child support because he claims to not work. I have her 64% of the time, and he has her 36%, but because his timeshare increased, and he doesn't work they've ordered me to pay child support to him. So, between that and planning my wedding theres nothing left to pay for an attorney. I've gotten some "free" advice from attorneys, but it's completely different when you have one to file and appear in court with you.

How do I file to get infront of the judge and not mediation? We have 2 mediators because after our first mediator ordered her dad to drug testing, 12 weeks of couseling and supervised visits, her dad claimed that the mediator was biased or something was going on with me and the mediator (his words...seriously) So, now we have our original mediator, and his supervisor.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm going down to the court and filing today. Our case is in his county, so it's about an hour away from where I live.

Is an emergency order different than and Order to Show Cause? I have all my paperwork to file....but I don't want to get all the way down there and file the wrong stuff. I don't have an attorney because I can't afford one. I pay all my daughters doctors medical and child care and i even have to pay her dad child support because he claims to not work. I have her 64% of the time, and he has her 36%, but because his timeshare increased, and he doesn't work they've ordered me to pay child support to him. So, between that and planning my wedding theres nothing left to pay for an attorney. I've gotten some "free" advice from attorneys, but it's completely different when you have one to file and appear in court with you.

How do I file to get infront of the judge and not mediation? We have 2 mediators because after our first mediator ordered her dad to drug testing, 12 weeks of couseling and supervised visits, her dad claimed that the mediator was biased or something was going on with me and the mediator (his words...seriously) So, now we have our original mediator, and his supervisor.

An emergency motion is different than a motion to Show Cause. Use the Show Cause as a template and title it "Emergency Motion to Obtain Medical Care."

Then explain in the text of the motion what is going on and why you are asking for an emergency order to obtain the needed medical care for the child. Bring as much evidence as possible with you.