Child's father not allowing medical treatment

[novemberbride]

We have been to mediation numerous times, with none of the petitions to be initiated by me, except the latest one in regards to our child's health problems.

Dad petitioned court so much during the first year of our childs life that the courts wouldn't allow him to file anything for a year. Once that year was up, he was back with more filings.

Dad has a history with the courts exhibiting some irrational behavior in court. Could this be the reason for this going to mediation?

My filing described her health problems. I had the assesment from her doctors, medical records, and the letter from the manager lady. I was only asking for temporary sole legal and physical custody so her surgery can be done, and she could recover.

What else could I/should I have done?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Since it appears that you may be headed back to court, you need to have them add that YOU have the final decision on medical decisions. Joint Legal will allow either parent to seek medical attention in an emergency. It also forces both parents to COMMUNICATE about important stuff. You just need to have final say so.

 

[novemberbride]

Thanks everyone.
I'll hope for the best for our daughters sake. It's not that I want sole legal custody forever, that's unreasonable. I just want her to feel better.

Is it common for one parent to be the final word in medical decisions?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

you get along with your X about as much as I do.

EVENTUALLY, judges DO get tired of these types of antics and eventually tend to rule for the parent who isn't unreasonable.

 

[novemberbride]

I think they're already tired of our case

 

[wileybunch]

novemberbride, when judge denied your emergency motion this week for temporary sole legal custody and referred it to mediation, did he state WHY?

Did you ONLY cover the emergency medical situation in your filing? You didn't include anything else with the myriad issues you have with Dad?

 

[novemberbride]

I only included the issues about our daughters health, because that was my basis for the temporary orders, and because it was the most urgent matter at hand. She needs it, dad says no, so I had to do something. Judge didn't say why the temporary orders were denied. Just put a line through the whole from, and stamped it with DENIED PENDING MEDIATION.

Would all the other issues with dad would be addressed in another petition to the court? All of these threats and accusations came about after her was served. Could I bring up the irrationality and threats and accusations?

There are other issues prior to this, but nothing that I wanted to run to court about. The most concerning to me was that our daughter needed surgery, and he was so adement about her not having it.

 

[LdiJ]

We have been to mediation numerous times, with none of the petitions to be initiated by me, except the latest one in regards to our child's health problems.

Dad petitioned court so much during the first year of our childs life that the courts wouldn't allow him to file anything for a year. Once that year was up, he was back with more filings.

Dad has a history with the courts exhibiting some irrational behavior in court. Could this be the reason for this going to mediation?

My filing described her health problems. I had the assesment from her doctors, medical records, and the letter from the manager lady. I was only asking for temporary sole legal and physical custody so her surgery can be done, and she could recover.

What else could I/should I have done?

Its possible that your mistake was asking for temporary sole legal and physical custody. Its possible that what you should have asked for was for the judge to specifically order that she get the surgery.

However, I do agree with Tinker. Odds are that your mediation is going to fail and that you will end up back in front of the judge (which is another reason why I feel that you need an attorney, to make sure it gets back in front of the judge quickly). At that point you need to be asking the judge to order that you have the final say if the two of you cannot agree.

I truly do not understand your ex at all. If people on an internet forum can clearly understand that your child NEEDS this surgery, its crazy that her father would put her health at risk the way that he is doing.

I know another mother that was dealing with a very similar ex. The child had a problem with serious ear infections and several doctors had recommended tubes for her ears...and stated that it had reached an emergency point. Dad refused to agree and did the same sort of threatening of the doctors and they reacted the same. Unfortunately the child's eardrums burst and now the child has permanent hearing loss...as well as dealing with the horrendous pain that caused.

 

[Ohiogal]

I only included the issues about our daughters health, because that was my basis for the temporary orders, and because it was the most urgent matter at hand. She needs it, dad says no, so I had to do something. Judge didn't say why the temporary orders were denied. Just put a line through the whole from, and stamped it with DENIED PENDING MEDIATION.

Would all the other issues with dad would be addressed in another petition to the court? All of these threats and accusations came about after her was served. Could I bring up the irrationality and threats and accusations?

There are other issues prior to this, but nothing that I wanted to run to court about. The most concerning to me was that our daughter needed surgery, and he was so adement about her not having it.

It was denied due to the fact that this is a disagreement between the parents. No evidence she would have submitted with her motion would have been admissible. It would have been considered hearsay. Both mom an ddad are presumed to be fit. Fit parents with joint custody have EQUAL say and therefore the judge doesn't want to trample over dad's rights to side with mom. Mom may be right but she has to prove it. Mediation and REQUEST an EXPEDITED hearing.

 

[CJane]

Also, while there is some urgency in getting child the surgery, this is NOT life-threatening, and it's NOT an emergency.

I know, I know, not my kid. But I promise you, kiddo is going to survive long enough for this to get to court - and Mom is going to need those doctors to testify - not just "medical records".

 

[novemberbride]

Got it, thank you.

 

[wileybunch]

It was denied due to the fact that this is a disagreement between the parents. No evidence she would have submitted with her motion would have been admissible. It would have been considered hearsay. Both mom an ddad are presumed to be fit. Fit parents with joint custody have EQUAL say and therefore the judge doesn't want to trample over dad's rights to side with mom. Mom may be right but she has to prove it. Mediation and REQUEST an EXPEDITED hearing.

OG, this doesn't seem right. There had to have been SOMETHING that could have met the legal requirement with the emergency order to have obtained an order then OR an expedited hearing on the matter with the other parent and NOT to have been routed through mediation. I guess all may end well if Mom is able to come out of this with final decision making on medical if Dad continues to exhibit careless behavior with health issues, but I'm wondering why you are saying basically NOTHING would have sufficed .. so why did she even ASK for an emergency order in the first place if it was over before it started?

ETA: Actually, OG I don't see that you actually encouraged OP to get an emergency order so maybe I don't have a question after all ....

 

[Ohiogal]

OG, this doesn't seem right. There had to have been SOMETHING that could have met the legal requirement with the emergency order to have obtained an order then OR an expedited hearing on the matter with the other parent and NOT to have been routed through mediation. I guess all may end well if Mom is able to come out of this with final decision making on medical if Dad continues to exhibit careless behavior with health issues, but I'm wondering why you are saying basically NOTHING would have sufficed .. so why did she even ASK for an emergency order in the first place if it was over before it started?

She needed to request an EXPEDITING hearing in order to have the doctor testify. That is my guess. I have gotten emergency hearings based on similar situations and I have also gotten knocked down and todl to go through the hearing procedure. It is a crap shoot. Now that she was turned down she needs to play it out. If she wanted an emergency hearing she should have had the certified copies of the medical records (complete) with a records custodian and proper evidence. Emergency situations do not mean the rules of evidence disappear or no longer matter.

 

[novemberbride]

Thanks everyone

Thanks for the advice.

And this has really helped me look at the legal part of my situation, and not the protective mommy part.

Hopefully in mediation we can work it out. That's the goal, but most the time with dad it doesn't go so smoothly.

 

[wileybunch]

She needed to request an EXPEDITING hearing in order to have the doctor testify. That is my guess. I have gotten emergency hearings based on similar situations and I have also gotten knocked down and todl to go through the hearing procedure. It is a crap shoot. Now that she was turned down she needs to play it out. If she wanted an emergency hearing she should have had the certified copies of the medical records (complete) with a records custodian and proper evidence. Emergency situations do not mean the rules of evidence disappear or no longer matter.

Makes sense. Thanks.
(I also edited my post because I realized you hadn't actually encouraged her to get an emergency order in the first place like I'd though ...)