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Child's father not allowing medical treatment

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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Makes sense. Thanks.
(I also edited my post because I realized you hadn't actually encouraged her to get an emergency order in the first place like I'd though ...)
Heck, I have had wine. Its Friday night. I have been up since Five. And it is now my bedtime. So not much is making sense at this point. :p:D

Truthfully though it is all a guess. I say that because she could have gotten an emergency order but sometimes it takes an EXPEDITED HEARING. Similar but not the same creature. Sorta like a unicorn and a Pegasus.
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
Heck, I have had wine. Its Friday night. I have been up since Five. And it is now my bedtime. So not much is making sense at this point. :p:D

Truthfully though it is all a guess. I say that because she could have gotten an emergency order but sometimes it takes an EXPEDITED HEARING. Similar but not the same creature. Sorta like a unicorn and a Pegasus.
I feel like the naughty kid at the back of the class-room snickering cos Teach has a bit of loo paper on her shoe..

:D:eek:
 

kimberlywrites

Senior Member
Heck, I have had wine. Its Friday night. I have been up since Five. And it is now my bedtime. So not much is making sense at this point. :p:D

Truthfully though it is all a guess. I say that because she could have gotten an emergency order but sometimes it takes an EXPEDITED HEARING. Similar but not the same creature. Sorta like a unicorn and a Pegasus.
I'm still having my wine :D but have deadlines to meet. Hopefully the editor reads closely, since I'm writing under the influence. Like the time I wrote a police officer quoted as saying "the kids are invited to s*it in the back of the patrol car." The word was supposed to be sit.

ETA: And the time I wrote about a man who belonged to D*cks Unlimited. It was supposed to be Ducks unlimited.
Really, I are a good righter. :)
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I'm still having my wine :D but have deadlines to meet. Hopefully the editor reads closely, since I'm writing under the influence. Like the time I wrote a police officer quoted as saying "the kids are invited to s*it in the back of the patrol car." The word was supposed to be sit.

ETA: And the time I wrote about a man who belonged to D*cks Unlimited. It was supposed to be Ducks unlimited.
Really, I are a good righter. :)
Uh huh...we believe you, Kimmybear!

(why no..my name is not Pinocchio. Why do you ask?! :D)
 

lks247

Junior Member
Both of my daughter's doctors have stated they are more than willing to write a statement explaining my daughter's medical need for the surgery. Her surgeon didn't think I would need that before, and felt his assesment in writing was enough. The assesment stated her symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment. He recomended a sleep study, however her problem is evident enough. So, in his opinion it would only make her uncomfortable for her doctors to know what they already know. Plus, this would be yet another appoinment that I would have to talk to her dad about, and now he's being so irate with me I can't communicate with him. And, in his opinion there is nothing wrong with her. "Why fix something that isn't broken" is what he says. And, he claims she doesn't have sleep apnea, she's just a "loud snorer" according to him.

....

All those things aside.....none of which are true....I just wanted to get her surgery taken care of. Not betray his parental rights. I told him about it, and all the appointments...I've followed my order to a T. I just want her to feel better. What other choice, other than filing in court, do I have if he won't agree?
Has your daughter seen a pediatric sleep specialist? While you are waiting to find out if she can have the surgery or not, I suggest having your daughter referred to a sleep specialist and/or an ENT for a sleep study. The reason why your daughter would need to have this done is so that she could be monitored to see how many times she ceases to breath and so that she could be titrated for a CPAP machine, which would help to keep the obstruction open in her throat as she sleeps. The physician would have to know what level to set the machine at, which is why a sleep study is important.

I would like you to consider the fact that surgery doesn't always solve the problem. I have severe obstructive sleep apnea (sleep study showed that I quit breathing over 90 times in 1 hour) and my ENT performed a uvulapalatopharyngoplasty and adenoid-tonsillectomy (they removed the uvula, tonsils (my tonsils were pretty large as well), adenoids, partial soft palate and excess tissue in my throat). This was four years ago and I still have sleep apnea, just not AS severe as it was prior to the surgery, but still bad enough that I require the use of the CPAP machine. I now quit breathing about half the amount as I did before, which is 45 times an hour too many. Please seek some form of treatment for your daughter, even if permission for the surgery is denied- maybe the ex would be willing to let her use a CPAP machine?
 

pittrocks

Member
May take weeks to get in with sleep study specialists...

Issue is that child may need more urgent care than that.

Of course it is always a good idea to get multiple professional opinions, which OP has done...

Sometimes, there isn't enough time to "wait".
 
Both of her doctor's have recommended a sleep study, however, both stated that while it would certainly show how bad her obstruction is, the obstruction being as severe as it is gives them both reason enough to order the surgery. Also, because it is clear when she is awake that she has difficulty breathing, they can conclude that the difficulty is greater while she sleeps.

I know from watching sleep, and couting the seconds she goes not breathing and as a parent it is nothing less than terrifying. Her daycare lady has seen her stop breathing while she sleeps during nap time, and my parents have seen it on numerous occasions while she has spent time with them. However, sharing this information with dad isn't easy. He says she doesn't have sleep apnea, and she just snores. In his opinion, I am making all this up, despite that he has copies of the doctor's assesment.

However, I am positive a sleep study would show just how serious it is. I looked into scheduling one, and it does take several weeks. And, my health insurance has to approve it. All they need is the recommendation from one doctor, which would not be hard to get. Getting one before our hearing might be a challenge. I talked to dad about it, and he's refusing to allow me to get the sleep study because he doesn't believe she has sleep apnea, and once again, he's suing the doctors who recommended the surgery. He's refusing to allow me to take her to ANY doctor. And, he'll sue any doctor I take her to for any treatment (even if it's an emergency). He's says will be in "trouble" if I don't seek his approval before taking her to the doctot.

As our order states "both parties shall keep the other informed of any medical appointments". Which I have always done. It says nothing about one having to approve the doctor's appointment before our daughter could get treated, for any medical reason, serious or not.
 

lks247

Junior Member
May take weeks to get in with sleep study specialists...

Issue is that child may need more urgent care than that.

Of course it is always a good idea to get multiple professional opinions, which OP has done...

Sometimes, there isn't enough time to "wait".

I was pointing out that surgery does not always solve the problem, so OP might still be in the same situation looking for answers if the child is allowed to have the surgery. Also, did your daughter see regular MD's for the diagnosis? Or some kind of specialist? While I do agree that the issue is very serious, I was trying to tell the OP that there are other options other than the surgery which could be tried in the event that the surgery is denied. I was not advocating "waiting." As I said, I know how dangerous sleep apnea is- I have it.
 

CJane

Senior Member
As our order states "both parties shall keep the other informed of any medical appointments". Which I have always done. It says nothing about one having to approve the doctor's appointment before our daughter could get treated, for any medical reason, serious or not.
It also doesn't say you have to inform him IN ADVANCE. The point isn't (generally) to get both parents to approve every little trip to the doctor, it's to prevent one parent from "holding all the cards" medically speaking.

Take you daughter to the appointments necessary. Inform Dad after the fact. You would not be violating the order, and I think a judge would understand that Dad is PREVENTING care for the child.

But also listen to the other posters that are saying that this surgery might not be a cure-all and your daughter's apnea might well continue - just not as severely.

If it were ME, I would explore ALL non-surgical options FIRST, such as the sleep study, CPap machine, etc.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It also doesn't say you have to inform him IN ADVANCE. The point isn't (generally) to get both parents to approve every little trip to the doctor, it's to prevent one parent from "holding all the cards" medically speaking.

Take you daughter to the appointments necessary. Inform Dad after the fact. You would not be violating the order, and I think a judge would understand that Dad is PREVENTING care for the child.

But also listen to the other posters that are saying that this surgery might not be a cure-all and your daughter's apnea might well continue - just not as severely.

If it were ME, I would explore ALL non-surgical options FIRST, such as the sleep study, CPap machine, etc.
The child's throat is 75% obstructed...that is the only reason why I would disagree with that advice. She could even choke on her food with that kind of obstruction.
 

CJane

Senior Member
The child's throat is 75% obstructed...that is the only reason why I would disagree with that advice. She could even choke on her food with that kind of obstruction.
I understand. And I realize it's not my child and I've not spoken to any of her doctors.

However, what I have read on this issue in the past few days indicates that a "wait and see" attitude is QUITE common because a child MAY outgrow a large part of the issue. Also, there is no guarantee that the surgery will preclude the use of a CPap or other long-term treatment.

Again, I agree that there ARE health issues - but I also believe that since Mom has to wait ANYWAY, and may NOT get a court order for the surgery, that exploring other options NOW isn't going to hurt anything at all.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I understand. And I realize it's not my child and I've not spoken to any of her doctors.

However, what I have read on this issue in the past few days indicates that a "wait and see" attitude is QUITE common because a child MAY outgrow a large part of the issue. Also, there is no guarantee that the surgery will preclude the use of a CPap or other long-term treatment.

Again, I agree that there ARE health issues - but I also believe that since Mom has to wait ANYWAY, and may NOT get a court order for the surgery, that exploring other options NOW isn't going to hurt anything at all.
I can definitely agree with that.
 
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