what do you guys think??

[troublesleeping]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am going to talk to a family law lawyer on Wednesday but he is $475 dollars per hour so I thought I would ask some questions where it is free!

I just want to make sure that I am doing everything that I should be doing to protect both my daughter and myself. My daughters father rarely saw her before the age of 21 months. At 21 months he decided he wanted to be a father and I was welcoming of it. 5 months later he has visitation

1 day per week for seven hours
1 day per week for six hours
He recently just asked if he could have 1 day every other week for 8 1/2 hours. We have done that one time and it was really difficult on our daughter but I am open to trying it again b/c she probably just needs a little time to get use to it.

My fear is that the father is setting himself up for a 50/50 or 60/40 spilt. My fear is that when we go to court (saving up money to do so) he will be granted every other weekend, two midweek visits, summer vacation time, etc. When our daughter starts school that would make it close to a 50/50 spilt and I can't help but think that is not a good idea with him living so far.

He has never had our daughter overnight, lives about 35 miles away, works 90 miles away from where he works but works from home two days a week, travels sometimes for work. I am the primary caregiver and a SAHM except for going to school two nights a week (thinking about switching to one full day per week.)

My main question is: Is he setting himelf up to get every other weekend, two midweek visits and vacay time?

There is not court order and he is on the BC. Thank you!!

 

[cyjeff]

Probably... and should.

 

[Isis1]

Probably... and should.

i agree!! way to go DAD!!

 

[troublesleeping]

ok..... I guess I am looking for more than a legal answer than that???

 

[Just Blue]

ok..... I guess I am looking for more than a legal answer than that???

What exactly are you looking for then? Someone to tell you that Dad "Will NEVER have an overnight"?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am going to talk to a family law lawyer on Wednesday but he is $475 dollars per hour so I thought I would ask some questions where it is free!

I just want to make sure that I am doing everything that I should be doing to protect both my daughter and myself. My daughters father rarely saw her before the age of 21 months. At 21 months he decided he wanted to be a father and I was welcoming of it. 5 months later he has visitation

1 day per week for seven hours
1 day per week for six hours
He recently just asked if he could have 1 day every other week for 8 1/2 hours. We have done that one time and it was really difficult on our daughter but I am open to trying it again b/c she probably just needs a little time to get use to it.

My fear is that the father is setting himself up for a 50/50 or 60/40 spilt. My fear is that when we go to court (saving up money to do so) he will be granted every other weekend, two midweek visits, summer vacation time, etc. When our daughter starts school that would make it close to a 50/50 spilt and I can't help but think that is not a good idea with him living so far.

He has never had our daughter overnight, lives about 35 miles away, works 90 miles away from where he works but works from home two days a week, travels sometimes for work. I am the primary caregiver and a SAHM except for going to school two nights a week (thinking about switching to one full day per week.)

My main question is: Is he setting himelf up to get every other weekend, two midweek visits and vacay time?

There is not court order and he is on the BC. Thank you!!

Why do you fear that he will get 50/50? I'm pretty sure sex is 2 people so it was 50/50 when the baby was being made yes? He is the other 50 percent of your child yes?

With all those dead beats out there you should be rejoicing that you have a man who even though at first made a mistake realized his mistake and is now making his child a priority. I know I would be if I were you.

 

[troublesleeping]

of course he is going to have overnights with our child! I don't have a problem with that or him having vacay time either. I am very happy he decided to become invovled. For the first time our daughter does not cling to any man for attention.

Anyways, I have a hard time thinking 50/50 or 60/40 is even a remotely good idea with the distance and the fact he wasn't involved for the first 21 months. 35 miles in southern California is at least 45 mins each way and that is with no traffic at all (which rarely exsits.) I can't imagine with a child in school or even not at school that 2 midweek visits and every other weekend would be A LOT. I can be home a lot more than he can. That is why I was thinking every other weekend with 1 midweek visit and then summer vacay time 2-4 weeks or so.

thoughts?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

of course he is going to have overnights with our child! I don't have a problem with that or him having vacay time either. I am very happy he decided to become invovled. For the first time our daughter does not cling to any man for attention.

Anyways, I have a hard time thinking 50/50 or 60/40 is even a remotely good idea with the distance and the fact he wasn't involved for the first 21 months. 35 miles in southern California is at least 45 mins each way and that is with no traffic at all (which rarely exsits.) I can't imagine with a child in school or even not at school that 2 midweek visits and every other weekend would be A LOT. I can be home a lot more than he can. That is why I was thinking every other weekend with 1 midweek visit and then summer vacay time 2-4 weeks or so.

thoughts?

35 miles is no big deal and very easy to have joint custody within that distance.

 

[troublesleeping]

ok, joint custody does not mean a 50/50 or 60/40 timeshare at all.

 

[CJane]

ok, joint custody does not mean a 50/50 or 60/40 timeshare at all.

This is true.

However, Dad WILL get visitation along the lines of e/o weekend, ONE midweek visit (likely a dinner visit, not an overnight) and 2-6 weeks in the summer. Without even hardly trying at all, this is what he'll get.

35 miles is no "distance" at all. Just not.

 

[troublesleeping]

This is true.

However, Dad WILL get visitation along the lines of e/o weekend, ONE midweek visit (likely a dinner visit, not an overnight) and 2-6 weeks in the summer. Without even hardly trying at all, this is what he'll get.

35 miles is no "distance" at all. Just not.

Right! My main issue is the two mid-week visits.... He is unfortunatly not all that rational and thinks he could have her over night during the week. He would have to leave his house at like 5:30am to get her to school. Or at the very least two dinner visits driving her back to his place. It just seems like a lot. I know 35 miles is not alot compared to parents who live thousands of miles away.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Right! My main issue is the two mid-week visits.... He is unfortunatly not all that rational and thinks he could have her over night during the week. He would have to leave his house at like 5:30am to get her to school. Or at the very least two dinner visits driving her back to his place. It just seems like a lot. I know 35 miles is not alot compared to parents who live thousands of miles away.

Why do you care if he has extra driving? If he is willing to do this to see his child that speaks volumes about what a loving father he is. I know if it meant seeing my kids I would do it in a heartbeat.

 

[troublesleeping]

I might agree if he had been involved from the start. I might agree if he only got involved when he got a girlfriend that wants to play mommy. I might agree if he hadn't dropped our daughter off his insurance even though it is court order that he has her on it. I might agree if he had let me know that he had dropped our daughter off his insurance but he didn't and I found out 3 months later when I rushed our daughter to the ER due to breathing problems and got stuck with a 4000 dollar bill. I might agree if his cs check didn't regularly bounce but he can afford to by new cars and motorcycle. He has stated his main motivation is to have a new family with our daughter and his girlfriend and erase me as much as possible. He also doesn't want to pay cs anymore. So I just can't agree about him being a wonderful father.... Is he trying harder than he ever has? Yes, but I think he is far from wonderful.

 

[CJane]

I might agree if he had been involved from the start. I might agree if he only got involved when he got a girlfriend that wants to play mommy. I might agree if he hadn't dropped our daughter off his insurance even though it is court order that he has her on it. I might agree if he had let me know that he had dropped our daughter off his insurance but he didn't and I found out 3 months later when I rushed our daughter to the ER due to breathing problems and got stuck with a 4000 dollar bill. I might agree if his cs check didn't regularly bounce but he can afford to by new cars and motorcycle. He has stated his main motivation is to have a new family with our daughter and his girlfriend and erase me as much as possible. He also doesn't want to pay cs anymore. So I just can't agree about him being a wonderful father.... Is he trying harder than he ever has? Yes, but I think he is far from wonderful.

And none of that changes the fact that as the child's father, he will be entitled to "frequent, meaningful and continuing contact" with the child.

Whether YOU like him anymore, or think he's a wonderful father is irrelevant. LEGALLY he even has the right to be a crappy father.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

I might agree if he had been involved from the start. I might agree if he only got involved when he got a girlfriend that wants to play mommy. I might agree if he hadn't dropped our daughter off his insurance even though it is court order that he has her on it. I might agree if he had let me know that he had dropped our daughter off his insurance but he didn't and I found out 3 months later when I rushed our daughter to the ER due to breathing problems and got stuck with a 4000 dollar bill. I might agree if his cs check didn't regularly bounce but he can afford to by new cars and motorcycle. He has stated his main motivation is to have a new family with our daughter and his girlfriend and erase me as much as possible. He also doesn't want to pay cs anymore. So I just can't agree about him being a wonderful father.... Is he trying harder than he ever has? Yes, but I think he is far from wonderful.

if he is court ordered to have her on insurance and she was dropped from insurance did you take him back to court to pay for the 4000 bill? Ever think that maybe it wasnt GF but maturity that brought this on? Even if it was GF your daughter benefits so who cares? If your having trouble with CS bouncing you can file through your state child support office and have it garnished directly from his check so problem solved. Ok what else?

Oh and him being a father is not erasing you as a mother. Thats your own issue you have to deal with. More daddy doesnt equal making you less the mommy.