Same old birthday story, same old birthday song and dance. And it’s all CJanes fault…

[ProSeDadinMD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? See my name…

Here’s the “back-story” on this particular issue for those interested.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/does-need-clarified-386217.html

The Readers Digest condensed version:
Court in April 2007 adding vacation and holidays. No mention of anybody’s birthday.

In 2007, I didn’t see Little Miss Pro Se on my birthday, as The Ex and I didn’t communicate well(this was just about as much my fault as hers). For The Ex’s birthday, I got an email stating that LMPS would be with her on hers(it fell on one of my midweek overnight visits). I didn’t object to it, although I did point out the fiasco surrounding mine.

I never filed for clarification. I had hoped that we could behave like adults, and we’d just been to court.

In 2008, The Ex was dead set against me seeing Little Miss Pro Se on my birthday, and it took a full weeks worth of emails between us, with me pointing out several times the email sent by The Ex in ’07 regarding her birthday, before she finally relented. I had LMPS overnight on my birthday, and The Ex had her on hers(LMPS was normally scheduled to be with her in ’08).

Now comes 2009. Because I responded in the negative(I said no, and explained my reason why) to an email from The Ex in which she told me that I would be “require”d to “forego” my holiday time at Thanksgiving so that she could travel out of state to see the family of a friend, I am now again being told that either I return Little Miss Pro Se at an unreasonably early hour(especially considering the 2 hour round trip to pick LMPS up, and then to return her), or she “will keep her for an overnight the Friday after Thanksgiving”. Regarding Thanksgiving, the order states that this year, I will have LMPS from 5pm on Friday thru 5pm on Sunday, at which time we revert to the normal schedule. This year, The Ex’s birthday falls on a day she would already have LMPS. Again, multiple emails on the subject, and I've pointed out the issues of the last 2 years in my responses.

3 years of this kind of BS is enough.

Before the end of this week, I will be filing a motion to clarify this whole birthday situation. It’ll benefit everybody to do so, and Status Quo is on my side of this.

2 Questions:
1) As our birthdays aren’t listed in the order at all, but are now established via Status Quo, any opinions on severity of ding I might take for keeping our daughter this evening?

2) Is me not responding to her threat to keep LMPS after Thanksgiving a tacit agreement? As it stands now, my thought is that it would be contempt.

She also seems to think we need to go to mediation over birthdays….What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[profmum]

.

She also seems to think we need to go to mediation over birthdays:rolleyes

If Mum is willing to go to mediation to work out the bday issue, why not do that vs filing a motion which just rachets things up?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

If Mum is willing to go to mediation to work out the bday issue, why not do that vs filing a motion which just rachets things up?

While I am not really sure why something as simple as her and my birthdays needs to be handled thru a mediator, I'd have no problem going to one. Of course, I'd ask that she pay for it.

I already know what The Ex want's, because she telegraphs her intentions like a really bad boxer.

1. She want's L'il Sis's birthday added to the order. I’m ambivalent on this one, and might be flexible on it.

2. She's looking for a way to take the midweek overnights, because she recently asked me, after I said I had to think about the drive time involved for LMPS to play soccer every weekend, "For the amount of time you spend on the road commuting with (LMPS) how can we continue to justify a midweek overnight". This is not open for negotiation from my side.

3. If she could, she's take full Legal Custody, so she can really be in charge. Again, not open for negotiation on my part.

The Ex has nothing to bargain with except the modification to add our birthdays, and I am pretty sure that presented properly this would be pretty close to a "slam dunk" if/when I file it.

 

[truebluemd]

While I am not really sure why something as simple as her and my birthdays needs to be handled thru a mediator, I'd have no problem going to one. Of course, I'd ask that she pay for it.

I already know what The Ex want's, because she telegraphs her intentions like a really bad boxer.

1. She want's L'il Sis's birthday added to the order. I’m ambivalent on this one, and might be flexible on it.

2. She's looking for a way to take the midweek overnights, because she recently asked me, after I said I had to think about the drive time involved for LMPS to play soccer every weekend, "For the amount of time you spend on the road commuting with (LMPS) how can we continue to justify a midweek overnight". This is not open for negotiation from my side.

3. If she could, she's take full Legal Custody, so she can really be in charge. Again, not open for negotiation on my part.

The Ex has nothing to bargain with except the modification to add our birthdays, and I am pretty sure that presented properly this would be pretty close to a "slam dunk" if/when I file it.

If you file, request you guys be ordered to go to mediation first...that way you wont come across as "difficult" in the courts eyes. Show them that you made every effort to work this out before getting court involved. I know we are in different counties, but If its one thing I know, the courts here do not like serial filers (like my ex), and they dont like micromanaging a visitation schedule (their words exactly).

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

If you file, request you guys be ordered to go to mediation first...that way you wont come across as "difficult" in the courts eyes. Show them that you made every effort to work this out before getting court involved. I know we are in different counties, but If its one thing I know, the courts here do not like serial filers (like my ex), and they dont like micromanaging a visitation schedule (their words exactly).

No problem with going to mediation. My thought about it is that the master/judge will agree with me that it's silly to have to go to mediation regarding our birthdays.

Considering that that is all I am after, I am still trying to figure out what we have to mediate about. Color me dense...

 

[Nevergrowup]

I am not understanding why a parent's birthday is that big of a deal. Can't you just celebrate on a different day? Like, the day after, or the weekend after? I have an intact family (3 of my kids, anyway) and last year we celebrated MY birthday on a different day, because there were several other things going on that weekend. I just don't see why it is a big enough deal to warrant a trip to court?

If all there is to clarify are the parent's birthdays, I don't get the big deal. I respect you and your posts, ProsedadinMD, so I am trying to understand, but once you get past 21, who really cares if you celebrate on the same day? I will admit in advance that I could be in the minority, but I just don't think it is worth a trip to court.

 

[profmum]

No problem with going to mediation. My thought about it is that the master/judge will agree with me that it's silly to have to go to mediation regarding our birthdays.

Considering that that is all I am after, I am still trying to figure out what we have to mediate about. Color me dense...

If the ex has other issues she is trying to raise/change etc maybe a "all for one" mediation that includes the bday issue would be more efficient? (You may not want other issues modified but as you know if she does, it goes to court if there is no agreement, this way you may be able to avoid the "go to mediation" step again and if you do have to go back to court, it is collectively for all unresolved issues).

In addition, since bday's were not spelled out in the original CO, a Motion to Clarify may not be appropriate, it is a minor issue and by itself should be a slam dunk as you say but sounds like the ex has a bigger agenda here.

 

[profmum]

If you file, request you guys be ordered to go to mediation first...that way you wont come across as "difficult" in the courts eyes. Show them that you made every effort to work this out before getting court involved. I know we are in different counties, but If its one thing I know, the courts here do not like serial filers (like my ex), and they dont like micromanaging a visitation schedule (their words exactly).

Great advice!

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I am not understanding why a parent's birthday is that big of a deal. Can't you just celebrate on a different day? Like, the day after, or the weekend after? I have an intact family (3 of my kids, anyway) and last year we celebrated MY birthday on a different day, because there were several other things going on that weekend. I just don't see why it is a big enough deal to warrant a trip to court?

If all there is to clarify are the parent's birthdays, I don't get the big deal. I respect you and your posts, ProsedadinMD, so I am trying to understand, but once you get past 21, who really cares if you celebrate on the same day? I will admit in advance that I could be in the minority, but I just don't think it is worth a trip to court.

They're a big deal because they're a big deal. I do almost everything else a day or 2 off. Sometimes enough is just enough.

If the ex has other issues she is trying to raise/change etc maybe a "all for one" mediation that includes the bday issue would be more efficient? (You may not want other issues modified but as you know if she does, it goes to court if there is no agreement, this way you may be able to avoid the "go to mediation" step again and if you do have to go back to court, it is collectively for all unresolved issues).

In addition, since bday's were not spelled out in the original CO, a Motion to Clarify may not be appropriate, it is a minor issue and by itself should be a slam dunk as you say but sounds like the ex has a bigger agenda here.

I misspoke. It really should be a motion to amend. Again, just the birthdays.

And The Ex always has a bigger agenda. She really thinks hers is bigger than mine...

At some level, the question has to become, in The Ex's eyes, "How much am I willing to spend to maybe prevent (PSDiMD) having even 5 minute more time with (LMPS)?", doesn't it?

 

[profmum]

At some level, the question has to become, in The Ex's eyes, "How much am I willing to spend to maybe prevent (PSDiMD) having even 5 minute more time with (LMPS)?", doesn't it?

Unfortunately it seems like it, my concern (for you) is that the excessive litigation may result in one parent having sole custody.. which may be Mum since she has primary physical custody now?

 

[CJane]

Man, I was all excited to read how this was my fault, and I'm not getting it.

Don't confuse me, man.

Also? Your birthday is TODAY? It's also Zephyr's Birthday and my favorite sister's birthday.

Anyway, I think it shouldn't be too difficult to get the Bdays added. My order states that the kiddos spend their birthdays w/me, and Ex's with him, and mine w/Me. 8a-9p. That has never been disputed by anyone.

HOWEVER, I have the golden uterus, so I get the kids' bdays. Are you suggesting alternating LMPS's?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Man, I was all excited to read how this was my fault, and I'm not getting it.

Don't confuse me, man.

Also? Your birthday is TODAY? It's also Zephyr's Birthday and my favorite sister's birthday.

Anyway, I think it shouldn't be too difficult to get the Bdays added. My order states that the kiddos spend their birthdays w/me, and Ex's with him, and mine w/Me. 8a-9p. That has never been disputed by anyone.

HOWEVER, I have the golden uterus, so I get the kids' bdays. Are you suggesting alternating LMPS's?

it's your fault because you were the voice of reason the last time this was an issue. And I listened...

We don't alternate LMPS's birthday. She's happy with that because she ends up with 2 parties. I could absolutely add it to this though.

 

[CJane]

it's your fault because you were the voice of reason the last time this was an issue. And I listened...

We don't alternate LMPS's birthday. She's happy with that because she ends up with 2 parties. I could absolutely add it to this though.

Oh. Right. I forget that I'm reasonable to a ridiculous fault.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Oh. Right. I forget that I'm reasonable to a ridiculous fault.

Right. Like I said. It's all your fault...

Kinda scary being seen as "the reasonable one". I prefer to think of myself as “Deliberate of action”.

 

[LdiJ]

Right. Like I said. It's all your fault...

Kinda scary being seen as "the reasonable one". I prefer to think of myself as “Deliberate of action”.

I honestly agree with the other poster who commented on why b-days are such a big deal. However, that's probably because my entire family always celebrates b-days on the weekends.