Constant conflict

[luvisabattle]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? washington state

There is constant conflict between my ex and I concerning residential time and any joint decision making. I make requests and he denys them.

I would like to file a contempt order, but wanted to hear what your advice is. Our daughter is constantly put in the middle and the transitions back and forth between my ex's home and ours is very tough on her.

Without completely rolling over (although at one point I did tell him to just let me know what my residential schedule should be according to him, so that I could at least make plans - He said no to that too)

any experience with this? Thanks!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? washington state

There is constant conflict between my ex and I concerning residential time and any joint decision making. I make requests and he denys them.

I would like to file a contempt order, but wanted to hear what your advice is. Our daughter is constantly put in the middle and the transitions back and forth between my ex's home and ours is very tough on her.

Without completely rolling over (although at one point I did tell him to just let me know what my residential schedule should be according to him, so that I could at least make plans - He said no to that too)

any experience with this? Thanks!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Contempt of what aspect of your court order?

 

[Ohiogal]

What does your court order state regarding parenting time for each of you? What does it state regarding decision making?

 

[luvisabattle]

for instance: our plan has a clause that says if one parent has our daughter for two weekends in a row, the everyother weekend schedule should be adjusted so that neither parent goes without seeing her for more than "TWO WEEKS."

Because the second sentance in the plan reads 'two weeks' instead of two weekends', My ex claims extra weekends - randomly - stating that it's only time that counts not the actual weekends. It causes chaos with her/my plans. He (his wife mainly does the pick-ups - he's a pilot and not in town alot) is supposed to pick her up at school, and so she waits for him, not knowing if he (she) will show or not.

 

[luvisabattle]

O.g.

by the way I copied your 'love your kids' quote and I have it by my desk. I'm really trying to take your advice.

I have her during the school year and every other weekends. During the summer we swtich and she lives with him/step-mom/three brothers. We alternate school breaks and holidays. He's supposed to have her one evening a week, but he's never utlized that option.

 

[Silverplum]

for instance: our plan has a clause that says if one parent has our daughter for two weekends in a row, the everyother weekend schedule should be adjusted so that neither parent goes without seeing her for more than "TWO WEEKS."

Because the second sentance in the plan reads 'two weeks' instead of two weekends', My ex claims extra weekends - randomly - stating that it's only time that counts not the actual weekends. It causes chaos with her/my plans. He (his wife mainly does the pick-ups - he's a pilot and not in town alot) is supposed to pick her up at school, and so she waits for him, not knowing if he (she) will show or not.

I don't see that as a contempt issue, IMO. I see it as a typo that requires clarification in a future court order.

 

[Ohiogal]

Who is the residential parent? Why are either of you going without seeing the child for two weeks? What time is GRANTED to you? To him? If he gets the children every other weekend then he wouldn't go two weeks without seeing the child unless he VOLUNTARILY decided to do that. He doesn't get makeup time for that.

 

[luvisabattle]

but's that's only one instance of many. Another issue was he took four weeks of 'vacation' all at once (she was with her step-mother) this summer denying my request to see our daughter. I requested one week prior to that (we are allowed two one week sessions and one two week session) and he said the week I requested was during the time he wanted her later recanting that saying work rescheduled him. We alternate years in who's vacation takes precedence and this year was his.

If I shouldn't file a contempt order how do I stop this behavior?

 

[luvisabattle]

Og -

I'm the residential parent, he goes three weeks without seeing her (twice since Sept) because he wants to adjust his weekend schedule.

For example I had her for my regular scheduled weekend Nov 21st and then got her Nov 28th because Thanksgiving was my holiday this year. Since I had her two weekends in a row he would get her Dec 5th. He (his lawyer) had told me that my ex wanted our daughter Dec 5th, 12th, and then would begin his winter scheduled time of Dec 24th - Dec 30 and I said no. We had plans the 12th and that would be my regular scheduled weekend. He had her for 5 out of 6 weekends during May / June because of his insistance on adjusting the schedule, but doesnt want to allow me that in Nov / Dec.

Our plan modification was finalized last Jan, so it's not even a year old. (I filed last year)

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm the residential parent, he goes three weeks without seeing her (twice since Sept) because he wants to adjust his weekend schedule.

For example I had her for my regular scheduled weekend Nov 21st and then got her Nov 28th because Thanksgiving was my holiday this year. Since I had her two weekends in a row he would get her Dec 5th. He (his lawyer) had told me that my ex wanted our daughter Dec 5th, 12th, and then would begin his winter scheduled time of Dec 24th - Dec 30 and I said no. We had plans the 12th and that would be my regular scheduled weekend. He had her for 5 out of 6 weekends during May / June because of his insistance on adjusting the schedule, but doesnt want to allow me that in Nov / Dec.

Our plan modification was finalized last Jan, so it's not even a year old. (I filed last year)

He doesn't get to play games with the schedule just because he doesn't EXERCISE his weekend. he gets her December 5th and then he gets her December 19th. He is NOT going two weeks with her then.

That is to make sure that one parent does NOT get three weekends in a row due to vacation/holidays and what not. After every holiday basically the EOW starts over again.

 

[luvisabattle]

Og

right, that's what the parenting plan states, but our winter schedule lets me have her Dec 19th - Dec 24th.

There are too many grey areas that normally would have been negotiated calmly between us, but he has a vendeta now and I feel like I to make it less chaotic for our daughter somehow. I have tried giving in to his whims, but that causes it's own problems. She has Brownie functions, school functions with friends not to mention the traditions she and I have etc.

What to do?

 

[Ohiogal]

right, that's what the parenting plan states, but our winter schedule lets me have her Dec 19th - Dec 24th.

There are too many grey areas that normally would have been negotiated calmly between us, but he has a vendeta now and I feel like I to make it less chaotic for our daughter somehow. I have tried giving in to his whims, but that causes it's own problems. She has Brownie functions, school functions with friends not to mention the traditions she and I have etc.

What to do?

Let him have her the 19th and 20th -- that weekend.

 

[luvisabattle]

Og

ok so doing that might make him happy this week, but how should I handle his ongoing refusal to negotiate going forward.

Another issue: I want to change her afterschool care to the one that is on-site at her school. She would be able to attend after school activities like sports and art class etc if she changed. The program that the new place has is more extensive and hands on. They do homework with the kids.

My ex has said no to the change (we have joint decision making) because it's $75 dollars more a month (belive me he can afford it).

He just says no to any request that I have.

 

[Ohiogal]

ok so doing that might make him happy this week, but how should I handle his ongoing refusal to negotiate going forward.

Another issue: I want to change her afterschool care to the one that is on-site at her school. She would be able to attend after school activities like sports and art class etc if she changed. The program that the new place has is more extensive and hands on. They do homework with the kids.

My ex has said no to the change (we have joint decision making) because it's $75 dollars more a month (belive me he can afford it).

He just says no to any request that I have.

What exactly does JOINT decision making mean -- in other words HOW DOES YOUR COURT ORDER DEFINE IT?

Take him back to court to clarify. And if you are able to pay the $75 a month more you may be able to change without his PERMISSION. Get your court order though and tell me exactly what it states regarding joint decision making.

 

[luvisabattle]

order says:

clause 4.2 MAJOR DECISIONS

Major decisions regarding each child shall be made as follows:

Education decisions joint
Non-emergency health care joint
Religious upbringing joint
Day Care Arrangements joint




I feel like we need to go back to court to clarify the grey areas (since he's using them to get back at me and cant negotiate) anyway, I just don't know how to file that. What would that be called "enforcement"?

Thanks for your help, I know you're busy.