Single mother rights

[princessmerry]

I get what you're saying. I'm simply stating my side as well.

My next question is.. to have visitation will he be REQUIRED to pay child support?
And can he still have visitation with her if he doesnt pay child support?

 

[princessmerry]

Thank you Tink I did look that up and got some ideas on how a parenting plan may be implemented.
Knowing that he will not be able to just come into her life now and take her half the time is a relief.
I would have no objections to him visiting her 2 or 3 hours a day 2 or 3 days a week in my home (which is what the information I found indicated) until she is 3 yrs of age.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Child support is NOT an admission to see the child.

The court shall determine the parenting plan in accordance with the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant parenting factors, which may include but are not limited to:

* The wishes of the child's parent or parents.
* The wishes of the child.
* The interaction and interrelationship of the child with the child's parent or parents and siblings and with any other person who significantly affects the child's best interest.
* The child's adjustment to home, school, and community.
* The mental and physical health of all individuals involved.
* Physical abuse or threat of physical abuse by one parent against the other parent or the child.
* Chemical dependency (as defined in 53-24-103), or chemical abuse on the part of either parent.
* Continuity and stability of care.
* Developmental needs of the child;
* Whether a parent has knowingly failed to pay birth-related costs that the parent is able to pay, which is considered to be not in the child's best interests.
* Whether a parent has knowingly failed to financially support a child that the parent is able to support, which is considered to be not in the child's best interests.
* Whether the child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents, which is considered to be in the child's best interests unless the court determines, after a hearing, that contact with a parent would be detrimental to the child's best interests. In making that determination, the court shall consider evidence of physical abuse or threat of physical abuse by one parent against the other parent or the child, including but not limited to whether a parent or other person residing in that parent's household has been convicted of any of the crimes enumerated in 40-4-219(8)(b).
* Adverse effects on the child resulting from continuous and vexatious parenting plan amendment actions.

[Based on Montana Code - Section 40 - Title: 4-212]

http://www.childcustodycoach.com/montana/

some good reading here:
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/montana-child-custody-laws.html

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

http://www.co.fergus.mt.us/clerkofcourt/visitation.htm

TERMINOLOGY IN THE FOLLOWING SECTIONS INCLUDES RESIDENTIAL PARENT, DESIGNATING THAT PERSON WITH WHOM THE CHILD SPENDS THE GREATER PROPORTION OF TIME AND NON-RESIDENTIAL PARENT, DESIGNATING THAT PERSON WITH WHOM THE CHILD_SPENDS A LESSER AMOUNT OF TIME.

1.15 Tender Years. The Tenth Judicial District Court conforms to the now longstanding precedent of the Montana Supreme Court abolishing the �tender years doctrine.� In Re the Marriage of Markegard (1980), 189 Mont. 374, 377, 616 P.2d 323, . Prior to this holding, mothers were entitled to a presumption that they should have custody of a child of tender years. As noted by the court, �this presumption is outdated in light of the enactment of the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act in this state.� This Court will not presume either parent is entitled to be the residential parent of a child simply based on the sex of the parent.

1.16 Children Under Age Five. Infants (children under eighteen months of age) have a great need for continuous contact with the residential parent who provides a sense of security, nurturing and predictability. Generally, overnight visits for infants are not recommended unless the secondary caretaker is very closely attached to the child and is able to provide primary care. Older preschool-age children (eighteen months to five years) are able to tolerate some separations from the residential parent. The following guidelines for children under age five are designed to take into account the child�s developmental milestones as a basis for parenting. Since children mature at different rates, these may need to be adjusted to fit the child�s unique circumstances. These guidelines may not apply to those instances where the parents are truly sharing equally all the caretaking responsibilities for the child and the child is equally attached to both parents. In the majority of situations, the following guidelines should generally apply:

A. Infants Birth to Six Months. Bonding is important at this age. Children need to have affectionate bonds with both parents. Overnight parenting by the non-residential parent is not usually granted. The infant�s eating and sleeping routine should not be interrupted. Alternate parenting plans: (1) Three two-hour visits per week, with one weekend day for six hours; or (2) three two-hour visits per week, with one overnight on a weekend for no longer than a twelve hour period, if the child is not breast feeding and the non-residential parent is capable of providing primary care.

B. Infants Six to Eighteen Months. Predictability and routine are important at this age. Overnight visits may be considered such as when an infant is going with older brothers or sisters the infant knows and trusts. Alternate parenting plans: (1) Three, three-hour visits per week with one weekend day for six hours; or (2) same as (1), but with one overnight not to exceed twelve hours, if the child is not breast feeding and the non-residential parent is capable of providing primary care; or (3) child spends time in alternate homes, but spends significantly more time at one of them and no more than two twelve-hour overnights per week at the other. This arrangement should be considered only for mature, adaptable children and very cooperative parents.

C. Toddlers Eighteen to Thirty-Six Months. Children start to learn that things and people continue to exist even when the child can�t see them. A common fear is that the residential parent will disappear and they may cry when a parent leaves them. Longer periods with the non-residential parent are generally appropriate. Overnight visits (2-4 days) away from the child�s home are permissible, however, the child needs to take favorite things with him/her (blanket or stuffed animal or pacifier, etc.). At this age children do not understand time, or days of the week, or that they will see mother or father �tomorrow� or in �two days� or on �Sunday.� When away from the residential parent, they may feel anger and a powerful sense of loss and often do not understand why mother or father isn�t there. Alternate parenting plans: (1) the non-residential parent has the child up to three times per week for several hours on each visit, on a predictable schedule: or (2) same as (1) but with one overnight per week; or (3) child spends time in alternate homes, but with more time in one than the other with two or three overnights spaced regularly throughout the week. This requires an adaptable child and cooperative parents.

D. Preschoolers (Three to Five Years Old). The most important thing is predictability. Children can usually tolerate more extensive time away from the residential parent and they should see the other parent at least once each week. Children still have a strong need to take familiar things with them. Alternate parenting plans: (1) one weekend parenting period (i.e. Friday evening to Sunday evening) on alternate weekends and one midweek visit or overnight; or (2) two or three nights at one home, spaced throughout the week, the remaining time at the other home. In addition, for preschoolers, a vacation period for a number of weeks with the non-residential parent is appropriate.

 

[MichaCA]

Thats good information posted, there is definitely no guarantee dad will come for short visits until the age of three. It partly depends on how much initiative dad show...if a court case continues, or if a graduated visitation plan is put into a court order. But no, you are NOT looking at 50/50 right off the bat.

It is true that often, when moms file for child support, the dad files for visitation/custody.

Suggestion; invite dad over...see how it goes. Have a calm friend around if need be so you can keep your cool if dad says something that pushes your buttons. Consider the possibility that with some discussion with dad (away from baby), inform him of visitation standards in MT, and suggest keeping it out of court (then again others will say to definitly get a court order).

As it sounds you've gotten so far, this is NOT something you can fight, if dad wants a visitation schedule and shared custody, he will get it. It will NOT look good for you in a court room to "put up a fight". Always ask for whats best for your infant...the courts will presume both parents being involved...but should work with their guidelines as to an appropriate visitation plan. So if you have to fight, fight for a conservative visitation plan to begin with.

From my experience bringing in a child this way;
1. Do everything you can to establish a positive co parenting relationship with the dad. Overlook the small stuff. It will make a difference in the long haul...you got 18 years with this man ahead of you.

2. My daughters dad didn't start visiting her regularly at all until she was past age one. The courts (wrongly, the mediator later admitted) put her on an accelerated visitation plan. At around 1 1/2 years of age she was going through separation anxiety and it was a bad mix. I would avoid bringing this in to a child at that age like a plague.

As far as child support, if you file, the courts could order dads wage to be imputed, or order him to do a job search...all kinds of stuff.

 

[ecmst12]

Ok, so when you go to court, you will ask for child support and he will ask for visitation and both will most likely be ordered. But the orders are totally separate - you will NOT be able to withhold visitation if he happens to fall behind on support.

Remember that it is GOOD for your child to have a relationship with both parents. You are doing her no favors trying to keep her father away from her.

 

[cyjeff]

By the way, the next time you refer to him as a sperm donor, we are all going to refer to you as the sperm dumpster...or, perhaps, breed mare.

Aren't labels fun?

 

[Isis1]

By the way, the next time you refer to him as a sperm donor, we are all going to refer to you as the sperm dumpster...or, perhaps, breed mare.

Aren't labels fun?

even a breed mare has more dignity.

 

[princessmerry]

You can label me however you like. But at the end of the day I am the one who took on the responsibility of a child while the SPERM DONOR tucked tail and ran.
Thank God for this sperm dumpsters family or both I and my child would have been living on the street as the SPERM DONOR wouldn't get a job and ran 2000 miles away to avoid having to do anything.
So in this case, I'd be happy to be called whatever you choose to call me. As I am the one who "manned up".
So.. stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

 

[ecmst12]

So because he first made a bad decision, you don't want to allow him to NOW step up and do the right thing? It's not like he let you raise her alone for 10 years....it's only been a few months. It's christmas/hannukah/family holiday season, find some forgiveness in your heart, for your child's sake.

 

[Isis1]

So because he first made a bad decision, you don't want to allow him to NOW step up and do the right thing? It's not like he let you raise her alone for 10 years....it's only been a few months. It's christmas/hannukah/family holiday season, find some forgiveness in your heart, for your child's sake.

NoooOOoOOoOO!!!

 

[cyjeff]

You can label me however you like. But at the end of the day I am the one who took on the responsibility of a child while the SPERM DONOR tucked tail and ran.
Thank God for this sperm dumpsters family or both I and my child would have been living on the street as the SPERM DONOR wouldn't get a job and ran 2000 miles away to avoid having to do anything.
So in this case, I'd be happy to be called whatever you choose to call me. As I am the one who "manned up".
So.. stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Time for a visit from Unca Jeffy....

You make it sound like you deserve an award for caring for your child. That is called parenting.

The fact that you want to just GIVE your child to another man... your current boyfriend... says VOLUMES about your commitment.

I know, I know... you don't want to marry him... because you guys aren't ready for THAT kind of commitment... but you will go ahead and give him your child.

Do you have ANY idea how stupid and reckless that is? Do you really know anything about him? Anything at all?

Does HE realize he is putting himself on the financial hook for the next two decades or does he really just like playing daddy?

The child has one mother and one father. The father WAS NOT LEGALLY BOUND to the child before now... and won't be until you go to court and name him.

You want things to happen as if by magic. That doesn't happen in the real world.

Take the father to court... get him to start supporting his child and do everything you can to encourage the relationship.

I don't give a damn how you feel about him. You decided to make him half of your child's DNA and now you have to do what is right by your child.

Don't start your child's life with a lie. That will not end well.

 

[princessmerry]

Well UNCA JEFFY... those were questions that I asked. No where in there did I indicate I wanted my boyfriend (who doesn't exist. I'm a new mother, I barely have time to go to the bathroom, let alone have time for a man.)
I kept hearing from people that if there is no contact made, attempt to get a paternity test done and no child support paid for 1 year that they are then considered to have abandoned their child and lost their rights.
You know nothing about me. Other then the few questions I've asked.
And you are right.. being a mother and taking on all the responsibility I did made me a parent. His lack of doing so made him.. A LOSER!

 

[gr8rn]

Lisssen, quite a few of us have made the same mistake, picking the wrong person to be the father of their child. But they (the children) don't come with a handbook and there are no written instructions (that I know of) but the legal advise (aside from the labeling and namecalling on both sides) you have ben given is spot on. He will be in your childs life for 18 years. And despite the hate you feel for him (and believe me I can relate) your daughter is going to love her daddy no matter what. He won't be perfect right off the bat. But despite what you are feeling you are going to have to be prepared if and when he files, and you need to accept it and be prepared. And don't make the mistake of not filing for child support. Everyone can use the extra money even if it is a couple hundred a month. He won't be perfect and he won't know what to do right off the bat. But when it is time for visitation, you can help tremendously by accepting that he will be seeing his daughter and you can spend the early visits showing him the basics (preparing bottles, changing a diaper, feeding his daughter). There are a lot of "new daddy" books around. Pick one out and give it to him on his first visit and make nice. Give him a chance to learn how to love his daughter as much as you do. If you approach it in a friendly way, he will appreciate it. ANY man can learn to be a father. My son's father is a work in progress after 7 years. I have had to put up with a lot since I got him out of my life. But I never expected to get him out of our sons life and believe me I had pleanty of reasons and opportunities, I didn't do it because I know our son loves his Daddy as much as he loves me. Not fair, really but not my call.

 

[princessmerry]

I understand where you are coming from gr8rn. I truly do.
My problem is that this guy hauled ass 2000 miles away when he found out I was pregnant. Infact, he didn't tell a soul, and to this day none of his friends and family would know except that I had emailed him letting him know when she would be born and his mom ran across the email and contacted me.
He then decides to come back to town for a "visit". He was here for 3 days and made no attempt to see her, even though I begged him to.
Then one night I get a call from a friend who is at his pad telling me that there is alot of partying.. drinking and smoking of pot going on there.
Yet still he hasn't been able to find the time to see his daughter.
Frankly, I've done what I consider to be FAR more then my part to encourage a relationship between the two of them. Now I'm out to protect my daughter from a bio dad who obviously considers her just a convenience.