Single mother rights

[ecmst12]

Your ex hasn't been a father long enough for you to label him a loser. You haven't given him a chance to be a good father. You need to give him a break. So he was terrified when he found out he was going to be a father unexpectedly. I bet you were terrified too. I bet if you hadn't been the pregnant one you might have done the same thing. Now that the baby is HERE and a reality for him, it's starting to sink in.

I know you've been living with the reality for a year, but he hasn't. And I know your hormones are still raging pretty hard. But preventing her from knowing her father is NOT protecting your daughter, it is letting YOUR anger interfere with her need to be loved by both of you.

 

[killerzoey]

I just wanted to chime in with a personal story - well, a friend's. Her "sperm donor" flew the coop and has been paying scant CS for about 5 years. He was young and they weren't together long. Last time he saw their kid he was 18 months old, and before that only a few times. Always awkward, even the letters he sent, which were very few. Didn't know the first thing about kids - that was obvious.

Well, he's now a ripe old 26 years old and in law school. He recently let my friend know he is trying to get transferred to a college nearby to her so he can be near their son. While he works on that, he is going to visit. Last week he came to town just to see their son. He and their boy spent the whole day together and had a great time. A bit emotional, understandably, for their son, but what my friend learned is that no matter how she feels about him, she sees how important he is to her son (of course, right? That's DAD). And she sees her "ex" is growing up. He may even be reading some early childhood development stuff to get up to speed, since he seemed to have more of a clue of how to relate. Or maybe he does better with 5 year olds. Who knows.

But I wanted to say that it's been hard for my friend because she's human and she's protective and part of her feels resentment toward the dad that he got to keep partying and living "the life" and she had to be oh so serious and dedicated and broke, and, well, a mom. But she doesn't act on that stuff - she acts on forgiveness and facilitating a relationship with the father. I have learned a lot from her and quite frankly from this forum. It can feel a certain way (unfair) and it can in fact be a certain way (unfair) and we STILL have to keep in mind that our children just want to know their parents. All that legal stuff still needs to be addressed behind the scenes, but we also need to spend time thinking like our children and remembering how important parents are to them, even with all our defects. And we never know what the future may hold. People do grow up and man up, but maybe not on our schedule. It's probably too late for my STBX who is pushing 60, but i wouldn't be so quick to pass judgment on someone younger, and I would assume your baby daddy fits into that category.

The advice here is harsh but does often help get your head screwed on straighter.

 

[alonzobaby32]

By the way, the next time you refer to him as a sperm donor, we are all going to refer to you as the sperm dumpster...or, perhaps, breed mare.

Aren't labels fun?

well it is what it is...that's what he is, oh well

 

[Just Blue]

well it is what it is...that's what he is, oh well

You need to stop this. You are seriously out of line. This is a Family Law forum not a chat room...If you REFUSE to understand things from a legal standpoint, that is too bad and most unfortunate for your child...But STOP posting your angry, ignorant, NON-RELEVANT opinions here.

 

[stealth2]

You can label me however you like. But at the end of the day I am the one who took on the responsibility of a child while the SPERM DONOR tucked tail and ran.
Thank God for this sperm dumpsters family or both I and my child would have been living on the street as the SPERM DONOR wouldn't get a job and ran 2000 miles away to avoid having to do anything.
So in this case, I'd be happy to be called whatever you choose to call me. As I am the one who "manned up".
So.. stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Wait a minute.... You are dinging Dad for not being stable enough to have his own place, when you are in the same position? YOU are apparently not providing for this child, EITHER. Can you spell "hypocrite"?

Dad has (and had) no obligation to support you - or the child - prior to a determination of paternity. If you want him to support his child, it is on you to follow up on it. If he wants to see the child, it is on him.

But really, just zip it on what a loser he is. You are apparently in no better position to be a parent. Except for having third parties who'll fund your little game of "let's play house".

 

[gr8rn]

I think I read this here somewhere, "Hipocracy is the mother of all credibility issues."

 

[cyjeff]

Well UNCA JEFFY... those were questions that I asked. No where in there did I indicate I wanted my boyfriend (who doesn't exist. I'm a new mother, I barely have time to go to the bathroom, let alone have time for a man.)
I kept hearing from people that if there is no contact made, attempt to get a paternity test done and no child support paid for 1 year that they are then considered to have abandoned their child and lost their rights.
You know nothing about me. Other then the few questions I've asked.
And you are right.. being a mother and taking on all the responsibility I did made me a parent. His lack of doing so made him.. A LOSER!

So, when you said...

Since there is no father listed on the birth certificate and nothing pending in the courts, can she legally be adopted by say my boyfriend?

You were actually talking about giving your child's future to someone you haven't even MET yet?

Kind of a gift with purchase?

 

[Proserpina]

Well UNCA JEFFY... those were questions that I asked. No where in there did I indicate I wanted my boyfriend (who doesn't exist. I'm a new mother, I barely have time to go to the bathroom, let alone have time for a man.)
I kept hearing from people that if there is no contact made, attempt to get a paternity test done and no child support paid for 1 year that they are then considered to have abandoned their child and lost their rights.
You know nothing about me. Other then the few questions I've asked.
And you are right.. being a mother and taking on all the responsibility I did made me a parent. His lack of doing so made him.. A LOSER!

So go ahead and file.

Let us know how that goes.