Earrings, Ear Piercing

[frylover]

Join the club... I'm almost finished. However, I have never really determined what the definition of finished is. I guess, it's the point where I'm sick of shopping for the moment. Christmas is around the corner... and opportunity for more clothing.

I've yet to buy shoes. For a teenaged boy. Whose foot keeps growing.

They really should NOT be permitted to do that growing thing until they can buy their own clothes!

 

[aubreyz]

SHE doesn't know the difference and neither does anyone else without the Tiffany box at hand or would he like her to carry it around, too, with a hanging tag saying "GIFT FROM DADDY $1500 EARRINGS NOW ON EARS".

Hilarious. Incidentally, she DOES have to keep both original boxes, and both original blue suede/velvet-like Tiffany & Co. drawstring bag that each box came in, and for a time, the pale-blue handle bag that carried the prizes home from the jeweler was used as a lunch bag for the child.

Look at us! We have enough money to use various bags from Tiffany's as disposable lunch bags!

A while back, I did offer to buy her a locking jewelry box in which she could store them, but dad deemed it unnecessary.

 

[rbw5147]

Hilarious. Incidentally, she DOES have to keep both original boxes, and both original blue suede/velvet-like Tiffany & Co. drawstring bag that each box came in, and for a time, the pale-blue handle bag that carried the prizes home from the jeweler was used as a lunch bag for the child.

Look at us! We have enough money to use various bags from Tiffany's as disposable lunch bags!

A while back, I did offer to buy her a locking jewelry box in which she could store them, but dad deemed it unnecessary.

That's just "icky." (kinda makes my stomach turn, actually)


OP, I don't blame you one bit regarding your concern about your dauughter being made to place so much priority on status and things... and even appearances, to a point. Everybody knows the statistics on how damaging these things can be to young girls, resulting in eating disorders, insecurities, depression/anxiety.. even bullying. I don't know how you could remedy this when her father blatantly doesn't care, but I'm sure you are doing all you can when she is with you, to make sure you are raising a confidant, secure young woman. Good luck!

 

[mistoffolees]

A while back, I did offer to buy her a locking jewelry box in which she could store them, but dad deemed it unnecessary.

Why in the world would you care whether your ex thinks you should buy a locking jewelry box?

I'd buy one anyway. First stop when the girl gets to your house is to lock the earrings into the box. Last stop before leaving is to retrieve them.

 

[Knowalot]

Locking Jewelry Box

Bad idea. Someone will notice it is locked, presume it has valuables and take the whole thing. Sorta like a "portable" safe ... If dad won't keep them, you could spend a little $$$, put them in a padded envelope, insure them and mail them back to him everytime he sends them along. Maybe he could get a piercing and wear them while she is gone. Poor kid. What a thing to have to think about at a young age -- taking care of ears and earrings. I am a grown up and my fairly decent ones fall down the drain, get lost on the floor or in the car or my coat or the movies never to be found. Dumb men.

 

[aubreyz]

Why in the world would you care whether your ex thinks you should buy a locking jewelry box?

I'd buy one anyway. First stop when the girl gets to your house is to lock the earrings into the box. Last stop before leaving is to retrieve them.

At the time, the jewelry box was for her "other house". Because naively, I first thought she was keeping them in their original boxes because she didn't have a place to put them. I put them in a very safe place at my house if she ever takes them out while she's here.

Ok, now let's up the ante. Now he's pulling at the collar of her shirt and shaming her in public. Seems like if that was happening, then you would have said that in post #1. Now, the very FIRST time he did that, you did what exactly, because I'll tell you, the first time someone pulled MY child by the collar anywhere would be the very LAST time they did it - and I'd make sure of it.

Oh, and I know that this was further back in the thread, but wanted to clarify. He wasn't choking her with her shirt collar or inappropriately exposing her; he was making a rather enormous gesture about inspecting the label/tag/brand of the shirt. Although I didn't like it and we've since discussed the matter, I'm quite sure that I could not enforce the matter--it's not exactly physical abuse.

 

[LdiJ]

At the time, the jewelry box was for her "other house". Because naively, I first thought she was keeping them in their original boxes because she didn't have a place to put them. I put them in a very safe place at my house if she ever takes them out while she's here.



Oh, and I know that this was further back in the thread, but wanted to clarify. He wasn't choking her with her shirt collar or inappropriately exposing her; he was making a rather enormous gesture about inspecting the label/tag/brand of the shirt. Although I didn't like it and we've since discussed the matter, I'm quite sure that I could not enforce the matter--it's not exactly physical abuse.

No its not physical abuse, its just incredibly tacky...and likely did shame the child a bit.

 

[stealth2]

Who's to say that she's being raised to think it's the cost of the clothes she wears that indicates her worth as a person. Maybe it's about the quality and the style. I'm not saying dad's right here, but that's where it is with me. I'd rather have my child wear good quality, stylish clothing and I have yet to find an outfit at Target I'd send him to school in or let him come to my job in. Play and get sweaty at the park in? Maybe. At the point where I can find Macy's quality clothing at Target, I'll revisit my viewpoint.

And I'll tell ya - I've gotten low quality clothing from Macy's, Nordstrom's, etc. Just because they sell it doesn't make it high quality. And, honestly? With the way kids grow, it doesn't make sense to me to pay a lot for something that will be outgrown in the space of a couple of months, if not less.

And that's why you're much more a better parent that I am... because I'm not doing it.

As far as I'm concerned, if it's not a permanent thing? It's not the biggest problem I could have to deal with. Those things that ARE permanent? We talk about, I explain why I won't allow it while s/he is a minor, but that there will come a point when s/he can make that choice for him/herself - and I hope they will be mature enough to consider the long-term effects of the choice.

Hair, eyeliner, and black clothes? SO not a big deal. Skinny jeans? Same. The teen years are a time of life, IMO, for figuring out who you are. I would much prefer my kids to experiment with their looks than get involved with drugs, drinking, or sexual experimentation. At the end of the day? They are still the same wonderful people inside. As an added bonus, they get to find out how it feels to have people judge you for how you look. It tends to make them a bit more open to others who may look different from them - whether in terms of clothing, skin color, disability, orientation, etc. I've found it makes them more accepting of people's worth - despite their appearance.

And I can tell you that #1 lost friends for his choices. Kids who said he was gay, emo, a pussy, weird, a dweeb, a geek, etc. He also kept one friend who told his Mom (a friend of mine) that he didn't care what the other kids said - #1 was a stand-up guy, and someone you could count on. The rest simply didn't matter. And #1 has become someone who looks past the outer layer to look at the person within. That's something I'm proud of.

I have no problem going to the grocery store in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, if that's the only place i'm going. I've got a pair on now and I'm doing laundry, cleaning the house and later I'm going to the market (but I'm also going to do my hair and throw on some lip gloss) - but I wouldn't stop by anyone's house. My dad was very persnickety about his children looking like anything going outside. I guess it just stuck.

Diff'rent strokes. I figure that, if people like *me*? They'll like me in my hang-about-the house clothes as much as they do in my "fancy" clothes. I can go from the stuff I wear at the barn to opera-ready evening step-out-the-door attire in less than 20 minutes. I clean up good.

 

[Isis1]

I'm jealous. It takes me at least two hours, to clean up "good". My hair and i are not good friends.

 

[lizzymom]

Really????

I can't believe so many posts are even addressing this. When she's with you, she follows your home rules, including removing expensive jewelry.
I had custody..dad had visitation. He bought televisions, computers and jewelry for the girls when they were little.
My rule was no tv or computer in the bedrooms..I refused to install any electronics in the bedrooms...and to keep them at his house.
He can't dictate that you "act" a certain way at your house...unless he pays the rent...or mortgage. He does not employ you.
In fact, if she "lost" them, it would be his liability. My daughter works at Jared's and they sell insurance for said "expensive" jewelry.
I can't even see how a judge would hold you liable for it.
Reallly, you have a right to make the rules at your house...you don't have to follow his rules..she's your daughter too.
You can feed her what you want, make the schedule for her you want and dress her like you want when she's in your care.
You have the right to parent your child even if he's the CP. Unless you're the babysitter..which you aren't. This is ridiculous..forget the tags and status, she's a child.

 

[mistoffolees]

My hair and i are not good friends.

That's no problem for me. I lost mine years ago.