Name Change

[RemitAdvice]

VA

Not sure if I should have added this to my other thread, but it is unrelated to CS...

I have primary custody, we share joint legal of our 6 yo daughter. NCP was absent for her entire first five years. He was not present during birth, did not sign AOP, his name is NOT on the BC...she carries my last name.

Now, a year after visitation has started, he would like to change her last name. My question: Can he do this without my consent?

Furthermore, to complicate things...

According to the Dept. of Vital Stats in VA, her father is my first husband. My divorce papers were signed days after her birth...This problem has never been fixed and is so tied up in red tape that it seems completely impossible to unravel despite numerous calls and letters.

So what do you think, oh mavens of the FA forum?

 

[CJane]

No, he cannot change the child's last name w/out your consent.

And if he's not the legal father, he stands no chance of prevailing in court on a name change alone.

He COULD file to establish his paternity, and request a name change at that time... but at your child's age, it's anyone's guess whether a judge would find it to be in the child's best interests.

And, common wisdom around here is that it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name.

 

[mistoffolees]

And, common wisdom around here is that it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name.

More accurately, "it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name WHEN IT IS BEING DONE SOLELY FOR MOM'S EGO and without consideration of what's really best for the child"

 

[RemitAdvice]

More accurately, "it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name WHEN IT IS BEING DONE SOLELY FOR MOM'S EGO and without consideration of what's really best for the child"

Um...or Dad's...since I'm Mom.

I don't understand what benefit would be had in changing her name after it's been on all her school work and med records and whatnot...

It does seem ego related, does it not?

 

[ecmst12]

Or dad's ego, for that matter. If dad wanted the child to carry his name, he should have been around 6 years ago when she was being named.

 

[RemitAdvice]

No, he cannot change the child's last name w/out your consent.

And if he's not the legal father, he stands no chance of prevailing in court on a name change alone.

He COULD file to establish his paternity, and request a name change at that time... but at your child's age, it's anyone's guess whether a judge would find it to be in the child's best interests.

And, common wisdom around here is that it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name.

Wasn't paternity established when he was granted legal custody in Feb of this year? A DNA test was taken in DEC of '04 after birth...but it was private and an effort on my part to try and convince him to be a part of her life. His denial of paternity was based on her sex...

 

[CJane]

More accurately, "it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name WHEN IT IS BEING DONE SOLELY FOR MOM'S EGO and without consideration of what's really best for the child"

OH! I'm sorry, I thought that your position couldn't possibly be gender specific. Guess I was wrong.

OP - it's perfectly OK for a DAD to demand a name change to soothe HIS EGO. Apparently it falls into the "Magic Penii Clause" in the HeManWomanHatersRuleBook.

Again.

And OP? If he's been granted custody of ANY KIND by a court, then the court no longer considers your first husband her father. THAT is what caused my confusion.

Still, he'll not be granted a name change without your consent -- perhaps a hyphenation after a judge's determination that it would be in the child's best interests - but he's known about her since 2004, known he was her father, and hasn't cared.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

VA
Furthermore, to complicate things...

According to the Dept. of Vital Stats in VA, her father is my first husband. My divorce papers were signed days after her birth...This problem has never been fixed and is so tied up in red tape that it seems completely impossible to unravel despite numerous calls and letters.

So what do you think, oh mavens of the FA forum?

So, how do you have a CS order for Dad if'n(catch my VA accent there?) if he's not "legally" Dad?

 

[RemitAdvice]

OH! I'm sorry, I thought that your position couldn't possibly be gender specific. Guess I was wrong.

OP - it's perfectly OK for a DAD to demand a name change to soothe HIS EGO. Apparently it falls into the "Magic Penii Clause" in the HeManWomanHatersRuleBook.

Again. .

And OP? If he's been granted custody of ANY KIND by a court, then the court no longer considers your first husband her father. THAT is what caused my confusion..

Yeah, mine too...I have submitted a copy of the CO to the DOVT FOUR times, with no response and no change. He cannot even get a copy of her BC or her SS card. I dunno what's going on around that place.

Still, he'll not be granted a name change without your consent -- perhaps a hyphenation after a judge's determination that it would be in the child's best interests - but he's known about her since 2004, known he was her father, and hasn't cared.

Amen. I always hoped he would change his mind one day about being in her life. It's been an absolute nightmare. Be careful what you wish for...

 

[RemitAdvice]

So, how do you have a CS order for Dad if'n(catch my VA accent there?) if he's not "legally" Dad?

Stop bustin' my chops. Besides... your handle says 'MD' and your location is all smarty pants-i-fied.

All I'm saying is that the Dept of Vitals says that he's not her father. AND I couldn't get a case opened through DCSE because of this very reason. The CS was CO'd then I opened the case with DCSE.

He acknowledged paternity in court, was granted visitation and was ordered to pay CS in Aug. of '09. I faxed a copy of the CO along with all other required documentation to DCSE and viola! Case opened.

 

[LdiJ]

More accurately, "it's vengeful and petty and damaging to a child to change their last name WHEN IT IS BEING DONE SOLELY FOR MOM'S EGO and without consideration of what's really best for the child"

So its ok if its solely for dad's ego? Because after all, a child is the same person no matter what last name he/she has, therefore why would a father, other than ego, insist on changing the child's last name to his?

Do you get my point here?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Stop bustin' my chops. Besides... your handle says 'MD' and your location is all smarty pants-i-fied.

All I'm saying is that the Dept of Vitals says that he's not her father. AND I couldn't get a case opened through DCSE because of this very reason. The CS was CO'd then I opened the case with DCSE.

He acknowledged paternity in court, was granted visitation and was ordered to pay CS in Aug. of '09. I faxed a copy of the CO along with all other required documentation to DCSE and viola! Case opened.

Wasn't "bustin' " your chops. Simply asking a legit question, which you so graciously answered.

'Course, I might start now because of this:

smarty pants-i-fied

 

[mistoffolees]

Um...or Dad's...since I'm Mom.

Yes, I left that out - since it's almost never Dad who's trying to change the child's name. But it certainly applies in both directions.

 

[mistoffolees]

OH! I'm sorry, I thought that your position couldn't possibly be gender specific. Guess I was wrong.

OP - it's perfectly OK for a DAD to demand a name change to soothe HIS EGO. Apparently it falls into the "Magic Penii Clause" in the HeManWomanHatersRuleBook.

No, it's not. It's just that it's almost never the man who is asking for a name change so I neglected that situation. Clearly (as I stated above), the same rule applies both directions.

So what's your problem that has you so full of hatred and bitterness that you're making such juvenile attacks?

 

[CJane]

No, it's not. It's just that it's almost never the man who is asking for a name change so I neglected that situation. Clearly (as I stated above), the same rule applies both directions.

So what's your problem that has you so full of hatred and bitterness that you're making such juvenile attacks?

I'm sorry, juvenile attacks? Is that what it's called to point out that you keep making blanket statements about individual cases as if they apply in ALL cases?

Or that you made several very specifically gender-related posts as if it's ALWAYS Mom who wants to change a child's name, and it's ALWAYS for Mom's own Ego and it's ALWAYS damaging to the child to have a name changed.

When VERY VERY OFTEN on this board, it IS in fact Dad who wants to change the child's name. And it's VERY OFTEN because he wants his name "carried on" or he wants his son to "bear his name".

And that Dad is told almost without exception that OF COURSE he should be able to change the child's name -- or at the very least, ADD his name (therefore changing the child's name) because gosh darn it, it's his right (!!!!).

Whatever.

I gave my child his father's last name even when I knew he wasn't going to be involved. Not for the father, but for ME. Because I still have my ex-husband's last name, and I wasn't going to give THAT name to my son by someone else. And because his name is just so darned cool and it wouldn't be if I'd given him a different last name.

Guess THAT was about my ego too, now that I think about it.