Here we go again

[novemberbride]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I've posted here before about the situation with my ex. Currently, I'm awaiting a long cause hearing that he asked for. He is asking for custody because he believes I am unfit because I allowed our 4 year old daughter to be in a daycare where she was abused. He made several allegations, which have not be substantiated. We went to court in June, but by then my daycare lady was so afraid of him that she asked for our daughter to be dismissed from her daycare.
Now, my daughter is in preschool. She goes 2 days a week, sometimes 3 days a week. Preschool is half a day. She began preshcool in July, when she was 3 1/2. I gave dad all the particulars about the daycare. All of a sudden, as of three weeks ago, Dad is calling the owner of the preschool demanding that she call him the minute our daughter walks through their door and is demanding that the teachers allow him to talk to daughter on the phone. He's also demanded a copy of the contract I signed with preschool, which includes information of other emergency contacts, like my in laws. Owner of preschool told him no, and to take up his issues with me. He's been irate since then. He's been calling them ALL DAY for the last three weeks. He's left them ton's of messages, and is now threatening them with reporting them to licensing and coming up to them in person. Owner feels threatened by dad. Owner talked to her lawyer, who told her to NOT give dad a copy of the contract I signed with her.
Owner says if she recieves anymore phone calls she will seek a restraining order. She has several other children, and because dad has such a scary demeanor, she is fearful for the other children at the school.
I don't know what dad wants...I've talked to him, and told him the days daughter is at school, what she does, etc. He has the address and phone number, so I'm not sure what else he wants.
Daughter is with dad for weekend visitation. Dad's mom picked up daughter Friday morning. Tonight, he called and left a message stating "Don't pick up daughter tomorrow, we are on vacation. Pick her up this Friday". Our order states each of us are entitled to a week vacation as long as we've given 30 day written notice to the other parent. I called dad and asked what was going on. He said he was taking daughter for vacation, and he mailed me a letter a month ago. I haven't recieved anything from him, nor has he mentioned it to me. I told dad I was concerned about this because he was only giving me a few hours notice. I don't mind the vacation, but I felt like dad is being manipulative. Dad said he didn't care, he has proof he mailed me a letter and to not come to his house because they are not there. I asked to speak to my daughter, and he wouldn't let me.
I'm not sure what to do. Whenever this has happened in the past, and I call the police, they tell me that it's a matter for the courts and they wont get involved. With dad's behavior lately I'm a little concerned. If the police don't want to be involved, what options do I have?

 

[Isis1]

Take dad back to court for contempt. Take dad back to court for a restraining order on dad to prevent him from calling or showing up at the school. Bring the owner and her lawyer.

 

[CJane]

Take dad back to court for contempt. Take dad back to court for a restraining order on dad to prevent him from calling or showing up at the school. Bring the owner and her lawyer.

Mom cannot get a restraining order which would prevent dad from harassing someone else. The SCHOOL would have to seek a restraining order, or rather, the individual person that is being harassed AT the school. I'm not certain a business entity can seek a restraining order.

 

[mistoffolees]

Mom cannot get a restraining order which would prevent dad from harassing someone else. The SCHOOL would have to seek a restraining order, or rather, the individual person that is being harassed AT the school. I'm not certain a business entity can seek a restraining order.

At least in CA (possibly in other states, too - I didn't check), it is possible for a business to get a restraining order:
Restraining Orders - Self Service Website, Superior Court, County of Santa Clara

Note that the one cited is a workplace safety restraining order, so the rules may be different for businesses. I don't know what is required, but since the preschool has an attorney who has already threatened to file a restraining order, I assume he knows that he can do it.

 

[novemberbride]

Restraining order and other harassment

Thanks for the relplies. Ya'll are so helpful.
Owner of preschool is also a teacher there, so she is there all the time. They employee about 10 other teachers, and maybe have 15-20 kids in their care (not all at the same time). Dad has called so much that the other teachers have been instructed to not answer the phone if they see his number on the caller id. She said he's mouthed off to some of the other teachers too. This isn't the first time he's done this. This is our daughters 3rd daycare. The first was ran out of business because he made allegations to licensing, the second was terrified of him and didn't want our daughter attend her daycare anymore. Now, he's threatening to do the same thing with this daycare/preschool. Owner says she isn't intimidated, but she will protect the kids by all means.
What he is also doing is getting a little obscessed with people. For instance, he'll google people I know, or may know and try to find out everything about them, and use it against me. One of my friends on facebook has a friend, who I have never met, who I guess is a registered offender. I'm not friends with this person, but Dad is trying to bring this up in court by saying I run in circles with sex offenders. And, one day when he came to pick up my child from my house (I was in the hospital) while my in laws were home with my daughter, and newborn. He was rude, and hostile with my mother in law, demanding she tell him how she is experienced to watch children. Now, he's googled her, and is "researching" her history. He believes he can use other people's issues agaisnt me. I know I can't prevent him from doing this, but can it even effect me in court?

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the relplies. Ya'll are so helpful.
Owner of preschool is also a teacher there, so she is there all the time. They employee about 10 other teachers, and maybe have 15-20 kids in their care (not all at the same time). Dad has called so much that the other teachers have been instructed to not answer the phone if they see his number on the caller id. She said he's mouthed off to some of the other teachers too. This isn't the first time he's done this. This is our daughters 3rd daycare. The first was ran out of business because he made allegations to licensing, the second was terrified of him and didn't want our daughter attend her daycare anymore. Now, he's threatening to do the same thing with this daycare/preschool. Owner says she isn't intimidated, but she will protect the kids by all means.
What he is also doing is getting a little obscessed with people. For instance, he'll google people I know, or may know and try to find out everything about them, and use it against me. One of my friends on facebook has a friend, who I have never met, who I guess is a registered offender. I'm not friends with this person, but Dad is trying to bring this up in court by saying I run in circles with sex offenders. And, one day when he came to pick up my child from my house (I was in the hospital) while my in laws were home with my daughter, and newborn. He was rude, and hostile with my mother in law, demanding she tell him how she is experienced to watch children. Now, he's googled her, and is "researching" her history. He believes he can use other people's issues agaisnt me. I know I can't prevent him from doing this, but can it even effect me in court?

Not obsessed much is he?

If your daughter was abused once at a daycare I can understand dad having some concerns. However it does appear that he is seriously over the top here.

It can effect you in court if dad can prove that you knowingly had someone around your child who was dangerous to your child. Otherwise, its not relevant.

 

[novemberbride]

Update on this situation

Dad showed up at preschool yesterday, after daughter was picked up. He made a scene demanding to know where the owner was. Owner was not there because she had an appointment. The employees were frightened and asked him to leave. He didn't, he went upstairs, which is where the babies (infants to 2 year olds) are. He asked the employees up there where owner was. They said she wasn't there. He called them liars, and accused them of hiding her. He then gave a subponea to one of the employees and said to give it to Owner.
Employees called owner, who told them to not panic, she will be there ASAP. Dad refused to leave. Employees said they would have no choice but to call the police, so he waited in his car outside for over an hour.
Subponea is for Owner to appear at our trial, and is demanding that owner provide dad with a copy of the enrollment paperwork I filled out. He is also accusing me and owner of conspiring against him to continue to alientate his rights.
Owner first talked to dad in November. Dad wanted owner to allow daugther to speak to him on the phone while she is there. Owner said that wouldn't be possible. He then demanded her to give him a copy of the enrollment paper work, she said no. But she told him he could fill out his own paper work, and they would keep it on file. She assured dad that he was an emergency contact, but couldn't give him a copy of the contract. He got irate, and threatened her.
Every day since then he's called preschool making threats. Owner was advised by her attorney to not speak to dad since he has made threats.
I have given dad the names of the teachers, owner, license number, phone number, address, and explained to dad that daughter does't have a set schedule wth preschool. She goes two days a week, for half a day. Sometimes three days a week.
Not once has dad asked owner how daughter is doing in school, what she likes to do, what they teach. He hasn't asked one question about her. It's all threats and demands.
Preschool's attorney has told owner to not give dad a copy of the contract because he is not the enrolling parent. Attorney and licensing told owner that court orders are not to be interpeted by her, and she should always rely on the contract with the enrolling parent.
Our court order says two things about school. 1. Dad should be listed as a emergency contact (which he is). And 2. "The mother and father shall have full and equal access to all legal, medical and educational information regarding the child."
Dad has daughter enrolled in a preschool in his town, which i have no informaton on and he refuses to give me. He also has a seperate doctor he has taken her to, which I have no information on.
Long post....sorry
Does owner have to appear in court with the documents dad is demanding even if he didn't serve her, and served her employee?
Dad has every piece of information regarding preschool. Is he entitled to the contract I signed too?

 

[LdiJ]

Dad showed up at preschool yesterday, after daughter was picked up. He made a scene demanding to know where the owner was. Owner was not there because she had an appointment. The employees were frightened and asked him to leave. He didn't, he went upstairs, which is where the babies (infants to 2 year olds) are. He asked the employees up there where owner was. They said she wasn't there. He called them liars, and accused them of hiding her. He then gave a subponea to one of the employees and said to give it to Owner.
Employees called owner, who told them to not panic, she will be there ASAP. Dad refused to leave. Employees said they would have no choice but to call the police, so he waited in his car outside for over an hour.
Subponea is for Owner to appear at our trial, and is demanding that owner provide dad with a copy of the enrollment paperwork I filled out. He is also accusing me and owner of conspiring against him to continue to alientate his rights.
Owner first talked to dad in November. Dad wanted owner to allow daugther to speak to him on the phone while she is there. Owner said that wouldn't be possible. He then demanded her to give him a copy of the enrollment paper work, she said no. But she told him he could fill out his own paper work, and they would keep it on file. She assured dad that he was an emergency contact, but couldn't give him a copy of the contract. He got irate, and threatened her.
Every day since then he's called preschool making threats. Owner was advised by her attorney to not speak to dad since he has made threats.
I have given dad the names of the teachers, owner, license number, phone number, address, and explained to dad that daughter does't have a set schedule wth preschool. She goes two days a week, for half a day. Sometimes three days a week.
Not once has dad asked owner how daughter is doing in school, what she likes to do, what they teach. He hasn't asked one question about her. It's all threats and demands.
Preschool's attorney has told owner to not give dad a copy of the contract because he is not the enrolling parent. Attorney and licensing told owner that court orders are not to be interpeted by her, and she should always rely on the contract with the enrolling parent.
Our court order says two things about school. 1. Dad should be listed as a emergency contact (which he is). And 2. "The mother and father shall have full and equal access to all legal, medical and educational information regarding the child."
Dad has daughter enrolled in a preschool in his town, which i have no informaton on and he refuses to give me. He also has a seperate doctor he has taken her to, which I have no information on.
Long post....sorry
Does owner have to appear in court with the documents dad is demanding even if he didn't serve her, and served her employee?
Dad has every piece of information regarding preschool. Is he entitled to the contract I signed too?

Dad wasn't allowed to serve anyone himself because he is a party to the case. For it to be valid service it would have had to have been an outside person handling the service.

Therefore no, I do not believe that she was properly served. However, she can certainly consult her own attorney.

Dad is crazy as a loon...and I find it really disturbing.

 

[novemberbride]

I'm distrubed too.
I'm scared of him, but I try not to show it. I'm not hiding anything from him, but he has been acting like this since daughter's birth. He uses his "rights" to get involved with my family members. I think he wants the enrolling paper work so he can have information on my in laws, and huband...like addresses and work phone numbers. Once he gets someone's information, he gets obsessed with them...and spends hours and hours researching their past trying to find something to use against me. He's done this to former daycare providers, doctor's, two former attorneys (I've gone through 2....both couldn't handle him so they dropped me as a client). He's done this to my mom and dad, brother's and sisters. He spent hours in a court house, 200 miles away to dig up information on my dad's divorce 26 years ago.
What is so scary about him is he is so relentless. I just want him stopped, but I don't know how. I've tried to hire a new attorney, but once she went to the library to review our file and saw that it was huuuuge, she backed out.
I am so scared of his controlling demeanor. He wants to know EVERYTHING, but refuses to tell me anything.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm distrubed too.
I'm scared of him, but I try not to show it. I'm not hiding anything from him, but he has been acting like this since daughter's birth. He uses his "rights" to get involved with my family members. I think he wants the enrolling paper work so he can have information on my in laws, and huband...like addresses and work phone numbers. Once he gets someone's information, he gets obsessed with them...and spends hours and hours researching their past trying to find something to use against me. He's done this to former daycare providers, doctor's, two former attorneys (I've gone through 2....both couldn't handle him so they dropped me as a client). He's done this to my mom and dad, brother's and sisters. He spent hours in a court house, 200 miles away to dig up information on my dad's divorce 26 years ago.
What is so scary about him is he is so relentless. I just want him stopped, but I don't know how. I've tried to hire a new attorney, but once she went to the library to review our file and saw that it was huuuuge, she backed out.
I am so scared of his controlling demeanor. He wants to know EVERYTHING, but refuses to tell me anything.

Well, he is certainly in contempt of court for not allowing you to know where she attends preschool or the doctor on his time. Therefore you could take him to court for contempt. Maybe if he gets his hands slapped that would calm him down a little.

Otherwise the best advice I can give you is to stop worrying about what he is doing. Let it just go over your head. Let him yell and threaten and bluster all he wants. As long as you are obeying the court orders, you cannot be held in contempt yourself.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I'm thinking that a judge would want to hear what the behavior has been with the daycare providers. Judges have more options, including sanction dad.

 

[novemberbride]

Dad's been sanctioned 3 times before for filing rediculousness in court. He's been reprimanded countless times by our Judge for his behavior. He was warned by the mediators that his behavior is going to land him back on supervised visits, and no legal custody. He's had police officers warn him. One police officer who had to deal with him told me he is the most irrational and volitile person he had ever dealt with. But, dad is not affected by anything. He's always right, everyone else is wrong.
It's not that I worry about what he's doing. I worry about how it affects the people he's doing it to. Makes me feel somewhat responsible. I feel like I have to protect everyone from him, including our daughter.
Does his behavior constitute a change in custody?

 

[gr8rn]

His obsession is freaky. What kind of visitation does he have? She is 4 now, so she can talk. Does she talk about her visits with him?

I would be very concerned about this behavior. It is so freaky its triggering flashbacks in me from my own dealings with an unbalanced person. Like I seriously had a mini panic attack for you.

I would almost welcome his taking this to court to have the owner testify as to what she has dealt with and I would (try) to bring in the previous daycare providers, if they would ever agree to be in the same vicinity as him in order to help you and your child. I would be as calm and rational as possible, and let the judge know that you are following the order, but despite his "gestures" he is not following the orders. If I were you, I would let the judge know how it has felt dealign with this craziness. It is truly disturbing.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Dad reminds me of an aunt of mine. She is incredibly narcissistic, and she believes everyone in the world is against her, and she is right and everyone, and I mean everyone, is wrong. No one in the family has had contact with her in about 10 years, but she is still around, making minor threats occasionally. She researches everything, and has sued and harrassed just about everyone she has ever been involved in. Hours on the computer and at courthouses researching, she is truly a sick person.

Someone like that will never stop, when they are reprimanded it just furthers their belief that everyone is against them, persecuting them.

I would try for sole custody in this case, if ever that is appropriate, this sounds like one of those times.

I would also file for contempt on him not sharing information with you, and by taking a vacation without notice (and he'll have no proof he gave you notice, either, if you never received any).

 

[gam]

Have you asked for psych evaluations in court? Dad sounds like he could have a mental disorder, perhaps BPD. Often courts are up for it, if your willing to have one to. But with some of dads behavior, possible you could just get one on Dad. He wants the daycare owner to testify, and from the sounds of it if she were to testify, it would back you requesting a psych evaluation, along with some of this other stuff.