Withheld Visitation to Father/Non-custodial parent in fear of endangering child

[LdiJ]

Quite frankly mom was in contempt of the court order. She did not allow father his time as per the court order but rather tried to dictate what dad should do and when dad wouldn't bend to her demands, took the child home. She may get a slap on the wrist.

I see that she offered make up time but i didn't see where dad exercised it. She needs to grow up or she is going to find herself in a world of hurt at some point.

Dad wouldn't follow the doctor's orders, not mom's demands.

I also feel that the way that both dad and his girlfriend put things was obnoxious.

November 28th
After her Sunday visit I texted her father to ask what she had eaten and to see how she did for the day. He did not respond to my text so I called him and his girlfriend answered. She informed me that our daughter did infact eat sweet potatoes for lunch. I was very upset that her father went against the doctors orders but his girlfriend informed me that she did not believe me and that we needed to get a doctors note.

November 29th
The next day was her fathers 5-9 visit. I came to his apartment to drop our daughter off and he was 20 minutes late. I asked him if he would please not feed her sweet potatoes to just feed her rice cereal and formula while she is sick. He said, “No, I'm not going to believe anything you say, I need a doctors note.

What's more, it was ridiculous of dad and his girlfriend NOT to believe mom. There is absolutely no way that the 8 month old could have been harmed by having only rice cereal and formula for a few days, therefore their attitude bodes very ill for any decent co-parenting.

 

[Halls]

This type of thing happened to me when my son was 5, but on a more serious level. It ended when I not only proved our sons health situation but when our court ordered coparenting coordinator threatened CPS being called on dad and judge being informed.

It sounds to me you are both wrong. You shouldn't deny visitation over your daughter getting sweet potatoes. Seriously? And maybe if you talk to dad like a coparent instead of telling him what to do it would go over better.

He shouldn't take his dislike of you out on your daughter. Very dangerous.

Y'all would benefit by getting some coparenting counseling. It is very helpful. You can ask the judge to order it and send you to someone that answers to the court when y'all go next time. It will help keep you out ofcourt the next time.

 

[InfantCustody]

And yet mom denied dad with no proof that that was what the doctor said AND the child suffered no harm from sweet potatoes. This was NOT a case of the father feeding the child something that he knew the child was allergic to or giving the child drugs or alcohol. And different doctors would have said different things. Infants get sicker quicker? Not necessarily true. Whether a child gets sick depends on a variety of things. Why did this child still have diarrhea for several days?

She wanted dad to listen to what SHE was dictating. And that is an issue. Dad didn't do what mom demanded and therefore mom left with the child.

Understood. Makes sense...as was said before she could have called the MD while there or had Dad call the MD for verification. Plus, it was less than 4 hours for a visit. The child wouldn't have died from eating one serving of sweet potatoes. Thanks for clarification...

I do think they were both out of line. Dad certainly was showing his butt in not believing Mom. Do they have a "co-parenting class" where you are, OP? They have "Partners in Parenting" here through the United Family Services. It is court required, but is supposed to be great.

 

[gam]

Dad wouldn't follow the doctor's orders, not mom's demands.

I also feel that the way that both dad and his girlfriend put things was obnoxious.





What's more, it was ridiculous of dad and his girlfriend NOT to believe mom. There is absolutely no way that the 8 month old could have been harmed by having only rice cereal and formula for a few days, therefore their attitude bodes very ill for any decent co-parenting.

Dad didn't have doctor orders to follow, he had what mom said. He asked for Dr orders in writing, as he did not believe what mom said. Dad could have called the Dr himself(if he did not do this, I have no way of knowing if he did or not since he is not the one posting), and I suspect that is what a Judge would tell him, since the Dr orders were not given in the office but over the phone. Medical issues are both parents responsibility, no reason for dad to not call Dr himself, if he didn't believe mom.

Does not matter how ridculous girlfriend was being, she has no say. Actually mom's fault here, for even discussing the child with girlfriend. She gave girlfriend the opportunity to stick her nose in where it don't belong. Mom should have simply asked for dad, if girlfriend said dad is not available, then mom should have left message to have dad call her. That would be the end of it, and mom would not be giving the girlfriend a chance to stick her nose where it don't belong. Now she allowed this and girlfriend is going to give her 2 cents again.

Mom's attitude and actions do not bode well on her part for co-parenting either. She didn't provide dad any proof, she didn't tell dad to call Dr himself, she discussed the child with dad's girlfriend, she withheld visitation for something that was not putting the child in serious harm.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad wouldn't follow the doctor's orders, not mom's demands.

I also feel that the way that both dad and his girlfriend put things was obnoxious.





What's more, it was ridiculous of dad and his girlfriend NOT to believe mom. There is absolutely no way that the 8 month old could have been harmed by having only rice cereal and formula for a few days, therefore their attitude bodes very ill for any decent co-parenting.

WRONG. Dad wouldn't follow MOM's DEMANDS. He had no evidence that this was from the doctor because it was not until AFTER mom denied visitation that she gave him copies of the orders. I feel mom was obnoxious for her behavior. Did you miss this part:

I think it would be in our daughters best interest to go by my instruction.

It was NOT a doctor's orders but MOM's demands. She never gave him a copy of the doctor's orders until December 1. And there is also no way that sweet potatoes harmed this child either. What about mom's attitude? oh yeah, you are showing your biased again.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad didn't have doctor orders to follow, he had what mom said. He asked for Dr orders in writing, as he did not believe what mom said. Dad could have called the Dr himself, and I suspect that is what a Judge would tell him, since the Dr orders were not given in the office but over the phone. Medical issues are both parents responsibility, no reason for dad to not call Dr himself, if he didn't believe mom.

Does not matter how ridculous girlfriend was being, she has no say. Actually mom's fault here, for even discussing the child with girlfriend. She gave girlfriend the opportunity to stick her nose in where it don't belong. Mom should have simply asked for dad, if girlfriend said dad is not available, then mom should have left message to have dad call her. That would be the end of it, and mom would not be giving the girlfriend a chance to stick her nose where it don't belong. Now she allowed this and girlfriend is going to give her 2 cents again.

Mom's attitude and actions do not bode well on her part for co-parenting either. She didn't provide dad any proof, she didn't tell dad to call Dr himself, she discussed the child with dad's girlfriend, she withheld visitation for something that was not putting the child in serious harm.

We don't know that dad didn't call the doctor or a doctor. He could have been told to feed the child a bland diet which is what he did.

 

[LdiJ]

WRONG. Dad wouldn't follow MOM's DEMANDS. He had no evidence that this was from the doctor because it was not until AFTER mom denied visitation that she gave him copies of the orders. I feel mom was obnoxious for her behavior. Did you miss this part:



It was NOT a doctor's orders but MOM's demands. She never gave him a copy of the doctor's orders until December 1. And there is also no way that sweet potatoes harmed this child either. What about mom's attitude? oh yeah, you are showing your biased again.

And, quite frankly, I think that you are showing your bias pretty strongly in this thread. Others have rationally debated the issue without the unnecessary "drama".

 

[Ohiogal]

And, quite frankly, I think that you are showing your bias pretty strongly in this thread. Others have rationally debated the issue without the unnecessary "drama".

"Drama"? Ummm, no drama here. I used OP's statements and showed where she acted wrongly and stated she was in the wrong and could be found in contempt for her actions. If she doesn't change her methods she could be in much bigger trouble down the line.

 

[sometwo]

We don't know that dad didn't call the doctor or a doctor. He could have been told to feed the child a bland diet which is what he did.

Exactly and a bland diet does include sweet potatoes as I have shown.

 

[gam]

We don't know that dad didn't call the doctor or a doctor. He could have been told to feed the child a bland diet which is what he did.

You are correct we don't know if dad called. He did feed the child a bland diet, so he very well could have called.

 

[CSO286]

OP....I would have gotten far more upset if dad indicated that he wouldn't give child required medication.

Substituting one bland food for another is not a hill to die on.

 

[sometwo]

Substituting one bland food for another is not a hill to die on.

and how many times have we as parents not had a certain thing and substituted something else that would work just as well?

Don't have pedialyte as we didn't when I was a kid so we drank 7up and ate crackers.(at least I don't remember having it and if we did we would have still did the 7pm anyway its cheaper) Things like that . Its not a huge deal and it also did not cause the child any harm because it was a bland diet. Like the dr said.

I also wonder if the dr didn't say something like "A bland diet and gave examples like just rice and formula" which is a possibility. Either way at the time it was only mom's word nothing else. Dad fed child a bland diet which is what was required.

 

[strathywins]

Hi,

I think all of the replies that I have received here are good! I agree that we do need co-parenting and I am signing up for those classes that start in January today!

I agree that it was not the end of the world to feed her the sweet potatoes. I called the doctor on a day that the office was closed so there was no way of getting a note. I talked to the doctor on call. When I called her father to relay the message of, not only a bland diet, but, "NO VEGETABLES or FRUITS", which includes sweet potatoes as vegetables, he said ok to that...he never said he didn't believe me, he never said that he would like to call the doctor to verify, he never asked for proof or a note. All of that was after the fact. These were doctors instructions. She said, "dont give her any vegetables or fruits right now until the diarrhea runs it's course, only give her formula and rice cereal and pedialyte about 2oz at a time (which she would not drink anyways when I tried to give it to her).

I went to the doctors office with our daughter as soon as he told me he needed doctors orders before feeding her what I relayed to him which was told to me by the doctor. The doctor told me it wasn't necessary for me to come into the office which can actually bring her around more germs unnecessarily.

I called her father's phone and when the girlfriend answered I only wanted to know what she had eaten and when so I could go by that to know what time to feed her next and what to feed her next. I didn't think there would be an argument.

Later when I spoke with her father he said that she was screaming, would not stop crying, would not take a nap with him, they even drove around. He admitted that she would not take a bottle, she would not eat rice cereal (which he has never fed her before, but I wrote a long note with directions on how to make it so he knew how, so it wasn't that he didn't know how to make it). He didn't even believe me when I told him she loves rice cereal, which she eats with me daily. He said that he gave her the sweet potatoes because that is all she would eat. The girlfriend told me over the phone that they were all having lunch and she seemed like she wanted to eat too, so they fed her sweet potatoes while they were all eating. She also said that she had eaten a bottle a little before that. So I think her father was just covering up for forgetting about feeding her a certain way...or something like that.

When my daughter was born there was meconium that they thought she might have swallowed or inhaled. She was on a respirator when born and had all sorts of tubes going into her. She has an allergy to milk proteins. She cannot have Similac formula. She has to have Nutramigin formula. She was diagnosed with acid reflux when born and until recently her formula was to be mixed with rice cereal so she has had rice cereal in her formula since she was born. Very small amount though. It goes for a 7 oz bottle, 6 oz of water, 3 scoops formula, 3 - 1/2 teaspoons of rice cereal. She was taking Zantac but she seems to have outgrown all of the acid reflux so she has been off of it for about a month and 1/2 now.

Her father feeds her his mashed potatoes all the time. They contain milk. He sees no harm in this. I don't think it is the end of the world but I am extremely cautious with her foods. She is my first child. I just don't want to risk something bad happening out of spite on his part or out of anger at me. It just seems careless.

This is her usual schedule for eating...
8am - 7 oz of formula
11am-12pm - 3-4tbsp of rice cereal mixed with 2-3 oz of formula and 1/2 tub some sort of fruit mixed with oats or cereal
3-4pm - 7 oz of formula
6-7pm - 1 jar sweet potatoes (this truly is the only vegetable she will eat!), 1 jar apples and blueberries
(If we are out at a restaurant I will give her one more jar of a different type of fruit because she wants to chew while we are chewing!)
10-11pm - 7 oz bottle (2 oz of this is used to make 3 tbsp of rice cereal), so basically a 5 oz bottle and 3 tbsp of rice cereal

Then it's story and bed time.

On another note, her father lives in an apartment that he is never at anymore. He had 2 homeless people living there and he said they were paying him rent. It was an older man and his 12 year old son. They were staying in her nursery in his apartment. He says they are gone but their things are still there so I don't believe him. Her nursery looked trashed the last time I saw it. Looks like he doesn't really use it for her at all anymore with all the things lying around in there. It looks more like a storage room.

He is always at his girlfriends. Starting January 11 he will have overnight visits. I am worried about where she will sleep at his girlfriends if that is where he will be staying. He says that he will stay at his apartment unless he can buy a new crib before the over nights start. She rents a 3 bedroom 1 bath home and has 2 boys of her own. One 4 and one 7 years old. I think she also has a roommate because when I drop Cora off or pick her up over there there is another girl there usually. His girlfriends house is a complete wreck and she says its because she has 2 boys. (I believe that!) In our order it states that if any living arrangement changes then he has to notify me 30 days prior. He has given me notice of him moving in there with his girlfriend but...he has changed that over and over again. He goes back and forth.

Wow...ok I have written too much now but I thought I would put it out there and get some responses.

Let me know what you all think and let me know what I can do about keeping my daughter safe, happy and healthy!

Thanks!

 

[strathywins]

Also, her father has told me that his girlfriends son, the older 7 year old one, acts out a lot. Her kids have 2 different fathers and she will not allow me to meet the children at all. She says they have 2 stepmothers and that is confusing enough. My daughters father says that the 7 year old actually takes the mother's keys and drives the car around the neighborhood out of anger at his mother. He says that the father is the only one who can control him. This scares me to death because my little girl is over there with these kids. They are out of control and I just envision that boy driving away with my daughter in the car. I mean I know it sounds crazy but bad things happen and no one does anything about it until it is too late.

In our order it states that I get to meet everyone that is living with her dad or that her dad is living with. She will not let me so when he actually does move in with them then I will have to show cause him for being in contempt of the order. I do not want to do that though. I just wish I could say, "hi, i am .... 's mom, nice to meet you."

 

[Momto1]

Also, her father has told me that his girlfriends son, the older 7 year old one, acts out a lot. Her kids have 2 different fathers and she will not allow me to meet the children at all. She says they have 2 stepmothers and that is confusing enough. My daughters father says that the 7 year old actually takes the mother's keys and drives the car around the neighborhood out of anger at his mother. He says that the father is the only one who can control him. This scares me to death because my little girl is over there with these kids. They are out of control and I just envision that boy driving away with my daughter in the car. I mean I know it sounds crazy but bad things happen and no one does anything about it until it is too late.

In our order it states that I get to meet everyone that is living with her dad or that her dad is living with. She will not let me so when he actually does move in with them then I will have to show cause him for being in contempt of the order. I do not want to do that though. I just wish I could say, "hi, i am .... 's mom, nice to meet you."

WOW just wow!!