Here we go again

[novemberbride]

Psych Evaluation

When we were last in mediation (June 2010) he was told that a psych evaluation and custody evaluation would be strongly urged to the judge. He flipped out. He couldn't believe the mediators thought he needed to be evaluated, and told them that he would never agree to a psych or custody evaluation.
We have almost 50/50 custody. Daughter sees dad every other Tuesday through Friday and every other weekend. It works out to 54% with me, 46% with dad. Mediators wouldn't change it in June because they want the judge to decide custody...I think they're sick of dad. I asked the mediators to change the visitaton by one day during the week, but they explained that the judge will hear us in January, and they are sure the arrangement will change dramatically.
Daughter never really speaks of dad mistreating her, or stepmom. She does however say unappropriate things for a 4 year old. Like, the other day we were Christmas shopping and she was staring at a young lady and blurted out "that lady is ugly". I said to her that its not nice to say names like that. Daughter said "well Daddy said only me and him are beautiful people". She calls me fat, and says that he stepdad is a drunk. Both of which aren't true, but she tells me that daddy says so.
Dad lives about 50 or so miles away from us. Saw dad in my home town tonight while I was shopping. We see him from time to time just driving up and down the highway. Sometimes he parks infront of my inlaws business, and sits there for hours. I don't think he realizes it's their business, but it's on the main highway through town. He calls my house in the morning, and late at night. Even though our court order says he can only call between 7 and 8 pm. It's a nightmare, but I'm so used to it since it's been going on for 4 years.

 

[stealth2]

Daughter never really speaks of dad mistreating her, or stepmom. She does however say unappropriate things for a 4 year old. Like, the other day we were Christmas shopping and she was staring at a young lady and blurted out "that lady is ugly". I said to her that its not nice to say names like that. Daughter said "well Daddy said only me and him are beautiful people". She calls me fat, and says that he stepdad is a drunk. Both of which aren't true, but she tells me that daddy says so.

The bolded is actually quite appropriate for a 4yo. The tend to speak w/o thinking. Nor can you take what a 4yo says as gospel. You really have no idea what Dad may have actually said.

 

[novemberbride]

Totally....

I don't take things she says to heart. She also tells people she is a pricess and has a real life dragon.
She does repeat things that bother me. While I was pregnant she would freak out anytime I went to the bathroom. She said dad told her babies are born on the toilet. I asked him nicely about it (his wife was pregnant too) and he said that he told her that babies are pooped out and she must have misunderstood that.

 

[Just Blue]

She does however say unappropriate things for a 4 year old. Like, the other day we were Christmas shopping and she was staring at a young lady and blurted out "that lady is ugly". I said to her that its not nice to say names like that. Daughter said "well Daddy said only me and him are beautiful people". She calls me fat, and says that he stepdad is a drunk. Both of which aren't true, but she tells me that daddy says so.

Wow. Never had a 4 yo that said "embarrassing" comments. Nope. Never. Weeeellllllll not for 4 years since my 8 year old was 4...and OH! YEAH! 17 years ago when my 21 YO was 4 ....

Kids say things that are wrong. That is why, as ADULTS, we do no take what they say verbatim.

 

[stealth2]

I don't take things she says to heart. She also tells people she is a pricess and has a real life dragon.
She does repeat things that bother me. While I was pregnant she would freak out anytime I went to the bathroom. She said dad told her babies are born on the toilet. I asked him nicely about it (his wife was pregnant too) and he said that he told her that babies are pooped out and she must have misunderstood that.

Or maybe he meant "popped" out. But even if not - this is NOT something to freak out about (you, I mean). You set things straight. Like parents do 70 gazillion times a day.

What it comes down to is that you don't take things she says about stuff that's when she's with YOU to heart. But if it's something about stuff when she's with HIM? She's the Second Coming. Get over it. Little kids say stupid stuff. They say stuff that's fantastical. That's absurd. That's just plain wrong. Which is why they have parents to set them straight.

 

[novemberbride]

Most of everything she says is questionable, but few things make my ears perk up.
What happens in court if a judge requests a psych evaluation or custody evaluation and one party refuses?

 

[neopandora]

Most of everything she says is questionable, but few things make my ears perk up.
What happens in court if a judge requests a psych evaluation or custody evaluation and one party refuses?

If the Judge wants an evaluation, it won't be a request, it will be a part of the Court order. Has your attorney requested a psych evaluation?

 

[stealth2]

A judge does not make requests. A judge makes orders.

 

[novemberbride]

Disturbed

Thanks.

Had to talk to dad last night about Christmas holiday time with daughter. Conversation took a turn that I wasnt expecting...
Dad told me about the subpoena's he served on people. Said everything is my fault because I never "make anyone be nice to him". I told him maybe if he treated people with a little bit more respect he would get it in return. His responce..."I learned a long time ago that I have to be this way and it's everyone else's weak minds that make them believe I'm threatening them".
Dad then went on to talk about something so freaky I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry....
Dad believes in something called "Hypernationalism". He believes that the judge, police officers, daycare poeple, mediators, doctors, etc, are all Irish. He says Irish people are taught to hate British people automatically. Therefore, all these other people have conspired with me, against him because his last name indicates that he is British. He believes that it's all corrupt, and all these people (All us Irish folks) see the two of us (Me and Dad) as the war of the Irish against the British. He says this is why the courts are acting the way that they are because they are protecting me because I happen to be Irish. He believes that there is some sort of favrotism in the courts because the mediator is Irish, and he will feel vindicated if Dad doesn't win sole custody...because this will mean that the Irish have defeated the British. Dad said all Irish people are members of the IRA, and are taught to hate people with the last name dad has. He also said that the reason my parents never liked him is because they only seen him as British, and wanted to fuel the war between us because it represent the war between the two countries.
Mind you, Dad is many nationalities, British is a very small percentage of what he is made up of. And, I am very aware of my heritage, but none of anything I have ever learned from anyone in my family, or elsewhere is to hate anyone.
I'm scared of this because he truly truly believes this to be true. And...he said he is going to bring this up, as a formal complaint with the court where our case is at....

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks.

Had to talk to dad last night about Christmas holiday time with daughter. Conversation took a turn that I wasnt expecting...
Dad told me about the subpoena's he served on people. Said everything is my fault because I never "make anyone be nice to him". I told him maybe if he treated people with a little bit more respect he would get it in return. His responce..."I learned a long time ago that I have to be this way and it's everyone else's weak minds that make them believe I'm threatening them".
Dad then went on to talk about something so freaky I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry....
Dad believes in something called "Hypernationalism". He believes that the judge, police officers, daycare poeple, mediators, doctors, etc, are all Irish. He says Irish people are taught to hate British people automatically. Therefore, all these other people have conspired with me, against him because his last name indicates that he is British. He believes that it's all corrupt, and all these people (All us Irish folks) see the two of us (Me and Dad) as the war of the Irish against the British. He says this is why the courts are acting the way that they are because they are protecting me because I happen to be Irish. He believes that there is some sort of favrotism in the courts because the mediator is Irish, and he will feel vindicated if Dad doesn't win sole custody...because this will mean that the Irish have defeated the British. Dad said all Irish people are members of the IRA, and are taught to hate people with the last name dad has. He also said that the reason my parents never liked him is because they only seen him as British, and wanted to fuel the war between us because it represent the war between the two countries.
Mind you, Dad is many nationalities, British is a very small percentage of what he is made up of. And, I am very aware of my heritage, but none of anything I have ever learned from anyone in my family, or elsewhere is to hate anyone.
I'm scared of this because he truly truly believes this to be true. And...he said he is going to bring this up, as a formal complaint with the court where our case is at....

Let him bring it up as a formal complaint. Not only will he not get custody, but he might even end up with temporary supervised visitation and the judge may order a psych evaluation.

You have every right to be scared, because he is definitely nuts.

However the only thing that you might need to actually do is file a motion for psych evaluations to be ordered, in case the judge won't do it without a motion in front of him/her. I think that dad is going to prove that he is crazy without any other help from you.

 

[Isis1]

Make sure the evaluator is Pakistani or Armenian.

 

[novemberbride]

Dad also says he won't let daughter identify with her Irish heritage because "Irish people are inbred".

Is a motion for an evaluation the same as any other kind of motion? Do I base it on one specific thing, or can I base it on many things? There are many..but I don't want to be nit picky. I pick my battles with him, and have learned to just let him be.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad also says he won't let daughter identify with her Irish heritage because "Irish people are inbred".

Is a motion for an evaluation the same as any other kind of motion? Do I base it on one specific thing, or can I base it on many things? There are many..but I don't want to be nit picky. I pick my battles with him, and have learned to just let him be.

What type of evaluation do you want? You need to realize that an evaluation will most likely be done on both of you. You may not win on the basis that you get an evaluation on him.

 

[mistoffolees]

Dad also says he won't let daughter identify with her Irish heritage because "Irish people are inbred".

Is a motion for an evaluation the same as any other kind of motion? Do I base it on one specific thing, or can I base it on many things? There are many..but I don't want to be nit picky. I pick my battles with him, and have learned to just let him be.

Your mediator is going to recommend a psych evaluation for Dad. You should encourage that. If that's not possible, ask for a GAL representing the child.

 

[novemberbride]

In mediation (June 2010) both mediators told Dad a psych evaluation would be reccomended. Dad asked for a long cause hearing because he was unhappy that the mediators were not going to change custody then. Mediators told dad then he is welcome to bring his issues up to the judge, who in their opinion, would order an evaluation. Dad asked why one wouldn't be ordered on me, and they told him because they were not concerned, in the slightest, about my mental state.
Dad's been on supervised visits before, and ordered to counceling based on his behavior and prior drug abuse.