Here we go again

[PQN]

joining the mini panic attack for you

Wow, he sounds like my daughter. I'm joining the mini panic attack group. People with impaired reality are very hard to deal with -- even when you love them -- but especially when they are an "ex".

I would definitely push your attorney to be sure that a psych evaluation is ordered on dad. IMHO it should include personality and impaired reality testing. It sounds like dad is not connected to the reality where the rest of us live. That can be very damaging for your daughter to spend 46% of her life being parented by someone who acts as if they are in a different reality. At some point, her mind will have to find a way to reconcile "his reality" with "everyone else's reality" and it will be very hard on her.

I would hope that he makes his hypernationalism motion -- it sounds like he is going to give your attorney plenty of evidence that he needs a psych eval.

 

[novemberbride]

Wow, he sounds like my daughter. I'm joining the mini panic attack group. People with impaired reality are very hard to deal with -- even when you love them -- but especially when they are an "ex".

I would definitely push your attorney to be sure that a psych evaluation is ordered on dad. IMHO it should include personality and impaired reality testing. It sounds like dad is not connected to the reality where the rest of us live. That can be very damaging for your daughter to spend 46% of her life being parented by someone who acts as if they are in a different reality. At some point, her mind will have to find a way to reconcile "his reality" with "everyone else's reality" and it will be very hard on her.

I would hope that he makes his hypernationalism motion -- it sounds like he is going to give your attorney plenty of evidence that he needs a psych eval.

Scary....I just feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.

I consulted with an attorney months ago, because I wanted to be prepared for trial. We sat for 2 1/2 hours discussing the situation, and she said she was going to look up our file, and research. Met with her again last month, she said she had no idea a file could be so huge. It's held together with 2 bunjee cords thingys. It's awful, and embarassing. I haven't heard from attorney since.

 

[novemberbride]

More...

Got a frantic call from previous daycare lady. Dad's wife served her with a subponea to appear at the hearing next month. Subponea list the hearing date as 11-19-10. Daycare lady asked her rep with the state if she should go to the hearing, and was told it was not effective service if she was served a subponea with the wrong hearing date. She called the clerk in the county where our case is, and was told it was up to her to find out when the hearing is and appear and told her the correct hearing date.
Daycare lady asked me what she should do, since she was given two different answers. Anyone know? I asked daycare lady to please come, since she is witness dad's bizarre behaviour.
Also, Dad says he has been added to my health insurance. He says he has to "harass those people" for weeks and fax them a copy of the court order. I asked him what information he needed from them, because he had copies of daughter's health insurance cards. He said he is demanding copies of the enrollment form, and all documentation since daughter was added to the insurance in 11/09.
Daughter and I were added to my husband's insurance. The health insurance offered through my employer was way expensive, and many doctor's in our area were no longer going to take the insurance offered through my employer, including daughter's pediatrician. So, my husband filled out the enrollment paper work which included me, and daughter. She's had this insurance since then. Dad's had a copy of the insurance card since then.
Dad says he's entitled to ALL health care information regarding daughter. He is correct, however does this include information from the health insurance company? Like billing statements, etc? He says if the company doesn't willingly give him this information, he will subponea it. I asked what he wants from them, and he says he wants them to ADD him to the insurance so he can obtain information. I told him I didn't think that was legal, or what our court order intends. Also, when we recieve statements from the insurance company, it includes the previous months activity, broken down by patient. For instance, if I had an appointment, and daughter had an appointment in the same month, it will show up on the same statement. These statements also include specific treatments. My concern is that dad will obtain information regarding my medical information and my new infants.
Dad's been given all health care information, doctor's name, address, appointments, etc. In fact, I told him to come to daughter's last appointment (May 2010) because the doctor wanted to talk to him about her tonsil's. He never came, but called the office repeatedly afterwards to attempt to prohibit daughter from being allowed to be seen there.
Did I do something wrong by not having dad listed on the health care enrollment form? I'm not even sure how he would be listed, or where. The only information asked on the form is husband's employee info (date hired, employee number, etc) and me and daughter's particulars (SSN, date's of birth). She is indicated as husband's step-daughter on the enrollment form.

 

[PQN]

Breathe

Novemberbride,

Breathe. Breathe again. Insanity is contagious. You will drive yourself mad if you try to make his 'reality' make sense. He is not entitled to the health insurance information. He is, barring a court order to the contrary, entitled to his child's health information which he can get from her doctor.

Have you called the lawyer back? I think you really need to find an attorney to go into court with you. I think it is very important that the correct motions are filed. Based on his behavior, I would hope that you could get sole legal and physical custody with him having supervised visitation pending a psych eval. If his "harassment" rises to the level of threats, get a RO.

There are some good court-approved communication websites out there. Both of you would have a password as would the GAL (if there is not a GAL on the case yet, request one). All communication goes through the website and there is a complete record of who said what and when. I would suggest asking for that added to the court order as well. There is a fee but it makes it easier in court as it is clears up the he said/she said stuff.

Do not try to 'defend' yourself against all his crazy accusations outside of court. Just get a stock set of phrases "I'm sorry you feel that way." "Thank you for sharing.", etc. Do not own his issues.

In court, he needs to PROVE his allegations against you or anyone, and when he comes in and accuses you, 3 daycare providers, doctors, and the health insurance company of all being against him, he makes your attorney's case for her.

If your attorney has vanished or refuses your case, call your state's bar referral service and explain that you have a complicated case with a large case file and that you need an attorney who enjoys the challenge not one who will be scared off by the work. Assuming you are capable of paying the attorney (and in this case, I would borrow money if necessary to pay), they should be able to help you find one.

Try and find a NAMI or other support group for families of mentally ill people. The support can keep your feet on solid ground while dealing with them. Some of the other family members might be ableto recommend their attorneys as well. They also have programs for children of mentally ill adults which may help your daughter in the future.

When is your court date???

 

[LdiJ]

Novemberbride,

Breathe. Breathe again. Insanity is contagious. You will drive yourself mad if you try to make his 'reality' make sense. He is not entitled to the health insurance information. He is, barring a court order to the contrary, entitled to his child's health information which he can get from her doctor.

Have you called the lawyer back? I think you really need to find an attorney to go into court with you. I think it is very important that the correct motions are filed. Based on his behavior, I would hope that you could get sole legal and physical custody with him having supervised visitation pending a psych eval. If his "harassment" rises to the level of threats, get a RO.

There are some good court-approved communication websites out there. Both of you would have a password as would the GAL (if there is not a GAL on the case yet, request one). All communication goes through the website and there is a complete record of who said what and when. I would suggest asking for that added to the court order as well. There is a fee but it makes it easier in court as it is clears up the he said/she said stuff.

Do not try to 'defend' yourself against all his crazy accusations outside of court. Just get a stock set of phrases "I'm sorry you feel that way." "Thank you for sharing.", etc. Do not own his issues.

In court, he needs to PROVE his allegations against you or anyone, and when he comes in and accuses you, 3 daycare providers, doctors, and the health insurance company of all being against him, he makes your attorney's case for her.

If your attorney has vanished or refuses your case, call your state's bar referral service and explain that you have a complicated case with a large case file and that you need an attorney who enjoys the challenge not one who will be scared off by the work. Assuming you are capable of paying the attorney (and in this case, I would borrow money if necessary to pay), they should be able to help you find one.

Try and find a NAMI or other support group for families of mentally ill people. The support can keep your feet on solid ground while dealing with them. Some of the other family members might be ableto recommend their attorneys as well. They also have programs for children of mentally ill adults which may help your daughter in the future.

When is your court date???

This is very excellent advice. I strongly recommend that you follow it.

 

[novemberbride]

Thank you very much.

I've tried so hard to not worry about him and his allegations, but sometimes the things he comes up with are so serious it scares me. I've become to feel so protective of daughter, and every person who cares for her. Every single person who cares for her (family, doctors, daycare, etc) has dealt with him and his issues. I'm so scared that people will become so scared of him and his threats, they will want nothing to do with us. A surgeon, and 2 prior daycare providers have already made this decision. I can see that if he isn't stopped now, it will only get worse.

The problem with attorneys in our area is that EVERYONE knows of him. He's made such a not so nice name of himself, that he's well known amongst the court and attorneys. I had to speak to three attorneys before finding one who actually wanted to represent me. I've had two attorneys so far. My first attorney was utterly tormented by dad, he ended up closing his practice and moving a hundred miles away. Didn't stop dad, he still tormented the man. My last attorney had one interaction with dad, and couldn't control his anger towards dad. That attorney simply gave up, and didn't show up at our last hearing. Dad believes my mom and I both had a romantic relationship with the first attorney, and he made similar accusations with my second attorney.

Because of these experiences, attorney's talk to other attorney's and before long our case has become the case to stay away from. When I consulted with my current attorney, once I began to talk about our case she said "oh, you ex is THAT guy". She's been really great, with the exception of not returning my calls. She was more involved before going to the court and researching our file.

Court date is January 19th. I don't want to be unprepared.

 

[novemberbride]

Also..

Husband verified with our health insurance company that dad has been added to our insurance. Dad is able to obtain any information regarding health insurance information directly from the health insurance company. They stated dad was threatening to sue them, and harassed them. Once they got the copy of the order, they felt they needed to protect themselves from litigation, and dad was added.
Huband asked to speak to a person in charge, and ultimatley got the same woman who gave the approval to add dad to the policy. She admited she felt uncomfortable about adding dad, but did it anyway afraid they would be violating the order. Husband asked what information has been provided to dad so far....and lady said "everything". Husband is going to call his supervisor, and union rep to find out what our next step is.
Dad is entitled to information regarding our daughter, i'm not trying to prevent that. I am trying to prevent dad from gaining personal and medical records about me, my husband and infant. He's done this stuff before, and will use anything he can against me.
Anyone know at all, if this is even at all legal?

 

[futuredust]

You may want to start pass wording *all* of your accounts, including banking information, utility companies and the like. Right down to your library card.

A family member went through something similar, except it was the ex's new spouse. It has been going on for over ten years. All members of my family and my family members friends & co-workers have been harassed and stalked.

I know your frustration, and the sheer insanity of the situation all to well.

 

[SESmama]

I would think both the ex and the HCP are violating the HIPAA laws. In which case you can sue both entities. I know a senior will correct me if I am incorrect.

General Principle for Uses and Disclosures

Basic Principle. A major purpose of the Privacy Rule is to define and limit the circumstances in which an individual’s protected heath information may be used or disclosed by covered entities. A covered entity may not use or disclose protected health information, except either: (1) as the Privacy Rule permits or requires; or (2) as the individual who is the subject of the information (or the individual’s personal representative) authorizes in writing.16

Required Disclosures. A covered entity must disclose protected health information in only two situations: (a) to individuals (or their personal representatives) specifically when they request access to, or an accounting of disclosures of, their protected health information; and (b) to HHS when it is undertaking a compliance investigation or review or enforcement action.17 See additional guidance on Government Access.

Summary of the HIPAA Privacy Rule

 

[novemberbride]

Got to the bottom of it

A manager at the insurance company finally called my husband back. He's sorry for what happened, and admitted a violation did occur.

The insurance office dad was calling isn't all that big, but it's like a call center. Dad would call, talk to a rep who wouldn't give him any information. Dad would yell and make threats, then hang up. He would call back, and do this over and over until he got the lady who 'said' she would give authorization if dad put his request in writing, and had it attached with a signed order from a judge indicating dad has access to insurance information and could be added to the policy.

This lady wrote a few notes in the file, but they were unclear as to what information was released to dad. Manager feels that dad altered the court order in some way because he is confident his employees know the law, and wouldn't violate it.

Manager doesn't think any paperwork was sent to dad, but it appears the lady had verbally given dad some information over the phone. Manager is going to review the call recordings to know for sure.

Husband had to request in writing a copy of dad's request, and the order he sent to the lady at the insurance company. We're waiting for that right now.

In the interim, I found out dad is on probation for a few misdermeanor offenses. Drunk and disorderly in public, vandalism, resisiting a peace officer/EMT worker...thats on one day. On a seperate day, having a concealed weapon in his vehicle, driving on a revoked license, driving without insurance, and having a loaded weapon in a public place.

I know other's may disagree, but I am terrified. This man has delisions of conspiracy theories against him, and is driving around with a loaded weapon in his vehicle.

 

[LdiJ]

A manager at the insurance company finally called my husband back. He's sorry for what happened, and admitted a violation did occur.

The insurance office dad was calling isn't all that big, but it's like a call center. Dad would call, talk to a rep who wouldn't give him any information. Dad would yell and make threats, then hang up. He would call back, and do this over and over until he got the lady who 'said' she would give authorization if dad put his request in writing, and had it attached with a signed order from a judge indicating dad has access to insurance information and could be added to the policy.

This lady wrote a few notes in the file, but they were unclear as to what information was released to dad. Manager feels that dad altered the court order in some way because he is confident his employees know the law, and wouldn't violate it.

Manager doesn't think any paperwork was sent to dad, but it appears the lady had verbally given dad some information over the phone. Manager is going to review the call recordings to know for sure.

Husband had to request in writing a copy of dad's request, and the order he sent to the lady at the insurance company. We're waiting for that right now.

In the interim, I found out dad is on probation for a few misdermeanor offenses. Drunk and disorderly in public, vandalism, resisiting a peace officer/EMT worker...thats on one day. On a seperate day, having a concealed weapon in his vehicle, driving on a revoked license, driving without insurance, and having a loaded weapon in a public place.

I know other's may disagree, but I am terrified. This man has delisions of conspiracy theories against him, and is driving around with a loaded weapon in his vehicle.

I truly don't blame you for being frightened. However, I am going to recommend that instead of letting the fear terrify you, that instead you let the fear cause you to be very cautious and careful. Its not going to do you any good to be terrified, but it will do you good to be cautious and careful.

When you finally get a chance to talk to the attorney, talk to the attorney about the charges against dad and whether or not it would be wise to get a restraining order against dad. I am not sure whether it would help ensure your safety, or whether it might send dad off the deep end.

 

[novemberbride]

Thank you LdiJ...

I wish I had known sooner about dad's charges. He usually gets loony when he's facing trouble elsewhere, usually trouble with the law.

How do I convey in a restraining order I fear for the safety of lot's of other people? He's so aggressive and volitile with soo many people.

And, dad hasn't made any threats to me of bodily harm. He's told me that "Payback is a M Effer". His demeanor in general is incredibly threatening. It's hard to describe, but he's ALWAYS like that. Everything makes him mad, yet he thinks his behavior is perfectly normal, and acceptable.

 

[cbg]

On the health insurance issue, this is what I do for a living. I want to make sure I understand this.

You have remarried and you and your daughter are both covered on your new husband's insurance. Your ex, your daughter's father, is claiming to be covered on your current husband's insurance through his employer?

 

[novemberbride]

cbg:
Yes. Dad says he was "added" to the policy.

Health insurance company verified that this was dad's attempt, and we're waiting to recieve dad's written request to find out exaclty what he was requesting.

 

[cbg]

An employer sponsored group policy is going to seriously restrict who can be covered on the plan. A spouse of the employee can. Children of the employee can. Step and adopted children of an employee can. In some cases, ex-spouses of the employee can as long as they were married to the employee when coverage started and only became ex-spouses after the coverage was already in place.

But under no circumstances is the ex-spouse of the employee's spouse going to be an eligible dependent under the plan.

Dad may have made the attempt. He may have confused the insurance company into temporarily agreeing to it, or at least to reviewing it. But I promise you, under no circumstances whatsoever is he going to permanently be considered covered under your current husband's plan.

And even if he did (which he won't) that would NOT give him access to your daughter's information.