If you give notice of your vacation, and she denies it, file for contempt.
If she denies visitation, file for contempt
If she's violating any other part of your court order, file for contempt.
If you don't want to take advice from the senior members, then take it from someone who took their advice, and came out perfectly happy, sane and with custody still in tact. I've been to court over 60 times, and my daughter just turned 4. I know all about difficult ex's because I have one, quite possibly the most difficult one. So, I understand your frustration.
When you bicker about little issues (I realize they may be big to you), it get's harder to have communication about bigger issues. Bigger issues being things about medical needs, special education needs, special travel palns, etc.