debating about summer vacation time already....what to do?

[tiredofthegamez]

A little confusion in scheduling vacations is minor. Denying a vacation is major. So far, she hasn't denied you a vacation. She told you that she needed to take one of her weeks in the first or second week in July. The 9th to the 16th is the second week in July. You chose a week that starts smack dab in the middle of the second week in July before she had a chance to get back to you with her firm dates.

That is a little confusion. In fact, it could even be twisted to come across as you deliberately choosing a week that would interfere with her vacation after she warned you that she needed that time.

Choose two weeks NOW. If she denies either of your weeks then take it to court for contempt.

When I said the 12th, I realized that would still be taking two of the dates she could possibly seek (with her first notice)....so I sent back notice that I'd keep it to July 15th instead (when I would be able to show a pick-up time is outline in case visitation would be denied). Not to be a PITA but wouldn't the first two weeks be July 1st to the 14/15th?

 

[tiredofthegamez]

Something I'd like to add-

Mom was sent certified mail of the petition for modification/contempt hearing back in October, she signed it, I brought the receipt with me to the hearing. In the papers, it listed that I was seeking to have an additional week in the summer.

If Mom had come to the hearing or mentioned anything about this trip (since she is saying she's had it planned since last summer), we could have addressed this and I wouldn't question. She never showed. Didn't notify the court ahead of time any reason why she couldn't be there either....just never showed.

 

[novemberbride]

If you give notice of your vacation, and she denies it, file for contempt.

If she denies visitation, file for contempt

If she's violating any other part of your court order, file for contempt.

If you don't want to take advice from the senior members, then take it from someone who took their advice, and came out perfectly happy, sane and with custody still in tact. I've been to court over 60 times, and my daughter just turned 4. I know all about difficult ex's because I have one, quite possibly the most difficult one. So, I understand your frustration.

When you bicker about little issues (I realize they may be big to you), it get's harder to have communication about bigger issues. Bigger issues being things about medical needs, special education needs, special travel palns, etc.

 

[stealth2]

I don't see it as though I must stand my ground. I didn't understand why it kept being said that I'm trying to die on a hill. The reason I think summer vacation may not happen on this end and there will be nothing I can do about it is simple- there is history of denied visitation and nothing was done about it....except the new modifications/added summer vacation. Which I was told to go back to court for so that something could possibly be done in the future should more problems arise.

Because that is how you are coming across.

I honestly didn't mind sharing that we plan to go to movies and the park, and if we do go on a trip elsewhere I will send her that info ahead of time as ordered. Would contact info really be needed? I ask this because so far, hi mom said she didn't have an itinerary when she told me there would be a trip, and that when she did/does give it that it "will be tentative". Then she said how they're going to Jersey Shore, beach and boardwalk, staying at condos at night. That's all I know as of now. I believe (given history) that if I were to ask about contact info that I will just get told "none of your business".

Would you want to know how to reach the kid in case of an emergency? Then you should provide that same information. Seriously, dude - this is NOT rocket science. Itinerary means - dates/details of travel, accommodations, contact info.

And maybe she doesn't have those details yet. I don't necessarily have all of that info at my fingertips 6 mos before a trip. Do you?

When I said the 12th, I realized that would still be taking two of the dates she could possibly seek (with her first notice)....so I sent back notice that I'd keep it to July 15th instead (when I would be able to show a pick-up time is outline in case visitation would be denied). Not to be a PITA but wouldn't the first two weeks be July 1st to the 14/15th?

When I look at a calendar, I assume the weeks run as full/business/calendar weeks. So the FIRST week of July, to me, would start on the 4th. I could conceivably see thinking the week could go Fr-Th, but I tend towards Mo-Su. So consider it a difference in perspective between you and Mom. (Also, if you look at the calendar for 2011, there are 4 FULL weeks in July. A reasonable person would split them as 1/2/3/4. Just sayon'.)

 

[CJane]

there is history of denied visitation and nothing was done about it

Nothing was done by WHO? What did you WANT "someone" to do about it?

except the new modifications/added summer vacation.

Do you realize how HUGE it is for a judge to do modifications/add time for you/etc based on allegations of contempt - which the judge didn't yet decide on?

THAT IS "something done about it"!

Then she said how they're going to Jersey Shore, beach and boardwalk, staying at condos at night. That's all I know as of now. I believe (given history) that if I were to ask about contact info that I will just get told "none of your business".

Does she have a cell phone? Because if she does, you have contact info.

Honestly, you need to develop a little focus here. On the one hand you've got this new order that grants you time, and you have the "hope" that the contempt being held in abeyance gives you that Mom might still be "punished" for her previous transgressions.

And I think there's a part of you that's HOPING she'll deny you time so that you can get back into court and get that punishment happening. I think that's how it comes across when she tells you that she'll need either the first or second week in July and you turn around and pick half of one of those weeks and then get ticked when she counters.

You're anticipating difficulty. I get that it's based on history, and therefore somewhat justified. But it's still anticipating something and looking at everything through that lens. I can promise you, from years of experience, that you'll be happier and a better parent if you stop doing that and just focus on the time with your child and not on Mom.

 

[LdiJ]

When I said the 12th, I realized that would still be taking two of the dates she could possibly seek (with her first notice)....so I sent back notice that I'd keep it to July 15th instead (when I would be able to show a pick-up time is outline in case visitation would be denied). Not to be a PITA but wouldn't the first two weeks be July 1st to the 14/15th?

No, it would not. A calendar week starts on a Sunday. If someone asked me what the first two weeks in July were for 2010 I would say the 3rd-10th and the 10th to the 17th.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't see it as though I must stand my ground. I didn't understand why it kept being said that I'm trying to die on a hill. The reason I think summer vacation may not happen on this end and there will be nothing I can do about it is simple- there is history of denied visitation and nothing was done about it....except the new modifications/added summer vacation. Which I was told to go back to court for so that something could possibly be done in the future should more problems arise.

I honestly didn't mind sharing that we plan to go to movies and the park, and if we do go on a trip elsewhere I will send her that info ahead of time as ordered. Would contact info really be needed? I ask this because so far, hi mom said she didn't have an itinerary when she told me there would be a trip, and that when she did/does give it that it "will be tentative". Then she said how they're going to Jersey Shore, beach and boardwalk, staying at condos at night. That's all I know as of now. I believe (given history) that if I were to ask about contact info that I will just get told "none of your business".

If you are not going out of town, you don't really need to provide mom an itinerary or contact information. If you go out of town, and you have a cell phone, you really don't have to provide mom contact information because you will already know how to contact her. If mom has a cell phone, she also really doesn't need to provide you contact information because you already know how to contact her. She does however need to tell you where they are going...and you need to provide the same to her.

 

[stealth2]

I would STILL provide a number of where we were staying due to potential dead zones.

 

[LdiJ]

Dad, I will also ask you a question. We have been at this for a couple of days now. Have you made any attempt in those days to pin down any dates with mom for your summer vacation?

Dad you are raising all kinds of obstacles and we have given you clear cut advice on how to handle every one of them. Just pick two weeks and get it over with.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

When I said the 12th, I realized that would still be taking two of the dates she could possibly seek (with her first notice)....so I sent back notice that I'd keep it to July 15th instead (when I would be able to show a pick-up time is outline in case visitation would be denied). Not to be a PITA but wouldn't the first two weeks be July 1st to the 14/15th?

I thought mom said she was going to take the week until the 17th, and you are still insisting on getting your son on the 15th? I am sorry, but I was with you on this, and now I think you are being a PITA and being a bit controlling. Let mom have her vacation until the 17th, like she requested, and you get him afterwards. Forget about that being your normal weekend....summer vacay should trump that, like many other posters have repeatedly pointed out. Don't make a super huge deal of a few adjusted days and go have fun on your week!!

 

[novemberbride]

So, OP, you're back to the whole "first two weeks" thing.

The way I see it, mom told you about taking her vacation. She gave you a vague timeline of the "first or second week", then also mentioned to you that she can't guarantee some of your regular visitation days wouldn't be interrupted. Maybe she was scheduling time off work, or getting hotel accomodations and didn't have a specific date, but she was at least giving you an idea. You assumed mom's vacation would be completed by July 14th, without actually knowing for sure which days mom was going to request.

You even mention in your original post that when you sent mom an email about you taking the 12-19, she wrote you back saying she already requested the 9-16. Maybe she DID tell you, but you didn't want to listen because you already had your agenda in mind. Maybe you're the one who's trying to dictate here......I can totally see that: several of us have tried to tell you the same thing.....but you're still bent on the "first two weeks" thing.

Mom picked her days. You would be wrong if you go to pick up your child on the 15th and make a big ol nasty stink. She's already told you kiddo will be on vacation until the 16th. It's sucks she took your weekend, I don't agree with that, but the court order says she can.

Why are you making such a huge deal about it? Pick your vacation, tell mom, and enjoy summer.

 

[mistoffolees]

Why are you making such a huge deal about it? Pick your vacation, tell mom, and enjoy summer.

Because, obviously, OP is more interested in stirring up trouble than in working out a vacation schedule.

 

[novemberbride]

Because, obviously, OP is more interested in stirring up trouble than in working out a vacation schedule.

Totally agree.