Relation over but child on way. Need advice

[Wyldrush]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

My longtime girlfriend and I have decided to end our 6 yr relationship however after it ended we found out she is 3 months pregnant. I know we can never be a couple and will not get back due to our child being born, however I want to do the right think here in child support and being part of my unborn child's life forever.

Financial support will be there, but what steps do I take to make sure I do not get screwed in reality. My plans are to cover my ex's health insurance till the child is born and then I can add our child to my excellent health insurance coverage.

To assure my child lives in a great area, I want to assist in my ex's rent to keep her in a certain area (plus close to me). I told her I am prepared to pay her rent ( or possible buy a condo in same building I live in and she use it for free) once she has to stop working due to pregnancy plus she can take at least 5 years off from work so our child is not raised by nanny's and strangers in a school. I am prepared to allocate $6000-8000 a month in total towards living expenses and childcare. I feel I can support that amount for the next 5 years and was thinking of escrowing the funds. Of course I would not want this to be longterm and if she was to become involved with someone, marry, etc things would change.

This is all new to me right now and all I want is to make sure my child is raised right and with me around. I do not want to be dragged through court for child support once born, as I think this can be handled now. I have a mid 6 figure income.

What advice and steps can be given to me.

I also plan to do the one time payment for prepaid college tuition in Florida Prepaid Program before my child is 1 so first 4 years of college is covered since we have many excellent state universities.

 

[Isis1]

My suggestion?

Once the child is born, file for paternity and child support as designed by your state. You are more then welcome to pay extra for all you mention, but it would be wise for you not to legally obligate yourself with all you mentioned.

 

[mistoffolees]

My suggestion?

Once the child is born, file for paternity and child support as designed by your state. You are more then welcome to pay extra for all you mention, but it would be wise for you not to legally obligate yourself with all you mentioned.

Especially until you know for certain that you're the father.

 

[CourtClerk]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

My longtime girlfriend and I have decided to end our 6 yr relationship however after it ended we found out she is 3 months pregnant. I know we can never be a couple and will not get back due to our child being born, however I want to do the right think here in child support and being part of my unborn child's life forever.

Financial support will be there, but what steps do I take to make sure I do not get screwed in reality. My plans are to cover my ex's health insurance till the child is born and then I can add our child to my excellent health insurance coverage.

To assure my child lives in a great area, I want to assist in my ex's rent to keep her in a certain area (plus close to me). I told her I am prepared to pay her rent ( or possible buy a condo in same building I live in and she use it for free) once she has to stop working due to pregnancy plus she can take at least 5 years off from work so our child is not raised by nanny's and strangers in a school. I am prepared to allocate $6000-8000 a month in total towards living expenses and childcare. I feel I can support that amount for the next 5 years and was thinking of escrowing the funds. Of course I would not want this to be longterm and if she was to become involved with someone, marry, etc things would change.

This is all new to me right now and all I want is to make sure my child is raised right and with me around. I do not want to be dragged through court for child support once born, as I think this can be handled now. I have a mid 6 figure income.

What advice and steps can be given to me.

I also plan to do the one time payment for prepaid college tuition in Florida Prepaid Program before my child is 1 so first 4 years of college is covered since we have many excellent state universities.

While I think your intentions are great and quite honorable, I think your idea is horrible.

Buy some time with a family law attorney. You're setting yourself up, big time.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

My longtime girlfriend and I have decided to end our 6 yr relationship however after it ended we found out she is 3 months pregnant. I know we can never be a couple and will not get back due to our child being born, however I want to do the right think here in child support and being part of my unborn child's life forever.

Financial support will be there, but what steps do I take to make sure I do not get screwed in reality. My plans are to cover my ex's health insurance till the child is born and then I can add our child to my excellent health insurance coverage.

Keeping mom insured until the child is born (or until a couple of months after the child is born) is actually a very good idea.

To assure my child lives in a great area, I want to assist in my ex's rent to keep her in a certain area (plus close to me). I told her I am prepared to pay her rent ( or possible buy a condo in same building I live in and she use it for free) once she has to stop working due to pregnancy plus she can take at least 5 years off from work so our child is not raised by nanny's and strangers in a school. I am prepared to allocate $6000-8000 a month in total towards living expenses and childcare. I feel I can support that amount for the next 5 years and was thinking of escrowing the funds. Of course I would not want this to be longterm and if she was to become involved with someone, marry, etc things would change.

This is where you are getting a little over the top. As CC said your intentions are honorable and great, but its not in anyone's best interest. Once your paternity is legally established you should be paying child support based on state guidelines and mom should have her own household based on what she can truly afford.

I can understand that you don't want the child raised by others but you also have to understand that mom has to support herself, and being out of the workforce for 5 years is not going to help her do that.

This is all new to me right now and all I want is to make sure my child is raised right and with me around. I do not want to be dragged through court for child support once born, as I think this can be handled now. I have a mid 6 figure income.

What advice and steps can be given to me.

Court orders protect everyone.

I also plan to do the one time payment for prepaid college tuition in Florida Prepaid Program before my child is 1 so first 4 years of college is covered since we have many excellent state universities.

That is also a very good idea and I encourage you to do that even if you do end up getting dragged through court. However, you might be better served to put money into a trust instead of prepaid tuition, on the offchance that your child ends up with a specific talent that cannot be served by one of the Universities in FL.

 

[stealth2]

However, I would be more than happy to volunteer to be a recipient of your largesse! j/k. Kinda.

 

[Wyldrush]

Thanks for advice here. Today I actually sat down with the ex and we talked about what we should do here . (BTW I am 100% positive the child is mine, cheating was not the issue for break up)

We still get along great as friends and have many common friends in our circle so still see each other several times a month.

I have decided to purchase a 2/2 condo in my building for her. My association just recently foreclosed on one so I can grab it for a great price and will look at it as an investment. She has agreed to pay me the equal amount of rent she is paying now (Of course this place is much better). I just feel better knowing she will be close by since she does have health issues prior to pregnancy and want to make sure she and my child are ok (no I am thinking with big head here) Will this become a bonding issue for us to get back I do not know. I am not looking to repatch the past but want to build on the future here.

I agreed to supplement her current income at same level once she can not work due to pregnancy and health insurance.

We decided on a fair amount of child support which is $3000 a month cash payment. I will provide all cost for schoolings of my choice through college (this is important to me as education is important). I will spend personally no more than $1000 a yr on additional clothing and all outside interest will be paid 50/50 (dance, piano etc)

I will provide insurance and we even discussed holidays, etc. Was very productive day.

She knows I love her to a point and will always look out for her but life needs to move on. My lease with her in condo will state I will give her 6 months to move out or pay fair market rent.

 

[CJane]

Wow.

I can have my IUD out next week, if you're not busy.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for advice here. Today I actually sat down with the ex and we talked about what we should do here . (BTW I am 100% positive the child is mine, cheating was not the issue for break up)

We still get along great as friends and have many common friends in our circle so still see each other several times a month.

I have decided to purchase a 2/2 condo in my building for her. My association just recently foreclosed on one so I can grab it for a great price and will look at it as an investment. She has agreed to pay me the equal amount of rent she is paying now (Of course this place is much better). I just feel better knowing she will be close by since she does have health issues prior to pregnancy and want to make sure she and my child are ok (no I am thinking with big head here) Will this become a bonding issue for us to get back I do not know. I am not looking to repatch the past but want to build on the future here.

I agreed to supplement her current income at same level once she can not work due to pregnancy and health insurance.

We decided on a fair amount of child support which is $3000 a month cash payment. I will provide all cost for schoolings of my choice through college (this is important to me as education is important). I will spend personally no more than $1000 a yr on additional clothing and all outside interest will be paid 50/50 (dance, piano etc)

I will provide insurance and we even discussed holidays, etc. Was very productive day.

She knows I love her to a point and will always look out for her but life needs to move on. My lease with her in condo will state I will give her 6 months to move out or pay fair market rent.

When the parents can agree to terms, it's far better than fighting it out in court. I'm glad you've reached an agreement you're happy with.

HOWEVER, I would strongly suggest that you not simply reach an agreement and think you're done. As soon as the child is born, have a DNA test done to establish paternity, then file for joint custody and/or visitation. Have the child support set at state guidelines. If you choose to give more every month, you are free to do so.

A court order protects both of you.

 

[Proserpina]

Wow.

I can have my IUD out next week, if you're not busy.

(I'm sorry - but I just laughed so hard I snorkled chardonnay everywhere! )

 

[CJane]

(I'm sorry - but I just laughed so hard I snorkled chardonnay everywhere! )

And I just thought of you. I'm watching Chopped ... in the basket? Haggis in a can.

And I thought SPAM was bad. Haggis? In a CAN?

 

[davidmcbeth3]

Especially until you know for certain that you're the father.

He DOESN'T know he is the father, really. I would recommend that a DNA test establish paternity before you sign that birth certificate ... you only have a very short time after you sign to argue against it.

Even if the OP is 110% certain the kid is his ,,, its due diligence before subjecting himself to a million dollar bill over the life of the kid.

I'm sure the expecting mother is being nice as pie to you right now, right? Just wait until about 3 mo. after the birth ... hell's firestorm will be set upon you.

If not, you won't be having that mid 6 figure income too much longer. And maybe for no reason.

Post back in ~6 mo. and let us know how it turns out for you.

PS ... I dont think that CS is fair ... if the father has no say in the life even being born then why should he pay ... its the woman's responsibility to insure she does not get pregnant not the male because male's cannot get pregnant. Takes two to tango but only one gets to drop a 6 lb unwanted kid out of her insides ... Just my opinion ...

 

[LdiJ]

He DOESN'T know he is the father, really. I would recommend that a DNA test establish paternity before you sign that birth certificate ... you only have a very short time after you sign to argue against it.

Even if the OP is 110% certain the kid is his ,,, its due diligence before subjecting himself to a million dollar bill over the life of the kid.

I'm sure the expecting mother is being nice as pie to you right now, right? Just wait until about 3 mo. after the birth ... hell's firestorm will be set upon you.

If not, you won't be having that mid 6 figure income too much longer. And maybe for no reason.

Post back in ~6 mo. and let us know how it turns out for you.

PS ... I dont think that CS is fair ... if the father has no say in the life even being born then why should he pay ... its the woman's responsibility to insure she does not get pregnant not the male because male's cannot get pregnant. Takes two to tango but only one gets to drop a 6 lb unwanted kid out of her insides ... Just my opinion ...

Ok David, I am going to give you a biology lessen as to why CS is totally fair.

A male can literally impregnate an untold number of females a year. All it depends upon is how often he can manage the deed. A female on the other hand can have no more than about 1 child a year.

So, in an ideal world the responsibility for preventing pregnancy should be on the MALE as he can produce a heck of a lot more children than ANY female.

Grow up.

 

[Proserpina]

PS ... I dont think that CS is fair ... if the father has no say in the life even being born then why should he pay ... its the woman's responsibility to insure she does not get pregnant not the male because male's cannot get pregnant. Takes two to tango but only one gets to drop a 6 lb unwanted kid out of her insides ... Just my opinion ...

You did NOT just go there....



Cheese and rice, dude - what are you, 12?

 

[mistoffolees]

He DOESN'T know he is the father, really. I would recommend that a DNA test establish paternity before you sign that birth certificate ... you only have a very short time after you sign to argue against it.

Even if the OP is 110% certain the kid is his ,,, its due diligence before subjecting himself to a million dollar bill over the life of the kid.

Which is what I said - but without your obnoxious attitude.

PS ... I dont think that CS is fair ... if the father has no say in the life even being born then why should he pay ... its the woman's responsibility to insure she does not get pregnant not the male because male's cannot get pregnant. Takes two to tango but only one gets to drop a 6 lb unwanted kid out of her insides ... Just my opinion ...

I suppose that if your whole life is wrapped up in your own selfish desires, that would make some sense.

OTOH, there's a child involved. A child needs food, shelter, clothing, education, health care, and so on. Why shouldn't both parents be responsible for that? After all, there is birth control available for either party. And, failing that, they could always choose to not have sex if they didn't want to deal with the consequences.