I am a resident of Florida. Okay, here we go.
First you have to have a little brief family background to understand the complexity of this situation.
Dad: 84 years old. Canadian citizen who is a resident of Canada. He is still married to my mother over 50+ years and keeps his residence in Canada.
My Dad must spend at least 6 months a year in Canada to continue receiving health benefits. Recently diagnosed with early stages
of Alzheimer's. Spent most of his life living in Canada but visiting family in Florida. Dysfunctional marriage and he is used to living alone,
making decisions without regard to others including his family, isolated and extremely abrasive. His finances are completely separate from hers.
Mom: 75 years old. US citizen who is a resident of US. She is still married to him and spends only summers with him in Canada. He comes down during
winter months. Attempted over a dozen separations but never divorced. She has no backbone. She was recently diagnosed with White Matter disease.
Translation: Significant short term memory loss and inability to operate organizational parts of her brain. Her finances are completely separate from his.
Upon losing her oldest son she has lost a lot of her mental ability to follow through, focus, etc.....
My 2 brothers and I were born with terminal illness. Lost 1 brother already and close to losing my 2nd brother. Upon his passing my Mom will completely implode.
My health has been good but is finally starting to deteriorate. I have been managing my mom's affairs, my father's affairs, my health, my marriage and my brother's health.
I am completely burned out.
Now to the point:
My Dad lives alone in an apartment often while in Canada and his mental health has started to deteriorate. He leaves the stove on, forgets doctor's appointments, medications, calls continuously and forgets conversations. Starting last summer she said that she would "force him" to move to an assisted living facility. Like her divorce, it never happened. He simply refuses. My brother and I asked him to move and he told us that he would rather be found dead in his apartment than relocate.
My mom has lost a lot of mental brain power to see this to its conclusion and I cannot do it. So, we have agreed to hire somebody to push and organize my mother's efforts when dealing with doctors and the courts.
Step 1) Mom asks doctors to write a medical document to be presented to Dad.
If Dad refuses:
Step 2) Mom asks courts to intervene presenting medical documents as evidence.
My point is that my Mom is going to need to accumulate medical documents for either Step 1 or Step 2. In Canada it is very difficult and time consuming to see a doctor: takes weeks or months to get an appointment because of their socialized medicine.The doctors will likely give my Mom one shot at meeting with her and giving her whatever medical documents, opinions, etc....she requests. Given her confusion when performing the simplest tasks she needs to get it right the first time by having an attorney to tell her what to request from the doctors. Then she can get the documents consolidated and present them to Dad. If he refuses, then she doesn't have to go back to the doctors and ask them for different documents for the courts.
We need a point person to guide Mom. Who should I hire to guide her? What type of attorney? Fortunately we have the finances to hire attorney or ?????
Thanks for hearing me out.
Sincerely,
Charlie Brown
First you have to have a little brief family background to understand the complexity of this situation.
Dad: 84 years old. Canadian citizen who is a resident of Canada. He is still married to my mother over 50+ years and keeps his residence in Canada.
My Dad must spend at least 6 months a year in Canada to continue receiving health benefits. Recently diagnosed with early stages
of Alzheimer's. Spent most of his life living in Canada but visiting family in Florida. Dysfunctional marriage and he is used to living alone,
making decisions without regard to others including his family, isolated and extremely abrasive. His finances are completely separate from hers.
Mom: 75 years old. US citizen who is a resident of US. She is still married to him and spends only summers with him in Canada. He comes down during
winter months. Attempted over a dozen separations but never divorced. She has no backbone. She was recently diagnosed with White Matter disease.
Translation: Significant short term memory loss and inability to operate organizational parts of her brain. Her finances are completely separate from his.
Upon losing her oldest son she has lost a lot of her mental ability to follow through, focus, etc.....
My 2 brothers and I were born with terminal illness. Lost 1 brother already and close to losing my 2nd brother. Upon his passing my Mom will completely implode.
My health has been good but is finally starting to deteriorate. I have been managing my mom's affairs, my father's affairs, my health, my marriage and my brother's health.
I am completely burned out.
Now to the point:
My Dad lives alone in an apartment often while in Canada and his mental health has started to deteriorate. He leaves the stove on, forgets doctor's appointments, medications, calls continuously and forgets conversations. Starting last summer she said that she would "force him" to move to an assisted living facility. Like her divorce, it never happened. He simply refuses. My brother and I asked him to move and he told us that he would rather be found dead in his apartment than relocate.
My mom has lost a lot of mental brain power to see this to its conclusion and I cannot do it. So, we have agreed to hire somebody to push and organize my mother's efforts when dealing with doctors and the courts.
Step 1) Mom asks doctors to write a medical document to be presented to Dad.
If Dad refuses:
Step 2) Mom asks courts to intervene presenting medical documents as evidence.
My point is that my Mom is going to need to accumulate medical documents for either Step 1 or Step 2. In Canada it is very difficult and time consuming to see a doctor: takes weeks or months to get an appointment because of their socialized medicine.The doctors will likely give my Mom one shot at meeting with her and giving her whatever medical documents, opinions, etc....she requests. Given her confusion when performing the simplest tasks she needs to get it right the first time by having an attorney to tell her what to request from the doctors. Then she can get the documents consolidated and present them to Dad. If he refuses, then she doesn't have to go back to the doctors and ask them for different documents for the courts.
We need a point person to guide Mom. Who should I hire to guide her? What type of attorney? Fortunately we have the finances to hire attorney or ?????
Thanks for hearing me out.
Sincerely,
Charlie Brown
