Arrears Advice -- and questions.

[ecmst12]

You may want to try contacting his CO to make sure they know about the order. The military does not look kindly on servicemembers shirking their obligations.

 

[Proserpina]

I am not completely sure what information you and Proserpina need to know:

Yes, my son is 4. He just turned 4 at the beginning of December.
Oklahoma was the state that the order was issued in.
All the paperwork that informs me of the court order, support, insurances and whatnot are all dated June 2012.
The DNA test was dated May 25, 2012
Sperm donor didn't make his first payment until July 2012.
His official residence is at Fort. Lewis in Washington.
I reported the move to the CS agency, I was unaware that I had to go to the AG?
They have been issuing the CS on the Oklahoma Eppicard since the support was awarded, even after my move and reporting it, so is something wrong there?

Is there anything else that you guys need to know? Because I am really not sure what other information may be needed, sorry.

Thank you for helping to clarify for us.

Here's your problem: If you request retro support as part of the initial petition, OK can include a provision addressing the retro amount. After the initial order is made, retro is a dead duck. It's a sort of "you snooze, you lose" thing.

 

[katiebug198989]

Thank you for helping to clarify for us.

Here's your problem: If you request retro support as part of the initial petition, OK can include a provision addressing the retro amount. After the initial order is made, retro is a dead duck. It's a sort of "you snooze, you lose" thing.

When I spoke to my CS agent after finding out that they were only going to get the order setup, not worry about retro, I asked her about it and she informed me that I'd have to wait until after the order was issued to pursue the other years of CS. She informed me of the *same* information when I asked her about my medical bills. I figured it was something that would have needed to be handled within a certain time frame, but my mother continues to harass me about speaking with a lawyer about the issue. I was just search for a legal reason to make her shut up. Ha.

I am more concerned with the fact that he rarely pays his CS on time, rarely does he pay the entire amount, refuses to cover my son's insurances (even though he's supposed to since he can get insurance for him at a cheaper rate there than I can here.), and the fact that he doesn't pay for any portion of the daycare expenses albeit he's also supposed to be paying a portion of that while I'm at work.

I suppose I should just be happy the douche pays any part of his order whatsoever.

 

[katiebug198989]

You may want to try contacting his CO to make sure they know about the order. The military does not look kindly on servicemembers shirking their obligations.

I thought about contacting his first shirt, but I wasn't completely sure that I legal could contact him/her myself. I figured it'd be something that I had to handle through the agency or a lawyer.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not completely sure what information you and Proserpina need to know:

Yes, my son is 4. He just turned 4 at the beginning of December.
Oklahoma was the state that the order was issued in.
All the paperwork that informs me of the court order, support, insurances and whatnot are all dated June 2012.
The DNA test was dated May 25, 2012
Sperm donor didn't make his first payment until July 2012.
His official residence is at Fort. Lewis in Washington.
I reported the move to the CS agency, I was unaware that I had to go to the AG?
They have been issuing the CS on the Oklahoma Eppicard since the support was awarded, even after my move and reporting it, so is something wrong there?

Is there anything else that you guys need to know? Because I am really not sure what other information may be needed, sorry.

He is not a sperm donor. He is the child's father. YOU chose that when you delivered the baby. If you were raped, you should have reported it. You didn't, hence legally the rape didn't happen. You need to get yourself into therapy.

 

[milmom]

I thought about contacting his first shirt, but I wasn't completely sure that I legal could contact him/her myself. I figured it'd be something that I had to handle through the agency or a lawyer.

You can request enforcement through the AG in Texas and they can issue issue an income withholding order to DFAS the military pay system to have support taken out automatically. Outs not a quick process, so in the meantime you can contact his first sergeant if you are able. The military does not take lightly to those not fulfilling legal obligations. As far as health insurance it shouldn't cost him a thing to add your son to tricare. Depending on where you're located he may have to enroll him in tricare standard which may result in more out of pocket costs, but if there are tricare prime providers in your area it should be almost no out of pocket costs.

 

[anearthw]

I suppose I should just be happy the douche pays any part of his order whatsoever.

You should probably also be grateful that you have not landed yourself in the hot seat for defaming him as a rapist when you refuse to pursue legal means to actually prove him guilty on that. You might also face serious issues in the future if your child knows his father as a 'douche'**sperm donor'/rapist.

You need counseling to come to terms with your series of choices (no abortion, no adoption, no police reports, no court case) that now mean your son's father has a right to be a part of his life, whether you like it or not. None of this is 'mean', it is simply truth.

 

[Proserpina]

Alright.

Guys - can we not have a wee bit of the Christmas spirit here?

If we go by Mom's posts - and really, that's all we have - this is a rape victim who is hurt and angry and is completely confused about what rights she has and what rights Dad might have.

Scaring her with talks of defamation and telling her that legally there's no rape isn't going to help her.

Please - can we not just ease up just for a day or two?

Pretty please?

 

[stealth2]

I have to agree - some counseling is in order. Regardless of the past, he is now LEGALLY your son's father - no quotes involved. It is time to get past his actions - and your (or lack of them) - and learn to deal with that reality.

 

[Ohiogal]

Alright.

Guys - can we not have a wee bit of the Christmas spirit here?

If we go by Mom's posts - and really, that's all we have - this is a rape victim who is hurt and angry and is completely confused about what rights she has and what rights Dad might have.

Scaring her with talks of defamation and telling her that legally there's no rape isn't going to help her.

Please - can we not just ease up just for a day or two?

Pretty please?

Actually she has to face that. This is a LEGAL board. She has to realize the legal truth. She is NOT legally a rape victim. She is a woman who had a baby and the child's father is not in the picture. No one is being mean or hurtful or anything else to her.

 

[single317dad]

Alright.

Guys - can we not have a wee bit of the Christmas spirit here?

If we go by Mom's posts - and really, that's all we have - this is a rape victim who is hurt and angry and is completely confused about what rights she has and what rights Dad might have.

Scaring her with talks of defamation and telling her that legally there's no rape isn't going to help her.

Please - can we not just ease up just for a day or two?

Pretty please?

I do feel a bit of a soft spot for this OP, but I'm of the opinion that softballing will not be helpful to her. I usually jump right down the throat of people who call their ex deadbeat, sperm donor, BM, whatever; I chose to ignore it in this case. But if OP ever finds herself in a courtroom vs. Dad and opposing counsel and talks like she has here? She'll be ripped to shreds. Dad may indeed be the most terrible person who has ever walked the planet, but none of it is proven and the judge will only see another raving lunatic mother with no evidence of her outlandish accusations.

Count me in on the counseling bandwagon.

 

[anearthw]

Okay, well, I would really hate for dad to stand there in court with a bunch of printed out stuff showing that she's calling him a rapist online without any criminal conviction. Douche and sperm donor is her own personal opinion, but posting such a defamatory statement with a lot of detail is another - considering how much she has written about where she lived, where she did move, how old the child is, the base information? "But it was Christmas" isn't going to do a darn thing for her in that instance.

Alright.

Guys - can we not have a wee bit of the Christmas spirit here?

If we go by Mom's posts - and really, that's all we have - this is a rape victim who is hurt and angry and is completely confused about what rights she has and what rights Dad might have.

Scaring her with talks of defamation and telling her that legally there's no rape isn't going to help her.

Please - can we not just ease up just for a day or two?

Pretty please?

 

[Proserpina]

Alrighty then.

 

[Proserpina]

Huh...well would you look at that. It would appear that a conviction isn't actually necessary in order to severely limit Dad's rights, at least in some states.

Illinois signed it into law (and yes, it's quite clear - it's an "either/or" situation) http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/publicacts/fulltext.asp?GA=98&Name=098-0476

I wonder if any of the OP's states have or are attempting to address the issue. The tide might be turning.

 

[Ohiogal]

Huh...well would you look at that. It would appear that a conviction isn't actually necessary in order to severely limit Dad's rights, at least in some states.

Illinois signed it into law (and yes, it's quite clear - it's an "either/or" situation) http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/publicacts/fulltext.asp?GA=98&Name=098-0476

I wonder if any of the OP's states have or are attempting to address the issue. The tide might be turning.

Well IL is NOT her state and quite frankly, that is a rather high burden to meet. I highly doubt the OP could meet it if it even applied due to the fact that she has NO evidence of anything more than sex happening. A judge could very likely look at this as she had a one night stand and now is quite frankly attempting to prevent the father from having anything to do with the child due to her buyer's remorse. Quite frankly that is a stupid law (the "or" portion). And it is also sexist. The woman can rape the man and have a baby and yet she doesn't lose custody if dad wants to be the parent. I can see it as unconstitutional if challenged.