Arrears Advice -- and questions.

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for your help and understanding the definition of the word "polite". You and maybe two others are apparently the only ones that truly understand what the word means. The rest seem to be keyboard warriors with nothing better to do.

Funny but no one was rude to you. I wasn't until you decided to call me names. Counseling. You need lots of it. Please get help for your child's sake.

 

[ecmst12]

Not only rude but just plain mean. You are not helping anyone on this thread. Would have been better if you hadn't said anything at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

Not only rude but just plain mean. You are not helping anyone on this thread. Would have been better if you hadn't said anything at all.

Really? Me? Because I gave her the legal reality nicely. She then came back and started calling me names because she didn't like the LEGAL truth. She can play the victim on here all she wants. No one was rude until she attacked -- I find it interesting that she attacked me yet didn't say a word to Eekamouse about this post:

It's his child, too, and since you never reported the rape, he will have the right to pursue visitation if he wants. If he's granted visitation, he can let his mother see the child any time he has him.

or Ladyback:

"They" can make it where the father has visitation rights/privileges.

or anearthw:

You should probably also be grateful that you have not landed yourself in the hot seat for defaming him as a rapist when you refuse to pursue legal means to actually prove him guilty on that. You might also face serious issues in the future if your child knows his father as a 'douche'**sperm donor'/rapist.

You need counseling to come to terms with your series of choices (no abortion, no adoption, no police reports, no court case) that now mean your son's father has a right to be a part of his life, whether you like it or not. None of this is 'mean', it is simply truth.

Or a variety of other people. However she decided to call me names because I dared to say this:

He is not a sperm donor. He is the child's father. YOU chose that when you delivered the baby. If you were raped, you should have reported it. You didn't, hence legally the rape didn't happen. You need to get yourself into therapy.

And then almost immediately after that stealth posted this:

I have to agree - some counseling is in order. Regardless of the past, he is now LEGALLY your son's father - no quotes involved. It is time to get past his actions - and your (or lack of them) - and learn to deal with that reality.

But I am the one who was jumped. Go figure. I was the one she called Ms. Oblivious.

Well she is delusional and not dealing with the LEGAL reality of the situation.
If this ends up in court, she can be painted exactly as I said. It wouldn't be too difficult.
I note the hypocrisy among certain people.

 

[anearthw]

Your continued posts claiming this man to be a rapist without legal proof, along with enough information to identify who he is if someone knew either of you, is defamatory. Your defamatory statements online, if discovered, will do nothing but cause you serious problems if and when he seeks his visitation rights with his child. An order of protection does NOT mean he cannot find out where you and your child live, and it does NOT mean that he will never be able to seek visitation. It is not a meaningless order, but it is also does not carry as much weight as you might think. If I recall, one year maximum in Texas.

That's not rude, that's not polite, that's just the bare bones of it. If you choose to continue with the defamation and other angry statements, then that is your choice. However, your angry outbursts are best suited for a counseling session, and not written online where it can do nothing but hurt you.

 

[stealth2]

OP - you can lock this thread...

 

[>Charlotte<]

We need to at least get off the "OMG you called him a rapist on a web site posting under an anonymous name, he's gonna sue you for defamation!!" stuff. Technically, can that happen? Sure. I would even advise OP to stop doing it because it serves no real purpose and any concern is enough of a concern to take any threat of repercussion seriously. But let's not take advantage of a technicality to manufacture a concern that, right now, is nothing more than a distraction.

If the alleged rapist came here and posted a complaint that he was being called a rapist and wanted to sue for libel or slander, he'd get the standard FA Advice-O-Matic response that he could do that, but it would cost him "thousands of dollars" and take years of litigation, along with a generous helping of speculation as to why he'd be wasting his time. This just reeks of trying to scare the OP when, on the flip side, we'd be doing the same thing to the accused rapist.

 

[quincy]

We need to at least get off the "OMG you called him a rapist on a web site posting under an anonymous name, he's gonna sue you for defamation!!" stuff. Technically, can that happen? Sure. I would even advise OP to stop doing it because it serves no real purpose and any concern is enough of a concern to take any threat of repercussion seriously. But let's not take advantage of a technicality to manufacture a concern that, right now, is nothing more than a distraction.

If the alleged rapist came here and posted a complaint that he was being called a rapist and wanted to sue for libel or slander, he'd get the standard FA Advice-O-Matic response that he could do that, but it would cost him "thousands of dollars" and take years of litigation, along with a generous helping of speculation as to why he'd be wasting his time. This just reeks of trying to scare the OP when, on the flip side, we'd be doing the same thing to the accused rapist.

I was not going to respond to this thread with anything more than a "like" or two for those posts that pointed out the LEGAL realities. Those posts were written by Ohiogal, Eekamouse and anearthw (I may have missed one or two).

I know Ohiogal has dealt with posters who have found their posts here have been used against them in court. I have received private messages where posters have reported the same. And it is not hard to connect the dots in this thread, from poster to the child's father - not with all of the identifying information she has provided (if any of it is real, which I am beginning to doubt).

Defamation suits have been filed over far less than false accusations of rape on an internet forum. And the accusations made by katiebug are accusations only. There has been no police report made, no arrest, no conviction. The man is NOT a rapist until he has been convicted of rape. That is the LEGAL reality, whether the rest of you want to wish that away or not.

This is not in any way meant to diminish the harm a rapist causes. The person raped can have many reasons for not reporting the rape, and the legal system can be one of those reasons. The law is not always kind to the person raped. But that doesn't mean that a person can legally go around calling someone a rapist with impunity, because they fear what the legal system will do to them if they report the rape. THAT TOO is illegal.

It is often posted that this is not a "Dr. Phil" feel-good site. It isn't. It shouldn't be. It is fine to feel sympathy or empathy for a poster, but we have got to assume, also, that a poster comes here for the legal realities and not internet hugs (and this all is coming from someone who used to give internet hugs with regularity).

Okay. I will bow out now.

 

[cbg]

Absolutely not taking sides on either side of the issue. I am talking to everyone, not just one side of the argument or the other.

But even unpleasant truths, both legal and personal, can be presented in a way that is not hurtful or accusatory. If one cares enough to do so.

There's an old saying about honey and vinegar. Yanno?

 

[cbg]

Not control, just provide an alternate possibility. That might get more results.

But if you're not interested, disregard.

 

[Silverplum]

Not control, just provide an alternate possibility. That might get more results.

But if you're not interested, disregard.

I always do!

 

[cbg]

Just curious.

If any suggestion of an alternate behavior is seen as an attempt to "direct and control" someone else's behavior, then are not you, and any of the rest of us for that matter, guilty of exactly that any time we respond to just about any post? After all, since the purpose of the forum is to provide our personal experiences with various aspects of the law, are we not providing alternate courses of behavior every time we answer?

 

[Silverplum]

Just curious.

If any suggestion of an alternate behavior is seen as an attempt to "direct and control" someone else's behavior, then are not you, and any of the rest of us for that matter, guilty of exactly that any time we respond to just about any post? After all, since the purpose of the forum is to provide our personal experiences with various aspects of the law, are we not providing alternate courses of behavior every time we answer?

As usual, I was quite clear. I referenced senior members attempting to control other senior members.

But someone removed my post.

 

[Ohiogal]

As usual, I was quite clear. I referenced senior members attempting to control other senior members.

But someone removed my post.

I just find it amazing that I can say the same thing as others and i am attacked for it while the other individuals are ignored or applauded. It amazes me. I said nothing negative to this OP until she came plowing back regarding the posts and decided to jump on me. No one else mind you but me. Oh and she hasn't been around here before, right? So therefore, why was I picked out? Maybe the Bar and Grill got bored and love seeing if they can get to me. Maybe OP is a troll. Maybe people are trying to get me banned by going off on me and swearing. Between this OP and amyjrn, I find it entertaining quite frankly how some have nothing better than to do than whine about how mean I am being. When I wasn't mean until attacked. Amyjrn posts a rant going off on me "stalking" her because i referred to her past posts and cursing, and emcst "screams" at me for posting it when the one who posted it was the OP. She then basically called me a liar because the post from Amyjrn was no longer showing -- why? Because sweet amy was cursing in her post and it was reported. Oh but whatever. I have had it with hypocrites. I shouldn't judge but certain others will jump at every opportunity to judge me, insult me, and criticize me. They need to look in the mirror when they start saying how horrible I am.

So explain why I got jumped by OP but others who posted pretty much the same thing I did didn't have ANYTHING said to them? Oh because you want to target me? Nice. Your hypocrisy is showing. And it can be seen by many.

OP has issues. Major issues. She is going on about how she makes sure dad knows her thoughts. She complains and gripes about dad not paying for daycare but never answered how dad is supposed to pay or if she has sent him bills or medical information or anything. Instead, she whines and yells and rants and raves. And gets the hypocrites on here to join her in criticizing me. Make her an honorary bar'n'griller. She apparently will fit right in.

 

[Eekamouse]

I think the OP has not heard the last from her child's father's mother. If she was texting and calling her a bunch of times upon hearing her son was being accused of rape, I can see her pursuing OP for visitation now that DNA tests prove this is her grandchild. OP may think that it's only HER child but she's wrong. It's her child and it is the father's child. If she tries to press charges for rape at this late date, how is she going to prove it? I think that ship sailed a long time ago. She better reconcile herself to the fact that this man is her child's father and maligning him to whoever will listen serves no purpose in the end. What is she going to tell her child when he's old enough to ask? If she plans on telling her kid that his dad is a rapist and he should hate his guts, she better be prepared to spend a lot of money on counseling for him.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think the OP has not heard the last from her child's father's mother. If she was texting and calling her a bunch of times upon hearing her son was being accused of rape, I can see her pursuing OP for visitation now that DNA tests prove this is her grandchild. OP may think that it's only HER child but she's wrong. It's her child and it is the father's child. If she tries to press charges for rape at this late date, how is she going to prove it? I think that ship sailed a long time ago. She better reconcile herself to the fact that this man is her child's father and maligning him to whoever will listen serves no purpose in the end. What is she going to tell her child when he's old enough to ask? If she plans on telling her kid that his dad is a rapist and he should hate his guts, she better be prepared to spend a lot of money on counseling for him.

I don't see her as spending any money on counseling for the child because it doesn't appear she has spent any money on counseling for herself. But I agree with you. (Wait for it. About to get slammed for being mean again.)