Arrears Advice -- and questions.

[stealth2]

Well IL is NOT her state

Well, given that, in addition to the three originally stated, two more states have come into play... I'm waiting for IL to be added to the mix...

 

[stealth2]

Alright.

Guys - can we not have a wee bit of the Christmas spirit here?

If we go by Mom's posts - and really, that's all we have - this is a rape victim who is hurt and angry and is completely confused about what rights she has and what rights Dad might have.

Scaring her with talks of defamation and telling her that legally there's no rape isn't going to help her.

Please - can we not just ease up just for a day or two?

Pretty please?

I'm gonna ditto this. Would it have been SO hard to let OP know there are problems with her situation but wait until today or tomorrow to throw the cruddy details at her? At the end of the day, what (collective) we did was smack her around. And likely made her all anxious on Christmas Day - which may have affected her LO's day. We should all congratulate ourselves.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm gonna ditto this. Would it have been SO hard to let OP know there are problems with her situation but wait until today or tomorrow to throw the cruddy details at her? At the end of the day, what (collective) we did was smack her around. And likely made her all anxious on Christmas Day - which may have affected her LO's day. We should all congratulate ourselves.

She posted at 5:21 pm Christmas Eve and we are the ones who made her anxious by giving her the truth?
It is therefore OUR fault that her LO's Christmas Day may have been affected?
Sorry. Don't buy it.
That is making assumptions that she celebrates Christmas, that she checked this on Christmas Day after her last postings before 2;00 a.m., and that she wanted us to lie and not to tell the truth. It also assumes that she is not trolling.

Mom was given the truth. We should lie/sugarcoat based on the time of year? Maybe we should ask if it is someone's birthday or special occasion and state we can't answer you now, come back afterwards -- wouldnt want to ruin the day. No one smacked her around. She was answered honestly and truthfully. LEGALLY she was NOT raped. LEGALLY she has responsibility in this situation. LEGALLY dad has rights.

Furthermore, she speaks that dad is NOT paying a portion of daycare. If he is supposed to pay a percentage, when is the last time OP sent dad a copy of the bill? Sent him the daycare information? Provided contact information for the daycare? Maybe OP should have thought about WHEN she was asking the question and realized she may have heard things she didn't want to hear. She was in control as to when she asked. If her day yesterday was ruined, that is on her quite frankly.

 

[stealth2]

She posted at 5:21 pm Christmas Eve and we are the ones who made her anxious by giving her the truth?
It is therefore OUR fault that her LO's Christmas Day may have been affected?
Sorry. Don't buy it.
That is making assumptions that she celebrates Christmas, that she checked this on Christmas Day after her last postings before 2;00 a.m., and that she wanted us to lie and not to tell the truth. It also assumes that she is not trolling.

Mom was given the truth. We should lie/sugarcoat based on the time of year? Maybe we should ask if it is someone's birthday or special occasion and state we can't answer you now, come back afterwards -- wouldnt want to ruin the day. No one smacked her around. She was answered honestly and truthfully. LEGALLY she was NOT raped. LEGALLY she has responsibility in this situation. LEGALLY dad has rights.

Furthermore, she speaks that dad is NOT paying a portion of daycare. If he is supposed to pay a percentage, when is the last time OP sent dad a copy of the bill? Sent him the daycare information? Provided contact information for the daycare? Maybe OP should have thought about WHEN she was asking the question and realized she may have heard things she didn't want to hear. She was in control as to when she asked. If her day yesterday was ruined, that is on her quite frankly.

No, but perhaps we should show some empathy, compassion and the milk of human kindness. Now and again. Or not.

MO.

 

[Ohiogal]

No, but perhaps we should show some empathy, compassion and the milk of human kindness. Now and again. Or not.

MO.

Today is Boxing Day. Should we not comment due to this being a holiday? Granted maybe not a holiday that everyone celebrates but a holiday none the less. I don't find it compassionate to tell OP "don't worry OP, you are in the right and dad should never get visitation because you are the victim" when that that is NOT the legal reality she will be facing.

 

[stealth2]

Today is Boxing Day. Should we not comment due to this being a holiday? Granted maybe not a holiday that everyone celebrates but a holiday none the less. I don't find it compassionate to tell OP "don't worry OP, you are in the right and dad should never get visitation because you are the victim" when that that is NOT the legal reality she will be facing.

NO ONE SAID ANY OF THAT!

I told her there were issues, and she should consider counseling. Simple, to the point. Really not mean. And, I'll tell you - wIth the week *I* have had? Mean would have been easy. If I could do it? So can any of us.

SMH

 

[anearthw]

I don't consider it kind to stand by and watch someone defame the other parent and hurt themselves in the future because nobody corrected it and they thought it was perfectly acceptable to continue. I'm not going to bookmark a thread and come back on the 27th or whatever day and say "by the way, everything that you wrote might be used against you if he saw it" - maybe it would be kinder to advise her in advance before she shoots herself in the foot. Quite frankly, I personally think it is rather unkind to allow an emotional person to say defamatory statements which can hurt them - just because you don't feel it's okay to let them know they are hurting themselves - on the 25th.

There is enough information in her posts to figure out who she is, if a person related to the situation found it. Do you think that clearly-nosy paternal grandmother would pass up an opportunity to show her son that this woman is calling him a rapist online?

 

[Proserpina]

Situation normal.

Carry on.

 

[wavehopper27]

Posters here can get quite hostile with people who ask questions especially if they do not agree with the person's perspective.

For Eample, if I came in here asking how to hide my finances to avoid paying child support, rather than just tell me that there is no legal way to do this, I would get berated, belittled, condemned and other such phrases. It seems that this forum is more about passing judgement on those you disagree with rather than the free legal advice.

 

[Ohiogal]

Posters here can get quite hostile with people who ask questions especially if they do not agree with the person's perspective.

For Eample, if I came in here asking how to hide my finances to avoid paying child support, rather than just tell me that there is no legal way to do this, I would get berated, belittled, condemned and other such phrases. It seems that this forum is more about passing judgement on those you disagree with rather than the free legal advice.

I didn't pass judgment on the OP. Nor did I see where anyone else did (though I didn't reread the entire thread).

 

[stealth2]

say "by the way, everything that you wrote might be used against you if he saw it" - maybe it would be kinder to advise her in advance before she shoots herself in the foot.

Do you not understand how different the above was worded from what you actually posted? I think the point was - why not state the above in the first place, vswhat you did? Wasn't THAT hard, was it?

Carry on, gang.

 

[wavehopper27]

I didn't pass judgment on the OP. Nor did I see where anyone else did (though I didn't reread the entire thread).

My statement referred to the entire forum as a whole.

 

[katiebug198989]

He is not a sperm donor. He is the child's father. YOU chose that when you delivered the baby. If you were raped, you should have reported it. You didn't, hence legally the rape didn't happen. You need to get yourself into therapy.

I am going to *try* to be very polite with you right now, Ohiogal. Albeit that was not a courtesy you extended to me -- so don't be too surprised if it seems as if my manners have left the forum.
First I find it humorous that you do not think he KNOWS what I call him. He KNOWS what he did and he KNOWS what he is. I've purposefully accepted "Friend Requests" on different sites from people I KNOW he is still friends with to this day and make posts and statuses that I KNOW will get relaid to him. And trust me, they are FAR WORSE than anything I've referred to him as in this forum. Because I KNOW they get told to him verbatim by these people that act like they are my friends. He is a RAPIST and nothing more than a SPERM DONOR. It takes far more than sperm to make a father. You are aware that 63% of rapes in America, alone, go unreported correct? Let me guess, you somehow think that means those women were also willful participants? Just because I did not follow through with the rape report does NOT mean he did not hold me down, put a pillow on my face so his fiance wouldn't hear me scream for her, and RAPE me. It does NOT change the fact that he violated my body and took my virtue. It does not change the fact that he provided alcohol to a minor. It does not change the fact that I still have night terrors. Not even sending him to jail would change those things. NOTHING will change the fact that he raped me. By the way, there was enough evidence to get an Order of Protection. So obviously, Ms. Oblivious, there was proof that he is a danger to my son and myself. And given that fact that there IS an Order of Protection, I am not going to tell that moronic douche where the hell my son and I are. It was issued to keep that from happening.
Of course I celebrate Christmas, I am CATHOLIC. Go to mass and the whole nine yards. Hence not getting an abortion. It's against my religious views. Not to mention I do not believe in murdering an unborn child, I do not care how the hell he or she was made. And no adoption because he is mine. My child to care for, my child to protect, my child to love, and my child to teach. He may have been conceived out of an evil, dirty, disgusting, pathetic, hateful crime but the child was born out of love. And when he was born, I was the ONLY person that became a parent that day. Not his sperm donor. And no, I wasn't trolling, as you so eloquently put it. I already had the answers I needed to tell my mother to put a cork in her mouth.
Also I find it even more amusing that you think he actually wants something to do with MY son. I never ONCE said he wanted any kind of custody nor visitation to MY son. So I am not trying to "play the victim", I was simply asking hypothetical questions. He nor his family has ever once asked about MY son. And he knew the day he was born, I told his wife because the board and I were still trying to play nice, until it literally made me physically ill to look at her knowing I begged and screamed through a pillow for her to come get him the hell off of me. So other than making half ass CS payments he's made no bother even trying. Frankly since he KNEW the day MY son was born had I not MADE him pay child support, in another year or so he'd have no rights whatsoever due to abandonment. But I had to make sure that his wife knew exactly what she married. Now she knows. And there is an order of protection making sure he NEVER knows where we are. I bet that really gets under your skin, doesn't it?

 

[katiebug198989]

Situation normal.

Carry on.

Thank you for your help and understanding the definition of the word "polite". You and maybe two others are apparently the only ones that truly understand what the word means. The rest seem to be keyboard warriors with nothing better to do.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am going to *try* to be very polite with you right now, Ohiogal. Albeit that was not a courtesy you extended to me -- so don't be too surprised if it seems as if my manners have left the forum.

I was polite to you. Very polite. Your problem is you do not like the law.

First I find it humorous that you do not think he KNOWS what I call him. He KNOWS what he did and he KNOWS what he is. I've purposefully accepted "Friend Requests" on different sites from people I KNOW he is still friends with to this day and make posts and statuses that I KNOW will get relaid to him. And trust me, they are FAR WORSE than anything I've referred to him as in this forum. Because I KNOW they get told to him verbatim by these people that act like they are my friends. He is a RAPIST and nothing more than a SPERM DONOR.

Wrong. You weren't raped. Even based on what you posted here you weren't raped. He is the child's LEGAL father. Not a sperm donor. Wrap your head around the LEGAL reality.

It takes far more than sperm to make a father. You are aware that 63% of rapes in America, alone, go unreported correct? Let me guess, you somehow think that means those women were also willful participants?

If you didn't report it, LEGALLY it did not happen.

Just because I did not follow through with the rape report does NOT mean he did not hold me down, put a pillow on my face so his fiance wouldn't hear me scream for her, and RAPE me. It does NOT change the fact that he violated my body and took my virtue. It does not change the fact that he provided alcohol to a minor.

Boy the story changes. Would you like to reread what you stated in the FIRST post you made? Let us see, shall we?

In April 2009, I was living in Idaho, I was raped by my (then) friend's fiance. We'd all three been drinking, he'd always given me the creeps, and I had written the whole experience off as a drunken nightmare.

You willingly drank. YOU chose to drank. You wrote it off as a bad time. Not a rape until later. About a month or so later when you found out you were pregnant:

A month later, one week after my 20th birthday, I found out I was pregnant. Which caused more drama than any one human could ever wish to deal with. In gist, obviously, the "father" and I never had a 'relationship' of any kind. We weren't friends, we weren't in a romantic situation -- I basically put up with him for the sake of my friend.

Don't throw around allegations you can't prove. It won't get you anywhere and will make you look like a fool.

It does not change the fact that I still have night terrors. Not even sending him to jail would change those things. NOTHING will change the fact that he raped me. By the way, there was enough evidence to get an Order of Protection. So obviously, Ms. Oblivious, there was proof that he is a danger to my son and myself And given that fact that there IS an Order of Protection, I am not going to tell that moronic douche where the hell my son and I are. It was issued to keep that from happening. .

Did he show up for the order of protection hearing? And he has a right to sue for visitation of his child. Have you gotten counseling? You need it.

Of course I celebrate Christmas, I am CATHOLIC. Go to mass and the whole nine yards. Hence not getting an abortion. It's against my religious views. Not to mention I do not believe in murdering an unborn child, I do not care how the hell he or she was made. And no adoption because he is mine. My child to care for, my child to protect, my child to love, and my child to teach. He may have been conceived out of an evil, dirty, disgusting, pathetic, hateful crime but the child was born out of love. And when he was born, I was the ONLY person that became a parent that day. Not his sperm donor. And no, I wasn't trolling, as you so eloquently put it. I already had the answers I needed to tell my mother to put a cork in her mouth.

Oh how holy and religious you are. So holy and religious you drank underage to the point of intoxication and can't deal with reality.

Also I find it even more amusing that you think he actually wants something to do with MY son. I never ONCE said he wanted any kind of custody nor visitation to MY son. So I am not trying to "play the victim", I was simply asking hypothetical questions. He nor his family has ever once asked about MY son. And he knew the day he was born, I told his wife because the board and I were still trying to play nice, until it literally made me physically ill to look at her knowing I begged and screamed through a pillow for her to come get him the hell off of me. So other than making half ass CS payments he's made no bother even trying. Frankly since he KNEW the day MY son was born had I not MADE him pay child support, in another year or so he'd have no rights whatsoever due to abandonment. But I had to make sure that his wife knew exactly what she married. Now she knows. And there is an order of protection making sure he NEVER knows where we are. I bet that really gets under your skin, doesn't it?

You are wrong about the abandonment but carry on with your delusions of what the law means. He was not the legal father by the way until YOU went after him for child support. YOU caused this situation. YOU forced the issue of making him the legal father. You seriously need help. REAL HELP. I hope you get it.
ETA: As for the visitation issue with dad YOU were the one who brought up that issue with your question:

They are going to make me send my toddler across country?

Hence why I brought up visitation.

You might want to realize that if this ever ends up in court and he has an attorney you will be painted as a whore who due to her great Catholic faith couldn't deal with CHOOSING sex and has made up this story due to your mental health issues. After all you CHOSE to drink underage and you wear your faith as a shield -- his attorney can make it so that the court believes you are a religious nut who is delusional because you can't deal with the choices you made. After all, getting pregnant out of wedlock (having sex out of wedlock) is considered a sin. You really need to go to counseling.