is she in contempt?

[Proserpina]

i don't have other mouths to feed. i'm saying i can't even afford feeding other mouths. i can't afford another child, where i can be an active parent day in/day out, make decisions for, and have that nuclear family i always dreamed of.

Hon, I want an island in the South Pacific. That's not likely going to happen for me, either.

There is nothing stopping you from being an active parent. But if you show her one tiny ounce of the attitude you've shown here, she's not going to want to work with you. Be a parent when it's your parenting time. Show Mom you take parenting seriously, and show her some respect. She's far more likely to give you more time that way.

And don't go running to court the first time she gives you a few nights extra. That's basically what started this, isn't it? Don't make such an idiotic suggestion again - ever. All the protestations in the world won't help you if you think you can "get her".

 

[Ladyback1]

i don't have other mouths to feed. i'm saying i can't even afford feeding other mouths. i can't afford another child, where i can be an active parent day in/day out, make decisions for, and have that nuclear family i always dreamed of. that is how she screwed me over. she robbed me of that.

i thought y'all said you aren't pro-mom but here you are, helping her instead. i'm just trying to find more time with my kids.

Perhaps, just perhaps....if you had not been out trying to find yourself, you could have been an active parent day in/day out!

"She" didn't rob you of anything.

And the majority of the posters here are PRO CHILD. What the parent may want, need, require, etc. is irrelevant if it is not in the best interest of the kiddos.

You're whining like a teenager who got grounded because he missed curfew.

 

[TheGeekess]

Y'all know, this story sounds awfully familiar. Haven't we dealt with this OP under a different name? Or are they all starting to run together?

 

[LdiJ]

look. her other ex got every weekend! every single weekend with overnights. the only time she had the kids for weekends was for special family occasions and a couple of weeks for vacation. he didn't even love her. why should i not get the same?

The only way he got that is if she agreed to it. A judge simply will NOT order that over the objection of the other parent.

Maybe she won't agree with that with you because she realizes how inherently unfair that is to the children. The children deserve some down time with BOTH parents.

 

[LdiJ]

i don't have other mouths to feed. i'm saying i can't even afford feeding other mouths. i can't afford another child, where i can be an active parent day in/day out, make decisions for, and have that nuclear family i always dreamed of. that is how she screwed me over. she robbed me of that.

i thought y'all said you aren't pro-mom but here you are, helping her instead. i'm just trying to find more time with my kids.

She didn't "rob" you of anything. You had a relationship that failed.

 

[carsonneedshelp]

The only way he got that is if she agreed to it. A judge simply will NOT order that over the objection of the other parent.

Maybe she won't agree with that with you because she realizes how inherently unfair that is to the children. The children deserve some down time with BOTH parents.

for them, the court order only said 80/20 that they agreed to and that's what they did (the every weekend thing) until their kids were in their teenage years and had other plans, and their dad was okay with that.

when we split, i agreed to 80/20 thinking i'd get the same thing when i moved back into the area.

how am i going to work up to being able to do homework with the kids and participating more if i'm not even allowed that time right now? i never would have agreed to her having legal custody if i knew i wouldn't be left out of making decisions. i told the judge that and he still denied the change.

 

[cbg]

Well, you won't get anywhere filing contempt charges that won't stand up, I promise you that.

 

[RRevak]

for them, the court order only said 80/20 that they agreed to and that's what they did (the every weekend thing) until their kids were in their teenage years and had other plans, and their dad was okay with that.

when we split, i agreed to 80/20 thinking i'd get the same thing when i moved back into the area.

how am i going to work up to being able to do homework with the kids and participating more if i'm not even allowed that time right now? i never would have agreed to her having legal custody if i knew i wouldn't be left out of making decisions. i told the judge that and he still denied the change.

I get why you're angry OP, I honestly do. That is a facet of the legal system i've always taken issue with. That divorces or ending relationships always tends to leave one parent a weekend warrior through no fault of their own while another parent ends up with the kids. I know its all the whole "best interest of the kids" etc but it still doesn't change the fact that when you step back and look at it objectively, its horse poo.

BUT, no matter how much issue you or I take with it its still what it is. You still have to deal with the hand you've been given at this point. Can it change later? Sure but it wont change by you nitpicking or creating issues where there are none. You need to back way up and try to just deal with what you have. Skype is good, phone calls are good, heck even write letters (my kids love getting mail from their family members and friends). There ARE ways of making the best of what you've got without complaining.

And you need to let go of the nonsense of your ex "robbing" you of a family etc. That's crap. She didn't want to be with you, nothing more. Does it stink? Yep, but its done. You either need to move on or get yourself into some form of therapy until you can. If you weren't around much while "finding yourself" then you need to recognize that you were a pivotal part in the relationship ending. If you still feel the need to figure out who you are, then now is that time while you have time away from the kids. If things change later on then you will be in a better position to give them the life you cannot right now. We can either make lemonade with our lives or vinegar.

 

[cheesecake46580]

have you simply asked her for a extra day here or there? she might surprise you and say sure no problem or explain to her on the weeks you do not have them on the weekend you would like an extra few hours so the kids and you don't have to go so long with out seeing one another. You could also ask to tango or skype with them. Mom might be more reasonable than you think. Can't hurt to ask and document every time you ask and what the response is for future reference.

 

[RRevak]

have you simply asked her for a extra day here or there? she might surprise you and say sure no problem or explain to her on the weeks you do not have them on the weekend you would like an extra few hours so the kids and you don't have to go so long with out seeing one another. You could also ask to tango or skype with them. Mom might be more reasonable than you think. Can't hurt to ask and document every time you ask and what the response is for future reference.

While the bolded is a good idea in theory, it actually doesn't matter how many times she denies him if he asks as legally she isn't obligated to give him any more time than is outlined in the custody agreement. Saying so to OP isn't helpful as it could lead him to believe otherwise which isn't something OP needs right now.

 

[Ladyback1]

have you simply asked her for a extra day here or there? she might surprise you and say sure no problem or explain to her on the weeks you do not have them on the weekend you would like an extra few hours so the kids and you don't have to go so long with out seeing one another. You could also ask to tango or skype with them. Mom might be more reasonable than you think. Can't hurt to ask and document every time you ask and what the response is for future reference.

And if Mom does allow Dad to have an extra hour ONE TIME, he will always use that against Mom:
Dad-- "I'd like to keep the kids an extra hour so I can take them to see a movie"
Mom--"sorry but we have plans, and I need the kids home at the usual time"
Dad--"but you let me have them for an extra hour 5 mo. ago, why not now?"

and a version of this conversation will repeat each and every visit for eternity!

OP is wallowing in his pity party. He's a whiner; and he has absolutely no idea what he needs to do to make this situation work!

 

[carsonneedshelp]

have you simply asked her for a extra day here or there? she might surprise you and say sure no problem or explain to her on the weeks you do not have them on the weekend you would like an extra few hours so the kids and you don't have to go so long with out seeing one another. You could also ask to tango or skype with them. Mom might be more reasonable than you think. Can't hurt to ask and document every time you ask and what the response is for future reference.

we had a skype schedule before but she said she didn't want to be tied to the computer since i was not consistent with it

so if i ask her and she's rude about it, then could i hold her in contempt? what if she gives me time for a while, then takes it away? i asked for one of her weekend days before and she just ignored me.

 

[GrandmaOH]

OP do you have overnights on your weekends? I thought I saw a post that made it seem like you didn't have overnights.

 

[carsonneedshelp]

OP do you have overnights on your weekends? I thought I saw a post that made it seem like you didn't have overnights.

you're right. i don't get overnights

 

[Ladyback1]

we had a skype schedule before but she said she didn't want to be tied to the computer since i was not consistent with it

so if i ask her and she's rude about it, then could i hold her in contempt? what if she gives me time for a while, then takes it away?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

Quit looking for shortcuts.

If Skyping is indicated in the parenting plan, then you should make sure you are consistent with utilizing it.

And once more--while you may have contempt for your Ex, only the court system can hold her in contempt. And unless it is a flagrant violation of the parenting plan, chance are the 1st the courts do decide that Mom is in contempt, all she will get is a slap on the wrist and told don't do it again.