Hi,
I recently went to another state to attend my mother's service and to be with my family at my mother's home--with the executor of the will, to go through my mother's belongings and choose what we would like to buy and have. The executor of the will is not related but has been a family friend of my mother's.
From the day I arrived, the executor was unkind to me. She told two of my relatives she didn't like me. She was my mother's friend but I have never had a conversation with her where we sat down and visited. She does not know me. My understanding is that she did not like me because I moved from the state where I lived near my mother when my mother was ill. I had been having trouble with my teenage son and had consulted counselors, teachers, some family members...and had decided I needed to move him nearer to his sister and father to help him get back on track. It worked and he is doing exceptionally well and we are very close. Before I moved, I had been taking my mother to doctor appointments but also spending time with her, going out to eat, visiting. My mom and I had an easy relationship and enjoyed each others company.
A sister that I do not get along with felt obligated to travel to be with my mom in my absence. She became close to the executor of the will.
What transpired is that comments were made--in front of everyone--how I was not there for my mother and I was scoffed at when I said I had to take care of family stuff (meaning my son).
When I picked out some of my mother's belongings, the executor of her will rolled her eyes and talked behind my back saying I took too many pans and too many dishes...but I have in writing how she said "The more you take the less I have to deal with." My mother was a bit of a hoarder so there were plenty of dishes left after I took the ones I did. Anyway...as one of my items, I chose a knife block my mom had. We got to choose certain items. The executor wrote it down and everyone laughed when she said something about me getting the knifes that came with it. No one countered my wanting it.
I went to pick up the knife block two days later when three relatives were there at my moms house. Later that day, the executor called my sister and two of my sons to tell the them I stole the knife block and she was calling the sheriff. She claims she verbally told me I could not have it after I had chosen it because, my brother, who is buying my mothers house, wanted it to stay with the house. It was not on the list of things that stay with the house. And no one heard her say I could not have it.
Because she got a hold of my older son and told him I stole the knife block, he texted me and told me I am a thief and if I don't return it, I am dead to him-forever. Do you believe that? Where does this hate come from? I mean, I am nobody. I keep to myself, I chose items at moms house not just for me but also for my daughter and niece. I didn't do anything except be there. Even when I read at my moms service, the 4 people (including the executor) moved out of my line of vision and away where they didn't have to hear me or see me. I felt ashamed for absolutely no reason-only because she did not like me. Wow. She should have been decent. She wasn't.
I have texts from my niece who was there who said she couldn't believe how mean I was being treated. It's pretty crazy. So while dealing with my mothers death and the service and the tension between family members, I had to deal with the executor who was awful to me. I lost ten pounds that week! I think about it and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Is it petty to take her to civil court because I feel I was emotionally targeted at a pretty vulnerable time? She was supposed to be objective and just execute the wishes of the will but she was talking to relatives behind my back a lot and the rift we had in our family is now worse because of it and will require years of repair.
Normally, I let hate like this go. But this was bad. She was wrong and I know my mother would have been ashamed of her for acting like this.
Thank you for hearing me.
I recently went to another state to attend my mother's service and to be with my family at my mother's home--with the executor of the will, to go through my mother's belongings and choose what we would like to buy and have. The executor of the will is not related but has been a family friend of my mother's.
From the day I arrived, the executor was unkind to me. She told two of my relatives she didn't like me. She was my mother's friend but I have never had a conversation with her where we sat down and visited. She does not know me. My understanding is that she did not like me because I moved from the state where I lived near my mother when my mother was ill. I had been having trouble with my teenage son and had consulted counselors, teachers, some family members...and had decided I needed to move him nearer to his sister and father to help him get back on track. It worked and he is doing exceptionally well and we are very close. Before I moved, I had been taking my mother to doctor appointments but also spending time with her, going out to eat, visiting. My mom and I had an easy relationship and enjoyed each others company.
A sister that I do not get along with felt obligated to travel to be with my mom in my absence. She became close to the executor of the will.
What transpired is that comments were made--in front of everyone--how I was not there for my mother and I was scoffed at when I said I had to take care of family stuff (meaning my son).
When I picked out some of my mother's belongings, the executor of her will rolled her eyes and talked behind my back saying I took too many pans and too many dishes...but I have in writing how she said "The more you take the less I have to deal with." My mother was a bit of a hoarder so there were plenty of dishes left after I took the ones I did. Anyway...as one of my items, I chose a knife block my mom had. We got to choose certain items. The executor wrote it down and everyone laughed when she said something about me getting the knifes that came with it. No one countered my wanting it.
I went to pick up the knife block two days later when three relatives were there at my moms house. Later that day, the executor called my sister and two of my sons to tell the them I stole the knife block and she was calling the sheriff. She claims she verbally told me I could not have it after I had chosen it because, my brother, who is buying my mothers house, wanted it to stay with the house. It was not on the list of things that stay with the house. And no one heard her say I could not have it.
Because she got a hold of my older son and told him I stole the knife block, he texted me and told me I am a thief and if I don't return it, I am dead to him-forever. Do you believe that? Where does this hate come from? I mean, I am nobody. I keep to myself, I chose items at moms house not just for me but also for my daughter and niece. I didn't do anything except be there. Even when I read at my moms service, the 4 people (including the executor) moved out of my line of vision and away where they didn't have to hear me or see me. I felt ashamed for absolutely no reason-only because she did not like me. Wow. She should have been decent. She wasn't.
I have texts from my niece who was there who said she couldn't believe how mean I was being treated. It's pretty crazy. So while dealing with my mothers death and the service and the tension between family members, I had to deal with the executor who was awful to me. I lost ten pounds that week! I think about it and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Is it petty to take her to civil court because I feel I was emotionally targeted at a pretty vulnerable time? She was supposed to be objective and just execute the wishes of the will but she was talking to relatives behind my back a lot and the rift we had in our family is now worse because of it and will require years of repair.
Normally, I let hate like this go. But this was bad. She was wrong and I know my mother would have been ashamed of her for acting like this.
Thank you for hearing me.
