K
Klp2408
Guest
What is the name of your state? Virginia
My ex and I have been legally divorced since October of 2012 (which was done in Virginia), however our separation began at the end of 2010. When we separated, we went transitioned to nearly 50/50 (slightly more on my end) for custody. He has always made more money than me, but not drastically more, although he has held several different jobs over the years. Our custody agreement included a minor monthly child support payment in it, despite the time being close to equal. He wasn’t thrilled with this, but in his rush to get the divorce concluded (new baby and soon to be wife pressuring him to get it done), he waived his rights to another attorney looking at it and signed it.
From day one, he hasn’t paid but a handful of payments. While he has paid for half of school supplies, and contributed to school clothes and one or two birthday parties, there have only been, and I’m being generous in this estimate, possibly several months of payments for the past several years. He was also suppose to be providing health insurance for her, which only last a few months and that had already been calculated in, but it stopped several months in when he changed jobs. The ordered support was so minimal, that the drama that would ensue wasn’t worth it, despite the fact that I really could have used it considering any medical bills (which were uninsured) came out of my pocket, as well as childcare for my time, and other expenses to care for our child. I opted to not make a stink about it. Then He had another kid with someone else, and this year, another one with another woman. The end with his second wife was a drawn out battle, and occurred in Massachusetts. He claims that according to his lawyer, because our agreement was close too 50/50, that he was tricked into the child support and he shouldn’t have to pay it. That a judge would have never aloud that to happen (we did the whole divorce out of court). For some reason he is convinced that “he shouldn’t have to pay to improve MY standard of living”, I’ve tried to explain to him on several occasions that the money would have gone directly to expenses for his child, and that it wouldn’t even cover half of them. He thought that because he payed for stuff (like food) while she was with him, that he was paying enough. This is all before I got married again and he decided to move to a different state.
I got married again six years ago, and from the beginning my husband took on the majority of my portion of daughters expenses, including health insurance. I stopped working full-time due to the fact that childcare and transportation to work would have left me with barely any actual income with when we had a baby together. Then four or five years ago, he randomly decided to move to Florida with his girlfriend at the time, leaving our child in my custody for the school year while she visited him in the summer. At this point we became responsible for all of her expenses every day except while she was in Florida. With all these changes, we never modified the agreement, mostly due to the lack of funds to do so. Even during the time in Florida, he didn’t pay anything more than what has already been mentioned. He was going through the divorce with his second wife and having trouble with keeping his job, so I was understanding of that and didn’t make a big deal about it. Especially knowing how our fighting would negatively affect our daughter who was already struggling with her dad’s move (which I should add that we didn’t know about until it had already occurred).
This past year, I finally had gotten to the point of being able to afford modifying the agreement when he decided to join the army. He ended up being stationed near us and wanted to go back to our old schedule or close to it (which our daughter also wanted). He also has gotten married again and had that third child with her. he had a possibility of being deployed or having to train for special forces in another state. He actually agreed he owes me for the years in Florida, but hasn’t paid a penny yet. Due to the fact that he has had our child on a regular basis again he thinks he shouldn’t pay me anything for this time now. He did agree to pay her lunch bill for school and followed through maybe twice before “he lost his credit card” and has supposedly been waiting for over a month to get his new one. I have repeatedly asked him to pay the bill, yet he still hasn’t because “he doesn’t have the money “ despite his ability to pay for eating out all the time and doing other things that cost money but are extracurricular. He claims his wife is paying for it and he doesn’t expect her to pay for any expenses for our daughter. While he says this, he remains convinced that my husbands expenses count towards my income, which is a low- part time one still, because I’m now attending school. With all of this and his new normal of being disrespectful to me on a constant basis, I’m at the end of my rope and have actually considered pursuing legal force for this money despite the drama. Especially since he now will be leaving at the end of the summer to go train in another state for a year+ and I know he’ll find some excuse to not pay. However, he claims he has free legal representation from the army, which makes me nervous as we can’t afford a long battle and I know he’ll draw it out if he doesn’t have to pay for it. He is still convinced that he shouldn’t actually have to pay the support and that a judge would agree. Given he is in the army, you’d think with the possible consequences (which I was told could be severe?) that he would pay up, but he still doesn’t.
He is a master manipulator, and after years of this, I question my own knowledge on these matters. My questions are: what parts of the above are actually the truth, what is he wrong in, and what are my rights in this matter? Does my spouse’s (and now his spouse) income matter in this situation? Also, how does back-support work for what he owes me according to our agreement? At this point it’s thousands of dollars, which I wouldn’t expect him to be able to pay immediately. In the case that I don’t pursue this now, can I do it after she turns 18 and is no longer living with us (for past missed payments)? I’d like to spare her direct exposure to the drama that would ensue if possible, but still feel like he should pay his portion. I’d probably just put it towards her college expenses anyway.
I know, I’m a mess, and this whole situation is a mess.
My ex and I have been legally divorced since October of 2012 (which was done in Virginia), however our separation began at the end of 2010. When we separated, we went transitioned to nearly 50/50 (slightly more on my end) for custody. He has always made more money than me, but not drastically more, although he has held several different jobs over the years. Our custody agreement included a minor monthly child support payment in it, despite the time being close to equal. He wasn’t thrilled with this, but in his rush to get the divorce concluded (new baby and soon to be wife pressuring him to get it done), he waived his rights to another attorney looking at it and signed it.
From day one, he hasn’t paid but a handful of payments. While he has paid for half of school supplies, and contributed to school clothes and one or two birthday parties, there have only been, and I’m being generous in this estimate, possibly several months of payments for the past several years. He was also suppose to be providing health insurance for her, which only last a few months and that had already been calculated in, but it stopped several months in when he changed jobs. The ordered support was so minimal, that the drama that would ensue wasn’t worth it, despite the fact that I really could have used it considering any medical bills (which were uninsured) came out of my pocket, as well as childcare for my time, and other expenses to care for our child. I opted to not make a stink about it. Then He had another kid with someone else, and this year, another one with another woman. The end with his second wife was a drawn out battle, and occurred in Massachusetts. He claims that according to his lawyer, because our agreement was close too 50/50, that he was tricked into the child support and he shouldn’t have to pay it. That a judge would have never aloud that to happen (we did the whole divorce out of court). For some reason he is convinced that “he shouldn’t have to pay to improve MY standard of living”, I’ve tried to explain to him on several occasions that the money would have gone directly to expenses for his child, and that it wouldn’t even cover half of them. He thought that because he payed for stuff (like food) while she was with him, that he was paying enough. This is all before I got married again and he decided to move to a different state.
I got married again six years ago, and from the beginning my husband took on the majority of my portion of daughters expenses, including health insurance. I stopped working full-time due to the fact that childcare and transportation to work would have left me with barely any actual income with when we had a baby together. Then four or five years ago, he randomly decided to move to Florida with his girlfriend at the time, leaving our child in my custody for the school year while she visited him in the summer. At this point we became responsible for all of her expenses every day except while she was in Florida. With all these changes, we never modified the agreement, mostly due to the lack of funds to do so. Even during the time in Florida, he didn’t pay anything more than what has already been mentioned. He was going through the divorce with his second wife and having trouble with keeping his job, so I was understanding of that and didn’t make a big deal about it. Especially knowing how our fighting would negatively affect our daughter who was already struggling with her dad’s move (which I should add that we didn’t know about until it had already occurred).
This past year, I finally had gotten to the point of being able to afford modifying the agreement when he decided to join the army. He ended up being stationed near us and wanted to go back to our old schedule or close to it (which our daughter also wanted). He also has gotten married again and had that third child with her. he had a possibility of being deployed or having to train for special forces in another state. He actually agreed he owes me for the years in Florida, but hasn’t paid a penny yet. Due to the fact that he has had our child on a regular basis again he thinks he shouldn’t pay me anything for this time now. He did agree to pay her lunch bill for school and followed through maybe twice before “he lost his credit card” and has supposedly been waiting for over a month to get his new one. I have repeatedly asked him to pay the bill, yet he still hasn’t because “he doesn’t have the money “ despite his ability to pay for eating out all the time and doing other things that cost money but are extracurricular. He claims his wife is paying for it and he doesn’t expect her to pay for any expenses for our daughter. While he says this, he remains convinced that my husbands expenses count towards my income, which is a low- part time one still, because I’m now attending school. With all of this and his new normal of being disrespectful to me on a constant basis, I’m at the end of my rope and have actually considered pursuing legal force for this money despite the drama. Especially since he now will be leaving at the end of the summer to go train in another state for a year+ and I know he’ll find some excuse to not pay. However, he claims he has free legal representation from the army, which makes me nervous as we can’t afford a long battle and I know he’ll draw it out if he doesn’t have to pay for it. He is still convinced that he shouldn’t actually have to pay the support and that a judge would agree. Given he is in the army, you’d think with the possible consequences (which I was told could be severe?) that he would pay up, but he still doesn’t.
He is a master manipulator, and after years of this, I question my own knowledge on these matters. My questions are: what parts of the above are actually the truth, what is he wrong in, and what are my rights in this matter? Does my spouse’s (and now his spouse) income matter in this situation? Also, how does back-support work for what he owes me according to our agreement? At this point it’s thousands of dollars, which I wouldn’t expect him to be able to pay immediately. In the case that I don’t pursue this now, can I do it after she turns 18 and is no longer living with us (for past missed payments)? I’d like to spare her direct exposure to the drama that would ensue if possible, but still feel like he should pay his portion. I’d probably just put it towards her college expenses anyway.
I know, I’m a mess, and this whole situation is a mess.
