What is the truth about child support?

[Zigner]

Why do you think that just because I posted on a website asking for advice, that it means I’d never get legal representation if necessary?

It IS necessary. Good day.

 

[not2cleverRed]

From day one, he hasn’t paid but a handful of payments. While he has paid for half of school supplies, and contributed to school clothes and one or two birthday parties, there have only been, and I’m being generous in this estimate, possibly several months of payments for the past several years. He was also suppose to be providing health insurance for her, which only last a few months and that had already been calculated in, but it stopped several months in when he changed jobs. The ordered support was so minimal, that the drama that would ensue wasn’t worth it, despite the fact that I really could have used it considering any medical bills (which were uninsured) came out of my pocket, as well as childcare for my time, and other expenses to care for our child. I opted to not make a stink about it. Then He had another kid with someone else, and this year, another one with another woman. The end with his second wife was a drawn out battle, and occurred in Massachusetts. He claims that according to his lawyer, because our agreement was close too 50/50, that he was tricked into the child support and he shouldn’t have to pay it. That a judge would have never aloud that to happen (we did the whole divorce out of court). For some reason he is convinced that “he shouldn’t have to pay to improve MY standard of living”, I’ve tried to explain to him on several occasions that the money would have gone directly to expenses for his child, and that it wouldn’t even cover half of them. He thought that because he payed for stuff (like food) while she was with him, that he was paying enough. This is all before I got married again and he decided to move to a different state.

I'm not sure how his "lawyer" found a Cracker Jack box, but clearly that's where he got his degree.

A divorce decree IS a court order. Either the divorce is valid, and the agreement has the weight of a court order, or the divorce is not valid, and you two are still married. I'm going with the divorce was finalized.

Now, since this a court order, not court suggestion, he owes the money. Whether or not he "could have" convinced the judge that he should pay less does not matter, because he did not address it at the time. In fact, if he went to court to modify it right this minute, it would only be backdated to the date of filing not 2012. And actually the point of child support in divorce is to maintain the child's standard of living.

But hey, new woman, new family, new priority. Rinse and repeat.

What you should do:
* Petition to modify custody to reflect the current status quo.
* Start the paperwork to have child support go through the state child support bureau.

Neither of these are expensive.

Both are guaranteed to result in him having a stupid reaction. Most likely, that he will demand that child support be eliminated and that you provide all transportation to facilitate parenting time. Repeat after me, "I will be willing to modify child support based on the state's child support calculator guidelines." Accept nothing less.

I too am dismayed by your thread deletion history.

I am only providing an answer because I believe you need to stop letting your ex rent space in your head.

 

[Klp2408]

It IS necessary. Good day.

Obviously it is, since the majority of the replies aren’t helping at all.

 

[Klp2408]

I'm not sure how his "lawyer" found a Cracker Jack box, but clearly that's where he got his degree.

A divorce decree IS a court order. Either the divorce is valid, and the agreement has the weight of a court order, or the divorce is not valid, and you two are still married. I'm going with the divorce was finalized.

Now, since this a court order, not court suggestion, he owes the money. Whether or not he "could have" convinced the judge that he should pay less does not matter, because he did not address it at the time. In fact, if he went to court to modify it right this minute, it would only be backdated to the date of filing not 2012. And actually the point of child support in divorce is to maintain the child's standard of living.

But hey, new woman, new family, new priority. Rinse and repeat.

What you should do:
* Petition to modify custody to reflect the current status quo.
* Start the paperwork to have child support go through the state child support bureau.

Neither of these are expensive.

Both are guaranteed to result in him having a stupid reaction. Most likely, that he will demand that child support be eliminated and that you provide all transportation to facilitate parenting time. Repeat after me, "I will be willing to modify child support based on the state's child support calculator guidelines." Accept nothing less.

I too am dismayed by your thread deletion history.

I am only providing an answer because I believe you need to stop letting your ex rent space in your head.

The divorce is definitely valid and finalized, and the original support was actually done using the states child support calculator. Thank you for letting me know that I’m not crazy and questioning myself, which he causes me to do on a regular basis. In situations with people like him, the best route to get them out of your head is to cut them out of your life. I tried this with divorce, but as any divorced parent knows, you’re are never truly free from the toxicity of the other person, when you have kids between you. I also appreciate the direction in how to proceed with him.

I am very grateful for your actual advice despite the mention of a deletion history. Although I can’t see it, since the only thread that comes up for my account is this one, I’m assuming there is only the one I remember. Which I deleted due to the majority of the replies being unnecessarily rude. As I’ve explained in above posts, I wasn’t aware of the deletion “rule” not how to shut off notifications at the time, and deletion was the only way I could figure it out. So the deletion wasn’t with the intention to throw away the effort of the contribution from the people that actually helped, it was to protect myself from the stress of the other comments. If I contributed to a thread and someone was in my situation, I wouldn’t have a problem with my efforts being deleted.

 

[Klp2408]

I want to say thank you to the people who actually attempted to give me some advice. I really appreciate it.

However, at this point I’ve received more criticizing comments, that either aren’t related to the actual requested advice and more concerned with a deleted thread, or they are complaining about the length of my post. Due to this I will be shutting off the notifications and possibly deleting my account, as most of my experience with this site has been hostile and negative. I figured I’d let those who may post something else know that it won’t be read by me, so they don’t waste their time.

I’m sure no one cares and there may even be comments about how they’re happy that I’m gone, like I’ve seen in another thread (I simply looked up how to delete the account and came across one).

 

[stealth2]

I appreciate your willingness to help, but I honestly don’t think I could condense it without possibly leaving out details that are important.

Sweetheart - it would be quite simple to condense it. Really, if you choose to take it to court, a judge isn't going to be interested in the details of his multiple marriages/divorces, etc. Verbosity will be your downfall.

 

[stealth2]

I meant to add a comment regarding thread deletions. Long story short - some of us will still give advice and some of us will not.

 

[paddywakk]

I want to say thank you to the people who actually attempted to give me some advice. I really appreciate it.

However, at this point I’ve received more criticizing comments, that either aren’t related to the actual requested advice and more concerned with a deleted thread, or they are complaining about the length of my post. Due to this I will be shutting off the notifications and possibly deleting my account, as most of my experience with this site has been hostile and negative. I figured I’d let those who may post something else know that it won’t be read by me, so they don’t waste their time.

I’m sure no one cares and there may even be comments about how they’re happy that I’m gone, like I’ve seen in another thread (I simply looked up how to delete the account and came across one).

If he's in the military, they take a dim view of those who don't pay court ordered support. Take your support issue up with his commanding officer.

 

[bcr229]

Have you tried working through the Virginia Division of Child Support Enforcement?
https://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/dcse/
Call them and see what info they need to have your ex's wages garnished for the current order as well as any arrears through the military's Department of Finances and Accounting Services (DFAS).