Not an abuser just have a bad habit

[quincy]

Again she had ahold of my shirt yanking me back and forth with the intent on trying to rip it off. So during that i more or less karate chopped her forearms until she let go. When she let go she was still in process of pulling on my shirt so therefore when her hands became free she fell back.

You need an attorney.

There will be your story and your wife's story and the story told by your neighbors and the story told by the police who responded to the neighbor's call. I hope that your children were protected enough from the incident that they did not witness the pulling, pushing and pounding that went on between their parents. I hope they are not called on to tell their story.

You do not come off well in what you are saying here. You are unlikely to come off better in what others say.

Again, get an attorney. Save all of your talking about the incident that led to your arrest for this attorney only.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Well thats your opinion and maybe it is but i never said once that ive spoken with her. Not by text , social media or in person. We have been together 12 years and have 4 kids that my mom picks up and brings to me to hangout. which is something difficult in its self because ive never been away from my kids their entire life . Anyway theres a lot of talk between my mom and sisters and my wife ,Even before this aggrevation all they do is get together and talk about who kbows what. So anything they discuss gets back to me. So yeah my apologies for the dumb question you misinterpreted.

Dig out that order. It's pretty standard that the spirit of the order is not to use third parties to communicate, which is exactly what you're doing.

If your mom and sisters can't be Switzerland and quit their gossiping, then someone else needs to transport the children.

Again she had ahold of my shirt yanking me back and forth with the intent on trying to rip it off. So during that i more or less karate chopped her forearms until she let go. When she let go she was still in process of pulling on my shirt so therefore when her hands became free she fell back.

And apparently you just don't know how to SHUT UP for your own sake.

The more you type, the worse you sound.

Please, outside of time with some form of mental health professional, save these details for your lawyer.

Your initial questions were:
Is your wife allowed to be at your court date even though there's an injunction? Yes. She is allowed to come to court. She may even be required to be at court. What she does or does not do, at this time, is none of your business. Show up at court, and don't make contact with her.
What can you do to get these charges dropped so they're not hanging over your head for rest of your life? Not much in life is a sure fire thing, but not even a time machine would help you right now, because you still don't understand what you're doing wrong. The most you can do is try to be your best you going forward, and hope for the best. This includes (but is not limited to):
1) Get more intensive treatment for your addiction than you currently have.
2) Get a hella lot more therapy than you imagine needing.
3) Do everything the court and DCF wants you to do, no matter how stupid, inconvenient, or annoyingly unfair it seems.
4) STOP POSTING INCRIMINATING DETAILS ONLINE.

 

[Hatttrick]

Dig out that order. It's pretty standard that the spirit of the order is not to use third parties to communicate, which is exactly what you're doing.

If your mom and sisters can't be Switzerland and quit their gossiping, then someone else needs to transport the children.



And apparently you just don't know how to SHUT UP for your own sake.

The more you type, the worse you sound.

Please, outside of time with some form of mental health professional, save these details for your lawyer.

Your initial questions were:
Is your wife allowed to be at your court date even though there's an injunction? Yes. She is allowed to come to court. She may even be required to be at court. What she does or does not do, at this time, is none of your business. Show up at court, and don't make contact with her.
What can you do to get these charges dropped so they're not hanging over your head for rest of your life? Not much in life is a sure fire thing, but not even a time machine would help you right now, because you still don't understand what you're doing wrong. The most you can do is try to be your best you going forward, and hope for the best. This includes (but is not limited to):
1) Get more intensive treatment for your addiction than you currently have.
2) Get a hella lot more therapy than you imagine needing.
3) Do everything the court and DCF wants you to do, no matter how stupid, inconvenient, or annoyingly unfair it seems.
4) STOP POSTING INCRIMINATING DETAILS ONLINE.
[/Q

 

[Hatttrick]

Dig out that order. It's pretty standard that the spirit of the order is not to use third parties to communicate, which is exactly what you're doing.

If your mom and sisters can't be Switzerland and quit their gossiping, then someone else needs to transport the children.



And apparently you just don't know how to SHUT UP for your own sake.

The more you type, the worse you sound.

Please, outside of time with some form of mental health professional, save these details for your lawyer.

Your initial questions were:
Is your wife allowed to be at your court date even though there's an injunction? Yes. She is allowed to come to court. She may even be required to be at court. What she does or does not do, at this time, is none of your business. Show up at court, and don't make contact with her.
What can you do to get these charges dropped so they're not hanging over your head for rest of your life? Not much in life is a sure fire thing, but not even a time machine would help you right now, because you still don't understand what you're doing wrong. The most you can do is try to be your best you going forward, and hope for the best. This includes (but is not limited to):
1) Get more intensive treatment for your addiction than you currently have.
2) Get a hella lot more therapy than you imagine needing.
3) Do everything the court and DCF wants you to do, no matter how stupid, inconvenient, or annoyingly unfair it seems.
4) STOP POSTING INCRIMINATING DETAILS ONLINE.

Its apparent im not as well spoken as everyone here Im just looking for guidance not judgement. Its been 5 weeks and not once have I saw her or spoken with her. Im not sure what im posting thats incriminating. ive never gone through this and was super skeptical about posting and putting my problems out there. I cant help that my mom and wife speak and I dont ask my mom to speak to her on my behalf. Nor does my wife ask my mom to delivery anything to me. I know for 100%she loves me and I her and the source of our problems was my addiction. Ive never been here before and never had to pay the price of my parental rights to get my fix. Therefore ive been clean since and currently taking courses. Just the fear of losing children is enough for me to quit. For the love of all that is good and holy tell me where im going off course with this. Before ya do so plz come down off your high horse and reason with me instead of hocking loogies at me from up above.

 

[Hatttrick]

You need an attorney.

There will be your story and your wife's story and the story told by your neighbors and the story told by the police who responded to the neighbor's call. I hope that your children were protected enough from the incident that they did not witness the pulling, pushing and pounding that went on between their parents. I hope they are not called on to tell their story.

You do not come off well in what you are saying here. You are unlikely to come off better in what others say.

Again, get an attorney. Save all of your talking about the incident that led to your arrest for this attorney only.

Listen all im doing is stating what happened. Im not trying to sound good or bad.Just trying to be honest. I know this is all because of me and just hope to come through this a better person and be the husband and father they deserve.

 

[quincy]

Listen all im doing is stating what happened. Im not trying to sound good or bad.Just trying to be honest. I know this is all because of me and just hope to come through this a better person and be the husband and father they deserve.

That is all well and good ... but it is because of how you are coming across to disinterested* parties, when you are telling your story of the incident, that you NEED an attorney to speak for you. You are not helping yourself with your "honesty." Silence helps you more.


*By disinterested, by the way, I don't mean we don't care. I mean we do not have a personal stake in the outcome of your hearing.

 

[Just Blue]

Listen all im doing is stating what happened. Im not trying to sound good or bad.Just trying to be honest. I know this is all because of me and just hope to come through this a better person and be the husband and father they deserve.

You need to attend NA/AA. My ex stayed away from my DD for 6 months after his arrest. He spent that time getting his head straight so he could think sober. You are still thinking with an a "wet" brain. Give your family a break from you and your addiction for a while. Use that time to get straight and work the steps.

 

[Hatttrick]

That is all well and good ... but it is because of how you are coming across to disinterested* parties, when you are telling your story of the incident, that you NEED an attorney to speak for you. You are not helping yourself with your "honesty." Silence helps you more.


*By disinterested, by the way, I don't mean we don't care. I mean we do not have a personal stake in the outcome of your hearing.

As y'all can tell im not very educated on criminal justice. I assumed this place was for non judgemental advice. Also thought all is private and everyone was asking for details so i figured instead of trying to piece out what happened id give the whole story thinking it would be beneficial for solid advice.

 

[quincy]

As y'all can tell im not very educated on criminal justice. I assumed this place was for non judgemental advice. Also thought all is private and everyone was asking for details so i figured instead of trying to piece out what happened id give the whole story thinking it would be beneficial for solid advice.

I am sorry that this forum is different from what you expected. Forums by their nature are public. For a private and confidential discussion of your legal matter you need to see an attorney licensed to practice in your own jurisdiction.

Don't apologize for not being educated on criminal justice, by the way. Most people aren't. That is one reason people seek out this forum.

Our purpose on this forum is to educate a poster about the legal issues that bring them to the forum. Sometimes we do that successfully - and sometimes we aren't quite as successful.

I hope you understand that we all understand the legal mess you find yourself in. Our advice to see an attorney in your area is because we DO recognize the legal realities of domestic violence and DV charges and know you will need professional legal attention for the best possible outcome.

Good luck.

 

[Hatttrick]

You need to attend NA/AA. My ex stayed away from my DD for 6 months after his arrest. He spent that time getting his head straight so he could think sober. You are still thinking with an a "wet" brain. Give your family a break from you and your addiction for a while. Use that time to get straight and work the steps.

Great advice. Maybe you're right. My brain needs to air out. However not everyone is the same. What works for one may not work out so great for the next. Something else about me that I probably shouldnt put out there ,but here it is and you're welcome, I love my family and just the thought of losing them by keeping my addiction is enough for me to kick it. Also I know my boys. All 3 of them who are trips at 7yrs old. They miss and need me home. Its affecting them in a negative way. And to the person that said its unhealthy for me not to have missed a day without seeing them im pretty sure im supposed to be there for them day in and day out.

 

[quincy]

Great advice. Maybe you're right. My brain needs to air out. However not everyone is the same. What works for one may not work out so great for the next. Something else about me that I probably shouldnt put out there ,but here it is and you're welcome, I love my family and just the thought of losing them by keeping my addiction is enough for me to kick it. Also I know my boys. All 3 of them who are trips at 7yrs old. They miss and need me home. Its affecting them in a negative way. And to the person that said its unhealthy for me not to have missed a day without seeing them im pretty sure im supposed to be there for them day in and day out.

You have three very good reasons for working hard on your addiction and working hard on the way you relate to your wife. Your children are watching.

Your children learn how to behave from how you behave.

Good luck.

 

[Hatttrick]

You have three very good reasons for working hard on your addiction and working hard on the way you relate to your wife. Your children are watching.

Your children learn how to behave from how you behave.

Good luck.

I think I have been taking this the wrong way. Instead of reading and listening to everyone I was allowing myself to become offended and misinterpreting everything. Thanks all and my apologies.

 

[quincy]

I think I have been taking this the wrong way. Instead of reading and listening to everyone I was allowing myself to become offended and misinterpreting everything. Thanks all and my apologies.

We all appreciate the thanks, so thank you.

If you have the opportunity to return to the forum with an update, we would be interested in hearing from you.

 

[commentator]

Quote: "However not everyone is the same"

Once you get into addiction therapy, get dried out and some time comes between you and your addictions, you will really feel different about these postings. Unfortunately, what so many of us here know and what, make no mistake, the courts will react very similarly to what you're getting from us, is that we are seeing this differently than you think.

It's simply because you are saying and doing and weaving your narrative exactly like every other addict in the world does, and everyone so afflicted thinks they are really okay, are specially unique and clever and can present things in a way that will create the image they're going for. Your remorseful thoughtful "Gee, maybe you guys are right after all, I'll do better now...." at the end is more of the same. In treatment they'll tell you it is your addiction talking. Yes, definitely save this post and come back later to tell us how this has played out and how you feel about things later.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Its apparent im not as well spoken as everyone here Im just looking for guidance not judgement. Its been 5 weeks and not once have I saw her or spoken with her. Im not sure what im posting thats incriminating. ive never gone through this and was super skeptical about posting and putting my problems out there. I cant help that my mom and wife speak and I dont ask my mom to speak to her on my behalf. Nor does my wife ask my mom to delivery anything to me. I know for 100%she loves me and I her and the source of our problems was my addiction. Ive never been here before and never had to pay the price of my parental rights to get my fix. Therefore ive been clean since and currently taking courses. Just the fear of losing children is enough for me to quit. For the love of all that is good and holy tell me where im going off course with this. Before ya do so plz come down off your high horse and reason with me instead of hocking loogies at me from up above.

I am not sure how "STOP POSTING INCRIMINATING DETAILS ONLINE" is remotely unclear.
1) You are not coming off as particularly remorseful for what you did to your wife. You are blaming the drugs, not yourself. You are blaming your wife. (I still don't know why you were trying to get the keys back, and I suspect she had a very good reason for taking them away... Like, to keep you from driving under the influence.)
2) You keep on sharing more and more details that make it more and more clear that you are at least guilty of what you have been charged with, and more. As entertaining as this may be to read, in the way people crowd to watch the rescue workers pulling a dead body out flooded river, it is not in your best interests to elaborate any further.

The more details you post online, the greater the probability that something that will uniquely identify you and your case will slip out. If your posts here were to be admitted in court as evidence of your version of events, not only will the charges stand, there might be new charges.