Inheritance

[Ohiogal]

I don't blame the wife for not adding him to the deed. Also, while I am loathe to aid this OP, that doesn't mean if she dies he gets nothing. He can take his intestate portion.

 

[elmxl88]

Should your mom pass first, and if I were your brother, I would contest any changes you make based on undue influence.
You should INSIST that the attorney speaks to her alone, even if only briefly.

My mother, brother and I are sitting with the attorney this week and my mother is giving him a stipend for 5 years and removing him as POA. My mother is aware of his recklessness with $$ and is concerned over how the wife's deed was handled. My brother is out on the street if the wife passes because the house goes to her kids. My brother is only 57 years old and is disabled where he can't work anymore.

 

[elmxl88]

Did you ever ask a real estate lawyer if adding him to the deed would be a good idea? Or ask a tax lawyer what the tax consequences would be? In some states doing that could lose any real estate tax relief given to older people, may trigger reassessment of the property tax, and may end costing more income tax in the end if not done correctly.
They are both in their 50's so there isn't a tax relief issue. Their home is worth about 350K and is in need of some fixing up so there won't be an assessment of greater value for tax increase. My brother's wife has two kids. I married a man with kids. I signed a pre-nup w/o any issues on my part. I asked to be put on the deed to protect myself in the event of a divorce. He happily did so. There were life insurance policies in place also. No-one needed to worry about a roof over their heads or finances.


Your concern for your brother is admirable, but I assume he's an adult and thus is responsible for the decisions he makes. Beyond telling him he ought to see a lawyer to ensure his investment in the house isn't lost, there's not a lot you can do about this and trying to do more runs the risk of alienating him and other members of the family.
My brother never makes informed decisions, I've known him for 57 years LOL. This is the exact reason my mom did this in addition to him having to hand all money over to the wife. All paychecks (when he was working) which funded her kids, all money gifted from my mother/father when he was alive. My brother is also not allowed to spend money on his family, no more flowers for my mother, holiday gifts, etc.



If the "she" you refer to is his wife, that's entirely his business, not yours. Once he gets his inheritance he can do what he wants with it, including giving to his wife. Interfering in a marriage (other than get an abused spouse legal/medical help) rarely turns out the way you want, and again risks alienating your brother for meddling in his affairs. A marriage relationship is probably the number one type of relationship you do not want to intrude upon.

You aren't responsible for your adult relatives. You seem to have the impulse to want to control everything, and that's a good way to screw up family relationships. Let them take care of their own affairs and resist the urge to "help" them because you believe you know what's best for them. If they ask for advice or help, that's one thing. But when they don't ask and you interfere in their business that generally causes resentment. I've seen enough of that with some members of my family, some friends and clients to learn to keep my thoughts about what they are doing to myself unless it somehow affects me directly. That has avoided a lot of needless drama in my personal relationships. Making mistakes is one of the main ways we humans learn what to do and not to do. If you try to bail out your relatives all the time and assert control, they'll never learn and they likely won't be grateful either.

I wish things were different, honestly. But this woman has said so many things that my parents have repeated to me or I have overheard her say things that only imply that she is after my brother's/family's money.

 

[Zigner]

My mother, brother and I are sitting with the attorney this week ...

Great! Hopefully the attorney takes some time to talk to mom alone before setting everything up

 

[bcr229]

My mother, brother and I are sitting with the attorney this week and my mother is giving him a stipend for 5 years and removing him as POA. My mother is aware of his recklessness with $$ and is concerned over how the wife's deed was handled. My brother is out on the street if the wife passes because the house goes to her kids. My brother is only 57 years old and is disabled where he can't work anymore.

Your mother should also ask the attorney about setting up a "spendthrift" trust versus "a trust" for your disabled brother. You and your mom can investigate the differences between the two so you can decide which fits your brother's needs better.

 

[elmxl88]

I wish things were different, honestly. But this woman has said so many things that my parents have repeated to me or I have overheard her say things that only imply that she is after my brother's/family's money.

Did some digging around and found this...
There is no federal gift tax on the transfer of assets to your spouse (I don't know about Hawaii). That being said there is no estate tax advantage of adding your new husband to the deed. My real question is why you would want to add your H to the deed. Doing so may exclude your kids, if you have any, from inheriting the property. I suppose she did this so the house would immediately go to her kids. The deed supercedes a will regardless of how the will is written so even if she gives him the house in a will (if there is one) he's out of luck. Also, she refinanced in 2014 and he's not on the new mortage either.

 

[Zigner]

Why are you SO focused on this? Find something else to do...myob.

 

[stealth2]

If she's not about the money, she would have shared this investment with him.

Why? If she has children of her own and owned the property prior to marrying your brother, I'd certainly be telling her to preserve that for her children.

 

[stealth2]

Are you the older of the two? Just wondering.

At the end of the day, what your brother does/doesn't do with his portion of the inheritance is his business, not yours. Yes, I know it's galling that this interloper might get her hands on it, but that really is up to your brother. If he's too lily-livered to stand up for himself, then it's his problem.

My brother's wife is significantly younger than him (they've been married four years? Five? I don't recall) and it does somewhat gall me that she'll get part/all of his part of the inheritance (guess it depends if they divorce or he kicks it...), but ya know what? Who cares? The important part is that you still have your Mom, and are (apparently) on good terms with her. Maybe try focussing on that, rather than (what appears to be) manipulating who gets what.

- just thoughts from one in the trenches.

 

[elmxl88]

Why? If she has children of her own and owned the property prior to marrying your brother, I'd certainly be telling her to preserve that for her children.

And than my brother has to vacate the premises (her kids don't exactly have warm fuzzy feelings for my brother). As I mentioned somewhere in my post.... I was in a similar situation where my ex husband had two kids. I made sure i was on the deed (but i had to sign a pre nup which i did). There was a life insurance policy put into place also so all involved were taken care of. My brother spends money like a drunken sailor (no offense to anyone) but he'll have nothing to get situated if this were to happen.

 

[stealth2]

And than my brother has to vacate the premises (her kids don't exactly have warm fuzzy feelings for my brother). As I mentioned somewhere in my post.... I was in a similar situation where my ex husband had two kids. I made sure i was on the deed (but i had to sign a pre nup which i did). There was a life insurance policy put into place also so all involved were taken care of. My brother spends money like a drunken sailor (no offense to anyone) but he'll have nothing to get situated if this were to happen.

And that is really *his* problem.

 

[Ohiogal]

And than my brother has to vacate the premises (her kids don't exactly have warm fuzzy feelings for my brother). As I mentioned somewhere in my post.... I was in a similar situation where my ex husband had two kids. I made sure i was on the deed (but i had to sign a pre nup which i did). There was a life insurance policy put into place also so all involved were taken care of. My brother spends money like a drunken sailor (no offense to anyone) but he'll have nothing to get situated if this were to happen.

Good grief. That is not necessarily true.

 

[elmxl88]

Thank you all for your input.

 

[elmxl88]

Good grief. That is not necessarily true.

Thank you!

 

[Eekamouse]

Maybe I'm seeing this wrong so correct me if I am. Your brother's wife had a home before she married your brother. Your brother moved into that home with her. Your brother is not working. He is disabled. His wife works and she pays the mortgage on this home. She refinanced a few years ago and didn't add your brother's name to the deed. You have a problem with this. It sounds to me like this is her home, not really their home. She doesn't need to add him to the deed.