My Brother Secretly recording me having a conversation

[commentator]

in reading the posts of this OP, I come to strongly suspect that Mom has been playing this game for years, and has successfully alienated these siblings to the point of no return. She says one thing when she talks to one, and one other thing when she talks to the other. This has been going on, I'd bet, long before age and dementia ever became even peripheral issues.That's not necessarily a tragedy, there are siblings, and then there are siblings....... However, this poster seems to be consumed by it all. She is the one who really should be getting some good counsel for herself to deal with this very traumatic eldercare/estate/inheritance situation.

 

[quincy]

That's an AI response.

AI is a real problem when it comes to answering legal questions. The information that is provided can be marginally helpful and accurate in a very broad sense, but it can offer no specific advice and there are enough errors or omissions in what is published as to be misleading.

There is a well-known legal advice site on the internet with attorneys who claim to be answering all of the questions posted - but these attorneys have been relying in recent years on AI. Although the attorneys are required by the site to note when their answers have been AI-generated, consumers apparently are missing this notice posted by the attorneys above their answers or the consumers have no idea what AI-generated means.

This thread is a good example of why you should not trust everything you read on the internet, even from purported attorneys. It is why specific facts always matter if you are looking for specific answers for a specific situation.

It is why everyone who comes to this forum for an important legal matter should seek out an attorney in their own jurisdiction and sit down with this attorney for a personal meeting and review.

NeonMoon is probably going to continue to believe what he wants to believe - that his brother violated the recording laws in the state of New York - even when the facts he has presented to us here clearly indicate that neither the brother nor Franc did.

I wish NeonMoon and his family much luck in healing their fractured relationships with each other. I don’t see that any thoughts of legal threats or any legal action is available or will help in that pursuit.

 

[NeonMoon]

in reading the posts of this OP, I come to strongly suspect that Mom has been playing this game for years, and has successfully alienated these siblings to the point of no return. She says one thing when she talks to one, and one other thing when she talks to the other. This has been going on, I'd bet, long before age and dementia ever became even peripheral issues.That's not necessarily a tragedy, there are siblings, and then there are siblings....... However, this poster seems to be consumed by it all. She is the one who really should be getting some good counsel for herself to deal with this very traumatic eldercare/estate/inheritance situation.

You are 100% correct. My mother has been playing this game for years. Actually, while in the hospital a few weeks ago, she actually admitted to me that she gives her son the power to do things (POA/HCP) because she feels bad for him because he is the weaker of the two of us. Sad excuse and a dangerous one at that. She does talk out of both sides of her mouth which has been witnessed by her nurse and her tenant who lives downstairs and looks in on her daily. What my mother has done and what my brother does to me with the power he thinks he has (In NYS, POA is typically granted immediately and not when the grantor is incapacitated). My brother always threatens me with something (texts to back it up). With my brothers BS and my mother's BS I landed in the emergency room in Dec 2023 with BP at 215/110. I was advised by the medical field to stay away from both of them. They are toxic and my mother is just too afraid of my brother and that he'll be forever P'off'd if she took control away from him. It's so pathetic. I need to stay away from them and yet I feel guilty if I don't call her so I do it out of obligation but every phone call is just awful

As for the criminal offense... wrt recording... my brother and his accomplice think they can be prosecuted. They are both to idiots to even further investigate it. My brother hasn't harassed me since Oct 11th. I am loving the peace.

 

[stealth2]

You are 100% correct. My mother has been playing this game for years. Actually, while in the hospital a few weeks ago, she actually admitted to me that she gives her son the power to do things (POA/HCP) because she feels bad for him because he is the weaker of the two of us. Sad excuse and a dangerous one at that. She does talk out of both sides of her mouth which has been witnessed by her nurse and her tenant who lives downstairs and looks in on her daily. What my mother has done and what my brother does to me with the power he thinks he has (In NYS, POA is typically granted immediately and not when the grantor is incapacitated). My brother always threatens me with something (texts to back it up). With my brothers BS and my mother's BS I landed in the emergency room in Dec 2023 with BP at 215/110. I was advised by the medical field to stay away from both of them. They are toxic and my mother is just too afraid of my brother and that he'll be forever P'off'd if she took control away from him. It's so pathetic. I need to stay away from them and yet I feel guilty if I don't call her so I do it out of obligation but every phone call is just awful

As for the criminal offense... wrt recording... my brother and his accomplice think they can be prosecuted. They are both to idiots to even further investigate it. My brother hasn't harassed me since Oct 11th. I am loving the peace.

Having a sibling much like this (though our parents were nothing like your Mom), understand that you eventually get to walk away. Do keep an eye on that BP, though... You don't want to end up with a stroke as I did (I won't tell you what numbers I reached...)...

 

[NeonMoon]

Stealth2 / I am on BP meds and Xanax. I was in the ER for 5.5 hrs that night and they had me hooked up to EKG, heart monitors, bloods tests, etc and found everything to be in good order so they came to conclusion it was my toxic mother and brother that got me there. They said STAY AWAY FROM THEM but guilt has me calling my mother. If I don't, my mother cries to my brother and than my brother has more ammo against me. It's all a game for him.

 

[quincy]

Stealth2 / I am on BP meds and Xanax. I was in the ER for 5.5 hrs that night and they had me hooked up to EKG, heart monitors, bloods tests, etc and found everything to be in good order so they came to conclusion it was my toxic mother and brother that got me there. They said STAY AWAY FROM THEM but guilt has me calling my mother. If I don't, my mother cries to my brother and than my brother has more ammo against me. It's all a game for him.

Write letters to your mother rather than calling. Keep the letters light. That way you avoid the toxicity both she and your brother apparently generate but will still let your mom know you are thinking of her.

 

[NeonMoon]

Write letters to your mother rather than calling. Keep the letters light. That way you avoid the toxicity both she and your brother apparently generate but will still let your mom know you are thinking of her.

Sounds like a great idea but she won't be able to read/comprehend what I'm writing. UGH

 

[quincy]

Sounds like a great idea but she won't be able to read/comprehend what I'm writing. UGH

Perhaps someone at the senior center can read them to her.

 

[NeonMoon]

She wants to hear my voice! However, if the conversation goes sideways, it's over. Lately, if she doesn't like to hear something, she says she is done with living. I hear she is even doing this to my sibling.. SURPRISE! It's her way to manipulate me/ him etc. She is toxic. Period!

 

[quincy]

She wants to hear my voice! However, if the conversation goes sideways, it's over. Lately, if she doesn't like to hear something, she says she is done with living. I hear she is even doing this to my sibling.. SURPRISE! It's her way to manipulate me/ him etc. She is toxic. Period!

Ahh. Well, you have some decisions to make. You can limit visits and tolerate her abuse during these visits, you can stop visiting and remove the toxicity from your life to preserve your mental and physical health, you can send her photos instead of letters so she won’t need help reading or translating the communications …

What you can’t do, however, is to successfully use the recording laws in New York to go after your brother or Franc, as they did not violate the law (at least as you have described their acts and actions).

Good luck.

 

[NeonMoon]

Hey Quincy... All great suggestions. As far as my brother and Franc are concerned they were both too dumb to do what they did and as far as I know, I hold the cards now. I threatened to file criminal charges but added that I won't. I threatened my brother by saying that if writes one more text with threatening words, etc. I will file a harassment charge. He has not written me since Oct 11th. So I am the wiser right now and he is not capable of thinking to look things up. Note that I did explain in detail, the situation to my attorney and he didn't seem to think that I didn't have a case. He just said leave him alone and don't correspond with him and that will annoy him

 

[stealth2]

It's always easy to end phone calls (to Mom) if they go sideways.

One of my favorite of Mom's delusions was when she'd decide that my brother had hired hitmen to take both of us out. (As much as I dislike him, that was completely out of the realm of possibility - he's too cheap!).

 

[quincy]

… He just said leave him alone and don't correspond with him and that will annoy him

The attorney’s advice to just leave your brother alone is good advice. Ignore your brother and any attempts your brother might make to engage you in conversation. If you ignore him, he should eventually find someone else to annoy.

You can check in with the senior center on a regular basis to ask about your mom.

 

[NeonMoon]

It's always easy to end phone calls (to Mom) if they go sideways.

One of my favorite of Mom's delusions was when she'd decide that my brother had hired hitmen to take both of us out. (As much as I dislike him, that was completely out of the realm of possibility - he's too cheap!).

Haha but not funny

It's been 6 days since I've heard anything from him. Perhaps my phone "block" is finally working or he's really nervous about the conversation he taped. I still think there is some validity to this because I did speak softly enough to my mother that no-one else heard me because I just not that type of person to have everyone else minding my business.

 

[quincy]

Haha but not funny

It's been 6 days since I've heard anything from him. Perhaps my phone "block" is finally working or he's really nervous about the conversation he taped. I still think there is some validity to this because I did speak softly enough to my mother that no-one else heard me because I just not that type of person to have everyone else minding my business.

If no one but your mother could hear you, there would be nothing to hear on Franc’s recording.

Time to let this chapter of your life go, NeonMoon.