15 yr old son wont do as he is told....

[GinAA]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My 15 yr old son will not do as he is told inside or outside of my home. He is to be home right after school but the other night he didn't come home and as it got later, I called the police. They knew of a gathering of kids at a place downtown and did find him there. The officers did talk to him but he doesn't seem to care.

What can I do legally to get him to comply? I know I should go and pick him up every day after school but I would have to leave work early and would get fired. I just don't know what to do. I know it should be very simple but I'm getting tired of his coming and going as he pleases and generally not giving a crap that there are rules.

thanks.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My 15 yr old son will not do as he is told inside or outside of my home. He is to be home right after school but the other night he didn't come home and as it got later, I called the police. They knew of a gathering of kids at a place downtown and did find him there. The officers did talk to him but he doesn't seem to care.

What can I do legally to get him to comply? I know I should go and pick him up every day after school but I would have to leave work early and would get fired. I just don't know what to do. I know it should be very simple but I'm getting tired of his coming and going as he pleases and generally not giving a crap that there are rules.

thanks.

That is an easy one. Take all his stuff. Xbox, ipod, tv computer, EVERYTHING out of his room expcept the mattress and a blanket. Go get him clothes from the Salvation Army and take his nice stuff. Buy mac n cheese for him to eat. You make sure he knows that you are providing him with food, clothing and shelter ~ only the basics. He will have to earn anything else in life.

I didn't have to be so dramatic, but I did yank my daughter's door off the hinges because she slammed it once to often. That seemed to help quite a bit

You have to be smarter than them and that may mean thinking outside the box.

 

[GinAA]

That is an easy one. Take all his stuff. Xbox, ipod, tv computer, EVERYTHING out of his room expcept the mattress and a blanket. Go get him clothes from the Salvation Army and take his nice stuff. Buy mac n cheese for him to eat. You make sure he knows that you are providing him with food, clothing and shelter ~ only the basics. He will have to earn anything else in life.

I didn't have to be so dramatic, but I did yank my daughter's door off the hinges because she slammed it once to often. That seemed to help quite a bit

You have to be smarter than them and that may mean thinking outside the box.

The first part - Done. He lost all his goodies at the sign of his first failing grade. It doesn't seem to matter to him.. he likes to read.

Now...didn't think about the clothing part and have threatened to removed everything from his room but his bed. The door is coming off because now he has threatened to start slamming it every time I try to put his sisters to bed. They are 11 months and 3 yrs.

And he loves mac n cheese.

The other issue is that his father and I are no longer married so now he thinks that he will go live with him. That situation is unsuitable for many reasons and the courts would never allow it. Every time he gets like this and reports to his dad, I am acused of being a bad parent.

The police said if I have to call them again he will be listed as a runaway and entered into the system. He will go to court, ( Judge David, wonderful man!) and may even have to go to the Alternative school which would ruin alot of his future plans. I'm not sure if I want to go that far.

Can I lock him out of the house if he doesn't come home when he is supposed to? I mean, can that be considered neglectful?

 

[You Are Guilty]

I hate to do this, but the guy had a point...

(copyright IAAL, 2004)

This is really very simple.

You tell him that in 1 month, you're both going on a "father/son vacation" to Brazil. How fun! And, that you're both going to take in the sights and local culture. That's the story you tell him.

Then, you take yourself and him to get your pictures taken for your Passports.

Then, after you get your Passports, you buy two tickets to Brazil - - a round trip ticket for you, and a one-way ticket for him.

You both fly to Brazil.

You get into a cab from the airport and go to the hotel where you've previously made room arrangements.

You get to the hotel and get to your rooms, but do not unpack your bags!

After getting him settled into his room, you take his Passport without letting him see you. You then tell him you're going to the gift shop for a magazine.

However, the reality is that you're going to the front desk with an envelope. In the envelope is two hundred dollars in Brazilian money, and your note to him - -

"Dear Sonnyboy: So, you think you're old enough to dislike me and Mom, and to give us continual trouble? Then you're old enough to take care of yourself. I hope you like your new home and country. New languages are fun to learn, aren't they? Here's $200.00 to get you started in life. Don't waste it. Love, Dad."

Have the hotel clerk deliver the envelope to his room.

Then, you turn on your heels, take your bags out of the hotel, hail a cab, and get back to the airport. Fly home.

Let Brazil take care of him.

 

[Antigone*]

I hate to do this, but the guy had a point...

I love the Brazil treatment. I just couldn't find the posting!!! Thanks YAG!!!

 

[GinAA]

I hate to do this, but the guy had a point...

If I only had the money.....

My son is very resourcfull and would probably end up running the country before too long.

I have cut him off for his lunch money and getting him the food he likes when we go to the store. I have told him that this is the last weekend that I am going to take him to meet his dad for visitation and he will have to work something out with him. (that will land me in court I'm sure)

He just doesn't seem to care....really.

 

[Antigone*]

If I only had the money.....

My son is very resourcfull and would probably end up running the country before too long.

I have cut him off for his lunch money and getting him the food he likes when we go to the store. I have told him that this is the last weekend that I am going to take him to meet his dad for visitation and he will have to work something out with him. (that will land me in court I'm sure)

He just doesn't seem to care....really.

You've got to one up him, Ginaa. Don't feel so defeated. You say he is resourceful, you be even more so. If he doesn't care, then let him find his own way to dad ~ kind of hard to do without a car or money. I'm just sayin...

You do have the power, you just need to find it within you; otherwise you LET the kid win and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Tigi OUT!!!

 

[GinAA]

You've got to one up him, Ginaa. Don't feel so defeated. You say he is resourceful, you be even more so. If he doesn't care, then let him find his own way to dad ~ kind of hard to do without a car or money. I'm just sayin...

You do have the power, you just need to find it within you; otherwise you LET the kid win and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Tigi OUT!!!

I have told him that he will need to find his own way to his father's but it's his dad's responsibility to get him there and mine to get him home. If I say I wont come and get him, I know his father will try to take me to court for abandonment or something.

I guess I just need to stop trying to reason with him. He will be gone this weekend. guess his room is getting "cleaned".

thanks.

 

[xylene]

My son is very resourcfull and would probably end up running the country before too long.

Can't have that...

Have you considered that your son's discipline problems are actually the result of a lack of autonomy and challenge?

He is baiting you.

Does your son have a job yet?

 

[GinAA]

Can't have that...

Have you considered that your son's discipline problems are actually the result of a lack of autonomy and challenge?

He is baiting you.

Does your son have a job yet?

Yes, I have considered that he needs something to challenge himself but his choice is to do what he wants to regardless of his grades. He started Football conditioning after school 3 times a week. That went well until he got an F in one of his classes and I told him he had to come home every day to make sure he was studying and doing his homework. Now he wants to go to a religious gathering for kids every Wednesday night till after 9pm. I told him he has to get his grades back up first. It's always something.

No, he can't get a job till he is 16 here and I wont allow him to have a job until he gets his grades above failing. I think the school has this rule in place as well.

 

[Zigner]

Yes, I have considered that he needs something to challenge himself but his choice is to do what he wants to regardless of his grades. He started Football conditioning after school 3 times a week. That went well until he got an F in one of his classes and I told him he had to come home every day to make sure he was studying and doing his homework. Now he wants to go to a religious gathering for kids every Wednesday night till after 9pm. I told him he has to get his grades back up first. It's always something.

No, he can't get a job till he is 16 here and I wont allow him to have a job until he gets his grades above failing. I think the school has this rule in place as well.

Wait a second...

You ALLOWED this ingrate to participate in football? WHY?

 

[Antigone*]

Wait a second...

You ALLOWED this ingrate to participate in football? WHY?

Mom doesn't really get it...does she

 

[disneykid52]

Call the Nanny,,,,be good be good

 

[GinAA]

Wait a second...

You ALLOWED this ingrate to participate in football? WHY?

Football season is over. It's conditioning, weight lifting and such. And he was allowed to do this because his grades were above a C and he had been behaving. This has all gone south in the last month, once his grades started tanking and he was not allowed to do what he wanted anymore.

 

[GinAA]

Mom doesn't really get it...does she

OH, I get it. I was given the belt when I didn't behave and that happened exactly twice. I have considered some sort of physical punishment but he has gotten too old for that and is 6'1" and 170 lbs and he knows it. I'm not saying that he would hurt anyone but he knows what he is capable of.

No matter what I tell him, he does what he wants to. I can't quit my job and hold his hand through life.

I am going to remove everthing from his room. Leave him 5 days worth of clothing since he has taken 2 days worth to his dads for the weekend.

Oh, and his father told me that he can fix everything by having the boy live with him. So now starts that issue.