16yo lying about severity of a fight, not coming home. Mom enabling.

[gryndor]

I have sent messages and tried to relay through wife and grandparents that he needs to come home. I have done everything short of showing up and demanding he get in the car. He will not. And mom tells me to pound sand.

 

[stealth2]

A kid that is smoking pot probably has a potty mouth

LOL Don't know many people who smoke weed, eh, t?

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad, in my opinion the best thing to do would be to insist on joint counseling with your son, with his current therapist. I do believe mom that the therapist suggested keeping the child away from you, because that is the sort of thing that therapists suggest when there has been a physical altercation. Once the therapist sees that you are not a typical abuser, but just lost your head for a moment in fear and anger, she/he may be of help to resolve the relationship between you and your son.

If that doesn't work then it might be time for a trip to court, but I am always leery of doing that when you have an older teen. Yes, you may get them back in your home easier and quicker, but it may ruin your eventual adult relationship with the child. The last thing you want him to do is walk out of your home the day he turns 18, never to return.

You are out of line and wrong. Mom is in violation of court orders and should be on the other end of a motion to show cause.

 

[Ohiogal]

Please ignore LD. She is ignorant, biased and has no clue about the law. She refuses to research and has a mom bias.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have sent messages and tried to relay through wife and grandparents that he needs to come home. I have done everything short of showing up and demanding he get in the car. He will not. And mom tells me to pound sand.

Show up and demand it. Then sue the heck out of mom.

 

[t74]

LOL Don't know many people who smoke weed, eh, t?

You are known by the company you keep. I choose better quality friends. If they do it, they do not advertise it.

When my adult child's roommate living with him in the house we own was reported to be doing drugs with his FATHER no less, the roommate was told to leave. The roommate ate my child's food, and was a general leech. Since he had lost his DL due to a DUI (I did not know this when he was allowed to crash short term), my child also drove him around. My child learned his lesson and chooses those outside the illegal drug scene.

As for being anti mom, I would say the same thing to either parent. I am pro-child. A child doing drugs (and it is considered a drug in my state with medical use laws) has a problem; he may be self medicating for an undiagnosed mental health problem. Serious mental illness often first presents in late adolescence.

 

[stealth2]

Still waiting on OP's response whether his reaction would have been the same were it a beer or tobacco cigarette.

But really, t, most kids do experiment with these things. Doesn't automatically make them drunks or addicts. Such drama.

 

[gryndor]

Still waiting on OP's response whether his reaction would have been the same were it a beer or tobacco cigarette.

But really, t, most kids do experiment with these things. Doesn't automatically make them drunks or addicts. Such drama.

My issue is illegal activity, plus breaking the rules, plus putting himself in danger, plus being unruly about being caught, and all the other things that follow. If he’d had booze, that he acquired through a scuzzball from the next (dangerous) town over, and hid under our under-construction house getting smashed with his delinquent friend, and then being a completely out of control rebellious teen being called out on the behavior - yes. I would have reacted the same way. Though in retrospect, I should have kept a cooler head.

 

[gryndor]

The shocked piece comes from mere months ago he was a perfectly behaved, polite, respectful young man. All of that has disappeared seemingly overnight.

 

[stealth2]

Fair enough.

 

[gryndor]

So I'm stuck between the legal and the moral RIGHT.

Mom said 16yo is old enough to choose where he lives. In response I sent this (please correct me if I'm wrong):

You (mom) are in violation of the court order. (16yo) may be old enough to have his opinion heard by the judge but neither you nor he can unilaterally change a court order because you feel like it. Only a judge can make that change. Therefore you are in violation of our court order, and maybe a case can be made for parental alienation. We will never get anywhere until you understand your part in this.

I met with 16yo's therapist today and she says she will try to facilitate joint sessions between myself and my son. My father says I should not push the legal right for my parenting time if I have any hope of salvaging a relationship.

I don't know what to do.

 

[stealth2]

So I'm stuck between the legal and the moral RIGHT.

Mom said 16yo is old enough to choose where he lives. In response I sent this (please correct me if I'm wrong):


I met with 16yo's therapist today and she says she will try to facilitate joint sessions between myself and my son. My father says I should not push the legal right for my parenting time if I have any hope of salvaging a relationship.

I don't know what to do.

Sent you a pm.

You are correct that kiddo cannot choose.

 

[LdiJ]

So I'm stuck between the legal and the moral RIGHT.

Mom said 16yo is old enough to choose where he lives. In response I sent this (please correct me if I'm wrong):


I met with 16yo's therapist today and she says she will try to facilitate joint sessions between myself and my son. My father says I should not push the legal right for my parenting time if I have any hope of salvaging a relationship.

I don't know what to do.

Your father isn't wrong. Your son will be 18 in less than two years and able to make his own decision about where he lives and who he associates with. If you push too hard too fast on the legal side of things you could completely lose him. Its promising that the therapist is willing to try to facilitate joint sessions between you and your son. Give that some time to be arranged. I really think that joint counseling will help a lot.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Your father isn't wrong. Your son will be 18 in less than two years and able to make his own decision about where he lives and who he associates with. If you push too hard too fast on the legal side of things you could completely lose him. Its promising that the therapist is willing to try to facilitate joint sessions between you and your son. Give that some time to be arranged. I really think that joint counseling will help a lot.

So, in addition to being a tax professional and supporter of women in divorce/custody fights no matter the facts, you are now a child psychologist.

 

[LdiJ]

So, in addition to being a tax professional and supporter of women in divorce/custody fights no matter the facts, you are now a child psychologist.

That was totally unnecessary and rude.