Advice?

[Madison31]

My son stayed at my mom's last night because I had to work. My mom called me early this AM and told me that my son said to her, "____slapped me across the face." My mom said she was taken by surprise, and hesitated before responding to my son. She told me she asked my son what his dad did after ___slapped him. My son told her, "My dad slapped her back." My son is talking about his stepmom when he says "___slapped me across the face."

Our son is 6. He has never been spanked or slapped by me, or anyone else for that matter. For discipline, I use the 1-2-3 method, and taking away of privilages. My family uses this also. Our son's dad has told me that he has never had to discipline our son. Dad has told me that our son is an "angel" when our son is with him.

I have not talked to our son about this yet. He is at school, and my mom took him to school this AM, so I have not seen him since yesterday. I do not want to approach this matter wrong. I do not know what to say to him. I have not confronted dad about this either. Again, I do not want to approach this wrong.

Does anybody have any suggestions on what I should do, or say to our son? Should I confront dad? Should I leave it alone and just tell my lawyer?

 

[LdiJ]

My son stayed at my mom's last night because I had to work. My mom called me early this AM and told me that my son said to her, "____slapped me across the face." My mom said she was taken by surprise, and hesitated before responding to my son. She told me she asked my son what his dad did after ___slapped him. My son told her, "My dad slapped her back." My son is talking about his stepmom when he says "___slapped me across the face."

Our son is 6. He has never been spanked or slapped by me, or anyone else for that matter. For discipline, I use the 1-2-3 method, and taking away of privilages. My family uses this also. Our son's dad has told me that he has never had to discipline our son. Dad has told me that our son is an "angel" when our son is with him.

I have not talked to our son about this yet. He is at school, and my mom took him to school this AM, so I have not seen him since yesterday. I do not want to approach this matter wrong. I do not know what to say to him. I have not confronted dad about this either. Again, I do not want to approach this wrong.

Does anybody have any suggestions on what I should do, or say to our son? Should I confront dad? Should I leave it alone and just tell my lawyer?

I would talk to your attorney about it first.

 

[Madison31]

Are there different types of mediation?

I ask this because my lawyer recommended a mediator that she uses. She says it is an "Unofficial Mediation."

He is Independant from the courts. My lawyer said he is one of 4 that our court uses. He is a Master Social Worker and Licensed Psychologist. Has practiced for 35 years. I saw him today for 2 hours in his office, outside of the courts.

He will meet with dad also. Then the mediator will meet with both dad and I. Stepmom has insisted she be part of the mediation. Mediator said "Absolutely not. Stepparents are considered glorified babysitters."

One more question. I live in Michigan. What is the standardized Psychological test used in court? He told me the name of it, but I cannot remember exactly. Possibly MM something. I do not believe it is the Minnesota test. I do remember the exact cost he said though...which is $450.00.

Thank You.

 

[Madison31]

Another question.

The mediator said I have enough documentaion to request supervised visitation, and to request steppmom not be present during supervised visitation. I came up with a plan.

Specific members of his family offered to supervise the visits. I believe it will be more comfortable for everyone involved if his family does the supervision, verse my family. If his steppmom is unavailable, then his mom or sister will do it. I listed their names.

I spoke with each of them to figure out time frames on what would be good for them, since they all live 45 minutes away, and time could effect transportation. They have also offered to help with transportation, as have I. My family will also help. I have listed names of those who will do the transportation.

Supervised Visitation time as follows:
-Every other Saturday and Sunday, with Supervised Visitation on Saturday beginning at 1:00PM and ending at 7:00PM. Supervised Visitation on Sunday will begin at 1:00PM and end at 6:00PM.

Question. I do not know what kind of Holiday Supervised Visitation to request. We currently have shared Holidays. However, in 6 years, dad has only wanted our son on Christmas Day, and no other Holidays. But still, we have shared.

I realize there has to be a time frame on how long dad will have to see our son while supervised. I'm assuming a time frame on steppmom also? Right? So I've requested the court to reconsider Supervised Visitation if and when dad does x, y, and z. I've requested the court reconsider steppmom being allowed present at visitation if and when she does x, y, and z.

The mediator told me that my requests sound reasonable. But I have one more question. I was looking up guidelines on Supervised Visitation, and one that kept coming up on my search was from California. It is the Uniform Standards of Practice For Provider of Supervised Visitation. I've read it. I am unable to find anything in Michigan though. Do you know if there are guidelines for Michigan, and what those guidelines are?

 

[happybug]

I think you are talking about the Minnesota test. The test is the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory but it is usually called the MMPI. If you Google MMPI, you should be able to find plenty of information on the test.

 

[Silverplum]

From this:

Stepmom has insisted she be part of the mediation. Mediator said "Absolutely not. Stepparents are considered glorified babysitters."

To this:

Specific members of his family offered to supervise the visits. I believe it will be more comfortable for everyone involved if his family does the supervision, verse my family. If his steppmom is unavailable, then his mom or sister will do it. I listed their names.

It seems a Stepmother's work NEVER ends!



And one more, just because I like it:

(And yes, I fully realize you're discussing two separate women. Poor ol' stepmothers.)

 

[jbowman]

Poor ol' stepmothers.)[/I]

Yeah, especially the ones that smack their stepkids across the face. Boo Freaking Hoo.

Madison, what is happening with that?

 

[Madison31]

Dad and his wife let dad's steppmom take their 4 month old out of the country for one month. Neither dad or his wife objected. Dad's steppmom is the babies Grandma, not the babies steppmom. She is also our son's Grandma, not his steppmom.

Both lawyers are aware of steppmom slapping our son. Visitation is now stopped until dad and I go to mediation and what is in the best interest of the child is decided.

And no. I am not the one who has decided visitation to be stopped. I know that I do not have the authority to make that decision.

Does anyone know what a Supervised Visitation for a Holiday looks like? Again, our current order is shared Holidays.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad and his wife let dad's steppmom take their 4 month old out of the country for one month. Neither dad or his wife objected. Dad's steppmom is the babies Grandma, not the babies steppmom. She is also our son's Grandma, not his steppmom.

Actually no. She is the baby's step-grandmother not grandmother.

Both lawyers are aware of steppmom slapping our son. Visitation is now stopped until dad and I go to mediation and what is in the best interest of the child is decided.

The word is stepmom. One P please.

And no. I am not the one who has decided visitation to be stopped. I know that I do not have the authority to make that decision.

Who stopped visitation? The court?

Does anyone know what a Supervised Visitation for a Holiday looks like? Again, our current order is shared Holidays.

Why does DAD need supervised visitation if stepmom is the one who slapped the child? Refresh as I am not reading all four pages of the thread again.

 

[Isis1]

Why does DAD need supervised visitation if stepmom is the one who slapped the child? Refresh as I am not reading all four pages of the thread again.

wouldn't that fall under failure to protect? if dad is not preventing abuse on the child, he is just as guilty as if he slapped the child himself, no?

 

[LdiJ]

wouldn't that fall under failure to protect? if dad is not preventing abuse on the child, he is just as guilty as if he slapped the child himself, no?

I agree...and apparently so does the court ordered mediator.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree...and apparently so does the court ordered mediator.

Not necessarily. Physical discipline is allowed to happen and parents can give permission to others to physically discipline. A slap in the face is NOT abuse. And it doesn't say that dad did NOTHING afterwards to prevent it from happening again or that the child was injured. We don't know what the court-ordered mediator stated. Hence my question of why DAD requires supervised visitation. You are making an assumption.

 

[Madison31]

There are 4 pages because I was told to post in the same thread.

There are many reasons for requesting supervision for dad. A few are:
-He violated court orders on several separate occasions. Drinking in the presence of our
son.
-Drinking and driving with our son in the car.
-Leaving our son with his wife. There is a court order that he cannot do this.

He also goes months without seeing our son. I know that factor alone does not mean much. However, because of the fact that his contact with our son is very limited, when he does decide to practice his parenting time, it aggravates our son's mental health diagnosis, requiring me to use my FMLA to care for our son and take him to his therapy appointments. Plus the fact that he is still not giving our son his psychtropic medications when our son is with him. These meds are not to be stopped abruptly without supervision from the psychiatrist. This is medical neglect, that CPS has already acknowledged.

There are many other issues that would take forever to repost.

My lawyer informed dad's lawyer of the current custody order when this first started over a month ago. His lawyer was/and has been aware of the no drinking and not leaving our son with stepmom order. My lawyer told her via written documents that visitation would be stopped if dad violated these orders. His lawyer did not, and has not objected.

No, the judge has not ordered visitation be stopped. We have not went to court yet.

I am not a lawyer. I do not know if our lawyers have the authority to stop visitation due to above circumstances. Dad's lawyer has not objected. Maybe she is waiting until I do not send our child. I don't know. If I have to explain myself to the judge for withholding our son, I am prepared to do so.

 

[Madison31]

I just saw the posts before my last post.

Dad has told me repeatedly, and I have already stated this in this thread, that our son is in an "angel" when he is with dad. Dad said he has never had to discipline our son. So if dad has never had to discipline our son, why would he give his wife permission to? A slap in the face is considered discipline?

Physical abuse is nonaccidental physical injury (ranging from minor bruises to severe fractures or death) as a result of punching, beating, kicking, biting, shaking, throwing, stabbing, choking, hitting (with a hand, stick, strap, or other object), burning, or otherwise harming a child, that is inflicted by a parent, caregiver, or other person who has responsibility for the child.2 Such injury is considered abuse regardless of whether the caregiver intended to hurt the child. Physical discipline, such as spanking or paddling, is not considered abuse as long as it is reasonable and causes no bodily injury to the child.

It says spanking or paddling is not abuse. Stepmom did not spank him. She slapped him in the face.

And the medical neglect that has already been determined.

 

[Isis1]

OP, whose idea was it for the supervised visitation for dad? and whose idea was it to stop visitation for dad before getting a court order to suspend until further notice?

and maybe somewhere i missed it, but is there a hearing set? when is it scheduled for?