Can Temporary Orders be extended?

[bliss_in_texas]

What is the name of your state?Tx
Judge gave my ex every Thursday afternoon and every other Friday overnight. My young son is not adapting, crying and clinging and begging not to go with his father at every exchange. I have to spend 10-15 minutes reassuring him (which of course I don't mind but it upsets both of us) that it's okay to go with his father. I do not think that, at the end of this month when the SOP takes affect until the final hearing (god knows when that will be, social study hasn't even been started) that my son is ready for weekends away. I am already looking at putting him with some type of therapy group to quell his seperation anxiety but the truth is, he's been with me almost exclusivly for four years and this back and forth isn't working out to my son's best outcome or interest.
Given these arguments, can a judge extend the limited visitation arrangements or do I need to, first, get the opinion of a professional therapist as to his lack of adaptation. This is a smart boy, a loving boy, but I have to wonder if the intermittent involvement on his father's part is scarring him.
Thoughts?

 

[snostar]

How old is your son? How long has this temporary schedule been in effect? Get the opinion of a professional first, and the GAL, if one is assigned to represent your child.

 

[stealth2]

I'm inferring from past posts that your son is 4-5 years old. His behavior at p/u's is pretty normal. What you can do to help is make absolutely sure that you're not inadvertantly sending any signals that YOU don't want him to go or that his seeing Dad is a problem to you. 'Cause kids pick up on stuff like that very quickly and it only fuels the upset. Time will make it easier, and to be honest - the more time he spends with his father, the easier it will become for him.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

I'm inferring from past posts that your son is 4-5 years old. His behavior at p/u's is pretty normal. What you can do to help is make absolutely sure that you're not inadvertantly sending any signals that YOU don't want him to go or that his seeing Dad is a problem to you. 'Cause kids pick up on stuff like that very quickly and it only fuels the upset. Time will make it easier, and to be honest - the more time he spends with his father, the easier it will become for him.

He'll be 4 soon.
Can someone explain GAL, I know what it means but what does that person actually do?

 

[absconder]

Hes a mommies boy! Dear old dad needs to take him out and shoot something or catch some fish. Get his butt outa the kitchen is the problemo.

 

[LdiJ]

He'll be 4 soon.
Can someone explain GAL, I know what it means but what does that person actually do?

Basically that person's job is to help determine just exactly WHAT is in the best interest of a particular child. A good one will thoroughly interview all of the parties...will interview the child if possible...will interview other adults in the child's life (such as extended family or daycare providers, teachers etc.)and will observe interactions between the parties and the child....hopefully on more than one occasion.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

Hes a mommies boy! Dear old dad needs to take him out and shoot something or catch some fish. Get his butt outa the kitchen is the problemo.

Uhhhh....
Dad doesn't WANT to do things with him, he only wants to take him for a few hours, be seen with him and bring him back. Its about appearances with him.
Secondly, if my son is a "momma's boy" more power to him. I am a well rounded individual and expose my son to many different activities, including many that would be considered "men activities". He's exceptionally bright and active.
I find your comment offensive and stereotypical.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

Basically that person's job is to help determine just exactly WHAT is in the best interest of a particular child. A good one will thoroughly interview all of the parties...will interview the child if possible...will interview other adults in the child's life (such as extended family or daycare providers, teachers etc.)and will observe interactions between the parties and the child....hopefully on more than one occasion.

Thank you, and this person is appointed by the court or someone that is hired by me or my ex?

 

[bliss_in_texas]

How old is your son? How long has this temporary schedule been in effect? Get the opinion of a professional first, and the GAL, if one is assigned to represent your child.

Son is almost 4, TO has only been affect for about a month.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you, and this person is appointed by the court or someone that is hired by me or my ex?

The court generally appoints the GAL. In some states the court also pays for the GAL, in other states the GAL is paid for by the parents. Unfortunately I don't know which is the case for TX.

 

[jslopez711]

The court generally appoints the GAL. In some states the court also pays for the GAL, in other states the GAL is paid for by the parents. Unfortunately I don't know which is the case for TX.

Parents pay in TX

 

[djohnson]

This is a typical reaction with most kids. They go through spells. It may come a time, because time with dad is always play time, that he cries and doesn't want to come home to you yet or at all. Are you just going to give him up if that happens? As adults, its the parents job to make the transition easier. Talk about it all week and make it into a game. I know a lady that bought her daughter a special locket and filled it full of 'kisses', but she could only wear it at dads when she couldn't get real ones. The little girl loved to wear it and couldn't wait to go to dad's so she could wear it. Mom didn't say it in tears but happily, like going to dad's was going to be so much fun. It eventually bridged the gap and daughter didn't mind going at all. You have to make him well adjusted and not baby him. The biggest mistakes a parent makes when this happens is to say the child 'I know and I understand'. It encourages the behavior. You may be the problem on why it is continuing. That is one of the reasons for the GAL. You need to be doing everything you can to encourage the relationship between father and child.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

This is a typical reaction with most kids. They go through spells. It may come a time, because time with dad is always play time, that he cries and doesn't want to come home to you yet or at all. Are you just going to give him up if that happens? As adults, its the parents job to make the transition easier. Talk about it all week and make it into a game. I know a lady that bought her daughter a special locket and filled it full of 'kisses', but she could only wear it at dads when she couldn't get real ones. The little girl loved to wear it and couldn't wait to go to dad's so she could wear it. Mom didn't say it in tears but happily, like going to dad's was going to be so much fun. It eventually bridged the gap and daughter didn't mind going at all. You have to make him well adjusted and not baby him. The biggest mistakes a parent makes when this happens is to say the child 'I know and I understand'. It encourages the behavior. You may be the problem on why it is continuing. That is one of the reasons for the GAL. You need to be doing everything you can to encourage the relationship between father and child.

I HAVE done everything I can to encourage the relationship. It's not up to me to make it all okay for Dad. I do what I can, reassure my son as much as I can but after that, there is nothing I can do. There must be some reason he isn't happy at Dad's house, it doesn't take much to make him happy. But Dad is noncommunicative and won't help me help him.
Believe me, I've bent over backwards to make it easy for the Dad to see the son and all I get for it is grief since day one, there must be a point where enough is enough...sigh.

 

[djohnson]

I remember with my first child, how upset it made me to leave her at daycare. She cried and held on to me and made me feel like dirt for making her stay. I knew it was a good daycare and the ladies there doted on her. They always said she was fine after I left. I would even call back and talk to her or listen to her play to make sure. After a few months, she went through a spell when she cried when I came to get her. All her friends was there and she was having fun playing. It broke my heart even worse.

The point is, there wasn't anything wrong at home on why she went through that phase, nor anything wrong at daycare either. It's a normal stage kids go through when dealing with change. My daughter still cries every time I trade in a car because she doesn't think anything is better than what she has now. I'm not saying it's your fault, but ask yourself about your tone of voice. Do you make dad's sound like fun? I learned from my mistakes and handled the second child differently and didn't have the stages to the extremes I did with the first. No one is blaming you, just saying it's your job to help, and I believe you can. I don't think you should say he shouldn't go to dad's because of a stage I assure you every judge is familiar with.

 

[MinCA]

Son needs Dad. You don't say that Dad is a bad man. Son just hasn't had a chance to get to know Dad, do Dad is a stranger still. Once he gets to really know Dad, he'll be fine, just like a child on the first day or school or a new daycare.

You wouldn't be worried if he was crying with a new babysitter, wanting to end that babysitter. So don't worry about Dad. Even if Dad just wants appearances, let Son come to that conclusion over time. Don't make that conclusion for him. Maybe Dad just isn't ready to have him for extended periods of time because he's scared of never having been allowed to be a full-time dad before.

Point is, Son NEEDS Dad. Don't deprive your son of that.

Only a BAD mom deprives a child of a SAFE dad for her own selfish reasons, and this isindeed selfish.