Can Temporary Orders be extended?

[jslopez711]

Son needs Dad. You don't say that Dad is a bad man. Son just hasn't had a chance to get to know Dad, do Dad is a stranger still. Once he gets to really know Dad, he'll be fine, just like a child on the first day or school or a new daycare.

You wouldn't be worried if he was crying with a new babysitter, wanting to end that babysitter. So don't worry about Dad. Even if Dad just wants appearances, let Son come to that conclusion over time. Don't make that conclusion for him. Maybe Dad just isn't ready to have him for extended periods of time because he's scared of never having been allowed to be a full-time dad before.

Point is, Son NEEDS Dad. Don't deprive your son of that.

Only a BAD mom deprives a child of a SAFE dad for her own selfish reasons, and this isindeed selfish.

minCA, this is NOT what she WANTS to hear!

 

[MinCA]

Of course it's not, but it's what she needs to hear for the sake of their son.

I get sick and tired of women always trying to keep dads out of the lives of children, then wondering where things went wrong when the kids become delinquents, then blame dad for not being around. Idiotic women.

And I AM a woman saying this.

 

[djohnson]

Of course it's not, but it's what she needs to hear for the sake of their son.

I get sick and tired of women always trying to keep dads out of the lives of children, then wondering where things went wrong when the kids become delinquents, then blame dad for not being around. Idiotic women.

And I AM a woman saying this.

Obviously a step mom, with husband in this situation. It can work the other way just as easily. People need to stop using mother/father or man vs woman. It's parent and parent no matter what the sex or each. Each circumstance is different and anyone who says 'always' shouldn't be listened to because they are obviously prejudice, and it's not sound legal advice.

 

[MinCA]

The vast majority of times it is the mother who does this. Before becoming a step-mom I watched in anger as many of my own female relatives did this to their children's fathers (in one case, my aunt did this to the FIVE fathers of her FIVE children).

The statistics show good cause for using Mother as the CP and Father as the NCP.

The govornor's own stats for California show that more that 50% of mothers see no need for a father in the lives of their children.

 

[LdiJ]

Son needs Dad. You don't say that Dad is a bad man. Son just hasn't had a chance to get to know Dad, do Dad is a stranger still. Once he gets to really know Dad, he'll be fine, just like a child on the first day or school or a new daycare.

You wouldn't be worried if he was crying with a new babysitter, wanting to end that babysitter. So don't worry about Dad. Even if Dad just wants appearances, let Son come to that conclusion over time. Don't make that conclusion for him. Maybe Dad just isn't ready to have him for extended periods of time because he's scared of never having been allowed to be a full-time dad before.

Point is, Son NEEDS Dad. Don't deprive your son of that.

Only a BAD mom deprives a child of a SAFE dad for her own selfish reasons, and this isindeed selfish.

Go back and re-read her original post. Her concern is that the visits are supposed to expand soon and she doesn't want them to until her son is more adjusted to the situation. That isn't unreasonable. It certainly doesn't appear that the child is ready for the next step.

I read nothing there to indicated that she wanted to deprive her child of dad....nor any indication of selfishness....you are stereotyping.

 

[stealth2]

Son is almost 4, TO has only been affect for about a month.

A month really isn't giving it any fair chance.

 

[MinCA]

If the son is only seeing his dad a few ours here and there, and one night a week, how is he supposed to get used to being away from mom? Birds push their babes out of the nest to teach them to fly. Son is attached to mom nd doesn't spend enough time with dad a stretch to really get to bond with him.

She said, "I have to wonder if the intermittent involvement on his father's part is scarring him."

The son needs more time because what is court-ordered will seem intermittent to a young child.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

So we are clear....
Dad has had chance upon chance upon chance to bond with our son. He has chosen to put his own needs over his son's. He comes when he feels like it, he doesn't show up for weeks on end and then POOF he's back. In the meantime, it is left to me to cover for Dad so son knows it isn't him that is causing Dad to not come. Guess what? This is NOT okay. Parents have a responsibility to be there for their children. If the parents don't like each other, fine, but be there for your child. The problem with my ex is that he does not care in his heart, for this child and it is affecting the little boy. I have always worked tooth and nail to give Dad everything I could regarding this child, even when he didn't want it. When he first started seeing our son, the child was two. He would come *maybe* twice a month for a few hours. Did I ask him to come more? You betcha I did. Did he? Nope. He doesnt call our son, if he did maybe it would help the boy look forward to seeing Dad.
My ex lives an hour away - he picks up son for a four hour visit, drives him an hour back so he can have our son around his wife, then drives back. It appears to me that if he did something that was totally centered around my son then he wouldn't be wasting two hours of a four hour block of time driving. A park, a lunch - just the two of them, the aquarium, anything. It would not be hard to show this little boy that he is the absolute apple of Dad's eye. But the fact is...he isn't. Dad just wants people to think so and so does the minimum.
Now I realize that most Dads aren't this way or at least I hope not, but my concern for the mental and emotional health of my child. I know my child, Dad has had the chance to bond with him for four years but hasn't wanted to, hasn't cared and will likely continue this behavior, no matter what he pretends to be right now. Dad isn't a bad person, he's just a very poor parental figure.
The question remains, what can I do to extend the TO. It's correct that a little over a month isn't much time, but you know, if Dad has once said, can I have more time..guess what my answer would have been..
It wouldn't have been no. My son needs to know that at least one of his parents is unconditional. I think he knows that in his own little way. But being an adult and his parent it is my place to know how and why things are affecting him.
For all you finger pointers out there. I have not once down talked my ex to my child. Not ever. Not once, not even when he's been wretched to me which has been quite a bit. I agree that children need two parents, but they need to have two devoted parents. I am very concerned that once ex gets his way, his legal way, that he will disappear from son's life again. He's done it numerous times in favor of his social life and I can bet he'll do it again. So what? Well, again, its my son's mental well being that is at stake.
For my son's good, I want to know if the TO can be extended and a therapist involved (if nothing else, in the interest of prevention of future issues).

 

[djohnson]

The vast majority of times it is the mother who does this. Before becoming a step-mom I watched in anger as many of my own female relatives did this to their children's fathers (in one case, my aunt did this to the FIVE fathers of her FIVE children).

The statistics show good cause for using Mother as the CP and Father as the NCP.

The govornor's own stats for California show that more that 50% of mothers see no need for a father in the lives of their children.

Stats also show that the majority of these cases the other parent doesn't want to be a parent. Sometimes not having one parent in the childs life is for the best. Sometimes it's the mom that isn't fit, sometimes it's the dad. There isn't an always and you are letting your own personal situation cloud judgment to others. You are benfitting anyone by doing this. This mother did state she was wanted to try and do something about the visitation. The child does need his father if he is a safe and good person. It shouldn't be stopped. However, it's hard to make a person see reason when people keep butting in going overboard with extreme circumstances like possibly your own. It's not helping this mother to help the child, it raises her defenses and come back differently. I'm beginning to think there is some justice in why your DH has been denied his kids.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

If the son is only seeing his dad a few ours here and there, and one night a week, how is he supposed to get used to being away from mom? Birds push their babes out of the nest to teach them to fly. Son is attached to mom nd doesn't spend enough time with dad a stretch to really get to bond with him.

She said, "I have to wonder if the intermittent involvement on his father's part is scarring him."

The son needs more time because what is court-ordered will seem intermittent to a young child.

You don't get it...Dad hired lawyer after birth of child, he brought it to me - stating that he gives all custody and visitation decisions to me - HE did that. I was all for Dad being involved. But he didn't want to be, he wanted to build a life with another woman (fine) and didn't want the complication of what he termed "a mistake" following him around. I was completely open door with him and he didn't come. For four years he didn't come. Oh here and there, now and then when he felt like it. Finally, he does the magical marriage thing and *now* he wants to come. Okay, thats fine, but gently, ease into it, these bonds don't happen unless the child trusts you.
The way you talk, I've done something wrong, it isn't me that hasn't been there.

 

[djohnson]

So we are clear....
Dad has had chance upon chance upon chance to bond with our son. He has chosen to put his own needs over his son's. He comes when he feels like it, he doesn't show up for weeks on end and then POOF he's back. In the meantime, it is left to me to cover for Dad so son knows it isn't him that is causing Dad to not come. Guess what? This is NOT okay. Parents have a responsibility to be there for their children. If the parents don't like each other, fine, but be there for your child. The problem with my ex is that he does not care in his heart, for this child and it is affecting the little boy. I have always worked tooth and nail to give Dad everything I could regarding this child, even when he didn't want it. When he first started seeing our son, the child was two. He would come *maybe* twice a month for a few hours. Did I ask him to come more? You betcha I did. Did he? Nope. He doesnt call our son, if he did maybe it would help the boy look forward to seeing Dad.
My ex lives an hour away - he picks up son for a four hour visit, drives him an hour back so he can have our son around his wife, then drives back. It appears to me that if he did something that was totally centered around my son then he wouldn't be wasting two hours of a four hour block of time driving. A park, a lunch - just the two of them, the aquarium, anything. It would not be hard to show this little boy that he is the absolute apple of Dad's eye. But the fact is...he isn't. Dad just wants people to think so and so does the minimum.
Now I realize that most Dads aren't this way or at least I hope not, but my concern for the mental and emotional health of my child. I know my child, Dad has had the chance to bond with him for four years but hasn't wanted to, hasn't cared and will likely continue this behavior, no matter what he pretends to be right now. Dad isn't a bad person, he's just a very poor parental figure.
The question remains, what can I do to extend the TO. It's correct that a little over a month isn't much time, but you know, if Dad has once said, can I have more time..guess what my answer would have been..
It wouldn't have been no. My son needs to know that at least one of his parents is unconditional. I think he knows that in his own little way. But being an adult and his parent it is my place to know how and why things are affecting him.
For all you finger pointers out there. I have not once down talked my ex to my child. Not ever. Not once, not even when he's been wretched to me which has been quite a bit. I agree that children need two parents, but they need to have two devoted parents. I am very concerned that once ex gets his way, his legal way, that he will disappear from son's life again. He's done it numerous times in favor of his social life and I can bet he'll do it again. So what? Well, again, its my son's mental well being that is at stake.
For my son's good, I want to know if the TO can be extended and a therapist involved (if nothing else, in the interest of prevention of future issues).

I was almost with you until you said you wouldn't give dad more time if he asked. It's very hard to be a parent a few hours here and there. I agree the child is the most important thing, but he also has to work and pay bills and do everything else like the rest of us and do everything you 'expect' him to do. It's very hard. He has to find his place and a month isn't that much time to do it. Maybe more time and overnights is what is needed for him to gain that bond and for your son to also gain that bond. I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know or understand the love of his own child. How lucky you are to have that. How sad your son doesn't know the love of his father. You should ask yourself what you can do to make that better. Even if it includes his wife. A child has enough love for everyone. She isn't taking your place, but can be a big factor with dad.

 

[MinCA]

No, the majority of other parents DO want to be parents. They are railroaded out of the lives of their children. They don't voluntarily go away. Wherever you got that is wrong. Much more common is support set so high that the NCP can't afford it (support really does get set too high, and sometimes much higher than the NCP makes total), and visitation gets withheld by the CP, and after a while, not being able to get caught up, being denied their children so long, the NCP doesn't know what to do anymore and just accepts that he won't be allowed to see is children. It's not that NCPs don't want to be parents, it's that they're denied their right to be one until they accept it and go away.



My hubby was denied his daughter for no good reason. She is living with two registered child molesters by the bio-mom's own admission. The judge on his case is being sued right now by several other families for violations of law (in one case, the judge ordered a woman's newborn baby removed from her care inthe hospital and into adoption, claiming there were allegations of drug use-it was shown she was NOT a drug user, but it ws too late. Baby was adopted, records sealed, father not notified. In another, similar situation, only the baby was killed by the foster family when she was three weeks old due to negligence, and the mother was shown to not be a drug user, and the father was denied custody of the child with no charges against him). The judge has admitted my husband has done nothing wrong, yet that is it in the child's "best interest" to have a new dad. CPS said that it's because it will prevent the bio-mom from "taking things out" on the child. She still refuses to complete her parenting plan. Hubby finished his long ago. Bio-mom has an attorney who has a history of successfully suing CPS and judges. So no, my hubby should not be denied his daughter. Justice for his little girl is a life with molesters, admitting she's scared to go home with them on the few visits we've been able to see her, asking to go with us.

 

[djohnson]

You want to ease into it and you think a few hours every couple weeks is too much? It seems that is what is happening is easing into it.

 

[djohnson]

No, the majority of other parents DO want to be parents. They are railroaded out of the lives of their children. They don't voluntarily go away. Wherever you got that is wrong. Much more common is support set so high that the NCP can't afford it (support really does get set too high, and sometimes much higher than the NCP makes total), and visitation gets withheld by the CP, and after a while, not being able to get caught up, being denied their children so long, the NCP doesn't know what to do anymore and just accepts that he won't be allowed to see is children. It's not that NCPs don't want to be parents, it's that they're denied their right to be one until they accept it and go away.



My hubby was denied his daughter for no good reason. She is living with two registered child molesters by the bio-mom's own admission. The judge on his case is being sued right now by several other families for violations of law (in one case, the judge ordered a woman's newborn baby removed from her care inthe hospital and into adoption, claiming there were allegations of drug use-it was shown she was NOT a drug user, but it ws too late. Baby was adopted, records sealed, father not notified. In another, similar situation, only the baby was killed by the foster family when she was three weeks old due to negligence, and the mother was shown to not be a drug user, and the father was denied custody of the child with no charges against him). The judge has admitted my husband has done nothing wrong, yet that is it in the child's "best interest" to have a new dad. CPS said that it's because it will prevent the bio-mom from "taking things out" on the child. She still refuses to complete her parenting plan. Hubby finished his long ago. Bio-mom has an attorney who has a history of successfully suing CPS and judges. So no, my hubby should not be denied his daughter. Justice for his little girl is a life with molesters, admitting she's scared to go home with them on the few visits we've been able to see her, asking to go with us.

Again this all your personal problems and not every case. I know of thousands of fathers and mothers that have given children up because they didn't want to be parents or were too young or some other excuse like to drunk to care or drug users. Each case is different. You need to get off your own problems or go back to court. If your DH wanted to he could continue to fight, especially with the information (that I am sure is just as biased as everything else you have said) you stated. You don't give up and you fight. But then again because of your beliefs, I don't think this is the case at all, your too one sided to see any other way.

 

[stealth2]

I was almost with you until you said you wouldn't give dad more time if he asked.

Actuallym that's not what she said - she said she would NOT say no. ("It wouldn't have been no.")

However, bliss - the judge apparently felt that this was a reasonable timeframe to adjust the child to visitation.