child support use

[Wiggy Ex]

You're right, it should go both ways and it does sometimes until she has a spell and gets mad about something - usually nothing. You guys just don't understand the kind of person we are dealing with here. If you give an inch, she takes a mile - she uses people and her children to get what she wants. I agree about the child support being paid the day of the due date, however, this was not a problem until my fiance and I got engaged -- she can't stand the fact that he is moving on with his life and tries to be difficult about everything now. Thanks for the replies.

And the clothes thing, when we pick the child up from school on our days to have him, he has "his mama's clothes" on -- and she wants them to be put in the book bag and sent back the next day. But we get the clothes we buy him back whenever. She will call and leave messages acting like a psycho about a shirt with a basketball on it if she bought it and it didn't come back with him the next day. It's all very petty and childish to me. But I guess that's what happens when you don't pick and choose who you have children with very carefully.

 

[VeronicaGia]

You're right, it should go both ways and it does sometimes until she has a spell and gets mad about something - usually nothing. You guys just don't understand the kind of person we are dealing with here. If you give an inch, she takes a mile - she uses people and her children to get what she wants. I agree about the child support being paid the day of the due date, however, this was not a problem until my fiance and I got engaged -- she can't stand the fact that he is moving on with his life and tries to be difficult about everything now. Thanks for the replies.

And the clothes thing, when we pick the child up from school on our days to have him, he has "his mama's clothes" on -- and she wants them to be put in the book bag and sent back the next day. But we get the clothes we buy him back whenever. She will call and leave messages acting like a psycho about a shirt with a basketball on it if she bought it and it didn't come back with him the next day. It's all very petty and childish to me. But I guess that's what happens when you don't pick and choose who you have children with very carefully.

Start sending him home in the same clothes he wore when he came over, even if it means you have to wash them. That will settle that problem!

And stop letting her get under your skin. She knows she does, and she probably enjoys it. I know, it's easier said then done, but this is little stuff that you could let slide. I also know that add enough little stuff up and you've got a lot...but the above clothing problem can be solved easily.

 

[texasmom64]

USMC FAMILY... I agree with you completely. Not only are there all the little things, the CP is normally the one to miss work for sick kids, doctors appt and other things that affect the CP's pay and career prospects.
As for Wiggy Ex, in Texas we have the option of paying through the courts. Then you have a third party that documents the payments. She wouldn't be coming to you for the money then. Do you have that option?

 

[julie4796]

Something bothering me about thhis post...

First of all, the way that you use the term, "WE"... "WE are responsible for this..." "We are going to court for custody..." Last I checked, this was NOT YOUR CHILD to be fighting for... Let your fiance fight himself. I understand that yuo are part of his life now but you werent when that child was born so let those issues be between them.. You have no business butting in. Your income isnt counted toward support is it?? Then you have NO say in what she does with that money...It is hers after all...
Leave well enough alone...
and you refer to her as a bitch.. well do you know what happened in their house or their marriage to make her that way?? Did you live under their roof?? Perhaps he has done enough mean and unkind things in his time to her that she deserves to be bitter.. You call her names and say things, but have you ever seen her one on one alone with the child?? No I bet you havent, Unless you have hidden cameras in the house. Dont start throwing stones at the ex... Women like you give step parents a bad name...

 

[haiku]

honestly unless the person is a raging loony, the "we" issue never bothers me, most steps get the point that once court time comes there is no "we". And a smart step never gets in the middle of the spouse and the ex.

I use we all the time, I AM my husbands partner.

most of us are precisely because the ex is 'the ex from hell" doesn't matter what happened in thier past, past is past. what happened in a 'dead' marriage or relationship is no excuse.

it is wise though not to let that bother you, and if you must name call to save it for a support board and not the legal board. And then move on, accept the fact she is always going to be that way but you don't have to play the game, confuse them with kindness.

that being said, please take USMC and Veronica's advice.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

hey wiggy,
send me an email and I'll show you a place where you can vent and use the term "we" all you want without any judging.

Haiku- did you ever know that your my heroooo, and everything I would like to beeee, I can fly higher than an eagleeeeee, cause you are the wind beneath my wingsssss

 

[bama100]

amen, haiku & lmsp

 

[Whyte Noise]

"Dont start throwing stones at the ex... Women like you give step parents a bad name..."

It's not "stones" I'd like to be throwing at my SO's ex... unless those stones were a pretty olive green color, had a pin on one end, and were usually accompanied by the phrases "Fire in the hole!!" or "Incoming!!"

 

[tigerblue]

Please, for the sake of the child, don't tape the message his mother left on your machine. I know you want to do what is right for him and it sounds like you do care about this little boy- I just don't think people need to play dirty(no offense,please) in order to prove something. Things will work themselves out. Give it a little time and the mother will calm down- she knows she's being a bit demanding. Just continue to be there for the little boy and be a good, loving role model. It never helps matters when you are angry and emotional when making decisions. As far as where the money goes, don't worry about it (easier said than done, huh?) Just shake your head and move on. Good luck with this, you sound as if you really care about him.

 

[haiku]

Haiku- did you ever know that your my heroooo, and everything I would like to beeee, I can fly higher than an eagleeeeee, cause you are the wind beneath my wingsssss

aww!

you've been eating the cake haven't you?

 

[sunfun]

julie4796
You don 't have a GRUDGE or anything do you? Geez. Breathe in, breathe out darlin. (wax on wax off?)

"We" is right. "We" is healthy. "We" is the best for the child. It's better to have a step parent who cares so much about the child than one who treats the child like **** and doesn't give a damn. "We" shows unity. When two people are committed to each other, it SHOULD be "we" as often as possible. Especially when dealing with family. Who cares if the child isn't hers? In God (or any higher being)'s eyes, it must be so admirable to have such love and concern for a child that isn't yours.

About the taping, do it and keep it if it makes you feel better. There's no harm in it. You MAY need it someday and you MAY NOT. Can't hurt. But it's really not enough all on it's own little merit.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

aww!

you've been eating the cake haven't you?

LMAO! no not yet, just having a good day so far.

 

[Grandma B]

julie4796
"We" is right. "We" is healthy. "We" is the best for the child. It's better to have a step parent who cares so much about the child than one who treats the child like **** and doesn't give a damn. "We" shows unity. When two people are committed to each other, it SHOULD be "we" as often as possible. Especially when dealing with family. Who cares if the child isn't hers? In God (or any higher being)'s eyes, it must be so admirable to have such love and concern for a child that isn't yours.

Tell it to the Judge! What we have here is the fiance of a NCP father. "We" is NOT appropriate when speaking of "getting" custody of his child. IF a custody change were to be made (which is highly unlikely), the poster would NOT be a party to that custody. It is great that she loves and wants what is best for the child, but she'll never have legal standing where he is concerned, and she needs to fully understand that fact before she becomes the legal mate of the father.

This is her "legal" position.

 

[Boxcarbill]

Tell it to the Judge! What we have here is the fiance of a NCP father. "We" is NOT appropriate when speaking of "getting" custody of his child. IF a custody change were to be made (which is highly unlikely), the poster would NOT be a party to that custody. It is great that she loves and wants what is best for the child, but she'll never have legal standing where he is concerned, and she needs to fully understand that fact before she becomes the legal mate of the father.

This is her "legal" position.

Ah, never say never--regarding family law. I personally know of a step grandmother who not only got standing to bring a SAPCR but who became received sole managing conservator (custody) of her grandchild. The petition was brought by the step-grandmother without joining her husband (the biological maternal grandfather ) as a petitioner in the suit. The reason: Step-grandmother was going to file for divorce from her husband and there was no reason to litigate custody of the grandchild twice. She got custody and the divorce. It is all in the merits and the merits were on her side.

 

[Wiggy Ex]

Well then, I do believe julie4796 is holding a big grudge against someone, but julie4796 you don't know me, you don't know the ex that I have to deal with, evidently you are the bitter one here and I feel bad for you that you have to go through life mad at the world.

I realize this child is not MY CHILD -- so what, that doesn't make me love him any less. And what butting in are you talking about? the fact that I am on this board asking questions? last I heard, that was perfectly acceptable. Just so you know, my fiance does handle "those issues", that doesn't mean I can't ask a question. I dated my fiance for a year and a half before me and the ex even had our first confrontation. I have done nothing to her but be nice to her and to HER CHILD.

And the comment "Leave well enough alone" you have no idea what you are even talking about. I realize that this may be the first time you have read anything I have written on this board, but you have no clue how this woman is or what she does and

IT IS NOT "WELL ENOUGH" WHEN THIS WOMAN SCREAMS INTO THE PHONE ON AN ANSWERING MACHINE ACTING LIKE A PSYCHO AND CURSING LIKE A SAILOR WITH THE CHILD IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HER CRYING IN THE BACKGROUND !!!!!!!!! (have 2 and a half cassette tapes full of messages left on the machine and conversations - ga is a one party state)

IT IS NOT "WELL ENOUGH" WHEN SHE TELLS THE CHILD THAT HIS DADDY IS LYING TO HIM, AND BADMOUTHS HIM JUST SO THE CHILD WON'T GO TO HIS HOUSE. (Have this on tape - several different occassions)

IT IS NOT "WELL ENOUGH" WHEN MY FIANCE HAS TO LEAVE WORK TO TAKE THE CHILD TO THE DOCTOR WHEN THE MOTHER DOESN'T EVEN GO TO WORK UNTIL 5PM IN THE AFTERNOON TO WORK FOR ABOUT 4 HRS A DAY -- JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO. (Happened several times and is documented)

IT IS NOT "WELL ENOUGH" WHEN SHE YELLS AT THE CHILD AND TELLS HIM "FINE, GO LIVE WITH YOUR DADDY, I DON'T CARE, I'LL TAKE YOU OVER THERE!!" JUST BECAUSE HE WANTS TO COME OVER AND ITS NOT OUR DAY TO HAVE HIM.

IT IS NOT "WELL ENOUGH" WHEN THE MOTHER LEAVES DEATH THREATS ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE FOR BOTH MYSELF AND MY FIANCE. (Documented at the police station)

And about me calling her a bi***, well, yes as a matter of fact - its a small town and I've known of her for about 10 years now, I know that she has a 21 year old daughter that she didn't raise, a 4 yr old with my fiance, and a 1 year old with some guy that left her as soon as she told him she was pregnant. I also know that she picks and chooses which kids she will keep (depends on the guy) and which ones she won't keep. Never graduated high school, and all the time she spent by herself without her first child, because grandma raised her, she never even went back to get her GED - but has never done nothing but waitressed and attended a gas station.

As a matter of fact, I have seen her with the child one on one, and guess what, he is a totally different child than the one that we know. He kicks her and stomps her toes and yells at her and tells her that he doesn't have to listen to her!! He acts the way he sees her act when he is with her. WE don't have those problems at our house -- HHMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I beg to differ with you about the comment "people like you give step parents a bad name."

HA! People like me give step parents a good name thank you very much, all the times the mother left messages calling me every name in the book, every time she pulled some stupid crap and came to my fiances house to show her butt, every time she threatened (to my fiance) to kick my butt, through it all , I have never been nothing but nice to her, that child has never and will never hear me say a bad word about her, and I will continue to be the bigger woman in all of the situations. I will also continue to love that little boy as if he were my own even though he is not my child and I will continue to be a good role model and show him how to respect people and himself - cause he won't get that from her! Julie4796, thank you so much for your rude, narrow-minded reply, but be better prepared next time. Thanks.



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